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petale46
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Posted on Sun, Feb 08, 2009 10:54

I don't care what any women or men say, being overweight is no picnic. We can accept who we are and what we are but inside we all know we would trade it for a thin body at the drop of a hat. That being said, it doesn't mean that we are not happy and confident with our bodies because like anything other obstacle in life, we just learn to live and be happy with it.

How do you play being overweight. What I mean is, how do you compensate. Are you nicer or bitchier, did you develop your intellect, cooking skills?? By doing this blog, I thought we could learn from eachother. So to make it easier I'll start with my own answer.

I compensated by developing my intellect. I knew I wouldn't attract attention with my body, so I decided I would with my mind. I'm also more flirty then most women in face to face situation. I use smile, eyes, bodylanguage to incite interest. I also use charm in conversation and behaviour. Works for me.

I make men earn my attention. I do not take crap. He doesn't write or call after a few days, I'm not going to wait for him. It's obvious he doesn't have time for a relationship. I have a busy life too and I can always find 30 seconds for an email or a call saying: thinking of you, but very busy. Don't worry, I'll be in touch soon. So they have to earn my attention by committing to show their interest in me to me.

I also play with clothes that suit my body. High heel shoes and boots are a weakness of mine I indulged in because I have great legs. My best asset. Also, I would never go outside without being properly dressed, groomed and 5 minute make up. Even in jeans and t-shit, I like adding a jacket or accessories that make me feel good about the way I look.

I wasn't always like that, but I've come to realize that making an effort in the way I look make me feel better about my body. I am a large women, I am desirable and sexy as hell, I believe that. Whether others believe it or not is really more their problems then mine.



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9777racefan
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Posted on Sun, Feb 22, 2009 21:19

I am in no way a great looking person, and I have never been. I always go but what my grandfather told me, treat people as you would want to be treated. I have always been attracted to women that have really great personalities. And 90% of the time it is not a woman that is a size 8 or less. Being overweight my self I have taken alot of stuff from not only strangers but from so called friends. Needless to say they didn't stay friends long. Looks in my case is the last thing that I look for. I like to get to know people before I let them in. I think that no matter how busy a person is they should take time for people they are in a relationship, even if they are just friends. It not only the respect for them but the respect that you give yourself.


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petale46
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Posted on Sun, Feb 15, 2009 13:20

One2one

¿

I must have not communicate properly.¿ What I meant was, if I met a man who would put as a condition that I do not lose weight, I'm not sure I would be with him.¿ Having an important surplus of weight is unhealthy. That cannot be denied.

¿

I've been loved by men who accepted me the way I am... actually I was 80 pounds heavier and they loved me anyway.¿ I don't argue with them about what he sees... or.¿ I really don't understand where that came from.¿ I'm sorry, would you mind explaining why you got that perception of me.

¿



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one2one
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Posted on Sun, Feb 15, 2009 09:31

Quoting: Originally posted by petale46

One2one

Come on... skin color you can do nothing about and it should not be a matter of prejudice. You're right it's about the prejudice. But the prejudice is there and you can do very little about it.

Bodyweight you can do something about, you have to do something about. The more weight you carry the earlier you will die. Pregnancy is more dangerous, any medican intervention is risky... wanna talk about diabete??

I'm 48, I've been overweight all of my life. I lived with the prejudice, for the last 7 years I've had to deal with diabete, I can't kneel or bend really low because my knees are done and that's from carrying the extra weight. And I'm in super good shape for my size, no heart or lungs problem caused by the weight, no high blood pressure or high cholesterol level.

I'm not overweight because I chose to. Let's put it this way, if I met a man who would love me the way I am and me not losing weight a part of the relationship, I'm honestly not sure what I would do.



Dear Petale,

¿

Perhaps if you met a men who loved you for you, without making loosing weight a condition of the relationship, you could just let him.

¿

Let him love you, instead of argueing the point or suggesting to him that he doesn't know what he thinks or sees or feels.¿

¿

The only things I "have" to do today are laundry, dishes and balance the checkbook.¿ After that I'll probably do whatever I feel like doing.¿ It might even include coloring outside the line ... again.



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petale46
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Posted on Thu, Feb 12, 2009 07:37

Ozredhead

I'm with you dear. I am who I am, a smart, kind hearted women in a large body. I've learned to live with it, also been of the love a large body campaign.

Two or three hundred years ago, larger bodies were super hot. Kate Moss could have not have found a date then for the life of her.

Whether we like it or not society plays a big part in how much we like or do not like out bodies. Everywhere you look thin people are the epitomy of beauty. Clothes are designed to be worn by thin people and just made larger for us... Understandbly the effect is really not the same. So in the end... The pressure of not liking about body and changing it is great.

But I'm not sure I would go for surgery to have it become thinner. If I was 300 pounds or more I would consider it, but I've just hit the below 200 bar, I believe I can do it without the surgery. Again, that's me. Wouldn't judge or condem someone that would.



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petale46
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Posted on Thu, Feb 12, 2009 07:14

One2one

Come on... skin color you can do nothing about and it should not be a matter of prejudice. You're right it's about the prejudice. But the prejudice is there and you can do very little about it.

Bodyweight you can do something about, you have to do something about. The more weight you carry the earlier you will die. Pregnancy is more dangerous, any medican intervention is risky... wanna talk about diabete??

I'm 48, I've been overweight all of my life. I lived with the prejudice, for the last 7 years I've had to deal with diabete, I can't kneel or bend really low because my knees are done and that's from carrying the extra weight. And I'm in super good shape for my size, no heart or lungs problem caused by the weight, no high blood pressure or high cholesterol level.

I'm not overweight because I chose to. Let's put it this way, if I met a man who would love me the way I am and me not losing weight a part of the relationship, I'm honestly not sure what I would do.



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ozredhead62
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Posted on Thu, Feb 12, 2009 02:41

Well I want to be thin. Now dont get me wrong, I am what I am and that is so much more than this body has to show. I have learned to love me for who I am and hope that people both men and women see me for the whole person I am, and love me for that.

But in saying this, I aslo feel that my body has betrayed me. It is not healthy. It does not allow me the pleasure of doing things that I want to do, when and how I would like to.

I am tired having to compensate things in life for the fact that my body is either too big or gets too tired. I have a certain clothes style that I want to wear that just does not look good in a body a big as mine.

For years I have gone along with the I love the way I am campain, but to be honest it is not real, I have been lying to myself in an attempt to handle my pain in the area.

I am happy, Im inelligent (i think lol) and I like peple and am blessed that they like me back. For all of this I am lucky, truly lucky. Though I walk around feeling like I am trapped in an alien body, somethimg that is not part of me, something that does not match how I look in my head.

If given the opportunity to be thin, you bet I would take it. In fact I am scheduled for my lap band surgery in about 4 months time, and though I would love to have done it on my own, will do it when the time comes.

For me life is about being the BEST ME I can be, and that includes a trim healthy body.



Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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one2one
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Posted on Wed, Feb 11, 2009 22:57

Quoting: Originally posted by petale46

One2one

Thank you, your comment is very insightful. In a very ideal world weight shouldn't be an issue. As thick as your skin might be we still have to deal with a lot of crap, starting with having a website devote to us, larger bodies. On an all size website such answer as yours and this blog would receive a couple of nasty, hurtful, insulting comments. Tell me you've never been on a diet to change that body. And you're a size 16... it's almost on the line not to be considered larger!! LOL

But honestly, I'm shocked when you say you wouldn't change it. I'll ask you the same question I asked Sweettora but with a twist. If there was a safe pill that would transform a larger body into a firm, healthy, toned size 8 ot 10 body, would you give it to your overweight daughter. Would you let her go through the name calling and the bullying from childhood, being self conscious in her body at dances or the beach in a bikini, being ridiculed on tv because being fat is hilarious or something to laugh at, finally for the health issues involved in carying extra amount of weight. You wouldn't give her that pill and would let her go through life with a larger body??

I've learned to live with my body and to love it, but if that pill would exists, I'd tell you woman get out of my way!! LOL Not because I don't love my body, but because I don't love the look a lot of people around have of my body.



I should probably clear up a couple misunderstanding right off the bat. First, I'm not a size 16. It's a size that looked really good on me, and if I were waving a magic wand it's probabIy the thinnest I would wish for. In my heart, I really don't wish to be a size 8 or 10. It may seem shocking, but it's true for me.

Also, I don't think my skin is really any thicker than anyone else's, maybe less so at times. I can be hurt by all the cruel moments, but one of the things I'm good at is getting down to the heart of the matter and being honest. If we're talking about prejudice and all the pain that can come from that, the real problem isn't my size, or anyone else's, it's prejudice. And I can hear that you're in a position in which you deal with that to an even greater extent than what I experience, and I'm sorry you do.

But let me answer your questions by asking a few of you. If we were women of color and this were a dating website that catered to black people and those who were attracted to and admire them, would you ask me the same questions?

Would you tell me how much you love and accepted your beautiful black skin and bountiful curves in one breath, while secretly hoping for a safe pill to change the pigmentation of your skin to a lighter complexion? Would you, underneath everything, believed that 'white is right' and succumb to the same lie that is at the heart of raciasm?

Would you still rush to the front of the line at the pharmacy or ask me to give it to a beautiful child, with skin the color of caramel or roasting coffee beans so they could become white?

It can be overwhelming to deal with looks and comments; mistreatment and outright abuse over and over again. But it is the abuse and the the short sighted, ignorant, misguided, small minded people who perpetuate it that are the real issues. Not the thing they choose as an excuse.

I was teased in elementary school, too, but not for my weight. That came a little later. I was called carrot top for my strawberry blonde hair. I was told I had [N word] lips because they are full and lush. My voice, which is a little deeper than most women and I'm told very sexy, was the target of one girl who thought I talked like a horse (i.e. Mr. Ed from the TV show). And you wouldn't believe what my last name rhymes with, and what 8 yr old can do with that!

Can you see how little sense there is in it when the truth is I am blessed to have each of those things?

So, I don't wish to be thin. I wish for a man who will love all of me, and kiss my full hips and bottom, my breasts and thighs and even my belly, which has become a bit bigger than I'd like. And I'm reminded of an Irish blessing.


May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping.




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petale46
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Posted on Wed, Feb 11, 2009 07:11

Bluegirl

I hear you and agree with everything you express. Maybe I'm the way I am because the society I live in doesn't have as many overweight people and culturally is not as forgiving about extra weight when it comes to choosing a mate.

The thing most large women in Quebec say is that men are not attracted to them. Most of the larger women I've talked to on blogs from around here complain about not being able to find a boyfriend, even less a mate. I'd say 80% are single and most have great personnality. It give you another outlook on things. Environments count for a lot in seft image.



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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Tue, Feb 10, 2009 17:49

I am who I am regardless of how much I weigh or how big or small I might be. I spent a lot of years on self-discovery, but I think that would have happened no matter what. In fact, I'm still constantly discovering new things about myself. I have not compensated at all. I was always a big girl, but I gained weight when bearing my children and continued to gain for a long time. This was a problem for my ex-husband. Only a small part of why he is an ex-. I think being the size I am that maybe I have more empathy for others with physical issues than I did when I was smaller, but how much of that came from maturity versus experience that came with getting bigger, I'm not sure. I might wish to be smaller at times, but not because I care what people think I look like. I don't really mind looking fat. You find out quickly when people base your value on your appearance. The only reasons I would like to be smaller are because it would make some things easier, like finding clothes that fit well or look nice. And it would be easier to move my body in some ways. But there is one thing I like about being a larger woman. I never felt like men looked at me as purely a sex object, the way they do at many smaller women. And I'm glad. That would make me feel devalued as a person. There is so much more to me than my sexuality. (Guess I wasn't really exposed to any men with a fat-fetish.) I knew for a long time that if I were to find a mate again, it would have to be with someone with whom I was friends first. Someone who took the time to get to know and see the inner me and would love me whether I got fatter or skinnier. It wasn't the shell he was in love with. And that turned out to be true. My fiance says he was attracted to me from the beginning, but we started out as friends and only after getting to know each other did our friendship blossom into love. He loves me unconditionally - no matter how big or how small or what I do or say - or so he keeps saying. And I believe him. :)


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petale46
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Posted on Tue, Feb 10, 2009 00:45

One2one

Thank you, your comment is very insightful. In a very ideal world weight shouldn't be an issue. As thick as your skin might be we still have to deal with a lot of crap, starting with having a website devote to us, larger bodies. On an all size website such answer as yours and this blog would receive a couple of nasty, hurtful, insulting comments. Tell me you've never been on a diet to change that body. And you're a size 16... it's almost on the line not to be considered larger!! LOL

But honestly, I'm shocked when you say you wouldn't change it. I'll ask you the same question I asked Sweettora but with a twist. If there was a safe pill that would transform a larger body into a firm, healthy, toned size 8 ot 10 body, would you give it to your overweight daughter. Would you let her go through the name calling and the bullying from childhood, being self conscious in her body at dances or the beach in a bikini, being ridiculed on tv because being fat is hilarious or something to laugh at, finally for the health issues involved in carying extra amount of weight. You wouldn't give her that pill and would let her go through life with a larger body??

I've learned to live with my body and to love it, but if that pill would exists, I'd tell you woman get out of my way!! LOL Not because I don't love my body, but because I don't love the look a lot of people around have of my body.



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one2one
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Posted on Mon, Feb 09, 2009 20:28

Well, Petale, it depends on the definition of 'perfect' and whether or not that's the goal, anyway. I feel the same way Sweettora (who is beautiful btw) does. I had a much longer version of her response all set to go, too.

Sure, I have a bit more to love than I'd really like but not by all that much. If I could have anything I'd change fewer things about my body than some might assume, and I wouldn't wish to be less than a size 16. I don't play up other aspects of myself to compensate for anything. My interests, gifts and preferences are simply that, just like anyone else.

I think it's ok for me to just be me ... and I'm getting better at it all the time. It was really helpful for me to realize that I actually don't have many of the same opinions about myself that I encounter sometimes in other people, when they're coming from a place of prejudice and judgement. It can still hurt when I have to deal with that, but I don't internalize it in the same way that I used to.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 09, 2009 20:22

Well, hmmm this is a tough one. I'm an average looking gal, elementary intelligence and I can't cook to save my life. I feel I use humor. After all, it's easier to play clown and make fun of yourself before someone does it to you, isn't it? I have experienced life on both ends of the see-saw. I was a size 8 in 2000 and then was a 20 in 2006. I noticed a difference between how people treated me in those sizes and in all honesty, being big was when I found out who my true friend were. When I was thin I was just a doll to men, arm candy or just approached for sex. When I was big I was virually invisible to the opposite sex except for those who really, genuinely appreciated my personality and we started as friends and built a foundation for more. I was embraced by more female friends then ever before, women who were not back stabbers or users. Real friends. I like to think that bigger people have bigger hearts too. So, from that experience if I ever dwindle back down to a mini me, I will never forget who the best people in the world are!

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petale46
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Posted on Mon, Feb 09, 2009 18:52

Sweetora.

Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly happy with the way I look and take every advantage of it. But are you telling me that if there was a pill tomorrow morning, with no side effect, perfectly safe and that would give you the perfect body, you'd pass???



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butterbll
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Posted on Sun, Feb 08, 2009 21:29

Bravo. Work with what you have and not pine away about what you dont have.I agree being over weight is not easy. But Because not changing is easier than doing something about it. some do nothing about it. But loseing is lot scarier because all the flaps that you aquire. For me since losing close to 80 pounds so far. I now have aquired a "nice" set of "bat wings under my arms.I could complain, Yet I dont, because of this. By going through the Struggle of losing the I feel I have become a better person on the inside. The Spirit of a person and what is in the heart is the most important.The body is just a vessel to contain the essance of the person. You could have two glasses on the table . One is A fine Austrian crystal and the the other is a Bama jelly jar. Fill the fine crystal glass with vinagar the other with cool water water. now tell me wich you would rather drink.From the old fruit jar or the fine crystal glass. Now tell me is the water any less refreshing on a hot summers day, because it is in a old fruit jar? Is the Vinagar any less bitter because it comes frome a fine cyrstal glass? What is in side of the vessel is more important.


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