I've met a couple of women from this site on dates and the first one said to me that she couldn't see me again as she didn't realise I was "that fat" (I'm about 285 lbs but tall too). The second one is a really sweet and friendly woman but just decided she wants to stay as friends only, that's okay but it got me thinking of something. Guys find larger ladies attractive but are ladies turned off by larger guys? I've got everything a woman is looking for, I'm caring, funny, nice, not got tons of money but enough to treat someone still, I treat women with respect but I just can't seem to get past that initial date!
I'm kinda puzzled as I seem to be that guy that everyone likes but no one loves....
I can respect your decision, Ripples. With most of the people who just write off bigger guys just because, it's nice to know that you at least have a REASON for not wanting to be with a guy a certain size.
And as far as women that like bigger guys, I find that these women here are the exception rather than the norm.
OK...I may sound snobbish but I find myself turned off by men who are in the over 350 range. No it's nothing to do with your personality. I was married for 22 years to a man who was near 500 lbs. He was an abuser. I am his victim and carry PTSD and anxiety disorder. Whenever I see a man built like my ex my heart starts racing, my breathing becomes shallow and I look for a place to hide for the moment just in case this man is my ex or like my ex. It's hyper-vigilance. Yes yes. I know all about support groups (did that for 2 years) and counceling (did that for 3 years). I've come a long way since I took back my life. I no longer look for hiding places but do find myself vigilant. The joys of PTSD :( There is no cure...only management. So guys...please don't take it personally. It's NOT YOU! It is the mind programming within me. Please everyone, don't lecture me on what I did or didn't do. I've had enough fingers pointed at me making me feel like it was all my fault and why didn't I....yada yada yada. Finger pointing for any reason says "You are wrong and bad and you could have changed the situation at any time". Trust me; I've pointed that finger at myself more than enough. So...if the man has any resemblance to my ex it's not going to work.
On the flip side: I adore tall men with broad shoulders, long arms, barrel chests; men built to handle cuddling with a BBW. To have strong arms wrapped around me and a broad chest to lay my head on and listen to deep steady breathing, strong legs to entwine in sleep and feel wanted, desired, sexy, worthy. I am most comfortable with a man who is at least my height or taller. I am 5'8"...not an amazon but tall enough to feel the rain drops first. I like a man built big enough to see his tummy jump when I crack some of my stoopid jokes. In fact....I like seeing ANYONE respond in delight when Puns are dropped. Tummy wiggles....laughing hysterically...thigh slapping...side aching...cheek straining laughter. We can never get enough. Big or small there are smiles and laughter in all. Be well my friends...and be good to yourself!
YES! It's all about the way you come off. I've been able to outshine some of the best looking guys when I go out full-swing and just start dancing my ass off in the middle of a club. It's just a shocker. Nobody expects it. Women love it. It's all about having fun and SMILING! I can't stress the smile enough!
If you are having problems as thin as you are I am going to be screwed here. Do not let it get you down (smiles) like alot of the women on this thread have been telling you, it is really about the persona. I have been honored with dating a few jewels in my short life and my first true love was a woman who by my standards was more Barbie than BBW. She said she just felt that we clicked and it was not a physical thing. I am sure I am not telling you anything you do not know. Though if you can make a woman laugh and smile and if you are direct and engage them in conversation and listen to what they have to say, "really" listen not just enough to post another question. Get what she is saying understand how she feels and not be out to just get laid. Real women are not meat, by far.
Just on your thread alone I see some women here I would be honored to call my equal, or girlfriend, a few even "wife" then each to his own. Thanks for this thread I liked it.
NorthernGordon write: Thanks for the kind words everyone!
Jack(female one!), you're right - I'm not gonna throw the towel in just because one woman was about as subtle as being hit in the face with a shovel!
I'm a coffee drinker, so maybe I need to try tea lol!
I think my problem is that I'm too nice and I meet women that see that as a weakness or want me to "toughen up" a bit. It's common knowledge that here in the UK, some women are attracted to "bad guys" - why is that?
Or maybe it's a money thing?, I'm a self employed DJ and rely on bookings, I've got no problem admitting that I'm lucky to clear five figures a year, but instead of taking a lady to a 100 quid a head restaurant, I can still take her to a nice 25 quid a head place instead, so I ain't a cheapskate!
Okay, I'm average looking and my body's not a temple, more like the shape of one, but I see all you ladies asking for an honest nice reliable chap and here I am right here!
I agree with you that many women seem to look at you being nice as a sign of weakness. That is too bad. I have experienced the same thing (I am no push over or anything)
I would not care about it too much, though. If a woman despise you for being nice, she is not good enough for you.
I personally dont judge a person by appearance. That has never been an issue with me. I am not a good looking woman....well, I never photograph well haha. Anyway, the people who are so shallow, will end up alone and unhappy, or with someone who does not treat them the way they should. I pitty a person who thinks in any mannerism that they are better then you or me. Who are they to judge.
whoa whoa hold the phone there a second.. This woman does prefer bigger men, least as big as myself. It's just a preference not a hard and fast rule but I am much more relaxed and attracted to large men.