Ok, I'm a bigger girl (as are most girls on this site, I assume). I'm about 260lbs, but I don't look it. I'm very outgoing, have a wide circle/variety of friends (guys and girls), and I have a relatively active social life. I carry myself well, dress nicely more often than not, and I've had people tell me how "beautiful/sexy/gorgeous" I am. I'm starting to wonder if these comments are really sincere. I think people just compliment me because, "Oh, she's fat, so she needs to hear something that will make her feel better." It's true. I've even heard of people doing that. It's digusting. One of my friends was even called, " a fat f*cking cow" by a couple of people who didn't even know her. No, we're not supermodel-thin people, but we still have feelings. And even though we aren't clones of, say, Cindy Crawford or Pam Anderson, we're still good-looking. In fact, I know quite a few bigger ladies who have absolutely gorgeous faces and luminescent (sp?) personalities, and to me, that's more beautiful than skin and bones could ever be. Anyways, back to my rant...why is it so many people are obsessed with how their partner looks? The cover of the book doesn't necessarily tell you the whole story that's inside, cover-to-cover. I'd just like to find a decent guy (good-looking wouldn't hurt) that will care for me as a person, and not for what I look like. I try striking up conversations with guys, and they give me this look, like, "how dare you try and speak to me? you don't look like Tyra Banks, so go away." *grumble* Anywho, I think I'm finished ranting for now. Comments are welcomed and appreciated! ^_^
I am going to generalize here so don't kill the messenger: Biologically, males are primarily visual(this is true across all species; insecure males are even more so.
In my 20's I ran into men like you are describing and I believe that's because their egos are a little fragile at this age. As time goes on men change and start to look for more than a pretty face/body, but not all men.
Try meeting men in a totally different venue, say night school, through volunteering, civic organizations. If you are doing the bar scene (which at your age is not at all unusual when trying to meet men)you're going to run into more crass individuals.
I married my late husband long after I stopped drinking, drugging, and sleeping around. However, it was a long painful haul before that. I married late at 43. He was worth the wait. He adored me and I adored him. My weight was never an issue until I started to health issues and then he was very concerned as he was a nurse.
You need to focus on your health. Not too far down the line you may start having serious health problems like diabetes, etc. Weight acceptance is fine only if you stay healthy.
Hi Everyone, I JUST HAVE TO respond on this topic. First of all, do you notice that it is the short, stocky, bald men that are looking for the "Barbie Dolls?" Also, do you really care about any ignorant, shallow persons' thoughts, or, actions. Yes, comments, sounds, and, "looks" can be embarrassing, but, what does that say about themselves? I may be heavy, but, I am so beautiful where it counts. Looks change, a personality usually doesn't...besides, I can lose the weight, how do you lose an ugly soul.
If some stranger comes up to me out of the blue & tells me I look attractive, I'll thank them---but I have to admit I'll also wonder what he's after. Are they trying to sell something? Etc. I'm just not used to being told this, so I get a little suspicious. I'm far more used to getting heckled because of my size. I'm not saying all young men are like this, but in my experience it's usually young men trying to act big in front of their buddies. This kind of bully thinks they can get away with it; they expect the 'victom' to just hang their head & pretend it's not happening. I used to do that myself, until I got my self-esteem back. If someone heckles me, I look around, get eye contact, and smile---this really confuses them and they stop. The other day someone made 'mooing' sounds at me while I was pumping gas. I waved & blew him a kiss. His buddies changed from laughing at me to laughing at him. ;-)
lol...I loved your response Cathii.
this indeed happened to a female friend of mine a few years ago and she told him the same thing, but stated it in a different way which was, (and I still laugh everytime I think of this)...."yea, I'm fat....But your bu*t a*s ugly ...and I can go on a Diet"
He had NO idea what to do next, as she did this in front of his friends who I think are still laughing at him to this day. His friends were not to thrilled with his little comment to begin with and did apologize to her for him being a total idiot.
I was reading your poast.. And some thing struck me as odd.. You say you dont like how people judge people on looks.. And I compleatly agree but then you went on to say.. "I'd just like to find a decent guy (good-looking wouldn't hurt) that will care for me as a person, and not for what I look like"... (good-looking wouldn't hurt..Um whos baseing things on looks there I wonder.. And as far as what your friend had to go tho.. Thats just horrible and just showes the IQ of the morrons who said that...