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4funorlove
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Posted on Thu, Oct 30, 2008 06:35

not be prepared to commit to a long-term or serious relationship? to put it another way, many people come out of divorce, longterm relationships, have kids and are single, serious jobs or travel a lot - there are many circumstances where they might not want to make long term plans with someone. does that rule out a loving relationship?


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sat, Nov 01, 2008 23:08

Quoting: Originally posted by 4funorlove what i was trying to explore in this thread was where people draw the line and place boundaries on relationships. most people have a list of (physical, emotional, etc) characteristics they look for in a potential mate. and many times they find such a person. logically, it should to lead to a relationship, love, romance, passion, etc. Most times it doesnt - because of differences in other areas like availability, commitment, ability to get on with each others' friends and family, balancing career, (existing) kids, and so on. Are people REALLY prepared to compromise on their existing lives for their future potential partner just because that person meets a set of physical and emotional characteristics?

Well yes we all have or should have defined boundaries in place regarding what we are looking for from a partner/relationship. Now these should encompass ALL the things you speak about here, NOT just the physical and emotional. Some of these criteria are not negotiable and some are flexible. Now if you met someone that is 80% compatible with your criteria in everything, meaning all that you say plus, belief , values, goals and so on, then would YOU not be willing to negotiate the other 20%? Now that is saying that the 20% falls within your negotiable criteria, if not, then there is no hope as you say. For example, I would not consider anything more with some one who is not here in my country or would not be willing to relocate. It does not matter how much I liked them I would just not let it get that far. Now in saying that I have met men who would be willing to relocate because this was a flexible criteria to them. I have also met lovely ones that were not, so we stayed friends. If you are choosing people to have relationship with that fall far short of your basic criteria, or only based on the physical and emotional, then you are setting yourself up for a fall. Of course you can not see why you would compromise you life for them, because they have not met enough of your needs for you to be willing to do that. Now if you are having a relationship like this, you know there is no long term future, well then you could love them, yes and you could even have a loving relationship of sorts. But you are still having a "friends with benefits" relationship, as you know deep within you that there is no long term future.


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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4funorlove
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Posted on Sat, Nov 01, 2008 03:51

Quoting: Originally posted by ozredhead62 Hmm this is a good question 4funorlove. I suppose it depends on the person but for me no. I could love that person or things about them or being with them, but I dont think I would be "IN LOVE" with them. If I am in love with someone my future would have them in it. This does not rule out a loving relationship, for you could even have this with a friends with benefits type of relationship. Now that I think of it, maybe this is what it is anyway?

what i was trying to explore in this thread was where people draw the line and place boundaries on relationships. most people have a list of (physical, emotional, etc) characteristics they look for in a potential mate. and many times they find such a person. logically, it should to lead to a relationship, love, romance, passion, etc. Most times it doesnt - because of differences in other areas like availability, commitment, ability to get on with each others' friends and family, balancing career, (existing) kids, and so on. Are people REALLY prepared to compromise on their existing lives for their future potential partner just because that person meets a set of physical and emotional characteristics?


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4funorlove
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Posted on Sat, Nov 01, 2008 03:36

Quoting: Originally posted by bigtom77 I think one should let the person they are dating know these things. If she is willing to take it slow or put up with the not being there then some feelings could happen. I cannot see calling that a loving relationship but that would be between you and her. I also think you should be prepared to have her looking for someone that can give her the long term possibilities she is looking for.

I think you make very fair points and i agree with you that one shouldn't lead a person to believe there are long term possibilities when there are none, or that there are limitations or boundaries to the relationship. I disagree with you that it could not be a loving relationship


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sat, Nov 01, 2008 03:10

Hmm this is a good question 4funorlove. I suppose it depends on the person but for me, NO. I could love that person or things about them or being with them, but I dont think I would be "IN LOVE" with them. If I am in love with someone my future would have them in it. This does not rule out a loving relationship, for you could even have this with a friends with benefits type of relationship. Now that I think of it, maybe this is what it is anyway?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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bigtom77
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Posted on Fri, Oct 31, 2008 10:00

I think one should let the person they are dating know these things. If she is willing to take it slow or put up with the not being there then some feelings could happen. I cannot see calling that a loving relationship but that would be between you and her. I also think you should be prepared to have her looking for someone that can give her the long term possibilities she is looking for.


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