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Why do we drift apart? Sort by:
naught_bbw
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Posted on Sat, Feb 06, 2010 20:28

I'm jumping up on my soapbox...

We live in the type of society where it's more important to amass material wealth and to keep up with the Joneses that we forget that we are more than the sum of our stuff.  We forget that once upon a time, wevalued one another's input and shared of ourselves with our partners as much as we shared with our blogging audience.  We aspired to achieve more and to be more and we wanted to share those goals with someone else.  We struggled and we fought but we made up because we loved our partners because we didn't have talk show hosts telling us we shouldn't put up with that.

We allowed ourselves to become hedonists who give in to our baser needs.  We allowed others to use us for their own gratification and we were ok with it as long as we "got ours" too.  We became so independent as women that we started looking down upon a man who didn't have as much as us.  We taught our daughters that they "could do bad by themselves." We taught our sons that growing up without a father was ok and they took it too far and we didn't stop them.

And, in the midst of all that, we started looking at relationships and partners in the short term.  We stopped working out our differences and investing the time and effort into saving a relationship because "we deserve better."  But, did we ever stop to ask ourselves if better is really better or if we equate better with different? Did we allow the divorce rates to skyrocket because the relationships truly had no chance of reconciliation or did we decide that it was too much work and it was ok because everybody was doing it?

Did we liberate ourselves from the bad or did we just lose our way?  Did the folks who were married 50, 60, 70, or more years make it because Oprah and Phil and all the others didn't open their eyes sooner? Or did they make it because they didn't treat one another as disposable but instead valued the friendships and hardships and the steadiness of a real relationship rather than believing it should always be an exciting, fulfilling ride every second?

I'm sorry to ask so many questions in response to yours.  I'm not sure that they make sense.  But, what I do know is that with the dawn of modern times, it's becoming harder and harder to find folks who've been in relationships longer than they've had an email account.  I've had longer relationships with my insurance and phone companies than some of the folks I've dated.  That's not only sad.  It's scary.

I'll step off my soapbox on that note.



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NerdyGuy
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Posted on Sat, Feb 06, 2010 19:38

For us, it was my return to college.  Before that we would talk about the kids, tv, family, etc.  After a year back in college I started talking about other things like current events and politics.  She wasn't in the least bit interested and whenever I brought up any topic other than the pre-college ones she would kind of clam up and either change the subject or just drift off.  Eventually we didn't really talk at all.  Soon she decided to, not to go to college, but attend a vocational school to learn medical assisting.  There were a lot of girls in the class from 18 to early 20s and she began to talk & hang out with them.  She eventually blew off school and tried to keep up with the younger girls and started going out, neglecting the kids and me.  Now, not is our relationship beyond repair but our kids have no respect for her and refuse to see her.  She started drinking and getting into a few of the "milder" drugs and spending the night away from the house.  The kids saw their dad busting his ass going to college and working while their mom was trying to be a teenager and spending the night who knows where.  It still hurts them that their mom took off dec 24, 2008 and didn't come home until the 27th.  Then when she got home said it wasn't anbody's business where she was and she didn't have to answer to anyone.  Like an idiot I stuck in there for another few months before calling it quits.  Anyway, I know that's a whole hell of a lot more than merely "drifting apart" but that's what happened.  Maybe if I stopped after the first few sentences that would've sufficiently answered your question lol.



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