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ozredhead62
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Posted on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 15:24

Quoting: Originally posted by islandgal64
Hmmm this one has really got me thinking. Not sure it's so much a fear of rejection, or simply being ill-equipped to deal with it. How many people really mansge to decline/dump someone "nicely"? How many times do we read on sites like this something along the lines of "I thought we were getting on really well but I've heard nothing since"? Some people reject others by simply cutting off contact. Is that because they don't know how else to do it? Often being left dangling like that, with the likely assumption "they'll get the message eventually", can hurt more than the short sharp pain of being told "thanks but no thanks". For me, I'd rather know and be able to deal with it. Equally, I'd rather make it clear to someone if I'm not interested. It's not that I want to hurt them, simply that I assume they'd rather know too. But maybe I'm wrong in making that assumption? Dunno which is tougher, being rejecter or rejectee!!


Thanks for your response Islandgal glad to have got you thinking.¿ :)

¿

Now want to ask if there is a difference between being fearful of rejection and just not well equiped for it, as you state.¿ Would one create the other to happen?¿ Now I grant you that many dont know or are too cowardly to tell someone that it is not working.¿ Here you have the situation you mention where they just dont hear from them again and disappear. They are too scared of the reaction they will get for telling you.

¿

I too would rather know if someone is not interested rather than the wondering that is caused by the silence.¿ Though I guess that not many can do it , tell someone that.

¿

I think that most dont want to hurt someone else but not being truthful will result in the same.¿ To lead someone on is hurtful in the end as is the no communication.

¿

I guess what I wanted to go over here that is does not need to be that way.¿ That maybe we hold too much weight of what someone feels towards us and how we let it reduce our value if they do not accept us in the way that we were hoping.

¿

One day I would like to hold an experemnet and have 100 people speed dating even.¿ I know that if we all had an abundance to possible partners to choose from that even those with rejection issues would realize that they just cant accept all of them.¿ Thant some, despite being wonderful people would be rejected, and it would not be personal to the rejecttee but to the one that is selecting.¿

¿

For me it is harder to be the rejecter, but then that may be because I dont take rejection personally anymore?



Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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Posted on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 12:40

I popped on to see who's bloggin. Nice one as always oz. Couldn't resist commenting, even at the risk of being accused of seeking attention...hahahahahaha! OMG Rolf.... I find it very hard to be the rejector, and I would rather be told up front if I'm to be the rejectee! I believe you're right on the reasons why it happens, and sometimes it's best for us that it did. Anyway, we learn from everything, even things that hurt! Azure


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butterbll
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Posted on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 10:18

I feel it is a true fear of every one wanting to connect with a new person has. However it also can be mystafying and frustrating to all as well to all. Esp. if the person you are dealing with is not honest and does not come right and tell you the truth. Rather than them trying to be soo P.C. and not hurt any ones feelings, and giving you false hope. I feel it is better to flat out tell them that you feel it is not going to work out. Rather than them giving you the cowardly act of the "Fridgadaire Treatment" and hope you get the drift.


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Katwoman1968
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Posted on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 10:09

I don't think rejection is personal BUT I know when I get rejected I take it as personal. It's all in the way we perceive it. I think most of us take it personally because it hurts us. It's hard not to. Just my 2 cents :-) Kris


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Babycakes63
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Posted on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 10:06

Thank you Oz!


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islandgal64
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Posted on Wed, Nov 18, 2009 06:06

Hmmm this one has really got me thinking. Not sure it's so much a fear of rejection, or simply being ill-equipped to deal with it. How many people really mansge to decline/dump someone "nicely"? How many times do we read on sites like this something along the lines of "I thought we were getting on really well but I've heard nothing since"? Some people reject others by simply cutting off contact. Is that because they don't know how else to do it? Often being left dangling like that, with the likely assumption "they'll get the message eventually", can hurt more than the short sharp pain of being told "thanks but no thanks". For me, I'd rather know and be able to deal with it. Equally, I'd rather make it clear to someone if I'm not interested. It's not that I want to hurt them, simply that I assume they'd rather know too. But maybe I'm wrong in making that assumption? Dunno which is tougher, being rejecter or rejectee!!


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