I'm pretty assertive in most things. If you take one look at my profile, the first impression you should have is that I know who I am and what I want. This leads people to think that I'm entirely more confident than I feel like I actually am. Around friends or strangers, in a regular social situation, once I've found my stride I can be absolutely bubbly, funny, talkative -- you name it.
But in a dating situation? This completely goes away. It comes from not being a good judge of who is interested and who is not, and issues of self-image. I don't openly talk about myself in a sexual manner and don't feel comfortable being spoken to that way, either. Which is weird -- I can talk frankly about sex, but not if I'm in the picture. (And by talking frankly, I mean I'm unafraid of addressing the issue, not that I am openly crude or that I cyber a lot or anything. I'm neither of those things and am honestly personally offended by people who treat me like I am.) In a romantic situation, I find myself completely unwilling to take it to the next level and initially more interested in intellectual stimulation than anything else.
So what does a person in my situation do? Guys I date find themselves confused because I'm outwardly confident but so self-conscious and blocky when it comes to anything intimate. If they want a confident girl, I am everything except for where it seems to matter. If I go for a guy who likes shy girls, who might be more understanding, it never goes anywhere because in every other arena, I'm too outgoing.
Wow AMAZING!! I have the same problem. I am trying to teach myself to be mor outgoing intimately also, but I don't want to encourage men to think I am easy or desperated, and definitely am not interestd in the NOTHING but sex kind of guy. What a dilemma.