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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2007 06:49

A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times. Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows: 1-- To make an appointment to see me. 2-- To query a missing payment. 3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7-- To leave a message on my computer. (a password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.) 8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year. Your Humble Client (Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman) JUST GOTTA LOVE SENIORS


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2007 16:59

I'm thinking she should have been a lawyer! We had a blog not too long ago from someone contemplating taking over the care of an elderly (almost) family member who had no one else left. One of our bloggers so intuitively replied "maybe you should introduce her to Youth in Asia." I'll bet granny here could give that blogger a run for his money...Goes to show, they may get old, but they're still KICKIN'! I concur, Butterbll: GO GRANNY!


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butterbll
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2007 16:43

Go Grannie GO!


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smoosh
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Posted on Sun, Dec 09, 2007 07:17

And more of us should do so in the automated world of online/telephone banking. If there are insufficient funds - taking some more out in service cahrges in advance of the lack of service will certainly help. Automation is good for those of use who want it but wanted to good old fashioned customer service with a personal touch? All these businesses that have your DNA and banking history but cannot take the time to pick up a phone to make a query of a human being and not a number. No wonder people's "buttons" are pushed.


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