Perhaps one of the reasons that people have trouble "falling in love" is that they are looking to fill a need of their own, as opposed to finding someone with whom they can share their life with, whether it be sitting on the couch, walking on the beach, riding in a car, going to the movies, or whatever. The first thing that has to happen is that the person has to be *OPEN* to love, and that's no small step, of course. It's going to take time, time BEING with the other person, getting to know his/her "peculariarities," and liking them for who he/she is, not who YOU can make him/her into. Noone should expect to change a person, nor should you let a person change you. Each of us is unique, and that's why we are special. It's just a matter of finding that "other" special person who can make each of us feel *EXTRA* special.

Good luck to all!

CHRIS

I liked your post, Naughtybutnice, but I think that falling in love is having a need fulfilled AND finding someone who we want to share our lives with. To me the "need" is that we want to love someone AND we want that same person to love us back. To me it is like self-sustaining energy in which the "love" of the two persons combine and feed off of each other. It is like saying "I love you because you love me, and you love me because I love you". It sounds silly, but this works because if you love someone, you do what is good for them and they do what is good for you.

Does anyone else agree or disagree with my simplistic explanation of what love is?

i know what u mean, im actually to the point where im afraid to let myself fall in love , i got it twice from the same guy, forgave him and boom he did it again, and they wonder why women ask so many questions, go figure.

i like to meet all kinds of people race is not an issue i like honesty just haveing a good time

Sarah , we live in the same city ... we should meet up and have a good venting session !!!! lol

Thanks for the good will everyone. It really helps because I do want to be able to trust again, after all no relationship works properly without trust. Those of you who said better that it happened now than after kids are so right. We did marry though. He was the one pushing for a wedding! Go figure.

Sarah... I agree with MrGW... at least you found out now .... it could have been so much worse... you could have married him... moved 5,000 miles away.... left your kids, family, job... only to find out he was playing you. That's what happened to me. Yes, now I am a lot more suspicious and I think that is a healthy thing. If I could give you any advice, it would be to ask lots of questions and pay attention to the answers. Ask the same questions in a different way at another time and see if the answers jive. If you listen to the little voice in your gut, it will help you know when someone is not quite right. Just remember that not every guy is a player. And it is possible to find love again. Follow your gut!

Sarah, I do feel your pain; I hope that it will soon ease. One thing though, evidently he wasn't ready or able to make the commitment. If that's true then you got off lucky. Maybe, if nothing else, you are better off in that he broke your heart now rather than after you'd been togeatgher, had children, began a life togeather etc... Maybe the best way from now on would be for you to take things slower and more closely examine another man's actions, deeds, and words. I do wish you the best and also think that jerks like that should be whipped.

I hear ya Sarah .... its disgraceful isnt it how a guy can use good women to fullfill what they need, and then dump us like a hot potato ... its happened to me a couple of times and the most recent was only 5 weeks ago .... you just have to collect yourself and get your guard up again unfortunatley ... we all cope in different ways after a break up, some different to others, so whats good for me isnt good for someone else...but I hope you can pick up the pieces sooner then later ....

What you say does make sence NAUGHTY ... but sometimes its hard to differentiate con men to the honest ones, cause they are so good at what they do....

I fell completely in love with someone who was, as you say, just looking to fill something missing in himself. He did make me feel extra special at the time, but it was all part of his game. Sure fooled me. I was so convinced of his sincerity that now I'm left wondering how I will ever believe in love again.