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Posted on May 04, 2006 at 10:00 AM

I recently got closure from a man I was exploring with. Truth be told I suspected we did not have the right mix, but was giving it time to be sure. While we had the basic ingredients, but our rhythms did not match. I honestly have no hard feelings about the miss -erase/replace; we weren't in that deep- but must admit to being miffed by the nice guy tactics. Why is it that we just can't come out and say, "thanks but no thanks?" Why the need for sorry excuses or worst yet avoidance? And I will not even blame men here, 'cause we women play our own games in this area. Why is it so hard to say, "you are a great person, just not the right one for me". And why is it, even in our own minds, we feel the need to find something "wrong" with the other in order to let go. Do we not value ourselves enough to admit that it is about us: our wants/needs/desires. As for receiving a "no thanks", is it so hard to hear? Sure no one wants to get their hopes dashed, but almost every time I have heard those words uttered, the speaker was just jumping me to the proverbial gun. Is it not better to know? To let go and move on rather than to play the "wrong place wrong time" game. Let's face it, I don't care what is going on in your life, if you are really into having and ready for a partner and the right one comes along, then you MAKE time for romance. If we listen, our guts will usually tell us the truth. Sometimes the desire to evade loneliness will suppress good sense, and folks will try to force what isn't there. But how many real stalkers bent on revenge are out there? Do we really need to turn our goodbyes into lies in order to feel safe? And do we not realize that in so tempering our truth, we give such stalkers the mixed messages they feed on? Is it just me that would prefer the hard truth to a well intended lie? Am I the only one who pushes past my own ego in the need to look my truths in the face? Is integrity not en vogue? (If the aforementioned man is reading this; know that this is not an intended shot aimed at you. I really do believe you are a good guy and worthy of good things. It is just this blogger trying to figure some stuff out and writing what she knows as a means of getting there. One Love always)

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