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Something to brighten your Monday morning! Sort by:
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AmuseMe
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Posted on Mon, Jul 14, 2008 10:40

... wait, you wont see this til tuesday! Oh well. lol here it is anyway. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started.... After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And then the fight started..... My boyfriend and I were sitting at a table at his high school reunion, and I noticed that he kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. I asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' he sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' .... And then the fight started..... I rear-ended a car this morning . So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started.....


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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AmuseMe
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Posted on Mon, Aug 04, 2008 15:37

Quoting ariesram: A Hillbilly couple, were walking down the steps of a Divorce court.The wife was crying her little heart out. Husband says..." For Christs sake, STOP crying...You'll STILL my Sister!" And then the fight started...ha ha.

zlol don't get me started on hillbillies .. I am IN COUNTRY LMFAO


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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AmuseMe
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Posted on Mon, Aug 04, 2008 14:02

Her Diary: Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn?t flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can?t explain his behavior; I don?t know why he didn?t say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts where somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don?t know what to do, I?m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. His Diary: Today the Lakers lost, but at least I got laid. ... and then the fight started lol ;-)


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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oldiebutgoodie
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Posted on Mon, Jul 21, 2008 01:13

I really enjoyed this because it was posted on a dating site! thanks oldiebutgoodie


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XxOneLovexX
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Posted on Tue, Jul 15, 2008 23:57

So funny thank you for sharing.


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Posted on Tue, Jul 15, 2008 19:11

Great to see you in blogland again Amuse, I loved the funnies :)


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Posted on Tue, Jul 15, 2008 13:55

The Title said it all ! Thank you for the smile and caring enough to want to uplift the spirits of all around you and be part of the effort to color our world. You are truly a delight !

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Qadesh
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Posted on Tue, Jul 15, 2008 13:11

Hello Amuseme, Where have you been? Hope it was and is something fantastic. Love the jokes. Qadesh


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nodramaaroundme
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Posted on Tue, Jul 15, 2008 10:33

I was just thinking about you Amuse, I hope things are going well with you and your family. Thanks for the joke!


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ozredhead62
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Posted on Tue, Jul 15, 2008 03:30

Hi Amuseme, loved them, thanks for the laugh :)


Life is only as wonderful as you think it is.

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