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The problem with romance. Sort by:
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bigtom77
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Posted on Tue, Oct 28, 2008 11:27

A few days ago smin2u posted a question about what romance is, I think you know that.lol I posted a couple of replies to this blog but afterwords my own words got me to thinking. I guess if you read what I wrote then you now know I believe in romance, but ladies, I want to point out some problems I have ran into with romance over the years. I am in no way saying it's bad to romance someone but I did give a few pointers so now it's counterpoint time. A few years back (between the divorce and taking her back) I was with someone I met on here. One night a few weeks after we had taken the big step and started sleeping together, I decided to try something that I thought she would like. Before I go on here I just want to say I am not saying these things here to make anyone think I am Casanova or anything like that but the things I say are things I have done. She went to take her bath and I thought it would be nice to bathe her, no details but she did enjoy it. ;) The problem started a few nights later when she asked me to bathe her again, I was flattered then that I had found something she had liked and put it on my mental list as something to do at special times. She started asking more and more until she got to where she expected me to do this. I guess what I am saying here is do not turn a romantic gesture into a chore. The same woman also started expecting the back rubs (witch I give out to the one I am with freely and often) but if you expect things everyday it is now a chore. Katwoman wants a candlelight dinner, a simple enough show of love and affection but if Kat had dinner by candlelight 4 or 5 times a week it would become routine soon and not special to her. Another problem that I have found, this one may not ever be done by any other woman but my ex wife is who I am thinking of here. I don't know just how to put this one, maybe I overdid the romance over the years (I personally think there can not be too much, but I will never know) but romance does not mean "you have to sleep with me right now". Yes, sometimes it is meant to lead to sex but please ladies do not think that the only reason you are getting romanced is to get you into bed. Some guys are not like that, I would never sleep with someone I don't have have feelings for and I will not make a big romantic move without feelings involved also. OK I got off track but the thing I am saying here is do not read things into what your man is doing. There is a bunch of jokes about if your man brings flowers home he is doing something wrong, this could be true but it could also be he was just thinking about you, so like I said unless you have reason to think otherwise think of the little things as good things. Well, I got that one out, not sure if I put anything in a way to be understood but bottom line is 1) Don't expect the same thing everyday or it won't be special anymore 2) Don't look at what he does for you as a way out of trouble or a way in to the bedroom.---Tom


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bigtom77
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Posted on Fri, Oct 31, 2008 10:04

Quoting ariesram: I didn't read everything you wrote Tom (i can't sit still long enough), but i think, we should only Romance the one who we want a long term relationship with or want to marry.

I am talking about someone I want to have or do have a LTR with.


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Posted on Thu, Oct 30, 2008 17:44

I didn't read everything you wrote Tom (i can't sit still long enough), but i think, we should only Romance the one who we want a long term relationship with or want to marry.


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Katwoman1968
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Posted on Thu, Oct 30, 2008 13:06

I absolutely agree Tom. I certaintly would not want a romantic dinner every day or flowers or anything else, as it would not be special anymore! surprise factors are a big part of a romantic gesture also and I love surprises. Good insight.


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bigtom77
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Posted on Thu, Oct 30, 2008 10:41

You ladies are right, of course;), it could be that she just wasn't used to someone giving her any romance so she didn't want it to stop, I don't know. I do hope for all you that you will find a guy that will do romantic things at least from time to time. Thank you for the comments.---Tom


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Thu, Oct 30, 2008 02:28

Well Tom you are SO right. We women can be ever so difficult at times ..... but you had better not agree with that one. LOL It is all about being spontaneous I think, if you have romance scheduled out on a planner then it loses its magic. Now I really do have to say that we dont get it that often, so can you really blame us if we just like too much of a good thing?


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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ozredhead62
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Posted on Thu, Oct 30, 2008 02:23

Quoting mathlion44313: I've never really expected anything romantic from the guys I like, which is usually good because the guys I like generally don't give me anything to expect. But I think you're right about not doing special things all the time, because if you do that, what are you going to do when it truly is a special occasion? And as far as assigning an ulterior motive to something like flowers, I just think you should enjoy the sentiment and the thought, not automatically wonder why. Again, this could just be my horrible naivety or lack of experience showing, but that's what I think. -Erin

Love the new pic.....very nice. :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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smin2u
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Posted on Wed, Oct 29, 2008 20:00

You know what? I never expect romantic gestures from men these days but when I have gotten them in the past, they were much appreciated and I never "expected" them. To appreciate a romantic gesture from your beau it is done unconditionally and usually unexpectedly. I love the surprise factor, if I was to expect it, then that takes the romance all out if it. I am glad to know that you are still a romantic man and that I can still hold out hope that someday I will meet a man that knows what romance still is.


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Posted on Wed, Oct 29, 2008 17:45

I totally agree with you Tom. Your woman will be very lucky indeed. Don't change a thing!


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smoosh
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Posted on Wed, Oct 29, 2008 17:32

You hit the nail on the head Tom - special moments or romantic moments are not to be taken for granted or in the everyday routine or they no longer take on a special meaning. They are to cherish and look forward too. Thanks for the reminder.


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mathlion44313
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Posted on Wed, Oct 29, 2008 02:55

I've never really expected anything romantic from the guys I like, which is usually good because the guys I like generally don't give me anything to expect. But I think you're right about not doing special things all the time, because if you do that, what are you going to do when it truly is a special occasion? And as far as assigning an ulterior motive to something like flowers, I just think you should enjoy the sentiment and the thought, not automatically wonder why. Again, this could just be my horrible naivety or lack of experience showing, but that's what I think. -Erin


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