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Dave The Hen ... an AbzWayne Joke Sort by:
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AbzWayne
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Posted on Thu, Aug 14, 2008 02:03

Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?' The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.' Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . .. You've got to send me back straight away.' St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.' Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around, pecking the ground. 'This Isn't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?' 'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode.' 'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before.' 'Never', replies Dave. 'Well just relax and let it happen'. And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... 'Dave, wake up, you drunken bar-steward. You've poo the bed !!'


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Fri, Aug 15, 2008 07:53

Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram Mmmmmmmmm????????????????????? Now let me think about that one,mmmmmmmmm???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????. ha.

Don't hurt yo'self. lol :-)


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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AmuseMe
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Posted on Fri, Aug 15, 2008 06:36

Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram OK...i'll 'belive' ya. I KNEW you had to look it up, and didn't know it. ha, 12/10 could do better...eh? or should that be ...eh?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? xxx

Unlike my honeybuns, I never claimed to be a wealth of useless knowledge... and even if I did know it, lol, I am way too lazy to type all that sh*t out. Besides, you didn't specify. "Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more: it is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing." MacBeth by William Shakespeare


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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sparkles2002
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Posted on Thu, Aug 14, 2008 17:26

Thats AMAZING! from one joke came a history lesson on playwrights, specific use of grammatical correctness and punctuation and a hint of S&M....keep it coming Abz, nice to see you here:-)


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Thu, Aug 14, 2008 12:12

Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram Ummmmmmmmm....yes...that's the other reason(smart ass)...BUT, i can only give 'Teacher's pet' 9 out of the 10 points that were on offer,due to the MOST annoying and WRONG use of the '?' key. *1'?' was all that was required, but 12...and ALL in the WRONG place? See me after class, for a jolly good thrashing. *Why...should have been Why? Why?I ask myself. Or should that have been 'asked'...mmmm? Now i think, I need a jolly good thrashing.ha ha

.... oh, and the "?"'s are there becuase LF's blogs can't handle all the different little punctuation marks that were in the original... when it's typed or copied and the fonts are different.... so the system automatically replaces the "unknown" "characters" with those annoying "?"'s. I know, I know, it's hard to explain... but there ya have it.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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AmuseMe
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Posted on Thu, Aug 14, 2008 12:07

Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram Ummmmmmmmm....yes...that's the other reason(smart ass)...BUT, i can only give 'Teacher's pet' 9 out of the 10 points that were on offer,due to the MOST annoying and WRONG use of the '?' key. *1'?' was all that was required, but 12...and ALL in the WRONG place? See me after class, for a jolly good thrashing. *Why...should have been Why? Why?I ask myself. Or should that have been 'asked'...mmmm? Now i think, I need a jolly good thrashing.ha ha

Cute, you're giving me lessons on grammar and punctuation? You do need a thrashing. lol It's "Why?" I asked myself. LMAO


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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AmuseMe
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Posted on Thu, Aug 14, 2008 11:21

Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram Duh!!!! Really AmuseMe. It means YOU got there first. I could have said to AbzWayne...not as funny as the first time i read it, on AmuseMe's blog, over a week ago! And the saying 'Stealing his Thunder' goes back to the olden days here. History lesson. Anybody know how that saying came about?

Why, I ask myself. The story that lies behind ?stealing someone?s thunder? is that of the literary critic and largely unsuccessful playwright, John Dennis. In 1704, Dennis?s play Appius and Virginia was produced at the Drury Lane Theatre, London and he invented a new method of creating the sound of thunder for the production. We don?t know now what this method was (some texts say it was a refinement of the mustard bowl referred to by Pope, in which metal balls were rolled around in a wooden bowl), but it is reported that after Appius and Virginia failed and was closed, the method was soon afterwards used in a production of Macbeth. Dennis was less than pleased at having his idea purloined and this account of his response was recorded by the literary scholar Joseph Spence (1699?176 and later quoted in W. S. Walsh?s Literary Curiosities, 1893: ?Damn them! They will not let my play run, but they steal my thunder.? The actual words are in doubt and are also reported as ?That is my thunder, by God; the villains will play my thunder but not my play!?. What is clear is that Dennis?s experience was the source of this attractive little phrase. Copyright ? Gary Martin, 1996 - 2007 Source Cited= www phrases org uk


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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AmuseMe
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Posted on Thu, Aug 14, 2008 10:55

Quoting: Originally posted by AbzWayne Dave came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed. 'Who the hell are you?', demanded Dave, 'and what are you doing in my bedroom ?' The mysterious man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter.' Dave was stunned. 'You mean I'm dead !!! That can't be, I have so much to live for - and I haven't said goodbye to my family. . .. You've got to send me back straight away.' St Peter replied, 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.' Dave was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around, pecking the ground. 'This Isn't so bad', he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, How are you enjoying your first day here ?' 'It's not so bad', replies Dave, 'but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode.' 'You're ovulating', explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before.' 'Never', replies Dave. 'Well just relax and let it happen'. And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him . . . Ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... 'Dave, wake up, you drunken bar-steward. You've poo the bed !!'

If having babies was as simple as taking a sh*t, Men WOULD give birth. As it stands, they are much too weak to suffer in such ways.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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AmuseMe
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Posted on Thu, Aug 14, 2008 10:54

Quoting: Originally posted by ariesram That's a better one,as AmuesMe stole ur thunder with a couple of the others. ha ha...think i'll use that one.

How'd I steal his thunder when I posted first more than a week ago????? MEN!


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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