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Posted on May 26, 2007 at 06:34 AM

Work and Life- Ok so my life is a bit crazy rite now. I have been practically living with my boyfriend the last couple of weeks becase his car broke down and his house is closer to my work and school than mine so I have been giving him a ride to work in exchange for gass money. I also gained a new job and lost another. The purse stand I was working at closed cause the couple who own it where going to another country and didnt know when they would come back. I did find another job but it is also part time and minimum wage... Burger King. Im gitting fustrated! I need a good paying full time job! The good news Is I am back to going to school at Sanford Brown... that makes me very happy. Love- Ok, so my boyfriend is weird. He treats me wonderful (in fact we act like a married couple all the time and we have talked about us being married down the road... years down the road)but sometimes I go off by myself and cry cause I dont truelly know what he feels for me. One moment he seems to love me the next he seid something that makes me question if hes with me just cause Im the only person availible at the time (I think he as attachment ishuess, he dosnt like, want, or isnt capeable of being emotionly attached to someone strongly... he dosnt miss people when they leave his life also he might have been a little sarcastic and bitter when he seid what he seid to me). Its not that hes mean about it (90% of the time hes great to me and if he knew I was crying he would freek... he really dosnt like to see me upset) but he, (Like everyone) has issues... mostly created by his ex girlfriends (lose women who made sex a chore... isnt that horrable?), some of them just a product of his own weirdness (ok,I have to admit his online personality... well hes easy, he has more online sex with other women than real sex with me... I dont mind the online thing, its not real and most of the gals he has talked to recently know about me, but I do mind that he dose it more than with me, it makes me question how much he really desires me). Anyways Im just not shure how to deal with my emotions for him. I love him a lot. I dont want to loose him but at the same time if he dosnt love me as much as I love him I dont want to try to trap him or make him feel bad. I think he needs councling in order to fix his issues but I dont think he would do it. I just want to have him for as long as he is willing to have me at this point case I really do think he is the one for me and well... its better to have love and lost than never love... anyways If we do break up eventually I will be alright (dispite crying a lot), I am very independent to a point. I probably wont want to have kids or get married cause well thats what I wanted with him but I would probably date for companionship and sexual need. Anyways Im not going to worry about it now. Why add more stress to my life. I just hope Im wrong and he dose love me back as much as I love him... after all they do say action is better than words and his actions say he loves me...

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