Quoting airemus:

Hey Tall,

I know we chatted about this, but felt that with a little more reflection I could clarify further.

I think that if men can get it they will go for it. I also have found that once I tell a man that I am not into a quickie they either go away or as many do, will welcome exploration.

I am careful of judging first moves, as so many are out of practice or just plain don't know any better. Unfortunately, some try to be provocative and miss. I also don't think that men always get how at risk we as women can feel in the world.

I also find there is a small segment of men that think BBWs are desperate and thus easy prey. Hopefully we can dissuade them of this misconception.

Here is my standard response to such an email when it comes from someone I might find otherwise interesting:

"Subject: Dare to play?

As I am sure you have probably discovered, the world of cyber dating can be a crapshoot. I freely admit that I am a toe first kind of person. As such I have found it best to use this tool for exploration before further commitment. I have found the best way to do that is with a round of twenty questions. The rules are simple; we each get 20 questions. We must be honest, but may pass on any question. A pass yields a penalty of 2 replacement questions."

I include my first three questions and invite him to send his with his first responses. So far men have been very responsive, and I can usually decide within 6 questions what I am dealing with. It does not do much for judging the chemistry factor, but it goes a long way in exploring compatibility and intent.

As for those who pass, I wish them well as I feel they have as much right to their quickie as I do to my splitapart. In fact, I have come to appreciate their forthrightness; it allows me to asses and move on ? no harm no foul. Better this than the man who whispers sweet nothings only to hit and run.

Over time I have found that between the tone of my blogs and my profiles, I get less of the players and more of those looking for a life partner.

Hey Tall,

I know we chatted about this, but felt that with a little more reflection I could clarify further.

I think that if men can get it they will go for it. I also have found that once I tell a man that I am not into a quickie they either go away or as many do, will welcome exploration.

I am careful of judging first moves, as so many are out of practice or just plain don't know any better. Unfortunately, some try to be provocative and miss. I also don't think that men always get how at risk we as women can feel in the world.

I also find there is a small segment of men that think BBWs are desperate and thus easy prey. Hopefully we can dissuade them of this misconception.

Here is my standard response to such an email when it comes from someone I might find otherwise interesting:

"Subject: Dare to play?

As I am sure you have probably discovered, the world of cyber dating can be a crapshoot. I freely admit that I am a toe first kind of person. As such I have found it best to use this tool for exploration before further commitment. I have found the best way to do that is with a round of twenty questions. The rules are simple; we each get 20 questions. We must be honest, but may pass on any question. A pass yields a penalty of 2 replacement questions."

I include my first three questions and invite him to send his with his first responses. So far men have been very responsive, and I can usually decide within 6 questions what I am dealing with. It does not do much for judging the chemistry factor, but it goes a long way in exploring compatibility and intent.

As for those who pass, I wish them well as I feel they have as much right to their quickie as I do to my splitapart. In fact, I have come to appreciate their forthrightness; it allows me to asses and move on ? no harm no foul. Better this than the man who whispers sweet nothings only to hit and run.

Over time I have found that between the tone of my blogs and my profiles, I get less of the players and more of those looking for a life partner.

Quoting cinnamon36dd:

After a few chat sessions I would Rather have a few phone conversations with the person I think you can tell a lot about a person by there voice.

After a few chat sessions I would Rather have a few phone conversations with the person I think you can tell a lot about a person by there voice.

Quoting RavenLoony:

Heya Tall,

Personally I just think there is something more spontaneous and personal about phone conversations. Even with all of the emoticons and other ways of expressing one's self on the net, it is great to actually hear someone laugh over the phone. Success rate? Hmmm I would probably say about 25% of the people I have communicated with have been trusting with their phone numbers. I think what should be remembered here is that not all of us guys want phone-sex. I sure as heck don't... I don't even really see the point of it. Also with features like number blocking it's easier now for women to offer their number. All they have to say to a guy that they are talking to is that they are uninterested in those kind of advances made over the phone and if it happens they can and will add that person to their block list. I spend so much time on this computer because my classes are online I really enjoy the sound of someone elses voice instead of bland text. I guess what I am looking for when I ask a woman to call is just conversation. The phone is still pretty much as anonymous as the internet. It's not as if you are blindly going out to the guy's home with no prior knowledge of him. That, I wouldn't expect from any woman.

Heya Tall,

Personally I just think there is something more spontaneous and personal about phone conversations. Even with all of the emoticons and other ways of expressing one's self on the net, it is great to actually hear someone laugh over the phone. Success rate? Hmmm I would probably say about 25% of the people I have communicated with have been trusting with their phone numbers. I think what should be remembered here is that not all of us guys want phone-sex. I sure as heck don't... I don't even really see the point of it. Also with features like number blocking it's easier now for women to offer their number. All they have to say to a guy that they are talking to is that they are uninterested in those kind of advances made over the phone and if it happens they can and will add that person to their block list. I spend so much time on this computer because my classes are online I really enjoy the sound of someone elses voice instead of bland text. I guess what I am looking for when I ask a woman to call is just conversation. The phone is still pretty much as anonymous as the internet. It's not as if you are blindly going out to the guy's home with no prior knowledge of him. That, I wouldn't expect from any woman.