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lawsy58
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Posted on Mon, Mar 30, 2009 13:02

I sense the frustration many of you Singles have in finding and developing relationships with the opposite sex, and empathize with everyone (man or woman, large or lean) who struggles with this herculean challenge.  I know, both by experience and observation, that it's often a hard and lonely road littered with rejection, frustration, disappointment, and chronic pessimism.  

 

Of course, the irony is that relationships aren't always the better solution.  Indeed, relationships simply introduce a whole new slate of problems into the mix.  And to top it off, the intimacy and sex isn't necessarily better, or even more frequent. 

 

In many ways, just like you Singles, we Marrieds all just paste on our smile and try to make it to the next day too.  We deal with our problems, and find joy in whatever successes we can harvest.  And like you, we are all open to meeting new friends in whatever way possible -- anyone who might inject some interest, humor, understanding, and yes even mild hints of eroticism into our daily lives. 

 

Look around.  We stand next to you at Starbucks. We wait in line with you at the grocery store. We sit at the table next to you at restaurants.  We are not evil.  We are not perverted.  We are not even bad people.  Like most of you, we are simply complex and troubled.

 

I know that many of you Singles were once Marrieds, so I can see plenty of nodding heads out there in the crowd.  So I guess the question is this: which is more maddening -- frustratingly Single, or frustratingly Married.



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LoveLife
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Posted on Sun, Apr 05, 2009 01:44

Yes at least you list yourself as married. But marriage is a contract. If you have any honor as a person then end the contract before you cheat.¿

I work with people and I can tell you that everyday someone comes into my office and tells me about they're troubled marriage or that they are running from bad relationship to bad relationship. Sometimes you need to learn how to walk your path alone before you bring anyone new into the situation. ¿No one else in this world can make you happy, gotta learn that one on your own.



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butterbll
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Posted on Sat, Apr 04, 2009 06:42

Not to Dis you.Hey I understand.But when you marry someone  you make a contract  with them  to stay true to them . Not honoring that contract you shatter the trust that you may have built up. Honest open communication Is VITAL  to a strong relationship.Both parties MUST be open, honest  and faithful to each other in the realtionship. Cheating will only  kill the relationship slowly and inexerabally  kill it DEAD. If you are having problems Get counseling or get a lawery on retainer .Because you will need one  when  your partner has enough of your "Alley Catting " around.



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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Wed, Apr 01, 2009 15:44

You make some good points. I was frustratingly married for a long time and then spent a long time single (only slightly frustratingly). I am about to get married again. I like to think - no I KNOW - that I learned a lot from my first marriage. The most important of all the things I've learned is that it takes continuous work on the part of BOTH parties to make a good marriage. If only one (or neither) person is willing to give the effort the marriage will fail. I understand your frustration in your marriage, but I have to ask you if you are putting forth the effort into your marriage that you are putting forth into any flirtations you are having? Do you flirt with your wife? Do you do your best every day to make her feel beautiful and loved and sexy and desired and appreciated for all the little things she does. Do you share your feelings and your hopes and your dreams with her? Do you ask her about hers? Do you do your share of the housework and any childcare? (I didn't read your profile - don't know if you have kids or not.) If you DO have kids are you a good dad? If you can't answer yes to all of those questions then you have given up on your marriage. Women are like delicate plants (I know, lame analogy) and we need to be nurtured with a lot of TLC to flourish. If we don't get that we tend to shut down. I suppose that works the same way for men. I don't care at what state your marriage is, try doing all the things I've suggested. It can't hurt and it might actually help. Maybe then you won't be "frustratingly" married.


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Katwoman1968
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Posted on Wed, Apr 01, 2009 10:41

Well I do have to give you credit as on your profile you admit to being married......whereas probably 99% of the men don't. I do think though that if your marriage is not fulfilling your needs that you may want to do something about that....at least give yourself a shot at real happiness instead of a cheating situation. Who knows maybe your wife also would like to move on and just hasn't told you about it....if you feel unfulfilled she may also as well. I sure wish my ex-husband would have chosen this route versus all the cheating on me he did....in the end they both end up in divorce. The good news is that the divorce was actually the best thing for me and I am truly happy now. Good luck!


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smoosh
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Posted on Tue, Mar 31, 2009 19:47

I don't know which was worse - it all depends on a good day or a bad day. Honesty is never rewarded unless it's something the masses want to hear. Majority rules is never the path that I seem to follow now that I am happier. I was very happily married for approx. 20 years to a wonderful man that I grew out of love with - I take half ( maybe a little more ) the responsibility for love slipping away but I take full responsibility for at least trying to communicate my needs/wants and seeking counselling which I ended up pursuing alone. My kids got older and didn't need me and the older man got older and didn't need nor apear to want me. We had a unique separation in which we lived in the same house while settling our differences. It wasn't easy or without pain but life goes on and I am happier for making the decision to move on even though I haven't reached my ultimate destination. I appreciate the honesty and only some of the bitterness and anger ( depends on how often you hear it from the same people over and over ) of those willing to share. I guess I am still caught in the middle between single and married but not too much frustration. I've been lucky as well but part of it is the positive approach I have decided to take. Thanks for the topic - cerainly makes you think and that is ultimately the point.


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lawsy58
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Posted on Tue, Mar 31, 2009 09:07

True writes: << I understand the need to "spice things up" while married. Really, I do. But, I have to say here that (while married) I do not, and will not EVER condone flirting, kissing, touching, fondling, having relations or even an emotional relationship with ANYONE except your spouse. >>

Thanks for your honest and tough-love response, True.  I'll take it to heart.  The truth is that there are a lot of married members here, so even if I leave with my tail between my legs there will be plenty of others remaining (and plenty more still to come) that will continue to test the waters and sniff the air.  For many, testing and sniffing will be the extent of the damage done (I suspect that's my destiny). 

 

 

 

Judging by your experiences, True, I'd have to say that you have apparently managed to stay on the up-and-up during the disintegration of your relationship, and you deserve special kudos for that.  But I'm not sure you're in the majority on this one. 

 

islandgal64 writes: << Just got one word to say to that ..... PATHETIC! >>

 

I suppose the point of writing the blog was that it was a topic worth examining -- it's certainly a phenomena that shouldn't be overlooked or dismissed as an outlier.  And I think it's a topic that should be examined and discussed without resorting to judgmental name-calling, rather we deserve a tad bit of human empathy and Christian compassion.

 

If you thought it was pathetic, I'd appreciate something more than one word.

 

Where we walk today, you may walk tomorrow.



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truefriendinme
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Posted on Mon, Mar 30, 2009 18:07

Definitely "frustratingly married". In that situation right now, I would give nearly anything to get that final divorce decree--and in fact I HAVE given up alot, just to get it moving, since my ex won't let go. After 16 years in an unhappy marraige, a year's separation and on top of that another one and a half trying to get him to court for the final hearing, I'd rather be alone having infrequent sex, than to have (still) infrequent sex with someone whom I don't love or see a future with anymore. I understand the need to "spice things up" while married. Really, I do. But, I have to say here that (while married) I do not, and will not EVER condone flirting, kissing, touching, fondling, having relations or even an emotional relationship with ANYONE except your spouse. No matter HOW inncocent the connotation or intent, it is still cheating. Well, to ME it is. If my spouse (in the future--should I decide to remarry) ever did these things, I would be hard-pressed to ever trust him or his proclomations of love again. I know-- my ex cheated on me years ago, and I found out the hard way that I never forgave him, and would not be able to. Some can. I couldn't. That being said. You wrote what you were feeling so well, so believeably sweet. It seemed so innocent. So benign. But, I know from experience that it is something I could not tolerate in my marraige. I just hope for your sake, and for he sake of any children or family involved, that YOUR wife can. Best wishes. True


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islandgal64
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Posted on Mon, Mar 30, 2009 14:37

Just got one word to say to that ..... PATHETIC!


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