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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Tue, Oct 02, 2007 21:38

Ok...I am running out of steam with this looking for a mate thing. It sure does take a lot of energy...I am finding myself less and less interested :(


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Mich56
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Posted on Tue, Dec 08, 2009 08:27

Hi Honey bisbuit: You're right it does take a lot of work to find someone, mature, emotionally and financially secure. Not so much in a "got it all" way but more a "not a disaster, I need you to fix me way" that unfortunately too many are. perhaps we can discuss some ideas about how to shorted the journey. Micheal


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butterbll
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Posted on Fri, Oct 12, 2007 07:17

honeybiscut, don't give up. a fine multi talented lady such as your self should be able to find a partner. If you were not so far ,I think I'd have to try to light your inner fire. It has been said that one does not find the needle in the haystack unless they start to move it.


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Thu, Oct 11, 2007 17:24

Re: bizzle49 write: well honeyB....why don't all you ladies get nekkid and well oiled and fight it out to last woman standing....I'd be glad to offer my humble (and obviously very horned out) self as the grand prize

Bizz...you are horned out these days. lol. I kinda like it though.


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Thu, Oct 11, 2007 17:22

Re: bluegirl2006 write: Honey, I think the difference between the earlier period of your life when you concentrated on your career and this period in your life must be noted. I suspect in the earlier period you made a conscious choice to close yourself off to the idea of a partnership. I'm not suggesting you do this now. Instead I'm suggesting you keep yourself open to all the possibiities and just stop focusing so much on finding a mate. Do the things you love doing, but don't focus on them so much that you ignore the potential friendships or relationships that lie all around you if you keep yourself open.

Blue your assessment is almost on the nose with the exception of the focus on a mate search. The tiring and difficult part for me is TOO STAY OPEN...I do not focus on seeking a partner or put a lot of energy and effort into looking for someone. For a couple of months I did kind of go on a dating and uhh physical gratification frenzy...but it was purely slutty urges I was burning off from having been stuffed down all nunlike for 5 years after returning home...sharing a house with the parents and taking care of the sick and dying just made me numb to anything but surviving for a while. Once I popped the top off that genie bottle I had some sexual energy to burn and I did...but not one of those partners made my heart go pitter pat(well maybe one made my heart pound for about a minute but it passed quickly). I met one fella here online right in the beginning who did a thorough job of wooing me and then being assininely and completely unavailable and then being just plain mean and nasty about it - he was a troll and so I learned what a troll is..I've only been here for the boards for six months or more...The personals side is useless and just well boring.


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bizzle49
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Posted on Sun, Oct 07, 2007 12:07

well honeyB....why don't all you ladies get nekkid and well oiled and fight it out to last woman standing....I'd be glad to offer my humble (and obviously very horned out) self as the grand prize


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wyldechild
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Posted on Sat, Oct 06, 2007 21:32

Re: LazyAfternoons write: Re: wyldechild write: You know, blue & kewanna are right. It's when you quit looking so hard that life seems to fall into place. Explore life, what you like, enjoy who you are.
I love that sentiment and it's so true. The Buddhist mentality is this: Life is suffering, we are born to suffer and that's as good as it's going to get. According to the Buddhist doctrine the way to avoid suffering is to relinquish want because wanting causes suffering. I liked Wylde's sentiment because she is obviously avoiding suffering by taking joy out of the moment, she's not longing for somebody or something, she's enjoying who she is and that, in my mind, is the road to personal consolidation and contentment.
I try Lazy *grin* I think too that we are also so conditioned to be afraid of asking for what we want without "conditions" and by being grateful for what we do have. Which brings about negativity and essentially contradicts what it is we ultimately wish for. And the times when we actually "get" what we want, we often cannot accept it or acknowledge it. We throw in the proverbial monkey wrench. Ah, but now I am rambling beyond the simplicity of just allowing oneself to take a step back and enjoy their life. Take a big time out, do for you because you're you. Not for anyone else.


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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Fri, Oct 05, 2007 15:28

Honey, I think the difference between the earlier period of your life when you concentrated on your career and this period in your life must be noted. I suspect in the earlier period you made a conscious choice to close yourself off to the idea of a partnership. I'm not suggesting you do this now. Instead I'm suggesting you keep yourself open to all the possibiities and just stop focusing so much on finding a mate. Do the things you love doing, but don't focus on them so much that you ignore the potential friendships or relationships that lie all around you if you keep yourself open. It was when I decided to stop using this site to look for a mate and just find a few penpals or hang out with my friends, the bloggers, that my love found me. Kewannap says the same thing. I'm not saying you shouldn't contact someone you may find interesting. You should. Just don't focus all your energy on this search for a partner. Life should be fun. Find the fun if you can. ps. Ever heard the expression a watched pot never boils?


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Thu, Oct 04, 2007 21:54

Re: wyldechild write: You know, blue & kewanna are right. It's when you quit looking so hard that life seems to fall into place. Explore life, what you like, enjoy who you are. Re: honeybiscuit write: Ok...I am running out of steam with this looking for a mate thing. It sure does take a lot of energy...I am finding myself less and less interested :(

Thanks for the thoughtful advice everyone. I think I may need a break. But as to being comfortable in my life and happy with it no problem. I spent from the age of 23 to 43 in that mode. Made a point of "not looking" and spent all that time on my career, and being happlity single for the most part. I had a few relationships but all with built in expiration dates cause I did not feel ready to make a longer or deeper commitment. My gran dying this year is what made me realize that I am at a time where it makes sense for me to be partnered up and that I would enjoy and but up for the cahllenge of it now...I do not expect to find a "knight" who will swoop me up. I expect to settle in with someone to be collaborative and creative and comingle our lives...a companion for the rest of the journey. In truth I wonder if the obstacle is that I do not want it enough. i some fella that matches me were to pop up I don;t know if I would feel energized enough to make the effort required. And Amy...thank you for the private note. That was very sweet...


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Thu, Oct 04, 2007 19:40

Re: wyldechild write: You know, blue & kewanna are right. It's when you quit looking so hard that life seems to fall into place. Explore life, what you like, enjoy who you are. Re: honeybiscuit write: Ok...I am running out of steam with this looking for a mate thing. It sure does take a lot of energy...I am finding myself less and less interested :(

It can be frustrating, I know. But it is true, sometimes the 'one' pops up where you weren't expecting him to. Hang in there!


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wyldechild
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Posted on Thu, Oct 04, 2007 16:57

Re: honeybiscuit write: Ok...I am running out of steam with this looking for a mate thing. It sure does take a lot of energy...I am finding myself less and less interested :(

You know, blue & kewanna are right. It's when you quit looking so hard that life seems to fall into place. Explore life, what you like, enjoy who you are.


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smoosh
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Posted on Thu, Oct 04, 2007 16:55

* Ditto * - what she said...


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Posted on Wed, Oct 03, 2007 19:15

I know what you are both saying. This looking gets tedious after soo long and many almost encounters. Now with the holidays not too far, I find that men seem to "dry up". As for me, I agree I'm getting burnt out. I'm going to become a professional blogger !!! Does it pay?????? We can start a gal's only club until after Valentines day ! Is anyone out there having any luck? Nisi32132


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queenpisces
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Posted on Wed, Oct 03, 2007 18:37

I think that is where most of us women go astray. We are "looking" for someone. Yes we are all on this site for a reason, so please don't get me wrong there. However, I think when one goes out in search of a companion the only thing one finds is that they are farther away from themselves than when they first started their search. Let things happen naturally. You are on this site and hopefully other sites as well. Just know, you are making the effort to put yourself out there. The man of your dreams will come and sweep you off your feet, when you have found your way back to yourself/"home" and it will be when you least expect it. (He can't find you while you are out looking for him!) Good luck honey. I am waiting on my prince to ring my door bell any day now!! :o) Don't give up.


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Posted on Wed, Oct 03, 2007 18:25

NOW you are at the point to meet someone! It wasn't until I "gave up" and decided to just enjoy being single and I stopped trying to make something happen that I met David. Something amazing happens when you turn the focus onto yourself rather than looking so hard.... you realize you are a great person in your own skin and guys see that!


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Posted on Wed, Oct 03, 2007 09:20

I'm at the point now where I like being alone. It's nice not to have to answer to anyone but myself :)


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Wed, Oct 03, 2007 06:24

Join the Club. We have jackets.


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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Wed, Oct 03, 2007 02:18

Sounds like you need to take a break and stop looking for a little while. Just concentrate on having fun and doing things you enjoy. Sometimes its when you stop looking for it that you find what you seek. ;)


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