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Taser Gift - Tuesday Joke of the Day Sort by:
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nodramaaroundme
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Posted on Mon, Aug 18, 2008 10:29

This is hysterical.....Read the WHOLE thing Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife... IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A TASER IS YOU BETTER FIND OUT......... A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this. Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.?? AWESOME!!!? Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave! Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?! !?? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong??? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would reportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.? ? All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"?? What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it dumbass," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Thu, Aug 21, 2008 06:04

Quoting one2one: I was absolutely certain when I started reading this that it would end with the wife using it on the husband when she unwrapped her gift and realized he's bought her a taser (or vacume cleaner, blender, gun, subscription to Playgirl ... take your pick, they're equally bad) for their anniversary. I guess Karma got to him first ... and you can't sue Karma. :P LOL

I was thinking more along the lines that the wife would mistake it for a vibrator and use it on herslef. Sick and twisted, I know, thank you. lol.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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truefriendinme
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Posted on Wed, Aug 20, 2008 23:35

I read this somewhere. I think there's more. No drama-- any more that wouldn't fit on the blog? Funny even without the ending! --True


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one2one
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Posted on Tue, Aug 19, 2008 19:33

I was absolutely certain when I started reading this that it would end with the wife using it on the husband when she unwrapped her gift and realized he's bought her a taser (or vacume cleaner, blender, gun, subscription to Playgirl ... take your pick, they're equally bad) for their anniversary. I guess Karma got to him first ... and you can't sue Karma. :P LOL


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Tue, Aug 19, 2008 18:55

lol just love those thoughtful husbands.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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butterbll
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Posted on Mon, Aug 18, 2008 20:49

I guess this guy did not read the Freaking manual. So now some lawyer is making them put these warnings on it. For normal Intelligent people... "WARNING DO NOT APPLY TO YOUR SKIN AND PULL THE ACTIVATION STUD SEVERE ELECTRICAL SHOCK WILL OCCUR!!! FOR REDNECKS/ MORONS.. "TO AVOID A REAL SHOCKING TIME DO NOT APPLY TO BARE SKIN AND PULL THE TRIGGER ON YOUR NEW CATTLE/PEOPLE PROD."


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