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I Think Society has Problems-Does That Mean I'm Getting Old? Sort by:
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silv2001
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Posted on Wed, Sep 16, 2009 07:47

In a recent conversation with my brother, we started talking about our kids and how they are growing up in a society that is so much different than ours was. Since we both have children, his son is 15 mine is 7, the topic of how narcissistic views are becoming more prevalent in younger school age kids became a large part of the conversation. I feel that constant praise and rewards without an equal balance of "negativity" or instruction contributes to the growth of narcissism in a child. I've noticed how much harder it is for kids (my son included) to cope with criticism. My belief is that this is the primary reason that causes some to react in violence-as is evident in recent school shootings. I'm not saying that every child will end up killing, but in these cases it happened. The actual definition of narcissism is an excessive preoccupation with self and a lack of empathy for others. Real-life narcissists desperately need others to validate their own worth. It is also not about being liked, but is more important to be admired. I can remember being in school and wanting friends because they liked me not because of the good grade that I got on the spelling test. Networking sites have become a simple way to self-promote without actually having to prove your worth. Right now I can tell you that I am a 34yo male wearing blue shorts-you have to believe me and I don't have to prove it. Once the cornerstone of proof is removed, truth becomes objective. I want alot of responses PLZ!!


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butterbll
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Posted on Thu, Sep 24, 2009 17:20

I agree with islandgal the Most important thing a father can give a child is the guidance to cause them to grow up to be responeable adults who think and do for them selves and not expect every body else to to do for them. Children who do the right thing even if it is not the popular thing to do or the most comfortable to do so! It is not the stuff that the materalistic media crams in our face and says "Buy this you will be sexy if you do!" or use this goop and every one will like you because of you petrafied nature. or drink this the real cool kids do. yet in the fine print the give you the list of ingreadiants that sound like it comes from a "Super Fund"cleanup site. No I say it is the teaching your child to be productive persons in society, not to let them run around like Spoiled selfish snobs. who consume wantonly yet produce nothing except WHINE and Drama.


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Sat, Sep 19, 2009 00:24

So, your posting on here and specifically requesting "alot" of replies isn't indicative of narcissistic behavior at all, right? Purely conversational? LOL! Good post. A little funny, too! --True


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silv2001
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Posted on Fri, Sep 18, 2009 15:52

Quoting: Originally posted by Babycakes63

I think you are correct silv.¿ I was a behavior tech. and followed the reccomendations of the behavior analyst, whom also must negotiate between the laws as well as regulatory reccomendations all while¿deciding which behavior techniques to use.¿ I saw that many many children, no matter what level of comprehention, Had to be re taught many appropriate behaviors because of the lack of parenting (their environment)...as well as narcissistic values that society (peer pressure, marketing) has placed on them as well as their own need for immediate gratification.¿ This is what they are used to.¿ This IS their reality.¿ We can only hope that our children are better because of their environments at home.¿ This¿is just¿my opinion.¿ Elaine



thanks for the comments I enjoyed them all Hi Elaine lol Chris


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Fri, Sep 18, 2009 04:48

Hey Silv sorry to say yes your getting old, but we all are and I think things just seem so much more obvious once we have kids. Of course we want the best things for our kids, and hope that thier lives are better than we had. Though while trying to provide this I think we forget that they too have a place and role in the household and must also provide something towards this. If you give to someone all the time and expect nothing back from them you make them either resentful or criminal or usually both. Parening occurs at home and not at school, and this is where children should be taught the basic of respect and exchange, all before they go to school. It is unfortunate today that we find many families are single parent familes and though most single parents do a great job, it is hard work and I do believe that many just cope, and are just unable to give as much time even if they want to to their children. Compound this with the fact that often (though not in all cases) the out of home parent is barely involved in the actual parenting aspect of the child. I dont understand why society as a whole seems to have reduced the importance of parenting when this is where the most important lessons are learned. If parents are not supported whether toghether or single and given the assistance that they need, then what hope do we have for future of our children? Now in regards to critiscim, well no one like to be on the reacieving end of that, and there are ways to handle behaviour with out it. I know as a child that I breathed the stuff ... it never made me stronger or better, just made me hate more about me. People respond to praise for their good actions and they can be encouraged in this way to change. Now praising someone does not mean that they become all focused on them selves just makes them feel good and worthy. How many times has the the ccontant nagging of your partner made you want to do what they want you to do? LOL Though I do think that you have repeated some action because it has gotten you good responses? Focus on the negarive and that is what you get. My thoughts on narcissism is that is is cultivated by children or people not being made rsponsibile, for their lives, their part in the family, etc. Things like having the children clean their own room and are expected to contribute to the family dynmics by doing their share, like washing the dishes and by giving in to everthing they want. Do agree we are headed for big trouble but not so sure that increasing the critiscim is the way that you get it to become better. Just my thoughts here. Good post by the way. :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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islandgal64
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Posted on Fri, Sep 18, 2009 01:02

Silv, you're a Dad - you have the opportunity to influence and guide your son. Take that opportunity and don't fall into the trap that some seem to and think that raising a child is solely down to his/her teachers. Every child needs an education in the academic stuff but also in life skills - thay can't all be learned in the class room and some can only be learned by (bitter?) experience!


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butterbll
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Posted on Thu, Sep 17, 2009 18:06

I think what I am talking about is best summed up by this. That which is sharp,and cuts us: Makes us bleed. That which is hot; That,shall burn our flesh. Those tasks which taxes us body and spirit: Will test us Body and Spirit. But what we survive: Makes Us Stronger!!


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butterbll
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Posted on Thu, Sep 17, 2009 00:56

No you not getting old you are getting wiser. for years I have seen the decline of our society. Rampant drugs promiscuity decline of respect for those less fortunate. now it is all about IMMAGE not deeds. I agree that now society has Done more harm to its kids by what Ma Kettle (from the Ma and Pa Kettle series) is molly coddleling them . the term is a verb describing a man or boy used to being pampered , or extreamely protected or milksopped. timid inefectual or efiminate. Aka momas boy or crybaby. I feel it is the Pervesave attitude of PCness Is going to be the demise of having mentally healthy kids. The Pc Scat of every body being a "winner" is harming kids . They expect every thing to be "nice " and handed to them on a "silver platter". He PC parents when was the last time you kids did chores? Kids having chores teaches them responsability and charicter. You kids may complain about.however instead of them being a drain on the time and finance resourses of the parents. the need to help out aroundthe house instead of sitting on their butts doing nothing except getting fatter. For thousands of years kids did work to help with the familes lively hood. He folks life is not fair. It is not full of "free bubble up and rainbow stew." Removing the "stres's" on a child by being so P.C. only harms the child. Because any bological organisum has to have stress in its life to grow and adapt to become a stronger Organisum. Another reason of the problems are because parents are so busy keeping up with the Jone's buying stuff that they want, but Really don't need,and trying to provide their kids every passing whim. Thease parents try to buy their kids affection because the feel guilty for all the time they spent earing money to buy all the Stuff their kids want,but dont really need. If you want to see a modern kid "melt down' just take his cell phone,and Ipod away. Take away his 70 inch HD plasma HD tv away. Take the Nintendo Wii and the computer and internet away. then tell him or her to go out side and play. I garuntee with in 30 seconds the kid will have a full blown thermo nuclear melt down . In my day,If you pulled a knot headed stunt like that, or talking back to you parents you got disaplined. Now days if this happens the "child " can go whining to CPS and have the parents put in jail. Come on folks BE THE PARENT!!!!! Do not let the KIDS run the show!!!! By expecting nay demanding them to deal with the ups and downs of life, you are doing the most important tast of a parent. That is teaching them to be a mentally stable productive member of society who can think , one who knows what is right from what is wrong . He or she does the right thing even if it is not the easy or popular thing to do! Any thing less, I feel is actually in my opinion is being an extreame dis-service to the child in their upbringing and borders on child abuse.You have to start while they are still in pampers responability, what is expected of them and hold them to it .because when the are 7 or 8 the time for stopping bad behavor is going to be a lot harder than it is when they are 3. Barney Fife from Maybdry RFD had it right "You have to nip it in the bud" and what he was talking about was kids causing what we would call minor stuff like tipping over trachcans. IN this present times how much more dangerous trouble nowdays can kids get in to?


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silv2001
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Posted on Wed, Sep 16, 2009 22:25

Wow, very good stuff silv lol


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