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The Church Gossip!! Posted on Sep 10, 2008 at 12:03 PM
Mildred, the church gossip, self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Henry, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told Henry and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. Henry, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, Henry quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house . ... walked home . and left it there all night. You gotta love people like Henry. Have a wonderful day!
The Can Opener Posted on Sep 10, 2008 at 11:59 AM
Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.' About a week later, Jenn ifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the can opener. You don't suppose she took it, do you?' Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mom: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the can opener from the house; I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the can opener. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner Love, Brian Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ca n opener by NOW! Love, Mom LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER.
Already Complete Posted on Aug 25, 2008 at 08:04 AM
Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, doesn't mean you shine less, Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesen't stop you from being the best. Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming. Just because no one has made this race worthwhile, doesn't give you permission to stop running. Just because no one has realized how much of a woman you are, doesn't mean they can affect your femininity. Just because no one has come to take the loneliness away, doesn't mean you have to settle for a lower quality. Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs. Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life isn't always fair. Just because God is still preparing your King, doesn't mean that you are not a Queen Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a thing. Keep Shining....Keep Running...Keep Hoping....Keep Praying. Keep being exactly what you are.... This was sent to me a long time ago and every now and then I need to share it with all the ladies that are feeling a little down. Keep the faith ladies...
Can you read this?? I did.. Posted on Aug 25, 2008 at 07:07 AM
Only great minds can read this This is weird, but interesting! fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wr od are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it FORWARD ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT
Old Age, I decided, is a gift Posted on May 27, 2008 at 05:44 AM
This was sent to me this morning and I had to share it with all of you. I'm at this stage in my life and it feels so good to finally like who I am. Keep smiling everyone. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometimes despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love .. I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set . They, too, will get old. I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)
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One of those days... Posted on May 06, 2008 at 03:42 PM
OK guys I need to vent just a little...sorry :( I'm usually very good at being alone, 99% of the time I like it that way. But for some reason today is one of those days where I could really use a nice big HUG...I'm feeling very lonely tonight.... Well thanks for my little vent. Tomorrow I'll be back to my wonderful smiling self.
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A little silly for you all Posted on Apr 23, 2008 at 10:21 AM
A Department of Water representative stopped at a ranch and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation.' The old rancher said, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.' The Water representative aid, 'Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?' The old rancher nodded politely and went about his chores. Later, the old rancher heard loud screams and saw the Water Rep running for the fence..... and close behind was the rancher's bull. The bull was gaining on the Water Rep with every step. The Rep was clearly the old rancher immediately threw down his tools, ran to the fence and shouted out..... 'Your card! Your card! SHOW HIM YOUR CARD.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Girl's Night Out Posted on Apr 23, 2008 at 10:19 AM
The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. (Does this sound like anyone you might know???) Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos, plus 9 cuckoos. equals 12 cuckoos, MIDNIGHT! The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem bothered in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table .... The End
What are you reading??? Posted on Apr 03, 2008 at 02:53 PM
What is everyone reading this month?? I'm reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth, also doing the class with Tolle and Oprah. OMG it is such an enlighting book, so many ah ha moments for me. It's one of those books that I will be reading more then once.
The Obedient Wife!!!!! Posted on Feb 25, 2008 at 11:42 AM
There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him." You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?" I surely did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, he can spend it." Send this to every clever female you know, and to every man who thinks they are smarter than (women)!!!
Thought of the day.. Posted on Jan 31, 2008 at 11:39 AM
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Some funny words of Wisdom Posted on Jan 28, 2008 at 12:03 PM
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high plosives. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won?t need him again. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, Where the heck is the ceiling?? My Reality Check bounced. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
Today's Message of the Day is: Posted on Jan 27, 2008 at 05:09 AM
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love Truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you Smile.
Need some input for a small problem.. Posted on Nov 22, 2007 at 03:54 PM
Hi all I could use some input to a small problem I have. When I lived in Jersey I was taking care of my sisters ex mother in law (this in itself is a very long story). The woman is 82, soon to be 83. She's all alone in Jersey now (all relatives are dead) and I seem to be the only one she has left. Now mind you she can be very mean and cruel at times. Everything I did for her was done from my heart not for what I could get from her. Well to make a long story short she called me today crying because she was so lonely and missed me. She told me her health is going down hill fast and she doesn't want to be alone at this time in her life. She then asked if she could move in with me. I didn't know what to say (she took me by surprise). What I did tell her was I would think about it, and get back to her. I'm weighting the pros and cons. When I was in Jersey she took delight in calling me names, not thinking she was hurting me. Hell guys I'm not sure what to do about this. My heart is telling me to take her in, but my head is telling me to think long and hard. HELP
My Thought for the day! Posted on Nov 06, 2007 at 09:43 AM
Some folks are like Slinky's, not good for anything, But they still bring a smile to your face as you push them down the stairs!
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Newest members of my family Posted on Oct 17, 2007 at 10:19 AM
I'd like you all to meet the newest members of my family, Ozzy and his sister Chloe, they will be 4 months old this friday. Ozzy is on the left.
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Just saying Hi Posted on Aug 24, 2007 at 01:52 PM
I was going to vent a little, but changed my mind and will say HI to all my blogging buddies instead
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I'm back..... Posted on Aug 12, 2007 at 06:51 AM
Hi all it's been a while. How is everyone in blogland doing?? Well I got myself and my cats moved into a new house in a new state and were all happy. I should have made this move sooner. Life is good!!!
The World's Shortest Fairytale Posted on Mar 01, 2007 at 06:31 AM
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said "No" and she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never farted on. The End
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Why Oh Why! Posted on Feb 26, 2007 at 12:43 PM
Why, Why, Why ... do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put a S in the word "lisp"? If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?" Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? And my FAVORITE..... The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.