Plus size Blogs > Muaaas4u's blogs > A Woman's week at the Gym
A Woman's week at the Gym Sort by:
Author
muaaas4u
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 136
Posted on Fri, Aug 29, 2008 13:48

Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. ________________________________ MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! __________________ ______________ TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. _______________________________ WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh*t too. _______________________________ THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b*tch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. _______________________________ FRIDAY: I hate that b*tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? ________________________________ SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. ________________________________ SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little sh*t) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Available only
to logged in members

Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
AmuseMe
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 841
Posted on Wed, Sep 03, 2008 05:52

LOL I'm printing this one out and posting it on the MB at work. lol


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
KEWTYPIE
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 1
Posted on Tue, Sep 02, 2008 16:07

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!! Thank you so much. I was having a very stressfull day today and then I read your post. I can't stop laughing. I think my cat is about to call 911. She gets scared when I laugh too much. She worries I will laugh right out of my chair and roll on top of her.


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
sparkles2002
Available only
to logged in members

total posts: 121
Posted on Sat, Aug 30, 2008 11:39

I went to the gym this morning as i heard they had a brilliant new machine there.... But i'd only used it for an hour and started to feel really sick.. its quite good though, does everything......KitKats, Mars Bars,Snickers & Crisps;-)


Reply / add comments   Quote   Report abuse    0 up Bookmark and Share
Follow - Email me when people comment