Thanks curvy, I do agree with you on the moving on issue. You also bring up another valid point. When things are not going the way we "want" or "need". Does this mean we are selfish? That we must have our way in a relationship or it's time to quit?
I know that each situation has it's own "life" and issues. Sometimes it's interesting to see how things go.
For instance, I did meet a guy, we saw each other and talked on the phone often the first month. Then he had surgery, it was too soon to barge in on him, I felt. So I respected his request to "heal in solitude".
Now things seem to be getting back to a better sense of normal. My patience might have proven to be a good thing in this case. In any other situation, if you don't contact me for one week I feel as if you are just not that into me and I move on. This particular situation "feels" different and I can't explain it, not even to myself actually. I've neve been faced with this before.
When I'm with this guy, I feel content. He says the same thing, he feels content and comfortable enough to tell me anything. Things he's never talked to anyone else about. So I will wait, but my waiting has a time limit. I'm not sure how much longer I will agree to be patient.
Natalie
Thanks curvy, I do agree with you on the moving on issue. You also bring up another valid point. When things are not going the way we "want" or "need". Does this mean we are selfish? That we must have our way in a relationship or it's time to quit?
I know that each situation has it's own "life" and issues. Sometimes it's interesting to see how things go.
For instance, I did meet a guy, we saw each other and talked on the phone often the first month. Then he had surgery, it was too soon to barge in on him, I felt. So I respected his request to "heal in solitude".
Now things seem to be getting back to a better sense of normal. My patience might have proven to be a good thing in this case. In any other situation, if you don't contact me for one week I feel as if you are just not that into me and I move on. This particular situation "feels" different and I can't explain it, not even to myself actually. I've neve been faced with this before.
When I'm with this guy, I feel content. He says the same thing, he feels content and comfortable enough to tell me anything. Things he's never talked to anyone else about. So I will wait, but my waiting has a time limit. I'm not sure how much longer I will agree to be patient.
I agree; men are often quite straightforward in their actions, but like anyone else they try not to hurt people's feelings by saying the tough stuff 'out front.
How many times have I made a non committal sort of agreement to see someone again even when I know I don't want to? More than I care to admit, but it's so hard to reject someone to their face!
But back to the topic, I think if they aren't wanting to spend all their time with you that's fine, as long as you know it means they aren't passionately in love with you. If you want or need more, you are going to have to find it somewhere else.
I love this whole topic, because I really think us girls have to learn to cut the ties when things are not going the way we want or dream about. It's no big deal, better to move on than waste your life 'waiting' for someone who isn't going to arrive!
I agree; men are often quite straightforward in their actions, but like anyone else they try not to hurt people's feelings by saying the tough stuff 'out front.
How many times have I made a non committal sort of agreement to see someone again even when I know I don't want to? More than I care to admit, but it's so hard to reject someone to their face!
But back to the topic, I think if they aren't wanting to spend all their time with you that's fine, as long as you know it means they aren't passionately in love with you. If you want or need more, you are going to have to find it somewhere else.
I love this whole topic, because I really think us girls have to learn to cut the ties when things are not going the way we want or dream about. It's no big deal, better to move on than waste your life 'waiting' for someone who isn't going to arrive!
I will have to say that sometimes there are valid excuses, but you have to judge if they are valid or not. If you have been pre warned, well then take it as valid, though you may want to question is it good enough for you. Sometimes guys have really good reasons for not keeping in touch and I dated one like this for months, eventually I had to decide if what he had to offer me right now was enough. Sometimes we differ on what keeping in touch or what communication in a relationship looks like, neither is right or wrong, but maybe wrong for each other. Good luck Natalie, but only you know if this is good enough for you.
Quoting: Originally posted by aimeefla I agree with everyone's comments. I do have a question. I don't accept too many excuses. But, there are reasons that might be valid.
My question is what "reasons" would you accept from someone that is intermittent with keeping in touch with you? Would recovering from surgery be acceptable? Especially if you were warned, up front, that he likes to "recover alone".
What else would be "acceptable" if anything is acceptable that is in this situation. Taking into account that you only know each other for about two months, 6 dates.
Natalie
Quoting aimeefla:
I agree with everyone's comments. I do have a question. I don't accept too many excuses. But, there are reasons that might be valid.
My question is what "reasons" would you accept from someone that is intermittent with keeping in touch with you? Would recovering from surgery be acceptable? Especially if you were warned, up front, that he likes to "recover alone".
What else would be "acceptable" if anything is acceptable that is in this situation. Taking into account that you only know each other for about two months, 6 dates.
Natalie
I will have to say that sometimes there are valid excuses, but you have to judge if they are valid or not. If you have been pre warned, well then take it as valid, though you may want to question is it good enough for you. Sometimes guys have really good reasons for not keeping in touch and I dated one like this for months, eventually I had to decide if what he had to offer me right now was enough. Sometimes we differ on what keeping in touch or what communication in a relationship looks like, neither is right or wrong, but maybe wrong for each other. Good luck Natalie, but only you know if this is good enough for you.
I agree with everyone's comments. I do have a question. I don't accept too many excuses. But, there are reasons that might be valid.
My question is what "reasons" would you accept from someone that is intermittent with keeping in touch with you? Would recovering from surgery be acceptable? Especially if you were warned, up front, that he likes to "recover alone".
What else would be "acceptable" if anything is acceptable that is in this situation. Taking into account that you only know each other for about two months, 6 dates.
Natalie
I agree with everyone's comments. I do have a question. I don't accept too many excuses. But, there are reasons that might be valid.
My question is what "reasons" would you accept from someone that is intermittent with keeping in touch with you? Would recovering from surgery be acceptable? Especially if you were warned, up front, that he likes to "recover alone".
What else would be "acceptable" if anything is acceptable that is in this situation. Taking into account that you only know each other for about two months, 6 dates.
I have not read it but IMHO actions speak much louder than words. He can tell you all he wants that he is into you, but if his actions don't back that up then you are wasting your time.
I have not read it but IMHO actions speak much louder than words. He can tell you all he wants that he is into you, but if his actions don't back that up then you are wasting your time.
Hi Natalie, no I have not read the book but did see this episode as well, and have read something about this. I have to admit that on this subject I seem to be so stupid! Yep I read what it said and it just did not seem to sink in. Would listen to the sweet talk and excuses, "Oh sorry, I've just been so busy, but have been thinkig of you all the time" or "I miss you, I wish we had more time"¿ bla bla bla¿ To then find out that they went to the movies, or some other (what i consider) unimportant thing, instead of spending time with you. I¿have learned the long slow and hard way that if a man is into you, he gives you his time, puts you some where up high in his¿list of importances. He would want to know how you are, what you are doing,¿want to know more about you, feel connected to you and your life, and do thing with and for you. He is not into me if¿I get no more than an email every once in a while,¿a quick call, visit or message. If I am into someone I make time for them, want to know all about them, and want to do things with and for them ACTIONS¿ - not words show how much and what you mean to them.
Hi Natalie, no I have not read the book but did see this episode as well, and have read something about this. I have to admit that on this subject I seem to be so stupid! Yep I read what it said and it just did not seem to sink in. Would listen to the sweet talk and excuses, "Oh sorry, I've just been so busy, but have been thinkig of you all the time" or "I miss you, I wish we had more time"¿ bla bla bla¿ To then find out that they went to the movies, or some other (what i consider) unimportant thing, instead of spending time with you. I¿have learned the long slow and hard way that if a man is into you, he gives you his time, puts you some where up high in his¿list of importances. He would want to know how you are, what you are doing,¿want to know more about you, feel connected to you and your life, and do thing with and for you. He is not into me if¿I get no more than an email every once in a while,¿a quick call, visit or message. If I am into someone I make time for them, want to know all about them, and want to do things with and for them ACTIONS¿ - not words show how much and what you mean to them.
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