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When does a "No-No" become a "Yes-Yes"? Sort by:
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jjiggl
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Posted on Sat, Apr 21, 2007 06:04

Many of us have listed items on our profiles that let the reader know what we DO NOT WANT and what we DESIRE in a mate. And from many of the posts and blogs that I have read on this site, it seems that many of us are sticking to our guns and, (for use of a better phrase)--"not settling". I met someone here who has a characteristic that I did not list as a "no-no" on my profile, but in the past, I had ALWAYS considered it to be a definite "flaw". I was so turned off by this characteristic, that in the past I would look for this "no-no" whenever I met a man. If he had this "no-no", he NEVER got more than friendly conversation out of me. (And he only got that much from me because I did not want to offend him). I have actually rejected men who were otherwise very attractive to me, but immediately became undesirable and quite repulsive to me when I saw that they had this "flaw". The man that I met here, who I am madly and passionately in love with, has this characteristic and it doesn't even bother me. In fact, when I first met him, I did not even look for it. When I finally noticed that he had it, I disregarded it and did not pay much attention to it. I am truly grateful that I did not meet him in the "traditional" way and got to know him via IM and the phone first. Had I seen him before I met him, I would have let my "prejudice" get in the way and would have dismissed the love of my life. Having said all of this, my question is: Have any of you met someone who was a "no-no" and became a "yes-yes"? Does anyone know why we have these so-called standards, many of which have nothing to do with love? If so, please share your story.


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SweetCarmelBBBW
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Posted on Sun, Apr 22, 2007 22:52

My personal belief is as we live life our feelings about what we considered a NO NO at one time; simply no longer matter. Daily living teaches us all the things we thought were so important in finding a mate really don't matter. It doesn't mean settling for a relationship that is not fulfilling, but the things we thought we desired in a mate may change over time because we change over time. I believe our core priorities stay the same - character issues. Is the potential mate married, in a relationship, do we have the same spiritual beliefs or anything that shapes their character. But things we used to think we would not be able to live with are really not that important. Just my .02 Congrats on the relationship.


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Sun, Apr 22, 2007 14:28

Wow jiggl - great topic! That's a tough one. I hve writen several conflicting responses in this little box and erased them all. I geuss my ultimate measure that is absolutely golden is my gut feeling. If I have an inkling or gut feeling that there may be a problem to big to overcome I only get into trouble if I do not listen it. Sometimes I have to remind myself to sit still and listen to my gut, heart, inner wisdom whatever and if I am smart enough to let this be my compass then all is good.


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Posted on Sun, Apr 22, 2007 02:51

I think meeting people over the 'net encourages us to look at our likes and dislikes and make them seem more important than they would if you met someone by chance at a bar or wherever the hell it is that people meet these days! I certainly have a set of "ideals" in mind but am fairly flexible about them if the guy seems like a decent sort. For example I arranged to meet a guy who was considerably shorter than me - not my ideal - but we appeared to connect well so it became less relevant. (As it turned out he was a total loser, stood me up, and apparently has something of a dodgy reputation on here, but that's another story, lol!) My real no-no is smoking, partly because of my own health reasons (I react very badly to it!) and frankly, partly because it just stinks! I'd be the same about poor personal hygeine if they refused to resolve it too. Glad things are going well jjiggl!


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