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LonelyInFL
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Posted on Mon, Jan 21, 2008 19:14

I've been experiencing writer's block with all of things going on in my life. But a good friend helped me to get back into the swing of things. I'm not sure this can be considered a poem (it's more me venting) but it's the first step in the right direction. What do you think?

Thank you Nat! :)



The Layoff


Once again life spirals out of control
Christmas vacation was great
But the first day back was hell
The company no longer wants me
Or needs me so they say
Do I yell and scream and say it's unfair?
Or do I just hang my head and stalk out?
I collected my things and accepted my fate
Refusing to bow in shame
I walked to my car in a daze
And got in with a shake of my head
How could I have been so wrong?




(c) 2008. Melissa Parker. All rights reserved.



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Katwoman1968
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Posted on Thu, Jan 24, 2008 12:12

Some poetry is deep, dark, and angry. Other poetry is light, fluffy, and happy. I give you alot of credit for writing it...it reflects your emotions at the time!

That's the thing about "art"...it touches different people different ways.

Can't wait to hear more!



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butterbll
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Posted on Wed, Jan 23, 2008 20:38

It fulfills the purpose poetry is for.It conveys your feelings so it is relevant and great.By not rhyming it conveys the emotional shattering that the title is named after.



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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Tue, Jan 22, 2008 17:21


Re:
LegalEagle224 write:
It's ok to tell me it sucks. I know it does. I can take constructive criticism given in the right form.
Melissa

It doesn't suck. It just doesn't have your normal poetic flow with words. It is a legitimate expression of emotion and as such is IS worthy.



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LonelyInFL
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Posted on Tue, Jan 22, 2008 15:10

Yep, I thought so too but I needed to get that out (I couldn't get beyond the experience, so now that it's out on paper, in some form, I can move beyond it). Maybe I'll tweak it in the future but it's not meant for publication...it's just a blip if you know what I mean. It's ok to tell me it sucks. I know it does. I can take constructive criticism given in the right form. Thanks again, and I promise the next one will be better. :)


Melissa



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Posted on Tue, Jan 22, 2008 05:19

Good start and I think it needs a bit of tweaking.

It does say it, but I just feel that your usual charm is missing.

Some Poems are just what they are. Maybe this one is one of those, that just says it in a flat cord? I just think that there is a line or two missing somehow.

Maybe it's missing more of the passion of the event?

Mel, you are the talent, I'm just a huge fan !! You're always welcome

Hugs


Nat



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