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Posted on Sat, Nov 25, 2006 02:24

Hi all - Just wondering on your thoughts on long distance relationships? 1. Do they tend to turn out too one-sided...with one person more involved in the relationship than the other? 2. Difficulties? Just want to get ideas and thoughts. :)

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Posted on Thu, Dec 28, 2006 15:35

WWguy, your comments are always quite insightful. Thanks! :) You sound like a very content man with a fantastic woman to share your time with. Two BIG thumbs up!!!! :) Much like what Gnosis mentioned. Guess it just depends on how serious the committment is. Thanks, WWguy and Gnosis! :D


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gnosis
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Posted on Thu, Dec 28, 2006 07:46

I totally think they can work as it totally depends on the serious committment on both parties involved. Now that being said, I moved to college this past year and my old relationship that fell to pieces when I moved away but c'est la vie


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Posted on Tue, Dec 12, 2006 18:50

wow, how awful...! thanks for sharing, anyways! what an experience. And you stayind in the UK for 5 years. (it is a great place, huh? smiling) You have a great attitude, and i'm so glad to hear that you moved past it. yes, you're right. lessons to learn and grow from. thank you. :)


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mrjinx187
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Posted on Mon, Dec 04, 2006 08:40

my long distance relationship lasted almost 5 years. we met online and chatted and emailled for two years. then one day i ask her to visit me it was great cos we finally met and tried to make it work. eventually i ended up moving to the uk, just to find out my lady had been cheating on me the whole time with someone else. i took it as a living experience, and i have been living here in england now for 5 years, it would be nice to meet someone here, but since im not planning on staying in the uk, i feel its not wise to try. I cant expect someone else to follow me like i followed my ex all those years. but hey we learn and try to move on which is part of life the good and the bad just cant escape it i guess


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Posted on Sat, Dec 02, 2006 12:34

Wanda, thank you for your well wishes. Yes, if it's meant to be it will be. If not, at least I got to meet a sweet new friend. :) Muaaas4u - what you wrote was insightful. I liked that you were completely honest with yourself about what stage you were in your life and how the relationship helped heal you. I find this interesting. Yes, perhaps selfish, but life brings so many blessings in many ways. Every person I've come to know has brought something new and difft into my life, too. :D Amuseme, for the most part, I agree. The only thing I found was that in some ways, the relationship progressed faster and slower at the same time. B/c I didn't get to see him as often, I had to make some critical decisions that in a normal non-long distance relationship I would not have had to make until much further along in the relationship. And yet, at the same time, I felt that I knew his heart...but not his day-to-day life very much. Kinda of a weird juxtaposition, but something like that. :D But, for the most part...yes, you are correct. It takes just as much work and trust, etc. A heartfelt thanks! :)


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Fri, Dec 01, 2006 08:00

Long distance relationships are no different than any other, in my opinion. Any relationship takes hard work, understanding and trust.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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muaaas4u
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Posted on Fri, Dec 01, 2006 07:56

HI there! well here goes my opinion on long distance love: I was in a long distance love for two years, it was hard but at the time I believe it's what I needed. You see I had barely come out of a divorce, and come back to live in the United States. I needed the attention of someone asking how my day went,how I had slept, how I felt, or how the kids were. You see I needed a Friend. I believe that this is what he needed too! Everything was great until we felt the need to meet. We both knew that there was a strong attraction, but here is where the problems started. The trust factor was a problem and to make a long story short well we ended it! Many would criticize me because of the time invested in this relationship, but I believe it was a time that I needed to heal and my long distance love helped me. This might sound a little selfish, but it wasn't we both needed each other. I remember him dearly even if the outcome wasn't a fairy tale ending. I am just a firm believer in the fact "If it's meant to be, it will be", and this relationship was not meant for me. If love is meant to happen it will happen no matter what the circumstances!


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wanda_world
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Posted on Fri, Dec 01, 2006 03:10

I hope everything works out for you the way you want it to! Good luck!


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Posted on Tue, Nov 28, 2006 18:54

blush...thanks, amuseme. we have communicated. we've decided to take some time apart and think on where we want things to go. thanks for your kind words and advice! :) hugs!


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Tue, Nov 28, 2006 18:14

SeekingFriends, you wrote: I guess I'm realizing that it takes more than just being a good guy. It's more...is he the man who will make me happy. Sigh. >>>>>> Darling, pumpkin... If this question occurs to you... then you probably already know he isn't. Maybe he isn't putting forth enough effort? I don't know. But I do know that when you are "happy-in-love", you are just that.. happy-in-love. That doesn't mean things can't be worked on! He may really want to make you happy. I hope you will communicate with him about your feelings. By the way.. you are cute as a button! Best wishes!


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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Posted on Tue, Nov 28, 2006 14:15

bigheart...yes, i feel that way...just the way you mention. we are 5 hours apart...a hike, yes...but not drastic. hmm... jerseysapphire, i'm so happy for your dad and gf. way to go! :D


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Posted on Mon, Nov 27, 2006 18:55

Aw... thank you SO much for each of you responding with such thoughtfulness! (((HUGS))) Bluegirl, I think you are correct. I think regardless of location, a relationship will swing back and forth between the two...kinda like the rubberband effect. Or so it has seemed in the past with me, until this most recent relationship. I feel, sadly enough, like I am doing the work in the relationship..the driving, calling, messages, etc. It is odd, b/c I guess I'm not used to doing all of it. And has made me ponder on it very much. Bestkeptsecret, thank you for your insight. That must have been a hard decision to make. I, too, was faced with the same decision...but very nearly moved. It seems you have made a very wise choice, indeed. :) Lorca, yes...agreed. If a relationship is meant to happen, no matter the distance, it will be. :) LD is hard, though. This is my first ld. :) Wanda, (i love your pic by the way! smiles!) i think you are right. communication is key to the relationship. I liked your input, Luciia. I think this current relationship i am in is not really one-sided b/c of the distance. I think it is b/c I gave too much from the beginning. Learning to hold back now. I'm a work in progress. :D Hey Nodrama, yes...i would agree. Don't really have trust issues with him per se. He's very trustworthy and is a very good man. Just...hm...I guess I'm realizing that it takes more than just being a good guy. It's more...is he the man who will make me happy. Sigh. Thank you SO much for responding and sharing. Feel all warm and fuzzy! :D Hugs, everyone!


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nodramaaroundme
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Posted on Sun, Nov 26, 2006 19:33

I believe I like LD relationships because when you get to see that person it's almost brand new again. People will cheat whether they are in the house next door or in the house 8 states away. If you don't have trust...what is the point?


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wanda_world
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Posted on Sun, Nov 26, 2006 15:23

I think it depends on the people involved if the relationship can be successful, what each person wants out of it, and if the people are willing to put the time and extra effort into keeping the relationship alive. Not being around each other often can put a strain on a relationship, but regular communication can alleviate some of that.


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Posted on Sun, Nov 26, 2006 12:43

I've never been in one but I think it would be hard. The whole point of a relationship is to be in each others lives on a regular basis. If you only talk to them on the phone most of the time is that really a relationship? But then again I think if someone wants something enough it can be worked out.


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Posted on Sun, Nov 26, 2006 09:53

It depends on your mental make up and how much you are into that person. If you are already apart and are seeing each other on the weekend its easier to deal with. But if you see each other regularly and then the other person or you have to move for a job or something it can get difficult. I met the loveliest man last year from regular dating website we didn't live near each other but at least in the same country! LOL We got on really well and things were getting serious, however I didn't know that his consultancy wasn't doing that well in the UK and he kept getting short -term consultancy contracts abroad for 2 weeks or three weeks. He didn't tell me about those problems because he knew I was being put through the wringer myself at work. In July last year he went for a 3 week consultancy job in New York and they ended up offering him a job. He phoned me and told me that he accepted the job but he didn't want to pressurise me and wanted me to think about what I wanted to do. I was in turmoil for a week, I really liked the guy but I didn't know him well enough to leave my career and go to a country where I would have to start from scratch rethink my career. And I was worried that i'd be running away from my problems in the UK. I thought long and hard about could I cope seeing him long distance for a little while and review the position as we go along. Then I thought how well do you really get to know someone only seeing each other here and there. And now we are not talking 3 hour car journey we are talking an atlantic ocean to cross and seeing each other on holidays and stuff. It would be really intense then no human touch for months and I thought I just can't do it I would find it difficult and I would be sitting here pining after him. So I told him after a week I couldn't do either option given to me. He got angry with me saying that he now knows how i feel about him. I said it was unfair of him to say because it is a big thing to ask and we had been seeing each other for 3-4 months. He said if I had gone to the US he would have properly proposed. We are still friends now. With hindsight I still think I've done the right thing. And I'm hoping I'll find my incredibly intelligent spiritual, funny guy without having to go to the otherside of the world to do it.


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