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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Sun, Mar 29, 2009 05:38

This post is inspired by the 3 things blog. I've noticed recently when reading these blogs that there is a lot of discussion of generalities regarding both sexes and most of it is laced with negativity toward the other gender. This has made me wonder. Do you REALLY believe that you can throw all men or all women into a categorey and make true generalizations about them? Men are liars. Really? Women cheat? Honestly? Men don't communicate. Is that right? Women are too picky. You're sure? I wouldn't say any one of those statements are true. Do I know some men and women who are true to those statements. Certainly. Are they the majority of the men and women I know? No way. Generalizing about a gender, to me, is the same as generalizing about an ethnicity. It's like saying the Irish are drunks. I'm Irish so I can pick on my own ethnicity - :) But the majority of the Irish I know are NOT drunks. Ladies and gentlemen if you really believe that about your opposite gender then you are wasting your time searching here. I know we all get frustrated because there ARE a good deal of people who don't play the dating game honestly, especially the online version. But here's the question. If you think all men are jerks or all women are cheaters why do you keep looking? I know. You are hoping someone will prove you wrong. But think about it. If someone knows you think all of the opposite gender are jerks - he/she is more likely to pass you by. I suspect for the average human being it would take too much energy to try to move the mountain that is your preconceived assessment of their gender. Tell me what you think...

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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Thu, Apr 23, 2009 06:11

Quoting: Originally posted by one2one
I think your perspective is right on target, Blue. Generalization don't often hold true in a larger cross section of people. They do start somewhere, but I think it's really more the result of a few experiences leaving a bitter taste than an indication of some larger truth. Even if it seems to happen repeatedly, it's probably more likely that a person is finding people that fit their system of belief. Manifesting the same experience over and over again, simply because they are certain they will, and unconsciously overlooking everyone else in favor of the ones who are somehow familiar or feel like they fit (and prove their point). And you're right, too, that it's exhausting to try and overcome someone's misconceptions. I have a hard time getting men who don't already know me to believe I don't really like recreational shopping, for example. Although, I admit the whole thing about women loving chocolate is totally true for me. :)


Now that whole chocolate thing is ONE generalization I can get behind!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm chocolate.

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one2one
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Posted on Mon, Apr 20, 2009 23:12

I think your perspective is right on target, Blue. Generalization don't often hold true in a larger cross section of people. They do start somewhere, but I think it's really more the result of a few experiences leaving a bitter taste than an indication of some larger truth. Even if it seems to happen repeatedly, it's probably more likely that a person is finding people that fit their system of belief. Manifesting the same experience over and over again, simply because they are certain they will, and unconsciously overlooking everyone else in favor of the ones who are somehow familiar or feel like they fit (and prove their point). And you're right, too, that it's exhausting to try and overcome someone's misconceptions. I have a hard time getting men who don't already know me to believe I don't really like recreational shopping, for example. Although, I admit the whole thing about women loving chocolate is totally true for me. :)


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aimeefla
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Posted on Fri, Apr 10, 2009 14:28

HI Blue

I agree, generalization are vague and ambiguous never hitting the nail on the head to solve the problem. Our world is full of them to avoid confrontation for the most part. In my opnion.

 

I want to add something to the mix.  When there has been a bad experience or two, in your dating life will you "sour" to all men and then treat them poorly because you were treated poorly?  This goes for men treating women poorly also as a result of a woman being rude or worse to you.


Do you carry a gruge into the next situation which would cause the next person to wonder why youf behavior is harsh. 
Do we do this subconsciously? 

How do you clear your head and not put those negative feelings on the next, possible life time partner?


I write down my feelings about the bad experience. I get it out on paper, sometimes using black marker.  Then I put that book away and breath. I visualize a clean slate before I meet someone new.  How do you do it?

 

Natalie



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butterbll
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Posted on Mon, Mar 30, 2009 15:09

I feel that on both sides of the male/female fence there are a Few who are the 2% that soil the pool and make it hard for  the rest of us to get along.I feel that there are those who would ,Lie , cheat , steal,and be just not a nice person to know . No matter what  gender they may be.



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lawsy58
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Posted on Mon, Mar 30, 2009 09:44

I think it's only natural to generalize, and perfectly fair game to make broading sweeping statements regarding gender behavior as long as you qualify your opinions to avoid herding all men into one pen, and all women into another pen.  Like most things, we all need to be just a little more careful and considerate with our language.

For instance, if you say "all men are liars" you're going to get a negative backlash from both men and women, and you're going to come across as bitter and irrational.  However, if you say "most men bend the truth to their advantage" you'll probably get more agreement -- from both men and women.

I think we will all agree that there are plenty of exceptions to all the rules, and if you quality your statement (such as with "most") that at least provides the men who are non-liars out there safe haven.



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truefriendinme
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Posted on Mon, Mar 30, 2009 08:40

Blue, I think we ALL use generalizations (pun intended!). The term "generalize" means: "to draw from specific cases for more general cases". It does NOT mean that every single person that it is applied to indisputably holds the same characteristics being discussed. It's a very one sided definition AND application. I know I am absolutely guilty of using generalizations. However, I would hope that the readers of my blogs would have the common sense to know that when I generalize, I am applying MY knowledge to MY experiences. I have to assume that authors of other blogs do the same. I don't keep looking, hoping "someone will prove me wrong". That would be discouraging, to the nth degree. I keep looking because I enjoy the blogs, I enjoy the interaction and I KNOW a little bit about human nature. I don't read what others post in general terms to be rude or self-destructive or full of hate for the opposite sex. There is a big difference between just using a generalization and using a generalization in conjunction with rude terminology, hate filled comments, angry sounding tirades and the like. You, like me, probably read alot into others' blogs-- alot more than they intended. From reading your writings, I believe you have gone to college and most likley took Psychology and an analytical writing class. I may be wrong. I took those classes, though, and it sometimes helps me to see what is behind the blog. It also sometimes CONFUSES the blog. We may be reading between the lines, but not all of us are writing between the lines. Sometimes, a generalization is just that: a generalization. Best wishes!--True


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bbwchina
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Posted on Mon, Mar 30, 2009 07:14

Hey Blue, I'm with you, I dont believe in the generalizations, and I try to stay away from them. I have never felt that ALL men were guilty of this or that depending on what a man did to me, and I know that not all of any gender, race, religion, etc are all the same. I believe in giving each one a fair shake and seeing what happens. Fortunately, for me, that has worked out very well. :-)


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