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Treat Them Mean Keep Them Keen? Sort by:
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ozredhead62
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Posted on Wed, Nov 05, 2008 05:25

How many times before had I heard this comment being used mainly by men referring to how they treat their women. The other day I heard a friend use this in regards to a women that he was interested in, and how he felt that she was treating him. Got me thinking if this sort of behavior really works? It brought forth a lot of questions. :) Do we all, men and women, like to have someone make it a challenge to get them? Usually in the game of love there is one person that is chasing and the other letting them try to catch them. If you like to do the chasing, do you no longer desire or find someone exciting once you feel you have got them? Honestly I find the idea so alien to me it seems like it playing games. If I like someone I want to let them know. What do you think? Have you had the "treat them mean keep them keen" treatment done to you, and did you like it? Is this playing games with someone? Is this about giving more attention to the one that is being "mean", or is this about some sort of power play?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sat, Nov 15, 2008 16:31

Quoting jjiggl: I think that it is about seeking approval. It stems from the misguided belief on the part of the person being mistreated that the other person is better than them in some way. Perhaps the person who is doing the mistreating has a characteristic that the one being mistreated admires, such as good looks, a nice car, makes lots of money, etc. The mistreated person would do anything to be a part of the other's life. Sometime it happens in a situation in which the person being mistreated has fallen for the sad story of the person being mistreated. Perhaps the person being mistreated thinks that the other person is really good inside and they just need someone to love them. In this case, the one being mistreated is probably a very patient and loving person. The mistreated person often excuses the mistreatment because they believe that if the other sees that despite the poor treatment that they are dishing out, they will realize that they are lovable and will accept the love that the one being mistreated is giving them. I have to confess that I was of the latter example. I fell for the hard luck story about a man's unhappy, unstable childhood and thought that I could show him that he was lovable despite the way that his family neglected him. It cost me alot of money, I was often disappointed and I lived in a state of uncertainty. I was always wondering when there would be another "crisis" in which I would have to make an emergency payment for his rent, buy groceries, or vet care for his cat. I thought that I loved him, but I think that I really just felt sorry for him and confused the two. I also know that dealing with him distracted me from my own problems. I have done an entire 180 now and I learned that "NO" is not a dirty word. That it is not my job to "fix" someone who doesn't want to help himself. I learned that if I could give of myself to someone who did not appreciate me, then I am definitely able to give of myself to someone who would do the same for me. Discovering this was well worth that bad relationship.

Wow loved the way you explained this jjiggl. Think we may have been dating the same man. lol


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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jjiggl
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Posted on Wed, Nov 12, 2008 20:17

I think that it is about seeking approval. It stems from the misguided belief on the part of the person being mistreated that the other person is better than them in some way. Perhaps the person who is doing the mistreating has a characteristic that the one being mistreated admires, such as good looks, a nice car, makes lots of money, etc. The mistreated person would do anything to be a part of the other's life. Sometime it happens in a situation in which the person being mistreated has fallen for the sad story of the person being mistreated. Perhaps the person being mistreated thinks that the other person is really good inside and they just need someone to love them. In this case, the one being mistreated is probably a very patient and loving person. The mistreated person often excuses the mistreatment because they believe that if the other sees that despite the poor treatment that they are dishing out, they will realize that they are lovable and will accept the love that the one being mistreated is giving them. I have to confess that I was of the latter example. I fell for the hard luck story about a man's unhappy, unstable childhood and thought that I could show him that he was lovable despite the way that his family neglected him. It cost me alot of money, I was often disappointed and I lived in a state of uncertainty. I was always wondering when there would be another "crisis" in which I would have to make an emergency payment for his rent, buy groceries, or vet care for his cat. I thought that I loved him, but I think that I really just felt sorry for him and confused the two. I also know that dealing with him distracted me from my own problems. I have done an entire 180 now and I learned that "NO" is not a dirty word. That it is not my job to "fix" someone who doesn't want to help himself. I learned that if I could give of myself to someone who did not appreciate me, then I am definitely able to give of myself to someone who would do the same for me. Discovering this was well worth that bad relationship.


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tonfree
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Posted on Tue, Nov 11, 2008 23:43

Miss True, Hugs to You. I did not take it bad and it is good to see others opinions. Is that not what the blogs are all about? It is fun to come back after a difficult day and see "Friends" and their respective thoughts feelings and questions/answers. Smiles to ALL!! TT


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Tue, Nov 11, 2008 20:21

Quoting kimoooooo2000: hi

Hi back kimoooooo2000, Well done on making your first blog post, maybe you also have something to add to this? :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sun, Nov 09, 2008 04:04

Thanks all for your comments. I really think it is sad that some do feel the need to play this sort of power play with another's feelings. TT I do like what you said about the person your interested in being there by your side enjoying and experiencing along side of you. There are NO apologies needed as I did not take this as a bashing either. xx Though you must feel flattered receiving a male wink?? LOL Butterbll, lol, gee how could you beat that, been treated like a god every day? Very funny :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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truefriendinme
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Posted on Fri, Nov 07, 2008 13:51

Well, seems as if there's alot of the "confusion" going around! TT-- totally, no offense intended. I just was pointing out what stood out to ME. I understood what you said and where you are coming from, so I didn't focus on anything I didn't already agree with. I just focused on that one particular point that you made. No harm, no foul! =) --True


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tonfree
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Posted on Fri, Nov 07, 2008 13:37

Quoting one2one: I didn't think it was bashing at all. You made very good points about this cat and mouse game that can be incredibly confusing and frustrating. I'm really glad you're adding your honest, candid comments to the blogs. I didn't see anything that needed an apology. The question of how many men and women allow themselves the freedom to be open was profound.

Hi One2One, TY for the nice comments. I am grateful others can read and see what I mean, even when it may not be that clear at first. I just speak my mind here and allow others to see a little glimpse of what I think and believe to be true not only in my life but in those others lives that I touch as well. Having Fun and Enjoying the waiting game at another airport.. TT


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one2one
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Posted on Thu, Nov 06, 2008 20:13

Quoting tonfree: Hey True, WOW, My apologies that I may have sounded as blunt as that and I think I did not make my point clear. I do agree that there is some work to be done in knowing when and how to respond. True, I agree with you completely and if I made it sound ANY different, then I really apologies. I want to make it clear though that this is men and women. OK, I have to admit that I even got a male wink.. LOL.. Yes, responded with a polite "NO" True and everyone else, My apologies if this was taken as bashing! TT

I didn't think it was bashing at all. You made very good points about this cat and mouse game that can be incredibly confusing and frustrating. I'm really glad you're adding your honest, candid comments to the blogs. I didn't see anything that needed an apology. The question of how many men and women allow themselves the freedom to be open was profound.


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tonfree
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Posted on Thu, Nov 06, 2008 19:59

Quoting truefriendinme: I agree with TT, for the most part. But, I want to interject a little note. TT says to answer all winks. I'm not sure about you, TT, but before I bother answering a wink (even with a "no") I almost ALWAYS check the person's profile. If the profile is tempting, then I will answer. However, if the profile is crude, if the writer writes like he barely got past the 3rd grade, has drastically different values or is looking for someone unlike me, I won't respond. I take the time to do my research, and I would HOPE that most men do, too. But, unfortunately, they don't. I get winks all the time from men who are too young, who are married, who are in a relationship, who are not looking for a larger woman, who want women with no children....I could go on and on. So, before getting frustrated with women who do not respond to winks, just be sure that the women you have winked at are compatable with your profile. It's possible they looked at your profile and saw something that tells them you are not the one. If they are anything like me, they won't respond. It's not an insult. It's not being rude. Not everyone feels it's necessary to respond to all the winks. Just a little input. Good luck--True

Hey True, WOW, My apologies that I may have sounded as blunt as that and I think I did not make my point clear. I do agree that there is some work to be done in knowing when and how to respond. True, I agree with you completely and if I made it sound ANY different, then I really apologies. I want to make it clear though that this is men and women. OK, I have to admit that I even got a male wink.. LOL.. Yes, responded with a polite "NO" True and everyone else, My apologies if this was taken as bashing! TT


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butterbll
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Posted on Thu, Nov 06, 2008 16:16

Power play plain and simple .I Have an ex wife who liked that game. I give 100% percent to her and yet it was not enough. All though she treated me like a god... she gave me burnt offerings at least two times a day. Ps. her cooking was really horrible


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Thu, Nov 06, 2008 15:28

I agree with TT, for the most part. But, I want to interject a little note. TT says to answer all winks. I'm not sure about you, TT, but before I bother answering a wink (even with a "no") I almost ALWAYS check the person's profile. If the profile is tempting, then I will answer. However, if the profile is crude, if the writer writes like he barely got past the 3rd grade, has drastically different values or is looking for someone unlike me, I won't respond. I take the time to do my research, and I would HOPE that most men do, too. But, unfortunately, they don't. I get winks all the time from men who are too young, who are married, who are in a relationship, who are not looking for a larger woman, who want women with no children....I could go on and on. So, before getting frustrated with women who do not respond to winks, just be sure that the women you have winked at are compatable with your profile. It's possible they looked at your profile and saw something that tells them you are not the one. If they are anything like me, they won't respond. It's not an insult. It's not being rude. Not everyone feels it's necessary to respond to all the winks. Just a little input. Good luck--True


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tonfree
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Posted on Thu, Nov 06, 2008 12:08

I think, from the male perspective as the traditional hunter it is a power play and a fun/exciting manner o get to know someone, but we have gone from the hunter and the hunted to the hunter being mean and the hunted being the fallen pray and not the pray any more. I know this sounds strange. I know most will not get what i am saying. If I as a man am interested in a woman, I dont want to go after her like a hunter. I want to show her I am interested in her. Show her where my thoughts and feelings are and if she is receptive, she will not play the role of the pray. Instead she will be beside me, want to explore life with me and share whats between us in an ever growing relationship and friendship. So many on here state "Friendship First" but is that really what they want? How many men and women on here will allow themselves the freedom to be open. If someone send you a wink, do you really answer them, if at all, even to say NO Thank You, or are you shy and being the pray that they need to try and get to in order to see more about you as a person? (Remember this, some "hunters" on here will continue to hunt, unless they get that there is nothing to hunt. The only way they get it is if YOU ANSWER to their call with a "NO") This is not only meant for the women to answer, but the men as well!!!! I know I get winks on here, some very strange and interesting. I do not consider myself the hunter, but I will "Hunt" to find out more about the person I am interested in. Find out and let her know where I stand and what my intentions are. Direct, up front and truthful. This is the only way we should be, then no one will have to get hurt from lies and we all will be on the exact same page in life. TT


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aimeefla
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Posted on Thu, Nov 06, 2008 09:34

I must say that I've not only heard it but seen it in action. It worked for those that find it a way of life. I don't find it an acceptable way to treat anyone as I don't want to be treated in a like manner. It's sad that it even exits, but nonetheless, it does. I've seen it in my family. Very very sad. Aimee Fla


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helpnhandz
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Posted on Thu, Nov 06, 2008 08:38

I ve never intentionally treated my wife badly. After a while the thrill of life isnt quite the same and you may get down for a while. My wife would get off work take her heels off and Id massage her feet then rub her neck. I tried to go out of my way to make her happy. Id never treated her bad on purpose.


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Wed, Nov 05, 2008 10:15

I don't think of love as a"game". I think it's fun to date and to get to know one another, but I don't find it funny when a prospective partner ignores me for days just to see what I will do (ummm... by the way : "forget he's breathing" comes to mind). I don't find it funny when they lie about their jobs, partners (current or ex), lifestyles, habits or diseases (lol!). When I date someone, I want it to be a mutual quest for friendship, fun, respect and joy...hopefully leading to love. I won't tolerate those "I'll call you"--but then they don't guys. I want someone who WANTS to get to know me, for I am T-O-T-A-L-L-Y worth getting to know! I don't want, nor will I tolerate (even just for the pleasure of relations) someone who treats me with a non-chalant attitude. My prospective partner will have to respect me and give me the attention I deserve, because he will be getting the same.--True


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