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Open Relationships - Do they work? Sort by:
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ozredhead62
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Posted on Fri, Sep 11, 2009 23:34

Hey to all in lovely blog land thought I would put up a topic that may have some varied viewpoints, love to look at things from other peoples views so please give me your thoughts. :) Ok was dating someone recently who told me that he liked an open relationship or what can be termed swinging. Now this clever, articulate and professional man made some interesting points while he was discussing his views and prefences. His ideal relationship was where both parties were open to adding new partners into their sexual activity, ideally long term play friends where a friendship was also established. Now this was only ever done together as a couple and if one did not want to then it was called off. His views were that this eleminated jealousy and cheating in a relationship and actually fostered more caring and confidence as comunicatin was open and honest. Nothing to hide. So can this really work? Do you know of anyone that has a successful open relationship?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sat, Oct 17, 2009 17:29

Quoting Katwoman1968:

I have a friend who is married and they have an open relationship. It does work for them.....for me personally I have a jealousy issue so I don't think I could handle it emotionally. Never tried it either though. I guess it depends on the individual.


Thanks for your comment Katwoman, I do agree with it being an individual thing and how we each cope with the situation. I have always got stuck on the jealousy issue too which has stopped me from going further with this at times when it has been offered. Though for me I have wondered if it was more my insecurities rather than the jealousy issue that has been the stop? Does it change things if your partners "turn on" was to give you pleasure, just wanted you to have this expierience but did not want to play himself? Would you consider going ahead if you were sure that he would love you just as much and in his mind this was the ultimate way for him to please you? Just throwing around issues to explore in this very complex subject. :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Wed, Oct 14, 2009 10:34

Quoting Babycakes63:

Oz, Why not try to see things like I do.. Instead of trying to see if you would feel jealousy sharing a man...? Set down the rules of engagement,,, No penetration with the other woman, kissing and other forms of pleasure are ok.? But first and foremost you need to determine if you could see yourself kissing and such with a woman as well.? So do some research first by checking out other women as possible lovers, not as possible rivals.? Fantasize about it first... it will either get you hot and bothered or it would make you decide to be with only men.? I hope this helped with your research.? Elaine



Hey Elaine, thanks for your comment, love how your open and honest, you did give me a chuckle here and got me really pondering how I would/could respond here. grins Now what makes you think that I am asking to introduce another woman in the mix???? lol Already told everyone here that I think I need 3 husband to make the "man" that Im looking for!!! Now just got to make sure they are not jealous of each other. hehe Now Im not sure if the jealousy issue has much to do with whether it was a man, woman or couple, more that either of us are enjoying the interaction with some one else apart from each other. Having had this situation offered to me in previous long term relationships was always difficult as emotions were well and truely established. I beleive that this would be easier to do when it was just sex and some how not involed with love? Though in sayiung that, would I have felt differently had my then partners told me that this was what they wanted to do right from the start of the relationship? That one is hard to answer. Now love and sex are different things and what one is able to do as "sex' may change dramatically once in "love". So my question here was not so much as to whether one can do this, but whether it would work as a loving relationship? Would the partner you mentioned here accepted this situation if you had wanted a male? What if he had wanted a male himself? Or a couple for you both to share? Would this have changed it all for you? Now as far as your fantasy idea, well I already have enough of those to get me into heaps of trouble, any more and I would never get here to blog. hehe :P


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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Katwoman1968
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Posted on Sat, Oct 10, 2009 17:52

I have a friend who is married and they have an open relationship. It does work for them.....for me personally I have a jealousy issue so I don't think I could handle it emotionally. Never tried it either though. I guess it depends on the individual.


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Thu, Sep 24, 2009 17:08

Quoting Anne1022:

IMO, 1 can have "real" love, meaningful sex and committment in this type of relationship, but the ppl that engage in this type of relationship will never know the joy or "type" of love that is required 4 a monogamous relationship. It's my opinion that if 2 ppl r happy being just wit each other, there's no need for this "open relationship". If that other person in ur life really makes u happy, there's no need 4 ne 1 else. If they don't make u happy in all aspects of ur relationship, then y stay wit them? Y not go find sum 1 who does?


Thank you Anne for your comments and do understand how you feel, I felt that way for a long time, though am not so sure anymore? The relationship that I talk about here is a loving and committed relationship first ...to each other. The open part is only done together, as a couple and with love. Maybe this is not for everyone but in some way it is not that different from introducing "toys" into the relationship (well sort of ..grin) it is an extention of the play that couples can do. One thing that looking at this in more detail and really searching my feeling on it has done for me is to examine my ideas of jealousy and ownership in a relationship. Love and sex are different things and do not have to be only exculsively found with each other.


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Thu, Sep 24, 2009 16:49

Quoting bbwchina:

Hi Oz, Yes it was quite a shock at first and I have to admit, one of the things that I found so shocking was the average age of the couples. I was expecting this to be something that young couples were into, but I have to say, the AVERAGE age is probably late 40's to mid 50's. It was more middle age and older couples that I saw. I know my friend and I looked at one another and one of my comments was, these are people's grandmas and grandpas out here!! *LOL* I do agree though, that there are many different kinds of ideas and understandings of love, relationships and commitment. I know that there is a distinct difference between making love and having sex, and for some, they can keep the two very separate. I know a lot of people do not understand the lifestyle, but I say, whatever works and both are happy, go for it!


LOL BBWChina, yes we get worse as we get older .... thats why we earn the hounour of being called dirty old ...... well some of do. hehe Though I do find that really interesting that is those in the older age bracket that embrace this as a whole. I wonder if it is that it takes maturity to get comfortable with ones sexuality or maybe we just get bored with the "normal" relationships and get past the point of caring what others think? Do agree that some can keep love and sex seperate and men have been doing that for long time so its not anything new. In many ways I have to say thats its wonderful to allow women to do the same if they so wish. I am no longer seeing the man that brought this subject to the front with me but was so curious at others thoughts about the ability of sustaning a relationship with this sort of activity being included. Thanks for you imput here. :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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Anne1022
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Posted on Tue, Sep 22, 2009 11:21

IMO, 1 can have "real" love, meaningful sex and committment in this type of relationship, but the ppl that engage in this type of relationship will never know the joy or "type" of love that is required 4 a monogamous relationship. It's my opinion that if 2 ppl r happy being just wit each other, there's no need for this "open relationship". If that other person in ur life really makes u happy, there's no need 4 ne 1 else. If they don't make u happy in all aspects of ur relationship, then y stay wit them? Y not go find sum 1 who does?


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bbwchina
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Posted on Thu, Sep 17, 2009 08:48

Hi Oz, Yes it was quite a shock at first and I have to admit, one of the things that I found so shocking was the average age of the couples. I was expecting this to be something that young couples were into, but I have to say, the AVERAGE age is probably late 40's to mid 50's. It was more middle age and older couples that I saw. I know my friend and I looked at one another and one of my comments was, these are people's grandmas and grandpas out here!! *LOL* I do agree though, that there are many different kinds of ideas and understandings of love, relationships and commitment. I know that there is a distinct difference between making love and having sex, and for some, they can keep the two very separate. I know a lot of people do not understand the lifestyle, but I say, whatever works and both are happy, go for it!


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Wed, Sep 16, 2009 17:10

Quoting Binjssbbw:

Hello Iam new to this site..I wanted to add that Iam in a open realtionship..We love to play with other females and well one of my fetishes is seeing my man with another woman in bed...it works for us very well..except we cant find anyone...lol..thats why we came here hoping to find someone..Im not aposed to questions feel free to ask...?



Hi there Binjssbbw, welcome to the site and thank you for coming forward and making comments on this blog. I do have some questions, and maybe others will have too? :) So in an open relationship you mean that you only "play" together or see others when your partner is not present? You only have women join you, not men as well? Why not? Is there any jealousy that arises from this , ever wonder if your partner had enjoyed the other person more than they have you? :) How do you maintain the love aspect of your relationship while doing this, for I would imagine it would make one rather vulnerable? As you can see I am a curious little create and understand if you dont want to answer any of these, but appreciate it if you do. As far as this site is concerned , well dont think its appropriate for your needs, but then again, you never know how many other people are secretly wanting to explore this? Do wish you luck though. :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Wed, Sep 16, 2009 17:01

Quoting bbwchina:

Well....I work as a DJ at a local BBW Dance, and from time to time I do guest spots at other parties... and one of those is a local swing club. I was TOTALLY shocked when I first was introduced to this lifestyle several years ago, but now I have a MUCH better understanding of the lifestyle in particular. For the most part, the couples are very loving and could be ANYONE. When I see them walk in, I think of my neighbors an co-workers, because they look like normal working and upper middle class citizens. There is VERY little trouble on a given night, the couples mingle and make friends. They are generally very friendly and outgoing. While this lifestyle is not MY choice, I believe all consenting adults should live life to the fullest in whatever way makes them happiest!!


Thanks for your comment bbwchina, I bet you were shocked at first especially being at a club as your first introduction. LOL I do think that those not understanding this lifestyle choice would easily think that only people of low values or perhaps somewhat sleazy (for lack of other words) would participate. Though as you say it is your average types that could even be some of your friends. Interesting for you to say that most are loving as that was a big part that this man was trying to explain to me, that this is done as a loving couple. Guess it can make you look at your own ideas of love, committment and relationships?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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Binjssbbw
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Posted on Tue, Sep 15, 2009 23:03

Hello Iam new to this site..I wanted to add that Iam in a open realtionship..We love to play with other females and well one of my fetishes is seeing my man with another woman in bed...it works for us very well..except we cant find anyone...lol..thats why we came here hoping to find someone..Im not aposed to questions feel free to ask...¿



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bbwchina
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Posted on Tue, Sep 15, 2009 05:10

Well....I work as a DJ at a local BBW Dance, and from time to time I do guest spots at other parties... and one of those is a local swing club. I was TOTALLY shocked when I first was introduced to this lifestyle several years ago, but now I have a MUCH better understanding of the lifestyle in particular. For the most part, the couples are very loving and could be ANYONE. When I see them walk in, I think of my neighbors an co-workers, because they look like normal working and upper middle class citizens. There is VERY little trouble on a given night, the couples mingle and make friends. They are generally very friendly and outgoing. While this lifestyle is not MY choice, I believe all consenting adults should live life to the fullest in whatever way makes them happiest!!


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Mon, Sep 14, 2009 22:43

Quoting smoosh:

I think "open relationships" are much more common than I imagine and I think they do work for some and maybe people tend to wander less as they are wandering together and both realize that they prefer more partners for the sexual side of their life but want to settle down for the balance of everyday life. Myself, I am too emotional and don't believe I could share myself sexually to one more than one partner due to my views and emotional ties. Since I have never stood in those shoes (bare feet) I guess I'll never really know. Whatever floats your boat.


Yes Smoosh agree that a lot more people than I thought are into this life style, much more than I thought as well. I do think that the emotional side of this life syle is the hardest, and wondering what effect it would have on your relationship, would it change it forever? I dont know if I could see my partner enjoy another woman without getting jealous, and I would wonder if he really loved me to be able to share me? Though dont know if that is just my insecurities speaking and if I was totally sure of our love and committment whether I would feel differently? LOL guess the shoes here would have to be bare feet ... he he :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Mon, Sep 14, 2009 22:35

Quoting Babycakes63:

Quoting from original post by¿from Azureblue753:When the mind's eye rests on objects illuminated by truth and reality, it understands and comprehends them, and functions intelligently; but when it turns to the twilight world of change and decay, it can only form opinions, its vision is confused and its beliefs shifting, and it seems to lack intelligence. (Plato, 380BC)
'But surely "blind" is just how you would describe men who have no true knowledge of reality, and no clear standard in their mind to refer to, as a painter refers to his model, and which they can study closely before they start laying down rules about what is fair or right or good where they are needed, or maintaining, as Guardians, any rules that already exist.'
'Yes, blind is just about what they are'

I agree with Plato on his opinions,¿ but his words can be percieved in many different ways.

This is only my opinion and I am really enjoying this banter.¿ We two can agree to disagree, no?¿I can concieve the literal meanings of Plato but I can also see that perhaps he had a different view on the "world of change and decay"¿ For instance they had slaves back then..didn't they?¿ We have a much more civilized world then when plato was alive and yes, we do have more decay.¿ So, I'm going¿suppose that one might ask if your God is real within those theories of what is real.¿

Oz, I apologize for constantly intruding on your topic.¿ However I must say that I am an artist and as such I am passionate about my beliefs as well.¿ I will end my intrusions with this.¿ Thank you all for allowing me to state my opinions and will not stop putting my thoughts into words to express my reality.¿ I hope that we shall speak again on other topics, but as for now. I have finished what I came here for.¿ Good day to you all.¿ (smiling)



Hi Babycakes thats ok love to get into blog debates, makes thing so much more interesting here. I have started a new blog more to do with this topic, maybe you can also paste this on there and we can continue with the discussion? grins :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Mon, Sep 14, 2009 17:19

LOL Azure thanks I do like reading this sort of stuff as well. Though I do think this will take this blog off topic, so I will start a new one and we can discuss/debate this over there. Dont need much of a reason do I? grins See you in the new blog ......


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sun, Sep 13, 2009 22:20

Quoting Babycakes63:

Ok, I've kinda been there.¿ I'm a bi-sexual female and I prefer men.¿ I love pleasing my man, but I also have my desires.¿ My man must be into either watching or joining, but he may not penetrate the other female, he may only penetrate me.¿ But we both have to agree on who and be there together.¿ For me personally it would not be like having 2 wives, or even girl friends. It should only be a once in a while thing.¿ When in a really open "couples" relationship trust is the key issue.¿ If you don't trust your partner, then why would you be with them in the first place?¿ Condoms are a staple in the switching of couples.¿ We women are constantly criticized for being loose if we have more than one partner.¿ Men are considered ballers or players and get hi-fives or a pat on the back from their peers.¿ I think that we women should get the same in return.¿ I have no problems with my sexuality, but I will not allow anyone to judge me based on my preferences.¿ If someone has a problem with my lifestyle, that's their problem, they have the right to feel as they do, but I don't have to listen to it.¿ Azure, I assure you that my lifestyle is very real and it is more common than you would care to realize.¿ I do not live in a fantasy world.¿ I have just recently taken my life into my own hands and I shed that sweet innocent person that I was.¿ I like the power that I have given myself, I feel like a¿cougar and men really do sense that and like that in a woman.¿ If you check out my profile I am honest and to the point.¿ No you will not see how many men have contacted me because I delete the men and their messages that 1. are too far away, 2. or Not my type.¿ If you are un-interested in it, kick that lifestyle to the curb along with your man.¿ The only way that you would truly know is to try it once.¿ If it does float your boat, then bravo to you and enjoy yourself, but be careful.¿



Hi Babycakes, thanks for your comment and sharing. I do think that it is an interesting lifestyle choice that can work if both parties have a good strong realtionship based on love trust and communication. Though it would not be soemthing that most would enjoy, but agree you more than we think. I do think it is wonderful that your man was able to allow you to have this added pleasure. Did he have anything he wanted to do, or was he happy with this arrangement alone? For many years I guess I viewed this as something sort of sleazy maybe pushed onto the women by their partners, and thus being used. Now I dont think that way at all and can see men and women making this as a choice within their relationship. A once in a while spice as you stated. The main thing I would think is being able to talk to each other honestly and really be able to see how you are feeling. I think if anyone does this and did it only for their partner there would be issues that would arise from it? Thank you for commenting and being straight forward about it, you do sound like a woman that has found herself and come to terms with your sexuality and needs. Think that is great it feels so much better than having to try and hide who you are. :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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smoosh
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Posted on Sun, Sep 13, 2009 16:24

I think "open relationships" are much more common than I imagine and I think they do work for some and maybe people tend to wander less as they are wandering together and both realize that they prefer more partners for the sexual side of their life but want to settle down for the balance of everyday life. Myself, I am too emotional and don't believe I could share myself sexually to one more than one partner due to my views and emotional ties. Since I have never stood in those shoes (bare feet) I guess I'll never really know. Whatever floats your boat.


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sun, Sep 13, 2009 10:34

Quoting azureblue753:

Open relationships????? I don't think there really is such a thing except in fantasy land. I mean, It's not a "Relationship", it's simply a way to say, I want my cake and eat it to, and I don't like¿ any emotional commitments of any kind¿."Open Relationship". sounds just a little less hedonistic too, lol. Just my opinion of course, But I would not¿desire to share my partner with anyone in that personal¿ way and¿My claws would be exposed very quickly if it happened that my man did. It never¿ceases to amaze me¿that men and¿ woman will create the illusion of reality from fantasy to avoid facing life for real.¿I don't believe for one second that there is anything beneficial from having multiple partners in sex while you remain a couple.What kind of couple? ¿What can you possibly really share emotionally?¿I think people who engage in this type of relationship ¿never grew up¿or stopped ¿being afraid of real life, real love, real meaningful sex, real¿commitment. I've heard people do this, I think it's sad and such a waste, and lots of folk I'm sure disagree¿ with me,and I respect their freedom to do so. But, I think it is a very big deceptive concept.

Yup!

Smiles-azure



LOL Azure do love your passion on this subject. :) Of ocurse it is a relationship!! A friendship is also a relationship, and each relationship has its own emotions, committment and defined rules. Now from my understanding in this type of relationship is that is still all loving, sex does not make emotional committment, why could you not have a complete emotional attatchment in this type of relatinship? Maybe, just maybe, this is facing real life, real love and real committment? If you are a couple in a real relationship and are open enough and free enough to let your partner be themselves and enjoy physical pleasure with another and then still go on loving them, is this not real? How is this not considered love or committment? I have to wonder whether we are meant to be with one partner for life? Most of us have been in love more than once and had more than one relationship. Of course we all want different things but ould you not say that the usual type of fairy tale relationship seems to be in fantasy land too? :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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islandgal64
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Posted on Sun, Sep 13, 2009 10:33

An "Open Relationship" is certainly not something I would entertain but if it's between consenting adults who both want to pursue the same thing then good luck to them. I imagine the problems would start when one partners wants different to the other .... such as when one decides they want monogamy, or else something way more extreme than the other. Aside from the emotions issues it might raise, I would also be wary of the health and hygeine issues! So, not for me, I like my private life to be just that, and I wonder if those who do indulge find it meets their expectations??


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sun, Sep 13, 2009 10:20

Quoting aimeefla:

Hi Oz,? :-)

?

I don't know of anyone personally.? I've read about them, they work for those that are interested in an open relationship.? I've read that there more of a solid foundation established before the open relationship takes hold.

?

Personally, I would never get involved with a situation where I share my partner with anyone.? Too many diseases out there. I know that each would have a doctors note, still there is always that one time too many.???

I'm not the sort to agree to this situation. I don't share.? I've been told it has little to do with sharing, it's more in the realm of fantasey and the need for more than one sex partner. Still not for me.?

I too am curious to hear from others and especially from someone that is in an open relationship and making it work for them.

?

Nat



Yes your right Nat about it not being about sharing. From what I understood its actually more about giving. Now before everyone throws something at me, let me explain. LOL It about giving the freedon to enjoy and being plesured by another. About allowing that pleasure with your partner and loving them for it or despite it? This mans turn on in this was to see his partner enjoying themselves and he knowing that he has given them that, allowed that to happen. It was a very interesting concept in the whole scene of usual jealous or ownership relationships. He said that he was never jealous with his ex girlfriend and never had to worry that she would cheat on him as she could just tell him that she wanted to f**k someone or was hot for someone and she could have it with him. Got to admit it pushed some of my usual concepts of realtionships. Now understand that you dont want to share your partner with anyone, but what if you partner would be turned on by sharing you with another man, of your choice? So do like to stir things up a bit. wicked grin


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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