This is one of my funnier blogs. It really did happen about 2 years ago.
About 2 years ago, I was being hard headed and thought I could out run a sinus infection. I had things to do, places to go and no time to be sick. Anyway, by the time I went to the doctor I had pneumonia, a sinus and ear infection and one very nasty cough. The thing about mind over matter is that the mind eventually has to take a break, and all those things that you have been hiding from yourself will appear. So needless to say, I went straight home from the doctor's with my 101 fever to Eckerd .
I had 3 items to pick up 1) Antibiotics 2) Codeine cough syrup and 3) The Miracle Pill (women we all know this pill well, you need it when you're on antibiotics)
I've never taken codeine before, so I followed all the little warnings on the side of the bottle. I fixed something to eat, sweating all along from the fever. Forced myself to eat all of it and carefully measured the prescribed amount into the cup. Because I never know what I?m going to be allergic to or how medication will affect me, I reached for the phone. I called my sister to tell her about the doctors and the medicine. Then I called one of my friends here in Atlanta and took the codeine cough syrup. I talked on the phone for about an hour with no effects. As I was getting off the phone, I started moving around and then I started to feel dizzy.
Side note- I have trained my kids (Kats) to go to bed, in their own room by 11 pm. I give them a treat and close the door. I'm a light sleeper.
Back to the story. I put the kids to bed and carefully climbed the 15 stairs to my bedroom. Which was the last thing I remembered until around 2 am in the morning. At which time I woke up to find a dog curled up on my bedroom floor...it was a pretty big one too. Did I mention I don't have a dog? I was trying not to panic and I especially didn't want to wake the dog. My mind was racing...did I leave the door open, how long has it been in my room, it's laying between me in the bed and the door to safety, did it eat my kids, where's the phone, how can the police get to me without breaking down the door and setting off the alarm? All the while, I'm looking at this dog in my bedroom and trying not to wake it, so I tried to calm down and think my way out of this.
Inside my head
"No Drama, relax and move very slowly." I was reaching for my flashlight. It is a small flashlight and couldn't hurt a fly, but I slowly took my arm from under the covers. "It's ok, it's ok, ND, just move slowly" My head was swimming and it looked like I could see the dog breathing. I got to the flashlight and flicked it on as I prepared to throw myself to the other side of the bed and make a mad dash for the bathroom. Needless to say, the light exposed my clothes in a heap on the floor. Somewhere between the top of the stairs and my bed, I had stripped and left my clothes in a pile on the floor, which I never do. Once my heart stopped racing I went back to sleep.
In the morning I read the warning paper again that was stuffed in the bag with the medications...
"May cause hallucinations"
It's a funny thing about memories you never know when one from so many years ago will rise up and put a smile on your face. As I was jamming to some 80's tunes while sitting in Atlanta traffic, I thought to myself "Man, I miss the stoop." Just in case, a stoop is the city version of a porch. It's the stone steps to the apartment buildings. I remember sitting out there with a family, friends and neighbors from the building. Scareface has a rap about "My Block" but each building was really like its own community. Living across the street could have been a town away. People moved from one apartment within the same building to another based off of family needs, hardly anyone just "moved away." Here in Atlanta it seems people change apartment communities like they do their underwear...just my opinion.
I loved our stoop; it had two tiers with a small courtyard like space in between before you reached the locked entrance. I guess you could call it the city version of a gated community...LOL. There were four large, square pillars (two on each level) about six feet tall from the bottom up. Now if you were standing on the top step an adult could easily see over the flat top of it. As a small child I was beside myself with joy when I was able to an arm across the top. Now if you went around the back of the pillar and could reach the first decorative brick work ridge you could climb up and sit on the top or if you were lucky you could get a boost. I could only climb up on the one on the left by myself because it had a crack below the ridge that allowed me to reach the ridge with the ultimate goal of dinging my legs over the edge while watching people go by. The world was a really tall place for me for a very long time.
There were always people on the block, people you knew, people you trusted. One day, I somehow missed meeting up with my sister and walked home by myself. Of course I didn't have a key to get in, I think I got one the next year; it was placed on a red corded chain that went around my neck. I was so big time then. Anyway, I went up to the neighborhood elderly guys and asked if they would baby-sit me until my sister got there. They did and my family gets a good laugh out of that 'til this day. No one would dare touch "Boots'" kids; my dad had much respect on the block. There was someone other than the guys that baby sat me that day but I didn't noticed then.
My unsung baby-sitter was named Hobo; he was the block's dog. If I interjected my childhood memory with my adult knowledge I would say Hobo was a large yellow Labrador that needed a hair cut (brushed) and a bath. He didn't really stink but the yellow was faded and had dark, dirty patches around it. He was a friendly dog, too friendly at times because people would steal his dog collar purchased by various people on the block. A collar and his decreasing speed was the only thing between his freedom and the pound. Everyday I would save half of my school snack for Hobo. And on special occasions he would meet me at the top of the hill and walk me home, even after receiving his half of the cookie, cup cake, apple or orange slices. And if he didn't look too dirty I would pet him. Hobo always listened to my stories and never made fun of my speech impediment. I never thought anything of it, Hobo was just there. I loved him as if he was my own dog which he often came along for her walks too.
Here is the part of the memory that brings happy tears to my eyes. One day when I was walking home from school alone the world became quite. This was NYC but everything had gone quite, no cars, no trains in the background and strangely enough there weren't any people. There was a bodega on every corner but even at that age I realized no one was around. I turned onto my street and not even the old men were sitting outside. And none of this scared me...why should I have been scared; I was standing in front of my building. That's when I saw the first dog standing between the stoop and me. I wasn't afraid of dogs but it was clear this one wasn't friendly. So I attempted to make my way around it. And that's when I saw dog number two, three, four and five. Where they appeared from I don't know but I was surrounded and they were growling. I knew not to run and I was much to scared to scream. I knew I couldn't let them knock me down through I felt so small we could have been at eye level to each other. And I knew to protect my neck and face but what I didn't know was how on Earth I was going to get away and into the building at least the first door. I would have to run up two tiers of steps and open a heavy, black metal door without the dogs getting in too. The tears started.
Just as the circle stared closing in Hobo came out of nowhere and my furry baby-sitter turned into this huge, dirty yellow wolf-like animal and started kicking butt. He took on the pack and they tried to take him on. I took off as fast as I could with my book bag swinging as back up until I reached the door to safety. I could only see a little of the fight and wasn't going out there to check. I hit the button and I "think" it was my mother that buzzed me into the building. What I do know for sure is I went upstairs and made two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and when my sister got home and we could go downstairs I took my hero his victory meal.
Ok, if you are still reading I will tell you why this memory is so powerful for me. I felt safe then, not just because of Hobo; who I'm sure saved my life, but safe to sit with old men without getting molested. And when I needed help it came running without me uttering a single word. I miss being protected like that, I miss having someone run out of nowhere to put them self between me and the danger. Now I would do it for the ones I love and any small child but I miss having it possibly returned. I'm going to get it back because recently it has been coming to me what exactly I am looking for and what I will put up with and the more focus I have the more blessing I will have in finding it.
One night I had a dream, but it was like no other. I saw a pregnant lady sitting on her knees in a strange living room in a home I had never seen before. She was watching a baby taking some of his first clumsy steps toward a couch. And I felt as if I was there, my heart raced as I beckoned him on to reach his goal. And as he lurched towards the couch barely making the last few steps, I smiled in victory with him. And then my heart stopped as his little face turned towards me. The first thing I noticed was his beautiful green eyes but it was those cheeks that caused the air to catch in my throat. They were mine and the woman I saw was me. I was looking at myself watching my child cross a room to get to...his father.
Sometimes I still see those green eyes when I close mine, when I take a deep breath, when I am a lone with my thoughts. If it is possible to miss someone that never existed, then I miss that child, I miss him a lot. It doesn't help that I keep running into people with green eyes though green is not a common color. I don't think it's fair that my inability to find a good man should affect my ability to be a good parent to a two legged child (yes my kats count). So, I've come to the conclusion that after I get out of this job situation that I am going to start real preparation for a family.
I know being a single mother is hard and that part I'm not looking forward to facing, but life can be hard sometimes. I'm not giving up finding that guy that I can wake up next to every morning with a smile on my face. But if he is really out there, not only could he love me but he could love my child. And yes I know the odds of really having a child with green eyes...LOL. It's ok, I just want a healthy child, well maybe two.
Today I went to Goodyear Tires in need of one tire. Yes just one tire, long story. Anyway just as they were lowering my car on the rack, this guy walks in the door. I could tell he was shorter than me but it was something about him. He had one of those one-piece, blue, mechanic's jumpsuits on. The top was down and arms tied around his waist. I smiled at the faded white t-shirt that was clean but still said he had been working on his car all day. I'll refer to him as The Mechanic from now on. The Mechanic repeatedly looked out the window towards his car. I thought maybe a child or his girlfriend was in there.
As I walked up to the counter to pay for my service, I took a closer looker look at The Mechanic. I could see his warm, grey-blue eyes and dirty fingernails. I do so love a man with some dirt on him. It's so many ways to clean it off. Once I pulled my mind back from fantasy I notice the longing look The Mechanic was giving, well how I can say this, he was looking at his car as if the sexiest woman in the world was walking by. And for a split second I was envious of a car. I looked out the window to see a car that looked like it was in the process of being painted and primed. And there were brand new tires and shiny new rims. The car slowly rolled by and those grey-blue eyes never left it. And to no one in particular he said, "Oh, I think those rims are a good choice, yeah they look really good." It was no more than a whisper and it sounded like audio sex.
Con't in Comments
I've been trying to get a great come hither picture to post on this site. Just to show a more "adult" or "s*xier" side of me, but honestly I keep busting into laughter. I can't help it, I can be silly sometimes. And if it's not really directed at anyone, it just feels silly.
So I was thinking, maybe some of you can post your best come hither picture to give me some ideas on what I need or can do. Smiles are great but maybe I can give something else a try.
Oh and I take it only paying members can use the color feature...LOL
I read this article on "Race remarks get Noble Prize winner in trouble." It was about the Noble Prize winner James Watson, who helped to discover DNA.
(He told the paper he hoped that everyone was equal, but added: "people who have to deal with black employees find this not true.") This was one quote; he also said people with darker skin have higher sex drives.
Maybe I'm so upset and near tears because I had a hard day at work or maybe because way too many males (black and white) have every race selected except African American. I stand up for myself and I'm labeled as an angry black woman. Even black women have told me not to be "so direct" that I can be intimidating. I'm 5'6" on a good day when the wind is blowing in the right direction, how can I be intimidating?
James Watson isn't some radio Disc Jockey, this man helped to discover the blueprint of life for Pete's sake. And I can?t explain the hurt I feel right now. Really I think it's the stress at work that is wearing me down. I have more moments of happiness than these moments, but when I'm hurt I try to reach out. I'm working on a funny blog, I just haven't finished it. So please don't think I'm always so sad, I really do laugh more than I cry. I guess I'm in such disbelief.
Everyone is welcome to comment, but if you are one of those men that have selected just about every race but African American, I really would like to hear from you. I would like to know what's so unappealing about a black woman.
Ok, so I headed back to work today after being out due to the surgery. And I can't go into the details of why returning is so stressful but I'm proud of myself for not letting them cause me to shed a tear.
I'm trying to practice what I've learned with the The Secret CD's or as people know it as the law of attraction and I'm fading fast. My ankle is almost as good as it was before the accident and you would think I would be worried about that, but it's the people I can't really get away from (at this moment) that is causing me issues. I've prayed, I've asked people to pray for me and I've tried to say that I was having a good day. The day actually wasn't that bad except for the part were I've been placed in exile from everyone. And yes that's a blessing in disguised but at the same time who likes to be alienated?
How do you stay positive and attract good things to you when there is so much sadness to clear out?
Turn around is fair play...enjoy
I Say...I love dancing in the rain...You Say...I got the galoshes
I Say...I love holding hands...You Say...Anytime, any place
I Say...I love cats...You Say...I'll feed and water but the litter box is all yours
I Say...I love Sci-fi...You Say...Beam me up, Scottie
I Say...I love tattoos...You Say...You show me yours I'll show you mine
I Say...I'm a city girl...You Say...That's ok, I paint your step stool to get in my monster truck in the NY Yankee's color
I Say...I love a man with a nice walk..You Say...Nothing (you just start strolling away from me as I check out your stride)
I Say...It's 3am and I can't sleep...You Say...I'll help make you tired (Bizzle get your mind out the gutter)
I Say...I love home improvement projects...You Say...Just remember to hit the nail and not my fingers
I Say...I love to travel...You Say...Where to on this extended weekend
I Say...I sing in the car on long trips...You Say...I found some earplugs on sale.
Sometimes I see wording in profiles and I think of the conversation we would have if we met in person. I only choose a few but you get the idea...what would you say.
You Say...I love playing sports... I Say...I'll cheer you from the stands and have your ice cold water ready
You Say...I love the great outdoors...I Say...I'll have the first aid kit ready when you return
You Say...I love watching sports...I Say...I just got this great dip recipe online
You Say...I love to go dancing...I Say...I can really cut a rug in flats
You Say...I love camping..I Say...I'm a city girl but I will rent the cabin with running water
You Say...I love fishing...I Say...Can you clean my catch too?
You Say...I'm dirty...I Say...The shower is already running or the tub is already full.
You Say...I can't go any father...I Say...I'm right beside you and we can make it to the end
You Say...I can't reach...I Say...Hold my shirt and I'll get it
You Say...I'm hungry...I Say...Take out is number 3 on the speed dial
You Say...I don't want take out...I Say...That's why your dinner is already on the table.
I saw this coming and knew it was not going to end pretty. And for the life of me I didn't know how to stop it once it began.
I'm a regular on an interracial dating site with a free chat room and there are some nice people and a few not so nice people. Before my surgery, I went to Indy to meet a few of the people I chatted with most of the time. It was a couple and then a single guy (friend). We all had a nice time and posted and shared pictures of the trip. And here is were things went wrong...Once I returned my friends boyfriend started IM'ing me. And everytime he would say something I would say oh, but "your girlfriend" looks/is better. Or how I enjoyed seeing them as a couple. Now I knew if I had said something to her about it it would be my fault and the friendship would be over. Needless to say I was talking to him about the kind of guy I liked while we were in the chat room and the single friend came in on the end of the conversation. I'm always talking about home improvement projects and how I would like to be in construction and then maybe it would be easier for me to finish. The boyfriend is in construction and said, you don't want to be in construction. I said then maybe I need to find someone who is... Of course that's when the other person walked in.So long story short, my friend and the single guy who I thought was a friend too are no longer speaking to me and I doubt I will hear from the boyfriend. Which I saw all this coming when that first IM popped up.
So I have deleted everyone from my IM and will be removing them from my other sites because at the least they could have asked what was it all about, especially since they knew me longer than him. But what hurts me the most is that people that I thought kind of knew me...well knew me well enough could think that I would do something like that. I don't want the guy, other than the construction worker job, he doesn't fit anything the I really like. I don't think this was my fault?
Ok, it's almost 11 pm and all I want is a cookie. Maybe not just one but it never fails that I want something really sweet at this hour. I think my body is just messing with me because I can't just walk outside and go to the store. And the fact that I know I will wake up in the morning with no desire for something sweet is just crazy.
Do you know what the crazy part in all of this? I get up in the morning and I work out with free weights doing arm curls. And I go all day without a thought of a cookie. *sigh* I guess this is just the witching hour and I should be in bed, then I could skip the want of a cookie.
Ok who doesn't love a good Soft Batch cookie?
Wow this is my 2nd blog tonight. Ok I saw someone I'm attracted to on LF...but he's a white guy, which is not a problem for me. The thing is, his profile states he is only looking for a white female. :( Ok, I've come across this a couple of times on dating sites (except for the interracial ones...there they just want me to be skinny...LOL)
I'd like to see what he's all about but, should I even "waste" my time trying? It's clear that he is not interested in someone outside his own race, which can be understandable...but it's a little rotten not to give someone a chance because of it.
So should I ignore it, because what's the worst that can happen...he ignores my attempts...no not really there is always that word that should be banned from the English language. So I just don't know.
What do you think?
Ok, I just finished talking with a male friend of mine and I need some advice from my LF friends and fellow blog readers. First let me say that I've know this person for almost a year online and recently met them in person in July. He is dating a friend of mine that I also met online first.
Long story short we were talking about my prefences and standards for guys and I mentioned that I must be doing something wrong because I'm having no luck at this time in finding someone. He said, first you need to change your picture because it doesn't do you justice. You need a body shot and show off the gurls a little bit. You need to get the guys attention first. I don't think he ever mentioned that I was cute or attractive, the only thing he repeatly mentioned was features below the neck. I was like wow, I didn't want to have to display the gurls to get someone's attention.
The funny thing is that I had mentioned to a female friend that I lack the ability to pose for a sexy come hither picture that so many are good at. I love my smile and honestly I just think it's sexy when I smile at someone...but I guess it just looks like I'm joking all the time. But I have a fun personality so I think it fits.
So will I have to learn how to to take a come hither picture to catch a man? Will I have to pull back some with the camera and make sure the gurls are perky? Will the sum of the parts be the only way to make someone look at the whole?
All advice welcome..thanks in advance
Hey everyone, I just thought I would throw a Cast Cyber Signing Party on LF. Just leave a comment and that will represent your signing.
There is a lot of new people to blog land so I'll give you a quick run down on the cast. Oct. '06 I fell down some stairs at the CN Towner in Toronto, ON. 2 surgeries, 5 screws, 1 plate and a 5 inch scar on the outside of my ankle later, I was still in a lot of pain and walking with a pretty noticeable limp.
Fast forward to a new doctor and a 3rd surgery to remove all metal, bone chip in embedded in the ligament (opposite side of ankle), a matching 5 inch scar on the inside of ankle, 26 staples and 4 stitches later I have no pain what-so-ever in my ankle and I'm in a cast for 3 weeks instead of 6.
So everyone is welcome to sign my cast especially since I have a wonderful feeling this is the last surgery related to this accident that I will have!
I first heard the story of Lott's wife turning to salt as a young child and I couldn't understand then why God had been so mean to someone for only missing the things that they cared about. As an adult, I understand a little better as to why it was wrong for her to turn around and look back at the city filled with Sin. You should never miss the things that were not meant for you. As an imperfect human being can you realistically do this?
Understanding that, I'm not sure why I'm sitting here crying and depressed about things that are beneath me. "Beneath Me" are tough words for me to use because I believe people and things are different than one another but for someone to be "Above" or better than someone else is hard for me to swallow. So maybe I'm selling myself short. I don't know maybe I just have a need to believe something right now. You might be wondering what the problem could be, especially since I was so happy a couple of days ago. Well it seems I got my angel just in time.
The major thing is the pain in my ankle had returned on a mission. The doctor's appointment was two weeks sooner than the scheduled period of time the doctor gave me to considered not to have a 3rd surgery. Well I received two more shots of cortisone to my ankle and this time it hurt so bad that I screamed out in pain. It's done with this really thin, tiny needle but my tendons are enflamed and they did not appreciate being stuck. I was informed that I would need to have the 3rd surgery that's going to be more complicated than the first two. He will be removing the hardware (plate and 4 screws) located on the left side of my left ankle. He will also be going into the right side of my ankle to repair my tendons that are stretched and getting caught on scar tissue and calcification of the bone. And not to be out done, he will be inserting a scope into two pin size holes he will create in the front of my ankle to clean out some more scar tissue. He believes it will take about 1 1/2 to 2 hours to get all that done. I'll be in a splint and then back in a cast for a while. Of course I will have to learn how to walk again after that, but I guess I'm getting better at learning. Until the surgery, I'm back in my brace along with the special inserts I need for balance anyway. I can't even remember where I hid that thing from myself.
The next thing is something I can't talk about in detail, but I did something for 8 years but am now "Outcasted" for someone without half the knowledge or drive to get it done. But cuteness, breast, and sheep in a flock behavior has won out over knowledge and drive. Sometimes I wonder why I bother learning anything when all I need to do is show more cleavage, learn to act dumb and smile without understanding to get ahead in this world.
Ok, I'm going to have to put my family on blast. I know they do the best that they are capable of doing and some...one of them has done better than the rest but damn, I have people that have never met me in person trying to do more for me than them. I have disown one sister entirely because during the first imprisonment, she stated she was going to come see me after the first surgery and that's the last time I've talked to her on the phone. And have not seen her since the last time she came to GA about a year or so ago. Oh but she did call my house when the other sister was here, and I thought she didn't have my number. I love my mother but for once can it actually be about me?I can't help when I need the help. She tries but for once can't it just be about me needing the help? I just don't know if I'm stable enough to be stuck in the house again. I've seen darkness and it's not pretty.
Good things ARE happening to me too, but seemed to be overshadowed. I've planned a trip to see some friends in July. I actually postponed the surgery until after that trip because I need to get away. I was in the process of getting another job in another department. I'm working on my resume and I hope there are still people out there that care about a person that's willing to work hard and learn more than what is presented to them. I also somehow managed not to gain weight but lose it while I was stuck in the bed and unable to get around. And I have managed to keep it off since getting back on my feet. So, I'm trying not to look back at the City of Sin and to look forward to the things God is laying out in front of me.
Damn I hate crying...
Free of Drama is another name I go by... It's more of a nick name than No Drama Around Me...LOL
"Hello, my name is Free of Drama?"
"Um- well, well I'm not sure why I'm here exactly." Clearing throat, "maybe this isn?t the right place for me."
"Well, Ms. Free, tell us what got you this far."
"Let's see, I was talking to Sister Locs. She's my middle sister and she believes she knows me so well...ha." (Blank look from the group) "Anyway, I was telling her about my new physical therapist. She's like a flower child and I need some power behind the words to motivate me. Sister Locs said I wouldn't expect you to like anyone that wasn't a guy. I couldn't believe she said that. Then my friend Nat played "I'll take you there" when I told her and to top everything off my friend Lady DeSilver she started redirecting her attention when I told her what my sister said."
"I take it your first physical therapist was a man?" (Nod of affirmation) "So you don't believe you flirt a lot?"
"Hey, I can stop flirting anytime I want, really?" (Gives famous grin and batting of the eyes)
"Are you flirting with me now?"
"Huh? Me?" (Bows head) "Ok, maybe I am, but, but I don't see a problem with it." (Group starts shaking their heads)
"Hi, my name is Free of Drama and I'm, I'm a Serial Flirter"
These are the things that I miss and hope to one day get them back. Feel free to add to the list.
I miss feeling the warmth of someone laying beside me
I miss late night phone calls, talking until one or both of us fall asleep
I miss coming up behind him and wrapping my arms around his neck while planting tender kisses
I miss feeding him ice cream while cuddled together watching a movie
I miss laying in bed with my head on his chest and my arms wrapped around his body
I miss having someone ask me how my day was and really wanting to know
I miss asking someone how their day was and smiling because they trust me enough to tell me
I miss waking up in the middle of the night and being able to talk to someone to settle my nerves
I miss holding hands while taking a stroll
I miss sending a card in the mail knowing I will have spoken to him long before it arrives
I miss sending a "I miss you" email from working knowing he will get it when he gets home
I miss having those "I cannot believe we discussed that" conversation well into the A.M.
I miss having him help lotion my legs after a hot shower
I miss someone who will pluck sleep out the corners of my eyes without a second thought
I miss giving and getting "just because kisses" when and where we are around each other
I miss going out together while secretly smiling about what will happen when we get home
I miss sending winks across a room just to say I am "I miss you but still having fun over here"
I have a profile on another BBW site, but I rarely log in there. In November, I received a "nicebreaker" from someone and I hate to admit it...but I ignored it. I had just had the first surgery on my ankle and wasn't in any condition to communicate with anyone at that time. So, I was surprised at the end of February to receive another "nicebreaker" from the same guy. I was considering sending one back just to see what would happen when I received a short email with his "smiley" face address. I emailed him back through the site and asked for more information. And again to my surprise he sounded interesting?I added him to smiley. Now it's rare for me to encounter someone in my area, but he was about 20 minutes from me.
Due to medical reasons (he's not disabled) he does not drive and I did not have any issues with that. We decided to meet for a late lunch at IHOP. I was dying for some waffles and I would have gone with or without someone, besides I like to keep things light. I picked him up and it was a nice lunch, he seemed like a very intelligent man and I've never met a Buddhist serial killer so I went back to his apartment and went inside. I told him I would not stay long and he handed me a book with a list of his LP's (yes I said LP's, for you young folks those are records pre-CD...LOL) CD's, VHS and DVD's; he wanted me to pick something out to play. In my mind I again said I wasn't staying long but took the book. That's when things just went down hill.
At that point he reached over onto the table, grabbed a section of news paper and said, "I'll be right back." My friends said I should have got up and left but I wasn't that rude. I heard a door close and then he started whistling while he worked. I was immediately grossed out and tried not to listen anymore for fear I would hear more than whistling. I heard the flush and the tap water running and thanked God he washed them. I'll skip the details of the short conversation that followed once he returned, but he slid his hand over my thigh to get to my hand and I almost jumped out of my skin. He only released my hand to scratch his hands and at that point I did make my exit.
Now, if you take away the bathroom break and the nasty ballz scratching afterwards, the date still had some issues. I do not have a problem dating outside my race, but I will also date a black man. My date seemed to be interested in me more for the fact that I am a dark skinned, natural hair wearing black woman. I even mentioned to him that he seemed to care more about that than getting to know me; this was after he mentioned he wanted to worship me. We had only IM'd a few times and spoke on the phone once. Worship is a strong word anyway, and it did make me feel uncomfortable. He didn't seem to like white people which blew my mind because he is a white guy. His profile stated he was looking for a long-term relationship with a black BBW, but after talking to him it seemed more like he is looking for a long-term sexual relationship with a black BBW. When I mentioned this to him he didn't understand that it was a difference. And above all, the type of women that he was use to dealing with would have easily parted their legs even through he didn't shower after making his dump. One person is not better than another, but people are different in their way of life, education and just all around being.
I'm not going into a pity party about not being able to find what I want?I'm more afraid of keep finding what I don?t want...LOL. I'm more than what is between my legs, my skin tone and my hair texture. I'm not always good at smiling when I'm not happy, but I do know what happiness is and enjoy being that way. I know someone will step up to the plate and a new chapter will begin.
Thanks for reading this long blog.
I was on another site today that has a free chat room for members and non-members and no it's not that nasty site AFF. Anyway, I noticed this guy was laying it on strong for this female that was on cam. Of course he wanted to go private and he was bold enough to ask her about body parts in the main lobby. Then it had dawned on me that I had sent this guy a flirt (wink)a while back. His profile was great, it talked about how he was professional and he is a single dad and he's looking for a woman that could be a good role model for them.
His profile sounded like he knew what he wanted and wasn't after just a fling. He was even kind enough to send me a message back saying I wasn't his type, which I was surprised to get because most people would just ignore them. So long story short I looked the female up that he was hitting on so strongly, by the way she wouldn't go private because she was after another guy in the room.
Her profile was actually similar to mine except for one thing... all five of her photos show a large part of her breast or her rear and a lot of skin everywhere else. I guess that's what makes a perfect role model for your young daughters. So he wasn't the right guy for me, but it still bothers me that the lack of breast shots on my profile takes me out of the running on most days.
I wrote this as part of a larger blog entry, but I found this part funny. Have you found any "lost translations" when reading a profile?
Statement: I'm just looking for friends
Translation: I need to keep my options open, since you just might be *bleep*able but I want no strings attached.
Statement: ...looking for an attractive female
Translation: ...looking for someone who fits into the standard, society dictated definition of beauty (long hair, possibility store bought, slender, make-up, euro-centric features even when that is not your ethnicity, etc)
Statement: She must be independent
Translation: Be independent enough that you do not think I will support you, but you should be able to ask( beg) me for money because that makes me feel really manly.
Statement: NO GOLD DIGGERS
Translation: See "She must be independent"
Statement: Must be able to communicate
Translation: Must be able to communicate about the things that I know, should you possible know more than me...keep on moving on
Statement: Must be employed
Translation: Your job must not be too much better than mine and again you must need me for material items.
Translation: (For the bustas) Your job must be good enough to support the both of us while I stay in your house and act like I'm looking for a better job.
Statement: I love you
Translation: I love you for this very moment in time, when we part I may or may not love you, but since those words are prone to get me what I want, I'll use them.
Statement: Must be open to new things
Translation: I know some freaky positions I'd like to bend you into so please be flexible
Statement: I'm drama free and would like you to be the same
Translation: I don't want to hear your problems and should I run into any I will close up and walk away from you without a word of explanation
Statement: I'm laid back
Translation: I can be a bump on a log at times, but as long as there isn't a situation that requires too much effort I'll handle it, but see "I'm drama free and would like you to be the same" if there is a major problem.