Hi everyone, I guess they started this free membership thingie while I was gone so I was wondering if maybe y'all know more about it. 1st Who decides if they are QUALITY comments and what makes a quality comment-ok you don't need to answer the second half of that one.
2nd-Can I decide when to use this week free or do they?
3rd-Can I get more then one or is this a get 1 ever offer?
4th-If I can get more than one can I string them together to make a month free?
For those of you that are asking why doesn't he just read the FAQ about the blogs to get his answers(you know who you are). Well I don't want to,hows that? I would like to thank you in advance for the (hopefully) quality comments you put here.---Tom
Hi everyone, This is the blog I thought I would never write. Those of you that read my last blog know that I had started dating my ex wife after two years of being divorced. It was on February 21st of this year that I put my profile in hiding and wrote that I thought she and I was going to make it this time, well I guess not. I, at least, figured out why she keeps leaving me but that's something I am not ready to talk about on here yet.
I know I am not ready to show my profile yet but I am hoping that working the blogs will help me to start to heal. I see some of the same people on here and to them I say Hello. I also see some new people and to them I say welcome to LF and good luck on your search. There was some people on here I had started becoming friends with and as a result of trying to make her happy I let these people slip out of my life, to them (ok the truth to her) I can only say I am so sorry. My wish for this person as well as my ex is much happiness. Looking forward to meeting new and old friends---Tom
For those that didn't read it already I am now dating my ex wife. I think things are going to work this time. I just wanted y'all to know I am hiding my profile but I will still be around to post a joke now and then. I wish all of you well and may you find the one that makes you happy.
Should children witness childbirth?? ?????????
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked
Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to
hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see
while he helped
deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while,
Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and
spanked him on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and
asked the wide-eyed
3-yr old what she thought about what she had just
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled
in there in the
These were entries for a Washington Post competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line and least romantic second line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My love, you take my breath away.
But what have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell!"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
First of all sorry that it's been a while since I posted, got a lot going on here. Here's a few random thoughts for y'all to think about.
Earth first-We'll ruin the other planets later.
Learn from your parent's mistakes-use birth control.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Conserve water-shower with a friend.
Never judge a book by it's movie.
I love animals-they taste great.
Work is for people that don't know how to fish.
I think some people's gene pool needs a filter.
Always remember you are unique-just like everybody else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
99.5% of all lawyers gives the rest of them a bad name.
Why do Psychics have to ask you your name?
Few women admit their age-few men act theirs.
I hope y,all enjoy.
By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:
You Just Might be a Blueneck if:
1. You think barbecue is a verb meaning, "to cook outside."
2. You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY!
3. You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
4. For breakfast, you would prefer potato au gratin to grits.
5. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled.
6. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
7. You've never seen a live chicken and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
8. You have no idea what a polecat is.
9. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.
10. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.
11. You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
12. Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys" even if both of them are women.
13. You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.
14. You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.
15. You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
16. You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
17. You call binoculars opera glasses.
18. You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
19. You don't know anyone with at least two-first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice, etc.)
20. You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
21. You can do your laundry without quarters.
22. None of your fur coats are homemade
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter.
She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?"
To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter."
The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates.
"Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice." The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-o-v-e."
St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom.
"I'd be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?"
St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman to simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.
So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her when a man approaches the gates. She realizes it is her husband.
"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"
Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?"
To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."
I know it's not quite here but it's close and Tom has a busy weekend coming up. I just wanted to wish you all a good weekend and the best 2008 you can make it. I hope everyone here remembers they are not the only ones here with problems and think of others too. Know that you are not the center of the world and try to help someone else too. I also hope I can remember this from time to time also. Make the best of the new year all. Good luck to all---Tom
There was a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their a$$es. The results were pretty interesting:
1. 5% of women surveyed feel their a$$ is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their a$$ is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
Is anyone else having problems with the chat window freezing their computer. I hope the one that wanted to chat with me tonight doesn't think I'm stuck up now. I can't even open the window to see who is online now or the PM window tries to open and freezes me again. I'm just wondering if this is LF or my computer.
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk.
Both are dragging their right foot as the walk.
As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."
The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."
Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"You bet," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's knickers off!"
"What's the rush?" his mate asked.
"The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.
Well it's official now Christmas day has come and gone. I was just sitting here and thinking (no the headache is not too bad) how much I hope everyone here had a good one. It's over and now its time to look forward to a new year. What is 2008 going to be like? Well, if I could answer this I could be making some money with my own Psychic network. lol I wish you all the best in the year to come. Remember we make things what they are, look for all the little things that happen in our life that if noticed can change our lives. Don't just look for BIG things to happen it's the small things that make the difference.
Some of my good friends had a Christmas baby this year. She was not due yet but as some of you know they come out when their ready. These are some special people and in my life and it makes me happy for them. Baby and mom are both doing fine and I wish them well. I will be heading to see her tomorrow, I love babies and like spoiling other peoples. Maybe thats why I was never blessed with my own, they would be more spoiled then some of the ladies on here. Just joking all, no hate mail, ok.
I just want to say thanks to all of you on here that helped me get over the things that I went thru in 2007. With luck and blessings I hope not to need y'all as much. I will be here looking for more jokes to post for y'all. I thought about naming some of you as the ones that really helped me thru but I am scared I will leave someone out, but you know who you are.
I wish many blessings and much happiness to each and all in the new year.
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on marriage and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
`A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all
my intelligence come from?"
The father replied, "Well, Son, you must have got it from your mother,
'cause I still have mine."
"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said,
"and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "
and every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all....."
"Me neither, Doc," said the husband, "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.......
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that
were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
A blond calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take
to fly from San Francisco to new York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute."
"Thank you," the blonde says and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
How was he killed?" asked one detective......
"With a golf gun."the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?" What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the
tightest pants he's ever seen. finally, his curiosity gets the best of him,
so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies "Well, you could start by
buying me a drink."
This is not a Lifetime movie. Sounds like a title for a movie, would be boring to me since I am living it. What is it about the holidays that makes being alone worse. Now, don't get me wrong I love being with my family on Christmas but even that will not happen this year. Yep, that's right because they all have inlaws and jobs where it's not possible to let everyone off because of a holiday ours will not be celebrated until the 30th. I don't mind this but it would be nice to have somewhere to go that day. I guess I shouldn't be thinking this way as my ex wife's family was part of a religion that didn't celebrate Christmas but at least we had each other then. I hope no one else out there will be alone on this day. Who knows maybe by next year I will have someone to hangout with at this time of the year. I don't want to bring down anyone's spirit I'm just thinking out loud (so to speak) Thanks for listening.
In a small Texas town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature bothered me: the three wise men were wearing fireman's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!"
I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'
10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
Ok, I will make some guys upset with this one I'm sure. I keep seeing on here where guys say all BBWs are beautiful or they like all BBWs. Is this or is this not profiling? Are all fit (skinny) women beautiful, are all of anything the same? If you are saying all big women have the bodies you are looking for, then fine. I do not think it is right to judge all the women here the same. If you started a relationship with a bbw and she lost weight would you dump her? I hate to say but some would, just like the ones that dump people that gain weight. Each woman on here has unique feathers, some of them even have a brain, have you thought about that? I think if you are serious about finding love, and not just looking for a hookup, the ladies here would like to hear more than just I like all bbw. Get to know some of them there is more there than big boobs and a$$.
My first rant on here, may be more coming---Tom