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petale46
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Posted on Sat, Feb 07, 2009 17:29

Ok people brace yourself this is going to be a long one. I'm so angry right now I'm shooting coffee out of my nose. I can't stand this anymore.

That men can't be honest is a given, and I don't mean all men and I don't mean in all situation. I mean on first dates situation. They cannot be believed, it's as simple as that.

What angers me the most is that women still believe them. We've all been through it ladies. He says he had a wonderful evening, he suggests, offers, promises to call and he never does. How many times have we had blogs on that. It's probably the most recurring topic here and on every blogs around the world. How many women have to have that done to her before we collectively get the picture. How many times do we have to get hurt by their silence. How many women will have to complain again that he stopped writing without a word when everything was going smoothly and he seemed interested. They know we wouldn't do the same to them because we were raised nice they were raised cowards.

Read the blog tittled opinions if you want to know why I'm all worked up!!

Why are women still wondering why he doesn't call and why he said he would when he was under no obligation to do so. BECAUSE that's how they are. Because they can't face looking into our eyes and see the dissapointment they think they are going to see. By promising, they see the smile in our face and they feel great. Then they don't call and don't have to feel like the eels they are because they don't have to face us. They don't write, don't phone. Again, it's a given. Why are women still hurt by that. Why do they take it as rejection instead of what it is, just a male deficient gene of honesty.

Not being compatible is ok and we know that, we don't mind it. But they don't want to have to admit to us. Somehow they have that totally twisted perception that we'll make a scene or start crying in public. They are so fucking full of themselves. They don't understand that if they simply told us the truth, we'd get over them so much quicker and more easily. It's being lied to that hurts us. But no. They would much rather give hope to women and crush it without having to deal with it, thus making the whole thing worse by making it about rejection instead of a simple non compatibility issue. They hit us in our insecurities just where it hurts and they seem to enjoy it because they keep doing it. Actions louder then words.

We should start a list of all the men doing this, exchange names of profiles that don't call. Oups... forget it, because every single one of them would be on it and it would be too long to process.

I'm angry at the women for taking that crap. If every women would tell them when they promise to call, Ya, Ya!! we'll see when you do. They would realize they cry wolf to often as a group. They'd have to stop doing it.

If you have a date with one of the representative of that gender that we can't live without but wish I was a lesbian right now, do not believe anything he says right before parting. If he says he saw fireworks, that you're the best thing in the world, that he'll call. Assume is lying until proven otherwise.

Don't go home thinking how wonderful he was and already planning your outfit for the next date. Do not believe him until he DOES call. Do not start fantasizing that he might be relationship material, because that's what we do and that's why it hurts when he doesn't call, because there more chance that he's lying.

Assume that he's not going to call, and just be happily surprise if he does. Say goodbye and get him out of your mind because the statistics are that he won't call.

I'm mad as hell and I wish we could make them feel what they make us feel.

Ok, for now one, for every date we have in the future, all of us. You have a date with someone, turn all the charm on, the wink, the flirt, the smile, promising them a night of incredible sex, excuse ourselves to go powder our nose and dissapear in the night, leaving him behind with his hard on. Then they'll have just an idea of what it feels like and they too will be saying, but I never asked her to promise me sex, she didn't have to if she didn't want to.


It's either that or start on that list. This behaviour has to stop and it's up to us women to find the answer, because obviously they been doing it for a long time and have no intention of stopping doing empty promises that we don't ask for. All we ask is the simple truth and they can't manage the simple truth.

God I'm mad, mad at women for still believing that crap. We can't change them, have no right to change them. But we can change how we react to them. That we are responsible for. We are not responsible for them, only for ourselves.

WARNING!!!! I don't want to read a single reply from a man, saying something intelligent like I'm a frustrated bitch who couldn't get a date anyway. BACK OFF!!! I'm french, I'm a woman, I'm mad and I'm armed. I CAN and WILL emasculate you with one sentence. You are the way you are, just admit it, like I admit that I'm a fool if I ever believe anything that comes out the mouth of any one of you on a first date.



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petale46
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Posted on Sun, Feb 15, 2009 07:54

Angel

¿

I do agree with the guy on the romantic gesture.¿ I believe we do them to get reciprocity, trying to teach by example, hoping we won't have to ask for them as in our eyes, asking would cheapen the gesture. I also believe that a lot of women do them out of proving to themselves and to their partner, that they are worthy of the love and attention.¿ I believe I'm worth is love and attention, just by being me, not because of what I do.

¿

Been there, done that... and now I do them for myself, not for him.¿ I mean, I'll still do the romantic stuff and all, but I do it because I want to feel the atmosphere, because it makes ME happy, because I want to.¿

¿

The biggest lesson I've learn over the last 10 or 15 years is to be selfish.¿ I was raised to believe women should live for their children, husband, community.¿ I use to be all about others, their happiness and comfort, at the price of my own sometimes.¿ I don't do that anymore and it made a world a difference.

¿

I never resent doing things, because I actually find great pleasure in doing.¿ It's pleasurable to do something without expectation, just because I want to.¿ I don't do it out of a sense of duty, because I have to, I do it because I want to.¿ I'm the only person responsible for my actions and do not expect anything in return.¿ That way no crush hopes and no waiting for reciprocity.¿ Way easier on myself.¿¿I won't jeopardize my happiness or comfort for others.¿ Because I matter and I'm worth thinking of me first and because that way, my happiness doesn't depends on other people.¿ There's a great sense of pride and valorisation for being responsible of your own happiness.¿ Makes me happy... hehehehe

¿

Actually this is a very interesting point, deserving of it's own blog.¿ I just did that and titled it Why do we do things.¿ I gave you the credit for it, hope you don't mind.

¿

¿

¿



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petale46
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Posted on Sun, Feb 15, 2009 07:44

Angel.

¿

I do see flags and I'm not talking from experience, I would never wait 8 days for a guy's phone call.¿ He doesn't call, then he was lying, by extension dishonnest and I don't want that in a man.¿

¿

But I also have a very well developed sense of justice.¿ I'm the type that will intervene if I see someone hitting or hurting a child, an animal or that will laugh at someone who's nature is to not defend themselves or just to play with someone's feelings.

¿

It enrages me to see men do that, but there's not a whole lot we can do about it, or is there.¿ If women would stop seeing men as potential mates on the first date, if they had a good dose of trust and suspicion combined, then men would have to stop.¿ They only do it, because it¿works.¿ By believing them, we reward the behaviour.¿¿We have to take collective¿responsibility for what seems to be our downfall and by taking responsibility, we would do something about it... namely, we'd tell them: Don't tell me you'll call... words are cheap.¿ Just do it, it will be a nice surprise.¿ Let's not reward their lies by waiting for the call.



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petale46
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Posted on Mon, Feb 09, 2009 18:58

My english must be worse then I thought. I wasn't talking about ME. I basically don' t expect them to call even if they say they would. I usually think, Yeah Yeah, we'll see when you do and I don't think about him after the date until he contacts me. Sometimes I wouldn't even remember the date when he called 3 or 4 days later.

I'm not mad at the men, and I believed I've said that.... I'm angry at women who still think he's the ONE on the first date, I'm angry at women for wondering after 8 days of silence if he's going to call and creates a blog to ask if she should keep on waiting. I think that in my blog, I've refered you to another blog: need opinions. That blog is what made me mad. First because the guy showed the sensitivity of a popsicle and second because she was still waiting for his phone call and would probably give into him if he did after a month. When will women learn.

I do believe that all men do it. I've actually ask, on another blog, if one men would say never having done it and no one answered. What conclusion should I have drawn.

I really don't understand the conclusions that were expressed here. Is my english so bad???



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Posted on Mon, Feb 09, 2009 18:17

You are the coolestd woman EVER! I loved this blog! So heartfelt and honest, and reality served up nice and hot with a candid passion that is unmatched with a woman scornned.. I laughed with hands muffling my mouth as my head fell backward and I let out a tremendous yelp upon some of your points, others reminded me of the lonley nights I wasted waiting for that phone to ring only to be deafened by silence. I think what it comes down to is that we see what we want to see. We misinterpret things men say or do as meaning more than they do, we blatently ignore the red flags when they are waving frantically before us and we dismiss the obvious reasons to let a man go and are able to make up excuses for the worst things he could do and project the blame onto ourselves instead. We have accepted the idea that true love comes through pain, struggle and sacrefice. I guess the battle scars makes feel like they earned it. So we do spend the hours after the first date obsessing over him and how unusual it was that we clicked so easily and effortlessly- it must mean something! Then we start spinning and get twisted in our own ball of yarn and when the fantasies and hopes and expectations do not come to fruition we get depressed, we redirect the fault and blame upon ourselves or we build up a steady wall of resentment and bitterness towards all men as a species. As independent and self sufficient as we think we are we seem to let our better judgement abandon us at times and we end up playing the fool for love. We believe the lies, we try to fly without a factual safety net below us yet when we crash we think "why the heck did I believe that stuff or get carried away?" I remember I used to get mad when I would go out of my way and do all these romantic, unexpected things for men and then they wouldn't appreciate it to the degree that I thought I deserved to be acknowledged. Then one guy said something that will never leave my ears " I didn't ask you to do that.." I learned right then and there that my level of giving in a relationship and probably most women's is usually unmatched to the same degree or completely not reciprocated. Here I was going out of my way to share all I had with him - money, using my days off from work to do things or visit him, neglecting my hobbies and at times my priorities to make myself more available to him and in then end he didn't require all that, he didn't fall madly in love with me and sweep me off to the wedding chapel or use his days off, money or time to shower me with- I was more like "scheduled in" where available. So, I do agree much of the heartache we experience we bring upon ourselves by believing without basis. I just always remember that actions speak louder that words and if he's not into you it will not matter how gorgeous your are, talented you are, loving and nice you are or successful you could offer them the world on a silver platter and they could still turn around and say "Awww, this ol' world on a platter AGAIN ??!!" Love Yourself Respect Yourself Protect Yourself Trust your mind instead of your heart ...and remember you are a gift, a treasure that is unique to the world and priceless. Your time, your love and your body are sacred and only those who earn access are worthy... Peace and love to all! vegasangel76


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Olivia2691
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Posted on Mon, Feb 09, 2009 06:06

Wow very strong emotions. For myself, if they don't call oh well. I look at what was, the date, it was a nice time, I never look beyond that. Anything more is a pleasant surprise. If he doesn't call it wasn't meant to be...if he does bonus. Try living in the moment. BTW...it isn't only men who say they will call or visit or get together and don't. It is like meeting that old highschool girlfriend on the street and you talk about getting together and never do...it is polite chit chat.


'puttin on my big gyrll panties and getting over it

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butterbll
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Posted on Sun, Feb 08, 2009 21:51

petale46 I am sorry that you had a bad experiance with most of the male species.I think is partly society' attitude of not wanting to hurt any one's feelings. No one wants Brutal Honesty, so you tell a few little "White Lie" to not hurt anyones feelings.Few people now days tell the truth , because is some one says any thing to dissapoint ,or offend the other Society makes the offender out to be a Hidious monster. for fear of making a secne few speak their mind.Me I have to say I call it like I see it. I feel It is better to speak you mind ,which one can do ,yet be polite about it.Than to just gloss over and sugar coat it.


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Sun, Feb 08, 2009 19:25

I take it you had a date that promised to call, and then he didn't? Yup, that'd piss me off, too. I do have one comment--or two. I know you were ticked when you wrote this, and your suggestions wouldn't have necessarily been serious. But, if we lumped them all into one category and started automatically thinking "I'll believe it when I see it"--it sure would put a negative spin on things. I have my own little secret weapon. It's my $hit-detector. Remember form the movie "porky's"? Girls, all you have to do is go with your gut. If you think a guy is lying, and you don't know him well enough to be sure-- he probably is. That's your gut speaking. Listen up! I have been learning the hard way that if my gut tells me something, and I ignore it, I usually wind up paying (dearly) later on. Don't go into a date thinking he's "the one" -- no matter HOW long you've been writing online, or talking on the phone, etc. Take your time getting to know someone in person and spend plenty of time with them. Whether or not you choose to "put out" early on in the relationship, guard your heart and your trust like Fort Knox. It's not worth the desperation and loss later on. Make absolutely SURE you can trust him (or her) before making an emotional committment. Simple, huh? Yeah, RIGHT! LOL! Good luck, all!--True


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petale46
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Posted on Sun, Feb 08, 2009 11:25

Come on guys. I'm not angry anymore. I've calmed down. So I won't bite or bark if I get some reaction to this blog. It says 32 people read it since last night and no one has anything to say??



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Posted on Sun, Feb 08, 2009 07:09

Don't take this the wrong way... but I think you can forget about finding a man on this site now... lol... I think they are all afraid! Seriously, when I was dating, I had this happen to me over and over... but I chose to not let it bother me. Everyone handles situations differently. You can't blame every man for the actions of a one or two... or even twenty-two. I personally just chalked it up to experience and moved on. I didn't let it "get to me" or affect the way I treated the next guy. Because in reality, I wouldn't want a guy to hold me "responsible" for the way other women had treated him. I am sorry you are getting hurt... we have all been there. Good luck in the future.... but I wouldn't hold my breath in meeting a good guy on here now. That was a pretty harsh blog. Just my opinion.


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smoosh
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Posted on Sun, Feb 08, 2009 07:01

Petale, Tell us how you really feel. I can feel your passion and anger. Reality bites.


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