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smoosh
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Posted on Thu, Aug 28, 2008 18:08

How important is it to you to be Married or living together as common law? Do you consider both as the same commitment? When does it change? ( when you're going to have children and want their name to be legal or what ? ) Do you think the difference lies in already having been married or in a common law relationship?


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Katwoman1968
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Posted on Sun, Aug 31, 2008 07:09

In Wisconsin we don't have common law marriage but I think for those states that do have it that it would be the same as a legal marriage to me. Both are a committment to your relationship.


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Sun, Aug 31, 2008 02:09

Quoting: Originally posted by bluegirl2006 I was married for nearly 14 years. It was what I had wanted, but it didn't turn out to be what I thought marriage was supposed to be. When it ended I decided to NEVER marry again. Wasn't sure I'd even want to live with anyone again. 12 years later I met Peter. He didn't want to get married either. We fell in love and I found he's sooooo not the man my ex is and oddly I found myself wanting to marry him. Wanting him to be my husband and me to be his wife with everything that means. In July of this year he also changed his mind. I proposed to him and he accepted. We'll be married next year. I'm not saying that you cannot be committed to each other without being married. I fully believe you can. And at one point I was willing to settle for that. I think those that decide to be committed, but live together rather than marry are usually afraid of the "M" word because they think the "D" word will follow. I do believe there is a difference in the level of committment. I want it all. That LIFETIME committment.

So happy for both of you. xx I do agree that it somehow takes it to that next level of commitment. Maybe people are afraid of the "D" word, but a break up in a committed common law relationship is just as painful as a divorce.


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Sat, Aug 30, 2008 04:50

I was married for nearly 14 years. It was what I had wanted, but it didn't turn out to be what I thought marriage was supposed to be. When it ended I decided to NEVER marry again. Wasn't sure I'd even want to live with anyone again. 12 years later I met Peter. He didn't want to get married either. We fell in love and I found he's sooooo not the man my ex is and oddly I found myself wanting to marry him. Wanting him to be my husband and me to be his wife with everything that means. In July of this year he also changed his mind. I proposed to him and he accepted. We'll be married next year. I'm not saying that you cannot be committed to each other without being married. I fully believe you can. And at one point I was willing to settle for that. I think those that decide to be committed, but live together rather than marry are usually afraid of the "M" word because they think the "D" word will follow. I do believe there is a difference in the level of committment. I want it all. That LIFETIME committment.


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muaaas4u
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Posted on Fri, Aug 29, 2008 08:06

Interesting question! Well when I was young and as many might say "stupid" LOL I did marry. I eloped for the wrong reasons and was pretty much forced into getting married (which I really didn't want to). I stayed in that relationship 14 long and sad years because it was the "proper" thing to do since we were married and had children. My kiddos have his last name something that at the time I also thought was proper. Believe me with the experience that the years and the true love of a man has given me, I now look back and realize that being married to the wrong person was the mistake. I have lived with my current BF for close to 5 years and we have mutually loved and respected each other more than my ex husband ever did and we're not married. We have set a wedding date because we have willingly chosen to, but the fact that we will be married does not alter in any way the manner in which we love each other!! I guess to make a long story short it doesn't matter if you are common law or legally married as long as you know in your heart that the person you are sharing your life with is the indicated one!!!


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Fri, Aug 29, 2008 05:06

Well I never wanted to get married when I was younger was never my dream. Did end up getting married, but looking back realized it was not something I wanted to do, but HE did. Now I seem to have changed and I would like to get married again but would be quite happy to be living with someone as well. If I lived with someone would like to have a commitment ceremony, but do consider both the same type of commitment. I ended up having kids with a man that I was just engaged to, we never got married in the end (yes not the the guy I married). I decided that the kids get his surname, mainly because I did not like mine. I think that the difference is the willingness to announce and celebrate the joining of two people with those they love and care about. I do not think its the marriage itself that is important but the commitment is.


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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