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The Dating/Humor Controversy Sort by:
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Posted on Oct 28, 2006 at 07:56 PM

The initial thoughts that came to mind when I read the post regarding "dating adventures" was of two different stories I heard from men-one from a guy I met on this website, another also from a website for larger than normal folks. Both were extremely derogatory towards very large women,one also regarded someome being ugly. I was appalled when I heard them. I guess because I am not your average bear, nor a real large one, they both assumed I would find these stories acceptable. I did not. I was shocked, and didn't want to see anything similar to these two stories posted here when I saw the blog inviting folks to post about "good,bad or ugly" dating adventures. I live in a fairly small city, and several years ago met and dated "John" whom I met on a "normal" website, and to this day we remain good friends. I joined this website,and started corresponding with "Pete" (before I posted a picture). After just a few emails it occurred to me that there were numerous similarities between Pete and John, so I asked John if he was by any chance on this website, and when I did he laughed and we both realized we had been corresponding again with each other, this time on a completely different website. So I personally know that if I could end up communicating with someone here I met elsewhere; they could also read what I posted about a date with them as well. I really do love to laugh! I couldn't cope working with life and death daily if I couldn't see humor in life. My best friend and former coworker of many years is a therapist who believes in incorporating laughter into therapy and he does so in life all the time. It's difficult to be around someone like that for a quarter of your life and it not to rub off! However, I feel that laughter and humor doesn't need to be at the expense of somebody else who didn't ask for it. Laughing at others doesn't allow the person to choose to be the butt of a joke. We can laugh at ourselves, and our own foibles making ourselves the butt of the joke. I am the worlds biggest klutz. Having said that, I allow, and invite you to laugh with me and post as many klutz jokes as you wish and put my name in them if you so desire. My coworkers laugh with me all the time-I have given them my permission to do so. I laugh hysterically with them sometimes until we are all crying. I am so klutzy someone put a mop, going straight across from a bucket to a chair so I wouldn't slip on the wet floor. But alas,I wasn't looking that way when walking down the hall, my focus was on other matters and in another direction, and I tripped over the mop handle and fell anyway! Now that's klutzy! (You can laugh..it's ok..I gave you permission!) I have much compassion and admiration for people, regardless of the way they act or express their issues.I don't like to see others harmed if possible. I am not trying to make anyone feel bad here and don't mean to imply that anyone was trying to harm anyone. I don't know what anyone's intent would be in hurting others, but sometimes we inadvertantly hurt others without meaning to. My purpose however, was to try to prevent someone from feeling hurt or humiliated. I know if either of the stories I was told were posted here, some people would feel hurt. I personally don't think it's a good idea to invite people to start talking negatively about others. No matter who we are, we all act out our problems and our past in different ways. What is really "normal"? Who defines what "normal" is, and what "normal behavior is or is not?" Some people are drug addicts, some over-exercise or are extreme religious fanatics, others have control issues, drug addiction, or alcoholism. These people have problems that are manifested in the way they act. Some people are depressed and sad, some are nervous and anxious;some people have physical illnesses which are a result of problems they have not dealt with. Other people have problems that manifest in other ways-anorexia, bulemia,or food addictions. The major difference is that some are readily visable to the naked eye while others are observed. Some people are overweight because of medical problems and a genetic tendancy, others eat because of emotional issues or stress, while others can't eat because of emotional issues. There is no difference between all these people. These are all people who have problems or issues-some large, some small, some major, some minor that have not been addressed. Most people don't like to face their issues, so the real issue usually gets covered up and people act out in ways that are unhealthy for them. Does that make it alright to laugh at these people because of the way they acted on a date, or looked, or dressed? I have met people in various stages-recovering drug addicts,recovering alcoholics,people who have learned to overcome control issues,depression, anxiety,obsessions, people who have overcome anorexia and gained weight, and those who have lost weight. Some of them expressed fear that they were slowly killing themselves. Many expressed feelings of low self worth,low self esteem, that they didn't "fit in", that they weren't "normal" , that others made fun of them, that they were mocked, sad, depressed or anxious. Some of these people slit their own wrists, intentionally took drug overdoses or had attempted to mutilate themselves or take their own life in some way. I met people who cried deeply, for themselves, for life in general, but never met one who thought it was funny that they had these problems. None of them laughed. Some people really do take things to heart. Some of us posting here have reached a place in our lives where we won't allow ourselves or others to make us feel inferior or bad about ourselves. Some don't think that the opinions of others is important. But not all people are that strong, some people are really sensitive. The people posting here are a small percentage of the people reading these blogs. I know some people reading this will think it's hogwash. I know I am more sensitive to the feelings of others because I listened intently to people expressing their feelings for many years. And that is what motivates me to attempt to stop situations that I know may cause others unintentional pain. I honestly don't think I am any better than the next person; I am quite aware that I have many faults, and sincerely apologize if I inadvertantly came across as haughty or being judgemental of anyone, because that was never my intent. My sole purpose was, and is, a desire to prevent postings that may cause the feelings of others to be hurt and to encourage people to be more thoughtful of others. Perhaps I should have worded my post differently. All I know for sure is what was the intent of my heart. I hope that people here, on a website where it is inferred that people are accepting of others who don't fit the "norm" for size, would be more sentient of others feelings than out in the rest of the world. I do agree,humor does help us make it through some really bad times. Several weeks in the aftermaths of hurricanes Katrina and Rita some volunteers from another state I worked with had me laughing continuously, and it was absolutely wonderful. These folks didn't do any more than anyone else I worked with, but dealing with people for weeks that were full of grief and sadness, and seeing total devastation was playing a toll on me, their laughter and joy was a tremendous lift to my spirit. It's times like that where humor really keeps me from openly weeping at the sometimes cruel faces of life and death. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it! Please feel free to send me and post all the klutz jokes ya want!

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Posted on Oct 29, 2006 at 02:38 PM

Hi Wanda, We cant change how people act. We can only change the way we react to them ,and not empower them. They're not worth it!

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Posted on Oct 29, 2006 at 08:55 AM

I am sorry, you lost me sometime after I learned that "Pete" is actually "John". As if that wasn't surprising enough, you thought this issue needed the attention of not one, but TWO "New" blogs. I'm sorry. After a night of halloween hell and fifteen eight/nine/ten year olds, my head hurts and I haven't finished my first cuppa. Maybe I'll have the energy to fully focus on comprehending your reasons behind this *scene* you have created later. For now though, I am going to go finish writing a poem about my ex-husband that I plan to publish in a certain Domestic Violence newsletter. I can only hope he *happens* I write about him in it even though I feel he deserves much more than to just suffer "recognizing" himself in the story the poem portrays.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser
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Posted on Oct 29, 2006 at 03:15 AM

I think you are totally over analyzing the blog. But hey... that's my opinion. It is possible to post about a bad date without bashing someone... and I don't think anyone bashed their "dates". It's just funny stories... something to make ya laugh. Have a great day!

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