I am finally going to call my sister and get my half-brother's phone number so that I can get my father's phone number. My half-brother is the only one who really keeps in touch with my father. I guess he does not have any ill will towards him. God, I wish I could be that way towards my father. I am so afraid that when I contact my dad, he won't be glad to hear from me. I am afraid that he will be in the middle of doing something else and tell me that he'll have to call me back. And that will just kill me. I want to have a relationship with him but I am so afraid of making the first move. I don't want to be rejected or worse--put off until he has time to deal with me. That would make me feel like he is dangling me on a string: a feeling that I really hate. I can hardly type thinking about the "what if's" of the situation. And like I always do, I am "awfulizing" our phone call. I am trying to think about the worse that could happen so that I will be prepared when it does happen. (That statement there just set me back about two months worth of self analysis.)
Regardless of how scared that I am about contacting him, I have to do it now because I said it aloud and because I am "putting it down on paper" so to speak by posting it on the blog.
God help me!!
I am finally going to call my sister and get my half-brother's phone number so that I can get my father's phone number. My half-brother is the only one who really keeps in touch with my father. I guess he does not have any ill will towards him. God, I wish I could be that way towards my father. I am so afraid that when I contact my dad, he won't be glad to hear from me. I am afraid that he will be in the middle of doing something else and tell me that he'll have to call me back. And that will just kill me. I want to have a relationship with him but I am so afraid of making the first move. I don't want to be rejected or worse--put off until he has time to deal with me. That would make me feel like he is dangling me on a string: a feeling that I really hate. I can hardly type thinking about the "what if's" of the situation. And like I always do, I am "awfulizing" our phone call. I am trying to think about the worse that could happen so that I will be prepared when it does happen. (That statement there just set me back about two months worth of self analysis.)
Regardless of how scared that I am about contacting him, I have to do it now because I said it aloud and because I am "putting it down on paper" so to speak by posting it on the blog.
Hi jj...I agree with bluegirl, and wish you the BEST of luck!! I used to call my dad and try to maintain a relationship, but the final straw was Father's Day 3 years ago, when I called and his wife told me he refused to come to the phone. That was my last call to him. I wrote him a note and told him that I wasn't going to bother him anymore, that if he decided he wanted to talk to me, he knew how to contact me. I guess that time still hasnt come for him. Anyhow, I applaud yuo for tryimg to take that step and contact him. At least you will always know you tried!! GOOD LUCK!! Let me know how it goes!!
Hi jj...I agree with bluegirl, and wish you the BEST of luck!! I used to call my dad and try to maintain a relationship, but the final straw was Father's Day 3 years ago, when I called and his wife told me he refused to come to the phone. That was my last call to him. I wrote him a note and told him that I wasn't going to bother him anymore, that if he decided he wanted to talk to me, he knew how to contact me. I guess that time still hasnt come for him. Anyhow, I applaud yuo for tryimg to take that step and contact him. At least you will always know you tried!! GOOD LUCK!! Let me know how it goes!!
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