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happyinportland
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Posted on Wed, Feb 28, 2007 16:09

In days of old when Knights were bold and even before the Valentine was invented, there seemed to be a heck of a lot more romance going on ? with men bowing down with feather hats and caps before a maiden or chowing down to a huge banquet, giving their lady the eye over a lamb shank with the exciting possibility of a midnight lute serenade. Fast forward to present day where simple old-fashioned rules no longer apply, leaving guys thinking they have to climb mountains to win a maiden over. It used to be that dating wisdom was passed down through the family with a set of rules and strategies for navigating the playing field. These days anything goes and while that is fine for the super confident among us, what of the rest of us lost and adrift in the love sea. So while I was talking to a couple of the fellas about romance, I learned that most guys do consider themselves capable of being romantic, and the rest would love to be ? if only they knew how. So maybe it's the ladies with whom romance seems out of favour. But how can that be with the traditional female domains of romantic comedies, love songs and soap operas soaking their scripts in champagne and roses? There seems to be something mysteriously askew ? women love romance but dismiss it when it comes their way, while men are less clued-in but still willing to give it a try. Could it be that women are taught by our mothers to have low romantic expectations of the "Dominate male", or to protect themselves from being called "princesses" or "high maintenance" dates by pushing away the romance offered by those same men? Perhaps romance intimidates us or we see it as a tool used by one another to obtain sex. I believe women sometimes have a perception of romance that isn't really obtainable or real. They listen to countless love songs, read and watch Bridget Jones and Sex and the City and dream about there own Mr Big... but in reality the girls at work aren't embracing those ideals. Romance was once declared by the little boy who pulled your ponytail in the playground, but as we've grown older we've heaped our romantic experience with a good helping of expectation. And unfortunately complications arise when our expectations are not met ? like when one's romantic ideal is a moonlit walk and your mate's is a late-night dash to the bathroom. A gentle romantic approach for the first few dates is best. Taking a date for someone special a step further and making it romantic depends on your desire to impress your date ? but also sensing when, how and if romance is right. It's important to read signs like body language and eye contact. If the signals are positive you could try a genuine compliment or a simple gesture to get your point across. Try opening the door of a restaurant, letting the lady choose her seat first or buying the movie tickets before you meet your date. Romance isn't dead it's just a little gun shy. So how about this, try a little romance this weekend and observe how you're treated and you might find that the object of your affections might just respond in kind. For all the love that is squandered, I will be there to pick up the pieces.


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Posted on Tue, Oct 16, 2007 05:13

Romance is, as Amy pointed out, different for everyone. The classics are still good for me.Showing up with a rose on the first date is nice- it shows that you went out of your way just a bit knowing that the gesture was not going to melt my heart into bed. There is nothing wrong with melting my heart into bed now, don't get me wrong I just think it's all in the timing of things. Being wined and dined, shown a good time, quality time is very romantic. Yes, contact someone you like a bit more than once a week is very good. I also agree that some gestures are overdone and it makes on leery. For me, a constant barrage of undying love on a daily basis it fake in the very beginning of a connection. Especially if you have not met in person. I know there are exceptions for all rule and that's a fact too. I agree that there are no rules and does leave the wanna be loved adrift in the sea with no roads to travel. It was easier when the road to love was paved with signes handed down over the generations. Certain things were expected and the more romantic gestures were noticed. Knowing your man helps, knowing what he understands to be romantic is very important also. NOT all men can conjure up a gesture. Yes, they will ask other guys. Solitary, overt gestures on a grandiose scale come along once in a while appropriately. As Stacy said, the everyday is also a staple, but when does that become too routine to be romantic? How sad we've become? Is Romance dead? I sure hope not !! Guy keep trying, never give up ! Ladies pay attention and do some romantic thing for the guy in your life- he likes romance too you know !! Nat's 2.5 cents


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SweetCicely
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Posted on Mon, Oct 15, 2007 21:29

Tricky question. Romance, like the appreciation of beauty, varies from person to person. I prefer small and clearly genuine, spontaneous testimonies to the romantic impulse. I may be wired wrong, but the classic "open the door, single red rose" seems too practiced. I don't need a man to cover a mud puddle with his cloak so I can walk on it, but sharing a cloak when the wind makes you shiver, now THERE'S romance. Amy


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Mon, Oct 15, 2007 20:41

I don't have alot of experience in romance but to me, romance is he little things everyday that shows your special someone that you love them and think they are special. It could be a text message during the day saying I love you or flowers and gifts that show up unexpectantly or a card in the mail or a phone call saying I'm thinking of you or being told first thing in the morning how beatiful and sexy you are with your hair all a mess. Romance to me isn't something that needs to be expensive or out of obligation, it is a natural way of showing you care. I like the door opened for me, I like being pampered and called a princess, I like it when my boyfriends tells me how much he thought about me all day. Romance is a way to keep the fire burning and the spark hot. It is a way to tell and show how much you care and how much you love him. And I think some people are naturally romantic and others aren't but if you aren't you can still show how much you love your special one and it will be appreciated. I am so lucky, my boyfriend is the definition of romance. He is wonderful and makes me feel wonderful.


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Posted on Sat, Mar 03, 2007 14:12

sirhansumransum.......where have you been all my life?? xxxxx ;0)


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Posted on Sat, Mar 03, 2007 08:29

Sirhansum, I think you are spot on when you say "It's important to read signs like body language and eye contact". Every woman's idea of romance is probably different and can be totally dependant on the given situation. Opening doors and pulling out chairs are all well and good if the guy is there first but can become awkward and uncomfortable situations. I'm fiercely independant and quite used to opening my own doors etc - that's not to say I don't appreciate it in certain situations, but it is 2007 and on one hand we want equality, then we say we want chivalry, lol. For me the "romantic" touch is about the little special things that are individual to you; that extra bit of thought and effort. That could be anything from holding hands, reassurance in what could be a tough situation, going to a favourite place, a favourite chocolate bar .... I don't think there's a set formula for getting it right! (Sorry guys!) I also think it's just as important for women to make little romantic gestures too .... for me, respect and equality rule!


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plennimadd
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Posted on Fri, Mar 02, 2007 12:02

Hi Sirhansum, I love that you've broached this subject, and I just wanted to add my two cents. Guys, it's the little things that count! Bring a single rose (red is great, but on a first date, white is safer lol). Open the door--car doors count too! Pull out her chair. Stand when she stands (even if she's just running to the restroom--and stand when she returns, too--and triple points if you manage to pull out her chair for her a second time!). Don't let her pay, even for half. Let her pick the movie or restaurant. Gently brush a strand of hair off of her face. When in the movies, loosely drape your arm on the back of the chair--if she's into you, she WILL snuggle into it! Look her in the eyes and sincerely tell her she looks BEAUTIFUL. Or AMAZING. Or WONDERFUL. Try to avoid telling her she looks sexy or hot; even though she might like that, there's a bigger chance that she may be offended by it. Amazing is a good synonym in those cases where she is in a spicy little black dress. Compliment something--her eyes, her hair, her laugh. I ran into an old friend a few weeks ago, and mentioned having broken a front tooth in a fall, and how I cried because I loved my teeth and my smile (no braces ever!), and I had to have a crown put on it. And he made me blush and grin like an idiot when he said "I always did love your smile." All I could do was giggle a little and say "Aw, thank you!" I know you've got a romantic gentleman in there just waiting to reveal yourselves! Good luck to all you old fashioned romancers out there!


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Posted on Wed, Feb 28, 2007 19:40

Romance... I vaguely remember what that was...


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