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ozredhead62
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Posted on Mon, Jun 08, 2009 05:35

I tried to search this topic to see if it has been done before, but on these blogs thats nearly impossible to do. So here it is, sorry in advance if it has been covered already. When is the right time to discuss commitment or being exclusive with a man that you have been dating? I was talking about this with a male friend the other day and his answer was ... 6 months!! Now call me fast or stupid, not sure which one, maybe both, but that seemed to be a long time? Now maybe I have always been fast going in my relationships but I dont think I have ever been dating, seeing someone weekly, which had progressed into a physical relationship and then waited 6 months to discuss being exclusive. At what point in the relationship have you discussed this? Are women more keen to discuss this than men? Do men get scared off if this topic is brought up too early?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sun, Jun 14, 2009 23:08

I do understand that it is an idividual thing and that probably each case will be as different as the people involved. I have always been a like Nat mentions here, thing have always gone too quickly and I have to say that I have never dated someone for 6 months to decide if we are going to be bf/gf. Now that could well be my mistake in the past but still have difficulty with thinking with it all. I guess that 2 things make this more difficult to understand: 1. Once we have moved along and are into a sexual relationship, well I sort of think that we should be exclusive at point. I do not want to share myself with anyone else and would hate to think that he is doing that with someone else. Now this could be a good argument for waiting before you become intimate, but just taking it from the view that you have not. 2. Internet dating can bring in way too many options. I have never had this sort of expierience where I could be taking, meeting and have my attention on several different men at the same time. Now I find it really hard to be focused on one when there are others in the background waiting for you. So in a way I guess that I would like to be exclusive fairly early on even if its for a short time to see if we should commit. I know that when dating a man and I know that his profile is still up there and he is visiting a site that this makes me wonder how much into me he really is? Might be just my strange view point on this? Though I do also wonder why it freaks a man out so much to discuss this subject, gee they only have to say no I dont want to be exclusive or committed as yet and dont expect you to be... at least I know where I stand at that time.


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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aimeefla
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Posted on Thu, Jun 11, 2009 14:55

Good Question Oz, I have pondered this many times. I usually jump in too fast and that might be for many reasons.¿¿¿ I can tell you, dealing with my two long term relationsihps they were both fast.¿ I met my ex husband when I was 18, on July 31st., we went steady on August 1st and married on April 28th.¿¿ Latsing 14 years.¿

My second LTR lasted eight years, we met on Nov 18th, started living together on November 25th.. I was 41 when we met.


Now I'm 60, and I've not had a LTR since the 8 year one.

Ideally I would suspect that Blue ir spot on ! it's so individual that there are no rules to follow. The rules of first loves, teenage behavior was different for all the right reasons. Now, in our adult years, knowing what we did not know then, well does it really make a difference? I think not. It's just the way you feel since the guy will jump into bed at any given moment. So you rule ! set your boundries and let him know up front what they are. If he sticks around you know he's serious. If he bails, he only wanted one thing. That's my story and I'm sticking to it !! LOL LOL

Natalie



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truefriendinme
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Posted on Thu, Jun 11, 2009 14:23

Blue said it... ---True


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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Tue, Jun 09, 2009 17:46

I don't think there is a set time. I think the discussion should happen when you start to really develop feeling for each other and you feel like you WANT to be exclusive. It probably also depends on how much you see each other. The more you see each other I would think the sooner you would have the discussion. For example if you date once a week or once every two weeks, talk on the phone rarely, etc. it may take six months - if you talk on the phone frequently and see each other 3 times a week it may only take three months or less to get to that point. For us it was about 4 months I think, but I felt like we took things really slow.


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