Blogs for AmuseMe.

SouthEastern Meet and Greet?

19-APR-10

Hello Everyone, My name is Jo and I have been a member of LF for several years now. I have made a lot of friends over the years and think it would be a fantastic idea for everyone who is like-minded to get together to finally meet face to face! I live near Charlotte, NC... would love to find a central locale for this event! If anyone is interested, please let me know... I don't want to go through all the trouble of making arrangements to find out no one is interested.

POZERS 2010

14-APR-10

A nice little - upgrade - to the players blog. Pozers 2010. Nice. Actual Chat IM: fastweb: hello AmuseMe: Hi fastweb: you are very beautiful AmuseMe: Thank you, very much. fastweb: i am marco AmuseMe: Nice to meet you Marco, my name is Jo fastweb: do you like I? AmuseMe: Do I like what? fastweb: what do you look for? AmuseMe: Serious inquirys only. Someone who is smart, genuine. Funny. Not real into what someone looks like, though to be honest I don't believe that is a true picture of you. Why do you only have one up? fastweb: and if I show you that I am really me? AmuseMe: Ok fastweb: have you cam? AmuseMe: Oh, no. I don't do "cam". fastweb: hi, you don't imagine what you have lost AmuseMe: LOL AmuseMe: ok AmuseMe: I think I will live. Sorry, fastweb refuses your chat invitation.

L. A.

13-APR-10

I could use a little moonlit magic right about now. There is nothing wrong with a twirl or two around a star or three. We are on a "break".. kind of. Well, he's living somewhere else. Long story, and I am heartbroken. Come help me mend.

5 minutes of my time

31-MAR-10

This morning while standing in the kitchen making my first cup of joe, Scott (my S/O) comes up behind me and says oh-so-seriously this: "You know you've accomplished something when you clog the toilet BEFORE the paper goes down." ... really now? lmfao

Artsy-fartsy

22-MAR-10

I was perusing the local art district, here called NoDa, passing time and looking into renting some studio space... and happened to wander into a sparsely decorated, dreary gallery who's featured artist ... doodled on ... dictionary pages, framed them... and is selling them... for $400.00 each. Wish I thought of that!

Porn review..er? lol

18-MAR-10

I am still out of a job. For the most part it hasn't been too terrible as it's given me lots of time to re-connect with my inner artist... BUT, I've got bills, so I was looking for something in craigslist - someone's posted needing a review writer, part time. I applied. This is the response I received: Hi there, Thanks for your interest in the website reviewer position. We are currently looking for honest people with a keen eye for detail to visit various adult sites online and write the things they like and dislike about each. We will require 12 reviews per week which are due by 2pm EST every Friday. The starting wage for this post is $350 per week which rises after 6 months. No previous experience is required for this position. The only requirement we have is that you submit a 100-word review of the members area at a pre-selected site (celebritiesexposed). It's completely free to join so don't worry about any costs (be sure to cancel within 3 days or you will be billed). Please submit this review to within 48 hours if you're still interested. This position can be taken from anywhere, it's going to be a home-based position. If this isn't for you we thank you for your time. Thanks for your time Beverly Station I just wanted to share this. I know it's probably some scam, and I have written some emails to check the validity of this offer... but you know I wouldn't mind if it was a REAL offer. LOL

A FAT Surgeon General??? OMG for SHAME!

20-JUL-09

Are there jobs where your weight should matter? Obviously if you can't squeeze down the aisles, you might not make a great flight attendant, but what if you're in reasonably good health and capable of doing the job? President Obama has nominated Regina Benjamin for Surgeon General, but instead of people being totally psyched about her MacArthur genius award, her impressive charitable works, or her down-to-earth working-class background, everybody is trying to guess her BMI. Some people think a country plagued with obesity should not have an obese person representing our nation's health care. Still, we don't remember anyone throwing this argument at all those husky surgeon generals who happened to be male. If C. Everett Koop could be in charge of the nation's health-care system while doing an amazing impression of a Civil War surgeon, should we really care about Benjamin's few extra pounds? From OppeosingViews: Earlier this week, President Barack Obama nominated Alabama physician Regina Benjamin as the next Surgeon General. In that capacity, Dr. Benjamin will oversee the 6,000 member public health corps and function as America's chief health nanny, ah, health educator. Past Surgeons General included the luxuriantly-bearded Dr. C. Everett Koop who campaigned relentlessly against smoking and Dr. Jocelyn Elders who, in response to a question, suggested that teaching masturbation might be a way to prevent young people from engaging in riskier forms of sexual activity. Despite Dr. Benjamin's distinguished record as a physician, some blogospherean health nannies are objecting to her appointment on the grounds that she is fat. In a nice column on this "controversy," University of Pennsylvania bioethicist Art Caplan quotes a couple of self-appointed anti-fat crusaders: ?I refuse to let fat be socially acceptable ? The President should have known better and picked a doctor who could kick start the debate on fat not perpetuate it,? commented one reader on a national news site. Another has some mighty specific requirements for the post: ?Rather than select a fat Black woman Obama should have chose a Black woman with a body mass index of 25 or less.? Caplan goes on to ask: And who said the surgeon general or doctors in general or anyone working in health care must be paragons of health and risk avoidance? A better question is why does anyone have to be a paragon of health and risk avoidance, but we'll leave that one for now. Caplan does suggest that Dr. Benjamin might serve as an example for us all (especially those of us with BMI's over 25): But people need to relate to the surgeon general, and if she can battle her weight on the job, she will do more to curb obesity then all the salads added to the menus of burger joints everywhere. This is very unlikely. If Oprah Winfrey's gigantic audience is unaffected by the daytime star's very public efforts to keep her weight down, I doubt that whatever the new Surgeon General does or does not do about her avoirdupois will have much effect. Ultimately, the right question is the one my colleauge Jacob Sullum asked in his splendid article "The War On Fat" -- Is the size of your butt the government's business? The answer is, no. Here's hoping that the new Surgeon General thinks so too. This content is inappropriate Please select the category that most closely reflects your concern about this content, so that we can review it and determine whether it violates Civility 101 or isn't appropriate for some other reason. Abusing this feature is also a violation of Civility 101. Comment: A true servant of the peopleI have had the pleasure of knowing Dr. Benjamin for many years, and have personally witnessed her dedication to provide the best quality medical services to many who lack the resources to pay for those services. She has worked tirelessly to give of herself, and has "walked the walk", instead of "talking the talk", so to speak, when it comes to serving her fellow man. Her weight has nothing to do with her skills, qualifications, and sheer "heart" to perform the job as the next Surgeon General of the United States. I cannot think of anyone more deserving of this position. She will perform her duties with grace, love, and professionalism. I truly wish her the best and offer my congratulations. - Orange Blossom July 17, 2009 9:56AM ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Do an Internet search on her. Pages and pages of expamles of her genius, good will and compassion/heart. Fat doesn't make people ugly, physically or otherwise... and this is a classic example of how miserable, nasty people love trying to make happy, successful people hurt.

An LOL for the ladies

18-JUL-09

Just sharing an email ..... One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.. The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies. "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. "Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked. "Yes!" cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney. And so the Lord let her keep him. The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it!

Hello ppl... old friends especially

14-JUL-09

Hiya! Wellll it's been a while, once again. I've had a computer crash too, so I've lost everyone's email address and so forth. If you were a friend of mine please email me with contact info. Jo

I lost my Job!!

02-SEP-08

For the last departmental picnic, management had decided that due to liability issues, we could have alcohol... but only one (1) drink for each person... I was fired for ordering the cups!!!

Resimay

29-AUG-08

(make sure you read the first response to this blog!!) to whom it mae cunsern, I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting. I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies. I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth, I can s tart emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr. Sinseerly, BRYAN nikname Beefy PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

Pink

29-AUG-08

You tube her new song "so what" My new favorite breakup song lol

Communicate Effectively - You Know Who You ARE

21-AUG-08

... can save some people from a flame-on. When you communicate electronically, all you see is a computer screen. You don't have the opportunity to use facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice to communicate your meaning; words -- lonely written words -- are all you've got. And that goes for your correspondent as well. That being said, we realize the difficulties of communicating effectively online can present... So, below I have compiled a list for those of us who can do better by EFFECTIVELY communicating our intents / emotions / real meaning. If you are joking, use acronyms such as [b]LOL [/b]or[b] LMAO [/b]or [b]LMBFAO[/b]. Hell, even a [b]j/k[/b] works wonders. ALL CAPS IS CONSIDERED YELLING! Though caps to EMPHASIZE a word for inflection is appropriate and clearer. In the LF blogland and forum sections, one can place bold brackets around words to better emphasize their [b] inflection [/b] by placing a [ b ] at the beginning of a word and a [ /b ] (no spaces) at the end of the word. Try it, it works. Important fact to remember: Although flames often get out of hand, they have a purpose in the ecology of cyberspace. Many flames are aimed at teaching someone something (usually in overstated language) or stopping them from doing something (like offending other people). Flame messages often use more brute force than is strictly necessary, but that's half of the fun.

Subliminal Messages

21-AUG-08

Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad

Funny Usernames... cont.. lol

04-AUG-08

You guessed it. I was just logging on and noticed this one: Butknukl LMFAO. I can't even imagine what this guy was thinking! lol GOT to be my favorite so far. Anyone else?

What I Don't Like About Women:

04-AUG-08

Yes, this is Vegas' idea. I waited, hopeful, but she hasn't posted yet, so I am stealing the blog topic. Here, we, go. 1. Women who are NOT 18 dressing like they ARE. 2. Women who wear high (3"+) ho-stompers with shorts, or even worse, bluejeans. 3. Women who look at another women and regard her beauty with jealousy instead of appreciation. 4. Women who get "french manicures" on their toenails. 5. "Prissy" women in general. 6. Women who wear high-heeled flip flops, anytime. 7. Women who wear their jeans so low on thier hips you can see their thongs. (I once hung a pair of my neices' thongs up on a picture in the hallway in broad view of everyone, thinking to teach her a lesson.. it was a week before she discovered them, and it didn't work.. but it WAS funny as hell!) 8. Women Sales Reps that know nothing of the product they are selling, being pimped out by "the man" to get his foot in the door. 9. Women who abuse and take advantage of their generally "good" men. (The B*tch always gets the best, I often ask my sister if her p*##y is lined in gold). 10. Women who can't put oil or fuel in their own cars. 11. Women who fret over breaking a fingernail. So, now that I have probably offended most everyone, lol, feel free to add to this list as you care to. I know I may be done tonight, but there's always tomorrow! lol

Re: No More Bad News

16-JUL-08

Reposting because LF wanted to screw with the way blogs are viewed now. Hope you guys are still around!! Blue, Nat (Aimee?), True, Jiggle, LadyHawk (Jersey? lol), ND, Mel, Kewanna, Wylde, tom, butter, loungeness, stacey, Lonely (Legal? lmao) and last but never least, Ms. Honey. Thank you for all your prayers, they were surely heard. Mom just had her last chemo treatment last Wed. and she is doing phenominal! She got through her treatments with very little side effects and her hair is even coming back brown :-) We have a great support system here when anyone needs a prayer, a thoughtful insight or just a good listener. You guys are all awesome, thank you.

Something to brighten your Monday morning!

14-JUL-08

... wait, you wont see this til tuesday! Oh well. lol here it is anyway. When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started.... After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And then the fight started..... My boyfriend and I were sitting at a table at his high school reunion, and I noticed that he kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. I asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' he sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' .... And then the fight started..... I rear-ended a car this morning . So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started.....

No more bad news!

19-DEC-07

So mom's got the big bad "C"... she had a rectal bleed a couple of weeks ago that sent her to the hospital for a nice 4 day stay and a couple of blood transfusions. The colonoscopy did not give us good news and since then it's been a wild roller-coaster of ups and downs.. good news then the bad. She had surgery to remove the tumor and half of her lower intestine last Friday - along with some lymph-nodes and some of her abdominal wall because "it" had diseased that area as well. They got it all - great! ... what they can see of it anyway. So she's on the road to recovery when off to ICU she goes last night where they discover that her blood-oxygen level was 50 because of 5 nasty little blood clots in her right lung... that took about 12 hours to diagnose and 2 years off my own life with the family "dynamic" (sisters, we just love fighting with eachother). I'm at work this morning and my sister calls to tell me that the doctor wants all family members together for a pow-wow asap up in ICU. WELL! ... there went another 2 years of my life. But it turned out to be good news - after they left us to sit and wonder about why he wanted all of us there together. I am SURE you can imagine THOSE conversations! I digress. So pathology came back today and along with 75 percent of the mass, 5 of the lymph-nodes were cancerous, they removed 19... so I like those odds. She'll need chemo though, and wants me to cut off all her hair to donate before she starts treatments. I know that I have friends here.. and I know that ya'll would have been praying if you had known.. all I ask is that you pray (to whomever you do) for no more bad news. For a little while anyway. <3

"Sensitive Subject"

27-OCT-07

Ok, so my man and I were having a discussion last night that I wanted to talk to "the girls" about. It's going to get kinda graphic so please don't read any further if you are virginal. Ok, now that almost everyone is reading this lmao here's the question: When receiving cunnilingus, do you like constant stimulation of the clitoris? Like, when about to achieve the "O", is it attack at all cost with no stops to the little ball of nerves? I ask because I am not this way, I prefer no direct contact to that area - and it's much easier for me to climax with just slight clitoral stimulation here and there. An all-out affront really just annoys me. Am I really so different than other women?

Biirdy is back?!?

15-OCT-07

Guess who I saw peepin my profile!? WELCOME BACK BIIRRRRRDY. LOL

My sigh

08-OCT-07

?Very often, people confuse simple with simplistic. The nuance is lost on most.? Clement Mok

I am Un-Jealous... seriously. lol

20-SEP-07

Once upon a time I was bar-hopping with my friend Dan, one thing led to another and we ended up at one of Charlotte's more exclusive gentleman's clubs. Not counting the nude strippers and barely-clad waitresses, I was the only woman in the room. It didn't take long to figure out that although sex was the commodity, the trade was in money and, mostly, feminine power. Every male in the place - including my pal Dan, checked his intelligence with his coat - at the door. As I sat front and center watching the strippers make slack-jawed, slobbering, walking hard-on's out of these men - I was flirting with Dan and the other bar-mates and I realized that although fully clothed, I had my own particularly enjoyable hold within my group. Now Betterman decides to give us answers to questions that have been evaded for years by the male lapdance fanclub and what was once only an unattainable fantasy is now a harsh reality?? Women are turning into chauvenistic pigs in the name of feminism and strippers are my competition??? Mix real, live, available woman with fantasy prototypes in a sex club and I suspect we've reached a point where the line of demarcation between the two is no longer discernable. Now it seems imperative to learn to dangle upside-down on a pole (in thigh highs for better grip). And since when is it sensible for any person of any gender to succumb to a sexual free-for-all lifestyle? With so many women/girls emulating strippers, pressure is once again on the rise for those of us who are less than 'perky' to produce a product that should be KEPT a FANTASY. Heaven help me, I'm raising two girls alone. *shudder* Sorry, but if this reaction is what you call envy then I can no longer portray myself as an un-jealous, accepting woman.

My Living Will

18-SEP-07

Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my wine. B*tch.

ROFLMBFAO

10-SEP-07

Do a you tube search for: kick monster butt Oh, and then search for: screaming cat - pick the yellow tabby. TFF!

DAMMIT

30-AUG-07

I wish I could post links. It seems that over in Europe a man can be compensated a measly $4,100 for damages caused by a hospital 'killing' the top of his head (which was removed and kept in a faulty refridgerator while having brain surgery) while an OBGYN has been ordered to pay child support to a woman for a child he had no part in conceiving! Apparently the OBGYN was to have placed an IUD in the woman and shortly thereafter she became pregnant BY HER HUSBAND. The husband left the wife and she sued the doctor. A judge granted her child support payments until the child reaches 18. Apparently the hubby got off, pun intended. And we say "Only in America!"

GRRRRRRRRRRR

02-AUG-07

Not being able to post a blog immediatly SUCKS. Not being able to email friends SUCKS... so what do I do? I submit my credit card for another love-hate relationship with LF. lol. What can ya do? Nada.

RedNeck Olympics

31-JUL-07

Preston Wilson (C) celebrates with "Freight Train" (L) and "Elbow" (R) 07 July, after winning the Bobbin' for Pig's Feet competition at the 2007 Redneck Games in East Dublin, Georgia. The day-long yearly festival celebrates the southern "redneck" way of life.(AFP/Robert Sullivan)

19-25

27-JUL-07

I noticed that CNN was running a new scare graphic of fat in the US, linked via digg. And of course there's Dr. Gupta making a guest appearance. There's one thing that this map, and every map charting the BMI changes, doesn't mention: the US government's redefinition of what it means to be "obese". It happened in 1998. According to the NIH a HEALTHY or NORMAL BMI IS BETWEEN 19 AND 25. ... THATS 19 AND 25!! Ok, a supermodels BMI is generally at 18! That puts a hopeful "typical" BMI at five pounds more than your average emaciated, anorexic model. Here's a snippit from THAT CNN article: " Under the proposed guidelines, which are to be announced later this month by the National Institutes of Health (NIH), 25 million more Americans would be considered overweight -- including two baseball third-basemen: Chipper Jones of the Atlanta Braves and Cal Ripken Jr. of the Baltimore Orioles. Stern and other critics worry that if the draft guidelines are adopted, doctors might prescribe diet pills for patients considered overweight -- when a little exercise might be all that's needed. " Ya know, it's a good thing we don't need prescriptions to poop our pants (thanks to Alli, of course). Problem solved! On the BMI scale, a woman 5 feet, 6 inches tall who weighs 160 pounds would have an index of 26, which is considered overweight. At 185 pounds, she would have an index of 30 and would be considered obese. You get the idea.

What I eat does not make YOU fat!

27-JUL-07

I can not believe the Chicago Tribune actually let this article post. It's Headlined: Friendship at heart of obesity; Overweight? Pals may play key role, researchers say. By Judy Peres Tribune staff reporter 11:09 PM CDT, July 25, 2007 Basically, this article is accusing us fat people of giving our friends the gift of fatness and forewarns the "thin" population to EXPAND their network of friends to minimize contact with us fatties. For those of you who don't want to waste time googling it, here: Your friends may be more important than your genes in determining whether you gain weight, according to a new study billed as the first to demonstrate that obesity tends to spread through social networks. The study, which followed a group of Americans for more than three decades, found that a person's chances of becoming obese increase dramatically after a close friend or relative fattens up. The same thing happens when someone close slims down. The authors of the paper speculate the reason is "the spread of norms from people to people. People change their minds about what constitutes an acceptable body mass index" as their close friends gain or lose weight, said co-author Dr. Nicholas Christakis of Harvard Medical School. (Note from Jo: Basically one person says to her/himself "I can gain 5 pounds, I'm not as fat as so-and-so..) Ok, so really, google the article because I may be finishing it here, but it goes on to cite more crap than I care to repeat.

WOW WHERE IS EVERYONE??

27-JUL-07

... where is everybody? Hellooooo... the blogs are lacking their usual candor. WTF is going on? ... oh, wait... HARRY POTTER 7 was released last week! That explains all the disappearances. LMAO.

Can you define a culture in one picture?

24-JUL-07

Heck yeah!

What's Your Favorite?

25-JUL-07

Summer Reality Shows... hate some love some can't wait for a few. The Coreys are coming and my boob tube is tuned in for their arrival. I am a child of the 80's I can't help myself. I grew up in love with both of them. I am getting a heated knot in the pit of my stomach just thinking about it. I am also in love with Bear from Man vs. Wild. Yes, he eats some really disgusting sh*t, but you know there is nothing better than a man willing to do anything to get what he wants. I force the remote from the gripping clutches of my 10 year old and tune out the protests long enough to get at least one episode a day in. ... and I am in love with Rowe from Dirty Jobs. It's a strange attraction that I can only best excuse with saying what I said about Bear. Watching him battle guano at the bottom of a 1,000 foot cave surrounded by millons of bats, covered in thier droppings and stuck in to the knee is just sexy, man. And last but not least: Build it Bigger. That wussy architect is growing on me. It's funny when he's screaming like a girl, but I have to give him props for being an intellectual. Something very stimulating about a man who's scared sh*tless but doing it anyway. So, because I would rather hole up and read a book than fight with the girls for the remote this summer, I am, like usual, missing out on lots of interesting shows. So whats your favorite.. and why?

Mike vs. Mike

17-JUL-07

Mike Huckabee: Michael Moore is Fat The way Michael Moore's "Sicko", his weight, and his politics are being wrapped up and treated as one by the media is really impressive and a little scary. It's great to have such authority figures as Mike Huckabee, the Jared Fogle of the political set, weighing in on these important issues. "Frankly, Michael Moore is an example of why the health care system costs so much in this country. He clearly is one of the reasons that we have a very expensive system. I know that from my own personal experience," said Huckabee, who lost more than 110 pounds and became an avid runner after he was diagnosed with diabetes. Note: this is Huckabee's only qualification. He lost weight. Oh? What? He's running for President? Ah, sure. Right. His platform is probably "I lost weight, so should you!" He continues: "I know how much more my health care cost when I didn't take care of myself than when I do take care of myself, not only in terms of doctor visits but regular diseases, illnesses, chronic things that come up, monthly prescription bills," Huckabee said. "All of those things have gone dramatically down since I've taken care of myself and worked to live a healthier lifestyle." Yes, you know it: Michael Moore "isn't taking care of himself", which is the new codeword for "is fat". If you "take care of yourself" (ie, lose weight) you're a Good American; if you don't, you're... part of the problem. Right. Meghan O'Hara, producer of "Sicko", responded: "No wonder the Republicans are in such trouble ? their entire plan to fix the health care system in this country is to tell people to lose weight," she said. "There's nothing worse than a reformed smoker ? or Twinkie eater for that matter ? preaching conversion." Well, about time someone said it.

Hey youse guyse...

16-JUL-07

I just wanted to address everyone that I love and that love me. HI!!!!! Ok, so I dropped off the face of the earth a while but I have missed my blog buddies here at LF. Bigheart teases me often by discussing blog topics and such so you know it wouldn't be long before I was back and putting in my .02 (and often times much, much more lol). So anyways.. I'll be popping in periodically to nose around and stir up some sh*t. ;-) Oh, one more thing.. went to see Marc Broussard last Saturday night... awesome preformer ya'll and he is gorgeous to boot. Good songs, gotta love it!

Xenical on the run, literally...

19-JUN-07

Information potential "Alli" consumers might want to know... May 25th, 2007: Alli, GlaxoSmithKline?s new diet pill, won?t be available for weeks yet, but the next phase of the guerilla marketing is in full force and deserves one last reality check. No doubt, the last installment of this ongoing story will come laterwhen the after-market side effects become widespread. Here's a quick overview of the saga to date. We?ve looked at the $100 million that GlaxoSmithKline paid Roche for the U.S. rights to Xenical (orlistat), and its petition to the FDA to market an over-the-counter version, given the cute name ?Alli,? anticipating annual sales of $1.5 to $3.9 billion. Along with this investment, began an intense guerilla marketing campaign, which included creating a pseudo-professional organization and inundating the media with stories about the ineffectiveness and dangers of unregulated weight loss dietary supplements that will compete with their new ?FDA-approved? OTC diet pill. Talk show hosts, newscasters and newspaper reporters fell into lockstep and took the role of marketing disguised as news. The company also sponsored a PBS ?documentary? ? ?Fat: What no one is telling you? ? to convince Americans of the horrors of obesity, fat people?s ?issues? with overeating, and the futility of dieting in today?s obesogenic environment without help. Several weeks ago, one million copies of their diet book went on sale at $5.99 a pop, with 3.5 million starter kits ready to hit drug store shelves in mid-June. But television commercials are already saturating airtime, store displays are up, direct mailings and print ads are filling our mailboxes, and online ads are everywhere. Earlier this week, with great media fanfare they opened an exhibit in New York City and introduced their interactive website. Launching this diet pill has been the largest investment made in any over-the-counter brand in the past decade, said Steve Burton, a company vice president. This year?s marketing budget alone is $150 million and seven agencies have been tasked. This may sound like a lot, but it?s a small price given the millions of Americans they anticipate will be willing to pay $2 a day, $720 a year.... What will consumers get in return? Even the company is downplaying any claims. They?re telling people it works only if they work, too. According to their website: It won?t be easy, nothing worth it ever is. But greater weight loss is possible. 50% more than with dieting alone....if you have the will, we have the power?. Weight loss is possible, but the reality of what people can hope to lose is considerably less than ?50% more than dieting alone? might lead people to think. In clinical trials, those taking Alli-strength Orlistat along with dieting and exercise for a full year, lost an average of under 3 pounds more than those who were dieting and exercise alone. After 2 years, about 24% of the dieters and exercisers had maintained a weight loss, compared to 34% of those taking the pill. No longer studies are offered, which, like all weight loss interventions, would no doubt show the weight gain projectory to continue, even those still restricting their calories. Should you stop popping the pill, too, that weight will pop right back on. So 3 extra pounds lost after two years of dieting and exercising and spending about $1,440.00 for Alli ? that must be the ?will? they?re talking about. Oh, but this isn?t just a diet pill, there?s also a diet book. ?Are You Losing It?? offers their ?keys to successful weight loss,? which includes all of those oldies dieters have tried and failed with for the past century: set small goals, eat the ?right? foods and a ?healthy diet you can live with for life;? choose foods low in fat, reduce calories and portion sizes; keep a food diary; and get organized so you remember to take your pill before every meal. According to the FDA document, ?Alli: Read Me First? for consumers: Under the Alli plan, a severely restrictive low-fat diet is mandatory and it has ways of making you comply. Their diet book has an extra value-added bit of advice: If you eat more than 15 grams of fat, expect some ?unpleasant effects.? Their book recommends that people wear dark clothing and start the program when they have a few days off work, or to bring an extra pair of pants to the office. These significant side effects have sparked a flurry of internet jokes about ?Alli-oops moments.? Xenical users have learned about these side effects the hard way. They are so unpleasant, few users continue to take it for very long. Here?s what one healthcare practitioner wrote by way of caution for those who might be tempted to take Alli, as well as for the rest of us: HOWEVER, and this is VERY important...you will LEAK orange foul-smelling oil from your tushy if you eat fatty foods! It will not clean with toilet paper, it will stain the toilet bowl until scrubbed with bleach, and it will leak THROUGH your pants uncontrollably, also staining your clothes (it is VERY hard to get out, even with bleach). This will happen only once to convince you to decrease your fat intake..lol. No fast food on this medicine, no greasy foods, no pizza especially. I don't know why they don't warn people about this. I am an ARNP who prescribed it to many patients, but I gave them the warning to be careful. Carry baby wipes, and an extra set of pants!! At least until you know how it will affect you. Sorry, but somebody needs to warn the public. I will be afraid to sit on a cloth seat (think theater) anywhere in public when this comes out! The leaking stain is 99% permanent (smell too!). Well good luck all dieters..and don't say I didn't warn you, lol. According to Dr. Susan Norris, M.D., of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, despite unimpressive weight losses, ?gastrointestinal adverse effects (explosive diarrhea, fecal incontinence, abdominal cramping, anal leakage and oily discharge) were common.? Smelly, embarrassing accidents aren?t the main concerns about this drug among medical professionals, however. As we?ve reviewed, the clinical evidence for this, like all the popular diet drugs, is short-term and shows modest effectiveness and high drop-out rates. More importantly, it offers no clinical support for long-term benefits for actual health outcomes, such as cardiovascular disease or deaths. No diet pill to date has been able to demonstrate that. While the public is focused on the weight loss, such as it is, the significance of its primary side effect is underappreciated. It reduces the absorption of fats ? which are critical for health ? and also fat-soluble vitamins (A, D, E and K) and beta-carotene. Twelve percent of Xenical users become vitamin D deficient within 2 years, and vitamin E and beta-carotene deficiencies have been documented in 6 percent of those taking it, according to the company's literature. If millions of Americans begin taking this pill, the numbers of those with vitamin deficiencies are expected to grow. Young people still growing, pregnant women, the elderly, and those with gastrointestinal and absorption problems are of special concern. Dietary guidelines, for example, recommend teenage boys get 100 grams of fat a day and girls around 73 grams, significantly more than is possible on Alli. While it?s supposed to be for adults, many healthcare professionals are concerned that the readily-available OTC pills will be abused by teens and eating disorder-prone young people who already don?t hesitate to resort to laxatives. And while vitamin supplements are recommended by GlaxoSmithKline, fat-soluble vitamin supplements are of limited value on low-fat diets. Vitamin A is important for growth, healthy bones and teeth, reproduction, vision, and healthy skin and mucous membranes. Vitamin D is critical for helping maintain bones and teeth, muscular strength, and more. Vitamin K is essential for normal blood clotting and bone health. Other concerns that have been raised about Alli include possible roles in kidney stones, hepatitis and precancerous changes in the colon. Health, of course, is not the real reason many people will try any weight loss scheme, and the Alli campaign barely mentions health. It?s simple, however, to give consumers the perception of scientific support by letting health professionals do the marketing. Last month, GlaxoSmithKline announced their partnership with the American Dietetic Association, a fellow member of the American Obesity Association, the lobbying organization for obesity-related interests. According to the ADA press release, it?s part of their sponsorship program that provides corporate sponsors a national platform through the ADA, which has ?prominent access to key influencers, thought leaders and decision makers in the food and nutrition marketplace.? Mr. Burton was cited, saying that they would be working towards their common goals ?through these public and professional awareness campaigns.? So they now have the 67,000 registered dietitian members helping to market Alli?s ?healthy eating? weight loss plan. The ADA, if you?re unfamiliar with this group, is the country?s largest trade and lobbying organization for nutrition professionals and says it is committed to five issues: ?obesity, especially childhood obesity; healthy aging; creating a safe sustainable food supply; nutrigenics and nutrigenomics; and integrative medicine, including supplements and alternative medicine.? GlaxoSmithKline adopted a clever marketing tactic: ?honesty.? At the New York City press event, Mr. Burton said: ?Alli breaks through the clutter with straight talk, an honest voice, saying that losing weight is hard work.? The company says it doesn?t want people to have ?ridiculously high? hopes and are setting themselves apart from fad diets by making it part of a ?healthy lifestyle.? According to their website ?You don?t just try Alli ? you commit to it.? One can almost imagine the Boardroom meetings scheming how to get around the facts of its less than stellar effectiveness. P.T. Barnum was no doubt heavily called upon. As we?ve looked at here, the Federal Trade Commission recently released a report on deceptive weight loss advertising, which identified seven bogus weight-loss claims. Products claiming to cause any substantial weight loss by blocking the absorption of fat or calories was top on their list of fraudulent claims. They said the biological facts do not support even the possibility of fat-blockers doing anything but contributing to ?really modest? caloric loss. In fact, fat blocking is such a scam, the FTC and the Competition Bureau of Canada used it in their teaser site about bogus weight loss claims ? called FatFoe ? to help consumers spot fake diet products that ?almost always signal a diet rip off.? But GlaxoSmithKline has ingeniously planned ahead. By telling consumers up front that ?it won?t work unless they do,? no one will be able to blame the pill when it fails ? it will be the dieters? fault for failing to work hard enough and follow a ?healthy lifestyle.? Sandy Szwarc, BSN, RN, CCP

Turning the Tables.

28-MAY-07

Ok. So we all know that damnable question in damn near every man's heart that we happen to come into contact with. "How big r yer b00bs?" ... "I like you but yer big b00bs bring it all home" ... WTF? I mean.. really: WTF?? The female form, in any "consistancy", should be admired and appreciated. Hell, even I love to look at nude women - we are beautiful! ... so why is the size of my chest so freakin important? It's just too damn bad for us ladies that we can't do a c*ck size test before we start dating. We don't get to find out how "gifted" a fellow is until it's in our face and by then it's too freakin late to back out of the arrangement! How f*cking unfair is that???? If we could tho... man! .. men round the world would be changing their tunes real freakin quick!

Mr. QuimMaster

21-MAY-07

I know something you don't know.. see I can go into my post history and see EVERYTHING I POST - end user deleted or not. Mr. Quim decided to remove his blog altogether after I posted this little diddy earlier today. Then he thought he would brag by sending me a link to his blogs in my e-mail. Makes you go HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMN. Athletic WM seeking sexy BBW in S. FL. My comment: Not to mention the fact that I know AT LEAST 2 of my "ex's" have been on here under OTHER handles POSING or changed their account information so their "dirty" history could literally be erased from their profiles. I know this for a fact as I was contacted by both, both tried to fool me at first then confessed eventually. One actually conned me into believing him genuine a second time. So how do I know this isn't one of them? His profile fits.. 42 years old, brown hair, brown eyes, south fla. location.. divorced.. etcetra. Could be. POST A PIC DAMN*T 21-MAY-07 Edit comment Remove comment Athletic WM seeking sexy BBW in S. FL. My comment: [QUOTE] Re: Diamond4u2007 wrote: OK...hope no one attacks me but seems to me like when a guy comes on here and they are attractive and athletic they seem to get chit on....wondering why that is? I know we all prefer pictures but does not having a picture always equal married or some other bad thing....there could be alot of reasons why someone would not post their pic...not to mention that someone could easily post a pic of anyone and who would know the difference...see where I am coming from? [/QUOTE] Ok, I am not attacking you Diamond, but I do have a couple of things to say about your post. Did you miss a few blogs here and there? If the majority feel a profile is not honest or up to snuff then the person in question will be called out. He is given ample time and space to provide a sound rebuttal if he so chooses. Notice, I said SOUND. OTOH, if the majority feel *him* to be upfront and honest at least as first glance, then they flock for *his* attention. I have seen this firsthand (and even participated) in the IS IT WRONG TO WANT SEX (lazyafternoons) or HOW RUDE! (more for me to love) blogs. He doesn't want to post a picture of himself because he is high profile? That statement speaks volumes regarding the health of his ego and will/did ultimately invite some snarles and clucks from us ladies that have had enough egotism from the opposite sex to last three lifetimes. I have a high profile job. I see hundreds of people weekly ... not to mention that my entire family have computers and know how to use them. I'm not afraid of anyone seeing me on here. Why is he?

Sad News

17-MAY-07

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Sexual Identity?

17-MAY-07

Is this a study? Rumor says it is.. but the first letter of your first name is supposed to reveal your sexual identity ... What do you think? Mine is J of course, and it fits just fine. lmao ;-) A You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested inaction. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure,and subtly enticing. You are an up front person. When it comes to sex, its action that counts not obscure hints.Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge of the "hunt" invigorating. You are passionate and sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern. B You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very ha ppy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments and particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment. C You are a freaking beast. You are the sexmaster. You do what you want, when you want...and it comes as no surprise because everyone always wants it from you. You are definately the best ever. Others should stop now to save the embarrassment. D Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly sexual, passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open mind. E Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bed mate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you, but once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. (Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good look.) F You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic life scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover. G You are crap in bed!(Remember....I didn't write this!!!! LOLOL) H You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though,you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover. I You have a great need to be loved and appreciated... Even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You look for lovers who know what they are doing.You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more sensual than sexual,but you are sometimes downright lustful. J You are totally f*cking marvelous! K You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love.Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners provided it's all in good taste.Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving,cuddling, wining,and dining to know that you're being appreciated. L You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your lover's savior. You are sincere,passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love. You really enjoy stimulating yourself, though you are fairly new to it. You fantasize and get turned on by movies and magazines. You do not tell others of this secret life,nor of your sexual fantasies. M You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and also enjoy mothering your mate. N You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of sexual energy is inexhaustible. You are a flirt yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous, sexual,and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover. O You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can rechannel much of your sexual energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate, sexual lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Sex is serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check. P You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count, therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy; A good fight stimulates those sex vibes. You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification. Q You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you, sexually or otherwise. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers,and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you going. R You are a no nonsense, action oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However,physical attractiveness is very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are privately very sexy,but you do not brag, you are willing to serve as teacher.Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate. S You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade,can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. T You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights and romantic thoughts turn you on. You fantasize, but do not tend to fall in and out of love easily. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely intense. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, often times all in your own head. (OMFG... this one is definately spot on!! ;-) <3 TR) U You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You deal in potential relationships. You enjoy giving gifts and enjoy seeing your mate looking good. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant ratification. You are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own. V You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching him out.You feel a need to get into his head to see what makes him tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. Often there is an age difference between you and your lover. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. The gay scene turns you on,even though you yourself may not be a participant. W You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your lover. You enjoy playing love games. X You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease.You can't shut off your mind. You talk while you make love.You can have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your own head. Y You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy n ecking and spending hours just touching, feeling and exploring.However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open,stimulating and romantic Z You are and very attentive person, who requires the same attention in return from your partner. In love you seek quality, not quanity. You are secure in your sexuality and seek the same in a partner. Beauty comes naturally to you and you will look for the same in a partner. You are loving, caring and open minded. You like cheese.

The Best Therapy Comes in Small Doses

09-MAY-07

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Jo. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?" Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an a$$hole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'a$$hole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an a$$hole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a$$hole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is Jo Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!" and hung up. One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first a$$hole (I had is number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW a$$hole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in front." I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five." I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're an a$$hole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two a$$holes to call. Then I came up with an idea. I called a$$hole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an a$$hole!" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "A$$hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole," and hung up. Then I called A$$hole #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, a$$hole," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick you?re a$$," I answered, "Well, a$$hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two a$$holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew. NOW I feel much better!

My New Tattoo!

03-MAR-07

Just got it tonight so it's looking kinda raw but wanted to show ya'll just the same ;-) Upper right arm, my kids names... Updated Pic 05/03/07: Click pic to see new photo. All healed up!

So much for fat acceptance...

30-APR-07

Old Navy moves its large sizes online : This is the last summer that Old Navy will carry larger plus-size clothing in its stores. Instead, the company will sell the fashions exclusively online. The final shipments of apparel in sizes 22, 24 and 26 will be sent out during the next few weeks. "We really wanted to showcase the Plus collection and felt the best place to do that effectively was online," said Gap spokeswoman Robin Carr. While plus sizes have been carried since 2004 in only 175 of Old Navy's 950 North American stores, "online is everywhere," she said. Old Navy stores will continue to carry women's sizes 16 to 20 as part of their regular collection, said Carr. I'm just too fat for Old Navy. I wish I had a d*ck, I'd tell 'em to suck it.

Favorite Feature

30-APR-07

What do you guys think of this new Favorite Counter on our pages? It is supposed to show how many users have listed you as a favorite.. I think it could be very informative - and indicative of the personality you are checking out.

OMG BBW DOES NOT MEAN "BIG BREASTED WOMEN"!!!!

12-APR-07

BBW means BIG, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN! GET IT??? Yes, I have huge t*ts, but I also have a huge a$$ and belly too!! You are an idiot if you signed up on this site thinking you were going to find a tripple D chested, 24" waisted and 32" hipped. THEY DON'T HANG OUT HERE! It's just us FAT PEOPLE! GRRRRR

Check this out ya'll

16-APR-07

Search YouTube for: A Fat Rant by Joy Nash

WLS - Matter of Opinion - Real Stories

09-APR-07

Well, since a lot of you liked the first WLS blog, I decided to gather some more opinions on the matter from those who have either gone through with the surgery or have watched someone suffer through it. Their stories follow: Kelly from Burlington: I am considered a successful GB patient. I had the procedure almost 3 years ago and I have lost about 280lbs. But I cannot and do not recommend this procedure. The fact is that few people fully comprehend the real risks of this procedure. Even if you go to a great doctor and have done research and participated in pre-surgical education; most people do not believe that the very real complications that exist will happen to them. I know I rationalized away every thing by thinking that I was too young to be a statistic; only the older people who have the procedure actually die. I had serious complications, but have recovered from them. My answer to people who ask me about the procedure is always the same. No matter what you decide to do, you need to come to some acceptance of who you are, because you have to be a strong person to handle what may come your way, whether you proceed or not. You need to be prepared for the fact that you are purposefully creating medical malnutrition. You will need extensive medical attention your entire life and you will need to be able to invest enormous amounts of time and effort paying attention to your body forever. GB is should not be anyone's idea of a quick fix, it is a choice that people make out of a feeling of desparation. I weighted 475lbs prior to surgery and was in a wheelchair at the ripe old age of 36. I felt powerless and desparate, so I did this. I look and feel signficcantly better, but I wonder if I just exchanged one weight-related obession for another. Denice from Helendale, CA USA 19 years ago I had this awful surgery. I've been SICK since! The Neurological damage is the worst! I lost 89 pounds in less than 2 months and almost died. I was a CNA early on and later got into and Owned my own Beauty business. I lost it, was to sick to continue. I was never told by surgery doctors that I needed to have any type of follow up care special diets for the first ten years! Therefor I had basicly starved my brain and body of vital nutriants, lost almost all my hair, vision, taste, smell, hearing, touch. All my sences plus, have been damaged because of lack of knowlage about this surgery. Not to mention about 20 other problems I had. I was in my new doctors office ten years later for sever anemia and told her of the surgery.( other doctors wouldn't see me because I was to complicated a case) She said all the problems I had were a direct complication from the WLS. I have 4 children and 8 grand children. I will not get to see them grow up. I wish I could have had the internet as a tool back then. I don't think we had any way to research this WLS. It was to new a procedure. I was one of the Guinea Pigs then! Only now are people like me popping up here and there! If they live long enough! Most like me live only 10 or 12 years after the WLS. I've done allot of research on this surgery in the past few years.I've heard some awful stories. I'm still one of the lucky ones! I have a real wonderful husband that has stood by me through this for all these years. We've just bought a burial plots and we have picked out our pre-need plans for me. It's that SERIOUS people!!! I'm only 47 years old! It takes me an hour or so to type these out. I'm so sloooow. I want everyone to know how devistating it could be for you to have this surgery! Please don't do it! If I could only save one person from this BARBARIC ACT it WILL BE worth all the time I have left. People are all created in the "Image of God". We don't know how he looks so why should we judge ourselves to be fat? Each one of are in "His image". We are unique to Him! Maybe that is His perfection? We won't know till we met our Creator, but until then I hope you will except yourselves as YOU are, try to eat healthy and go for walks with people you love. They'll love you anyway as God does. Don't try to "cheat nature" like I did! You won't last long. Educate yourselves and live life to the best your able to! Love to all, Denice. Lambsun, Maine USA If I had to think about doing it over I would NOT! I had a banded gastroplasty done 5 years ago and only lost 70 pounds the first year. I did throw up most of that. Into the first year I had a hernia and it was huge. Then 2 years later another one. By this time my stomach did not have much muscle to be able to hold the contents of my gut in and they had used a netting to hold it in from the last surgery. I had developed a new hernia and this time it was more dangerous as I was having trouble moving my bowels and there was pain involved. The surgery was crazy.....the 3 hours surgery turned into 6 hours. The netting they used before was so imbedded in me it was hard to get past to do the surgery. Then while up the next day, my lungs collapsed...the new netting that was pushing so nice and tight on my gut to hold everything in burst....yes....it broke and I went under the knife again for the second time in 2 days.....I am 54...I felt I was dead.....The 3 day hospital stay turned into 3 weeks. I now am a proud owner of a deformed looking mid section with this alien looking life form sticking out the right side of my body....it is called the gut....it is the way it wanted to go and the way the netting wanted to hold it in....I have lost more weight.....mostly to the mood stabilizer I was put on to keep me sane through all this and the B-12 deficiency that I found out after the doctor did an MRI thinking I might have MS since I was also losing my memory and stumbling and weak. I have shots every other weak for the B-12 and I now receive surgical cortisone shots for my back pain......something else my orthopedic surgeon tells me can be an aggravator of bariatric surgery.....believe me......it was my last hope.....and I am lucky I am alive.... The CONS of WLS, medically speaking (please pay particular attention to the last sentence in this section): Potential risks Pneumonia is an infection in the lungs, and after surgery it can be especially serious, because the infection often comes from the gastrointestinal tract, and it can be very destructive. Precautions to prevent pneumonia can be the clearing out the gastrointestinal tract before surgery by using antibiotics as a prophylactic measure at the time of surgery and by using good anesthesia and respiratory treatment. Abscess is a collection of infected fluid and can occur anywhere in the body. After an abdominal operation a pocket of fluid may develop and create an abscess. The treatment of any abscess is to drain away the infected fluid, and kill the bacteria with antibiotics. To prevent abscesses it is important to avoid any collection of fluid or blood in the abdomen, at the time of surgery-this is why you will have a drain that will remain in after the surgery is complete. Wound Infection is a type of abscess and is treated by draining it much like an abscess. Clinically severe obese individuals have a very deep layer of fat under the skin and it makes it more difficult to use the general methods that surgeons use for treating infection. Special methods have been developed and are relatively easy to treat although they are an annoyance to the patient. Urinary Tract Infection can occur due to urine flow being altered after surgery. Patients also have trouble straining down to urinate. Use of a tube, or catheter, is usually used to drain the bladder after surgery. In a rare case this can lead to infection of the bladder and can be remedied with antibiotics. Hemorrhage can occur when blood vessels are cut during surgery. A device called an electrocautery that coagulates the blood. Sometimes, a blood vessel may escape and this can cause a hemorrhage, either inside the abdomen or at the skin level. In some cases a return to the operating room may be needed, but this is a rare event. Transfusions can become necessary when blood loss occurs and makes the pulse and blood pressure unstable. Unlike the risks formally associated with blood transfusions, today there are much higher standards and controls, making transfusion a much safer procedure. However, even with the very minimal risks associated with modern transfusion precautions, you have the option to donate your own blood and have it safely stored before surgery. Bowel Obstruction can occur after any abdominal operation due to scars called adhesions. Sometimes, this adhesion can become obstructed and nothing can make its way through. In some cases emergency surgery may be necessary to alleviate the obstruction. Leakage of Bowel Connections can occur when an incomplete seal occurs between the fastenings of the bowel. When this happens fluids from the GI tract, containing at least some bacteria (the bacteria is normal when contained), leaks out into the abdomen and can causes a serious infection accompanied by swelling, a rapid pulse rate, and in some cases the formation of an abscess. This is always a serious complication and indicates that an immediate operation is required, to seal the leak and drain away the infection. However, if drainage is already present surgery may be avoided. Anastamotic leak almost always causes some increase in hospitalization, and increased discomfort from the drain, and the need for repeated X-rays. Obstruction of the Stomach Outlet can occur when the gastric bypass surgery produces the small pouch that it intends to, but during the healing process scars that form to promote healing contract to a more than average degree and food cannot get through. If this should occur it usually can be corrected on an outpatient basis. Laparoscopic surgery appears to cut down on the incidence of obstruction of the stomach. Chronic Nutritional Problems can be avoided by taking the proper vitamin and mineral supplements recommended by your doctor, and through healthy eating habits. Protein Deficiency can occur because the amounts of protein the post-operative patient can take in has been diminished due to the gastric bypass. If during the first half of every meal the post-operative patient takes in protein, the risk of developing a protein deficiency becomes reduced. Vitamin and Mineral Deficiency can occur when the restrictive diet of the post-operative patient is not afford the ability to consume the amounts of vitamin-rich foods that an average adult eats during the course of any given day. Malabsorption is part of the reason why the post-operative patient loses weight. However, to remain healthy we can still eat less and maintain the necessary vitamin intake, by taking the vitamin and mineral supplements that our doctor recommends, for the rest of our lives. Possible side effects after surgery Nausea can occur after gastric restriction if one gets a full feeling and continues to eat and vomiting may occur. Limiting food intake when a feeling of satiety is experienced will handle the problem Food Intolerance to various foods that you have enjoyed before surgery can occur. Some of these are listed below: Red Meats: Red meats are harder to digest and may cause vomiting. Sugar: Refined sugars and candy tend to draw fluid into the intestine. After the gastric surgery a condition called ?dumping syndrome? may occur when sugar is taken on an empty stomach. It passes rapidly through the stomach into the intestine and draws a large amount of fluid into the bowel. The result is a condition in which the person experiencing it can break out in a sweat, have dizziness, stomach churning, and a rapid pulse. Most people who have this reaction never intake the offending food again! Milk Products: To digest lactose our bodies need and enzyme called lactase. After gastric bypass milk and milk products may not be fully digested. If this repeatedly occurs, lactose-free products can be substituted for food products that contain lactose. After restrictive surgery the amount of food consumed is greatly reduced. Quantities of roughage are just a fraction of what they could have been prior to surgery. Because roughage is so reduced, so is the presence of bowel activity. Stool softeners can provide relief. Other side effects Transient Hair Loss can occur when the body is experiencing a drastic reduction of calories and subsequent weight loss. The body believes that it is starving. One of the side effects, in some persons, is inactivation of hair follicles, causing hair to fall out. This will resolves when nutrition and weight stabilize. Loss of Muscle Mass can occur when the body perceiving that it's starving, stores its fat until any other usable fuel has been burned. Loss of muscle mass is preventable. During active weight loss after surgery exercise vigorously as soon as your doctor gives you the okay. Pros of WLS, medically speaking: High Blood Pressure can often be alleviated or eliminated by weight loss surgery High Blood Cholesterol in 80% of patients can be alleviated or eliminated and in as little as 2-3 months post-operatively. Heart Disease in obese individuals is certainly more likely to be experienced when compared to persons who are of average weight and adhere to a strict diet and exercise regimen. There is no hard and fast statistical data to definitively prove that weight loss surgery reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, however, common sense would dictate that if we can significantly reduce many of the co-morbidities that we experienced as someone that is obese, we can likewise that our health may be much improved if not totally restored. Diabetes Mellitus can usually helped and based upon numerous studies of diabetes and the control of its complications, it is likely that the problems associated with diabetes will be arrested in their progression, when blood sugar is maintained at normal values. Abnormal Glucose Tolerance, or ?Borderline Diabetes? is even more likely reversed by gastric bypass. Since this condition becomes diabetes in many cases, the operation can frequently prevent diabetes, as well. Asthma sufferers may find that they have fewer and less severe attacks, or sometimes none at all. When asthma is associated with gastroesophageal reflux disease, it is particularly benefited by gastric bypass. Sleep Apnea Syndrome sufferers can receive dramatic effects and many within a year or so of surgery find their symptoms were completely gone, and they had even stopped snoring completely! Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease can be greatly relieved of all symptoms within as littler as a few days of surgery. Gallbladder Disease can be surgically handled at the time of the weight loss surgery if your doctor has cause to believe that gallstones are present. Stress Urinary Incontinence responds dramatically to weight loss, usually by becoming completely controlled. A person who is still troubled by incontinence can choose to have specific corrective surgery later, with much greater chance of a successful outcome, with a reduced body weight. Low Back Pain and Degenerative Disk Disease, and Degenerative Joint Disease can be considerably relieved with weight loss, and greater comfort may experienced even after as few as 25 lost pounds. On a personal note, it sounds like pure BS, medial insurance fraud propaganda to me. If you are someone who is thinking about doing this, please research - extensively. When it's this obvious that the cons out-weight the pros, you just gotta think more than twice about whether or not this surgery should even be legal, much less elective.

Where's the Food in Food Network?

10-APR-07

Big fat blog. Did anybody bother to see the Food Networks "special" hosted by Al Roker called Childhood Obesity: Danger Zone? The copy that accompanies the show's page is really, really, really dramatic. Really. ......... "Obesity?it's the fastest growing cause of disease and death in our country, and it's attacking more than 12 million of our children. The Food Network goes to the front lines of the childhood obesity epidemic to find out what's fueling the explosion in overweight children and teenagers and what parents, teachers, doctors and public officials are doing to fight a problem the U.S. Surgeon General calls "more serious" than terrorism." What a load of hot steamy dog sh*t. I'm not quite sure what's the most disturbing part about this: that it's on the Food Network, which is ostensibly a network about food, or that Mike Huckabee is involved. If I was into conspiracy theories I'd suggest this has its arms in both the corporate and government pockets. Disgusting, pandering, exploitative. Believe it or not, there was a time when the Food Network was about food. The blurb on the Food Network web site seems to characterize the show as a series of profiles of inspirational anti-obesity heroes. Once again we have the anti-fat crusaders' new, marginally more subtle approach: "A fear-mongering embrace of half-truths and stereotypes will be spun as positive and uplifting". And, of course, a prominent feature of this approach is to have formerly fat people (Roker, Huckabee, et al.) push the anti-fat message. Huckabee is an a-hole and lets all look forward, if god forbid he is elected into the Presidency, to ?fat tax? laws against major food labels and Obesity report cards for we the consumer.

WLS - Weight Loss Surgery - Quality of Life?

06-APR-07

One blog that I read, the medpundit, has an excellent article about bariatric (weight loss surgery i.e. WLS). In it the physician gives a very unique point of view from her clinical experience with her patients who have had weight loss surgery. The interesting thing is that she has observed in her patients the following: 1. none of them regret having the surgery, regardless of the medical conditions they may suffer after WLS, even some nasty stuff like kidney stones every 2 weeks, frequent vomiting and re-operation procedures. 2. The patients' view of their condition of health is quite different from the doctor's clinical view. The patients all view themselves as "healthier" after WLS than before WLS but the physician commented that from her prospective, this was not true from a clinical standpoint. She commented: >>>If asked, every single one of them would call themselves healthier, but from my perspective their health is worse. They all require more monitoring and more interventions than they did before having the surgery.<<<< I feel this is significant and should be pointed out to those seeking surgery (and also to physicians advocating this for their patients) based on patient testimony that WLS has improved their health. There is good evidence to suggest robust health after WLS would NOT be the case with the nature of the nutritional deficiencies and other health issues introduced by this surgery and this physician's observations of her post op patients, confirm what one may suspect. I've actually heard this from not only physicians and gastroenterologists but from family members as well. One of the patients of a friend of mine, a patient who was very obese herself, remarked to him that her daughter had had a gastric bypass 5 years ago and had stayed slim but "has been sickly and frail ever since". I feel that WLS is more of a quality of life decision than a health decision. Health-wise, it would appear that the body, pretty much regardless of size, is totally happy and healthy if the person exercises regularly and makes reasonably healthy food choices and avoids obviously unhealthy things like tobacco and alcohol usage etc. But quality of life-wise, some people find "living fat" so intolerable that they are willing to take at least a few health hits in order to be able to live thin. And that is their decision but I try to point out to them that the bottom line may be that health hits can reduce the quality of life even MORE than being fat. i.e. being slim and having a new set of clothing "off the racks" is not fun if the patient is stuck sick in bed or so fatigued or weak that they don't feel like changing from their night clothing. Likewise the daily inconvenience of having a digestive tract which has been basically surgically disabled, may be more of a dealbreaker than people realize i.e. the concept of taking extremely small bites and chewing to liquify or having things "get stuck" and having to take "food breaks" to wait and make sure the last bite has "gone down" before taking another bite, and having to restrict to certain foods, eschewing many - what we consider - treat foods and every patient, at least occasionally, getting bites of food stuck in the stoma which apparently delivers at least 2 hours of rather intense pain until it either has to be surgically removed or "goes down". The quality of life index of a GERD patient has been said to be 2 out of a possible 10.... and lately an article suggested that although WLS was effective in many people to keep SOME weight off, their quality of life took a serious hit according to what patients themselves, described about their daily lives. Another study which suggested that WLS patients tended to live longer than fat people who did not have WLS, also observed that WLS patients had a far higher rate of death from suicide and accidents, thus again suggesting a serious quality of life hit. Some people may be surprised that prospective patients can read about the "hard cases", the so called "gastric bypass gone bad" stuff and then, still have the procedure themselves. I've actually seen patients who have had a "gone bad" case in their own family who still go ahead with the surgery. This may be because it seems that most patients or prospective patients and/or medical professionals will dismiss the hard cases as "exceptions to prove the rule" which may or may not be true.... we simply don't know what the case of the "AVERAGE" patient is on the long term as it is evident that some patients have incorporated themselves into society as slim people, and may not identify themselves as weight loss surgery patients. But yet other patients, quietly die or become ill, and although WLS is pretty likely a factor in their illness or death, it is not documented by medical providers as such. It may be a far better idea as far as helping the individual make the choice which works best for them, to present information about what the daily quality of life hits may be and also with what the REAL clinical health status may be after WLS, a condition including some concerning health issues, which may greatly different from the rosey patient descriptions. Seuthsayings

OMFG.. Get INVOLVED

06-APR-07

In re Kayla T. v. Linda T. Family Court of New York, Chemung County 2007 NY Slip Op 27078 Decided February 23, 2007 Opinion by Judge David M. Brockway In this Family Court of New York ruling, Judge David Brockway ordered that a 13 year-old girl be removed from her parents' custody because of their failure to address her morbid obesity. The girl, Kayla, was originally brought to the attention of the justice system in 2003, when she was first removed from her home because of concerns about her health. After several years of moving between court placements and her parents' home, Kayla's parents were given custody but with certain conditions, including regularly taking Kayla to a gym and participating in a nutrition program. Testimony from Kayla's pediatric gastroenterologist and nutritionist indicated that the girl's weight -- in excess of 250 lbs. -- was "simply due to excessive caloric intake and a sedentary lifestyle." Other physicians involved in Kayla's care determined that her "weight problems are not organic in nature and are the result of poor parental modeling and control of food intake." The Court found that the parents did not take Kayla to the gym, and did not actively participate in amending Kayla's diet, and thus were in willful violation of many of the custody conditions. The Court also found that although there is no precedent in New York for removing a child from parental custody due to morbid obesity, several other states, including California , Iowa, Indiana, New Mexico, and Texas, have "recognized morbid obesity as an actionable issue." The Court ordered that Kayla be placed in the custody of the Commissioner of the Chemung County Department of Social Services. It is astounding in this day and age that not taking someone to the gym is sufficient reason to sever custody ties. The courts findings do not show any form of physical abuse, emotional abuse or other danger to the child. This does show that the nutritionist was alarmist about the child's weight and that apparently, there was a breakdown in communications at some point between the court system and the parents. The answer to this is not to remove the child from her parents' custody. There has to be a better way. It is also amazing that they use New Mexico (Anamarie Martinez-Regino) and Indiana (Dakota Main) as "precedents" for "removing a child from parent custody" when in both New Mexico and Indiana, the courts REVERSED their decisions and restored custody to the parent(s) because the parents had done nothing wrong. If you want to join this cause please reply to this blog or contact me otherwise for the link, addresses and phone numbers for: New York Senators of the 110th Congress: Senator Charles E. Schumer Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton U.S. Congressman: Randy Kuhl pf the 19th District of New York and Chemung County Legislature

A la-la-la-la-lament - for me.

04-APR-07

I am dropping my premium membership as of April 9th. There is nothing for me here but blogging with friends, and I can do that for free. Hell, my heart isn't into doing that much anymore anyways. It's time for me to step back from the so called 'dating' scene and pull from my reserves before I collapse from emotional malnutrition. I can easily metaphorically speaking compare my emotional 'core' with a bank account. It's depleted - totally bankrupt - with no one around but me to make deposits (with exception to kind hearted friends who try their best to fill a hole they can?t even see). It's really no wonder we get on here and blog about 'what's wrong with me?' and 'why am I not good enough?? We suffer, daily, the iniquitous and degrading sexual solicitations via IM and e-mail, which not only proves that 9 out of 10 men on this site are only looking for a jerk-off buddy, but makes us wonder if that's all we are wanted for. And finally, when we DO make contact with a 'seemingly' sincere gentlemen who makes daily phone calls and behaves like he is our dream come true, we wind up pouring our hearts out to them with countless phone calls and e-mails, thinking 'God, this is too good to be true just make it last'. We make ourselves vulnerable to our 'new best friend' during all night phone conversations and deplete our 'real' savings accounts planning a trip, arranging childcare and buying plane tickets to meet our 'newfound destiny', only to be discarded like cigarette-pack cellophane after what you considered the 'most excellent two (or three or four etc.) days' your spent lift has ever had by someone you thought was miraculously heaven-sent direct to you because everybody is supposed to get theirs in the end. My disappointment this time is ? unparalleled.

Eyes Open

23-MAR-07

I have never been able to make eye contact while having the big "O". Until recently, I really thought that eye contact at such a crucial time was impossible... comparable with keeping your eyes open during a sneeze. Well, while bored I was surfing and I swear just came (no pun intended lmao) across this article... (For some reason LF isn't cooperating with me so to view the entire blog, go to my blog page) .................................. " "Start With A Hug, End With An Orgasm And Keep Your Eyes Open All The Way By Mary Tudor Sounds like a great experience, doesn't it? Depends on how comfortable you are with intimacy, suggests psychologist and sex therapist Dr. David Schnarch--whether you can allow yourself to be "truly known" by your partner. Very few couples actually manage to have their eyes open during orgasm, says Schnarch. Only about 30 percent of couples have sex with their eyes open, and among those, less than half are able to achieve orgasm while looking into each others' eyes. Most people have to tune out their partner in order to have an orgasm, says Schnarch. But those who do manage to look into their partner's eyes at the moment of orgasm are electrified by the power of the connection they experience. If you want to try having an eyes-open orgasm, says Schnarch, be sure to let enough light into the room so that you can see each other, and remember that "seeing" each other doesn't mean looking at each others' bodies. It involves letting your partner look into your eyes--and into your soul. If eyes-open orgasm sounds dizzying to you, first try "hugging 'til relaxed," another of Dr. Schnarch's "tools for connection." With this one, what you do with your mind is just as important as what you do with your body. Here's how you do it: Move close to each other, stand on your own two feet, put your arms around your partner, and calm yourself way down. Stay in the hug long enough to deeply relax your body and your mind. (The average hug only lasts several seconds before one partner or the other breaks it off). Shift position as necessary to make yourself comfortable. Eventually you will reach a meaningful, quiet connection with your partner--while also maintaining your relationship with yourself. Pay attention to what you're thinking and feeling, especially who breaks off the hug and why. Dr. Schnarch suggests couples' physical style of hugging is a window into the dynamics of their emotional relationship." " .................................. Brings to mind tantric lovemaking... Perhaps, in the past, my problem with this was due to a level of concentration needed to achieve maximun intensity ... or perhaps has been the level of comfort I have felt with previous partners... the latter intrigues me. Looking back I can see that although with one or perhaps two of my previous partners I have felt a real, strong, comfortable, open-minded connection with I have yet to feel a great level of soft, quiet emotional envelopment. What scares me the most? Being so damn vulnerable, voluntarily. I wonder if any of you who bother to read my crap have any opinions / experiences / thoughts on this subject.

Southern Women: Amended

06-MAR-07

SOUTHERN WOMEN Southern women appreciate their natural assets: Clean skin. A winning smile. That unforgettable Southern drawl. Southern women know their manners: "Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir." "Why, no, Billy!" Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions : "Y'all come back!" "Well, bless your heart." "Drop by when you can." "How's your Momma?" Southern women know their summer weather report: Humidity Humidity Humidity Southern women know their vacation spots: The beach The rivuh The crick Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August: Colorful hi-heel sandals Strapless sundresses Iced sweet tea Southern women know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts: Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind Southern women know their religions: Baptist Methodist Football Southern women know their country breakfasts: Red-eye gravy Eggs Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: Chawl'stn S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: Men in uniform Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler Southern girls know their prime real estate: The Beauty Salon Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins: Having bad hair Having bad manners Cooking bad food More Suthen-ism's: Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____ Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____ Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." _____ Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly." _____ Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____ All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. _____ Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! _____ Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. _____ Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____ No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____ A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____ Only Southerne rs make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody! _____ Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____ In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural. _____ Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____ Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____ When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____ Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

The Whys of Men: Trois

23-FEB-07

.... and again.

My Funny Blog

23-FEB-07

LF deleted my old joke of the week blog so I am starting a new one so I am not compelled to create five or six new blogs a day. ;-) Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call. The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee. "My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift." The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift." The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift. As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in. "To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay." As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio."

Blonde Jokes

23-FEB-07

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head on top of a burning building. The firefighters came and told the red head to jump of first. When the red head jumped down they moved the blanket and she died. Next was the brunettes turn. She wouldn't jump down because she thought they would move the blanket. They said, No. We won't. We just hate red heads. So she jumped down and they moved the blanket. Then it was the blondes turn. She said she wouldn't jump. The guys said they just hated brunettes. She didn't believe them so she said "Just put down the blanket and I'll jump. A blonde, a brunette and a red head were getting executed. The red head was up 1st.The guys said, Ready, Aim, And she yelled "Tornado!". They looked away and she ran. The brunette was up 2nd and she got what the red head was doing so they yelled ready, aim, and she yelled Earthquake!. They looked away and she ran. The blondie got what they were doing so when it was her turn they yelled ready, aim, and she yelled Fire! 10 blondes and a red head were hanging from a rope. One of them would have to volunteer to jump off or they would all fall and die. No one would volunteer. After a little while the red headed made a huge speech about how she would jump off and save their lives. The blondes applauded. One day a blonde walked into an electronics store and wanted to buy a tv. So she brought something up to the register and said I wouldlike to buy this t.v. The cashier said, Sorry we don't sell to blondes. The next day she died her hair and went back up to the register and said I wouldlike to buy this t.v. The cashier said, Sorry we don't sell to blondes. So the blonde went home and died her hair again and changed her whole look. She went back up to the cashier and said I would like to buy this t.v. The cashier said, Sorry we don't sell to blondes. The blonde said, How the heck do you know I'm a blonde?! The cashier said, that's not a t.v. it's a microwave. A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde also), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'" Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it; looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me." A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!" A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W." What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?" HOW BLONDE WAS SHE??????????????? She was soooooooooooooo blonde: She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. She thought a quarterback was a refund. She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center. She thought General Motors was in the army. She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics." She tried to drown a fish. She tripped over a cordless phone. She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said concentrate. She got stabbed in a shoot-out. She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T WALK." They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade. At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she put Sagittarius. She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. It takes her two hours to watch "60 Minutes." She studied for a blood test-and failed. She thought she needed a token to get on "Soul Train." She sold the car for gas money! When she saw the "NC-17 under 17 not admitted," she went home and got 16 friends. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. We'll miss her. AND FINALLY, THE BEST FOR LAST: A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to downtheir drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks. The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?" One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"

[place creative blog title here]

22-FEB-07

One fall day Bill was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Bill went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. ?My wife,? the man replied. ?I'm sorry,? said Bill, ?what happened to her?? ?My dog bit her and she died.? Bill then asked the man who was in the second hearse. The man replied, ?My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well.? Bill thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, ?Can I borrow your dog?? To which the man replied, ?Get in line.?

Nudist Colony aHEAD

22-FEB-07

Now here's a funny pic

Little Johnny

22-FEB-07

Can you spot little Johnny?

Perspective and punctuation

22-FEB-07

An English Professor wrote these words on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly: "A woman without her man is nothing" All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." All of the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

For All You Lonely Hearts

18-FEB-07

RED-NECK VALENTINE Collards is green my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can. You have som'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms. Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can. Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt. When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth. But for this man, honey, these won't do. Cause yo're too special, ou sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!

For Bitterman LOL

15-FEB-07

Things not to say when stopped by a cop! 1. I can?t reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK ONLY if you live in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn?t realize my radar detector wasn?t plugged in. 3. Aren?t you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must?ve been doin? about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You?re not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Officer! That?s terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That?s how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the Officer says ?Gee Son?.Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?? You probably shouldn?t respond with, ?Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts??

Friendship

06-FEB-07

Are you tired of those asinine "friendship" poems with decent intentions, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here's a collection of promises that actually speak of true friendship. 1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry b*st*rd who made you sad. 2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you. 3. When you smile - I will know you finally got la*d. 4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get. 5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining. 6. When you are confused - I will use little words. 7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. 8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt. Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth.

Thought of the Day

05-FEB-07

What is a man's ultimate embarrassment? Answer: Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.

Camel Toads? LMFAO

30-JAN-07

Licking the toad? LOL new catch phrase anyone? ;-)

Who Wants an LF ChatRoom?

22-JAN-07

All in favor, click the link to the left of the screen that says " suggestion box " and tell LF about it!

!@#$%&* SCALE! LMFAO

20-JAN-07

I lost that low calorie mess. Even though I was alternating every other day, the loss of protein in the AM really started to drain me physically and I believe emotionally, too. So I stopped it and am waiting for book delivery: Why French Girls Don't Get Fat. Okay, so I stop the low cal thing, I swear to god I ate a low carb p-nut butter sandwich yesterday and gained five pounds. I think some people were just meant to be fat. Whether they struggle throughout their whole lives battling what was meant to be, or they accept who they are and live life to the fullest they physically can is just a choice at a crossroad. Left or right? Struggle and fight or surrender to my fate and acquiesce? Sometimes, honestly, I just don't know. What I do know is I am now looking at about a nine pound weight gain in less than a month. So it's beginning to freak me out, because at this rate, I can gain back all that I lost and more in just a few months! What am I being told here? That I will NEVER be able to eat more than 70 carbs a day for the rest of my life? Or, I am supposed to be jolly-fat, so give? I know that along the road I will find a happy medium where I can be both physically healthy and happy. If I can maintain the weight I am now I will never complain about being fat..lmao.. lord just keep me under three hundred pounds! ;-)

A letter from an angry WIFE

10-JAN-07

Remember dtr74x? I got this in my mail today... from his wife. I didn't edit it other than to remove the U from a particular nasty word... > > why dont you f*ck off, you desperate fat slag , this is Daves wife emailing you here, why dont you f*ck off the internet, and go get a real man what you actually meet face to face, maybe men like my prick of a husband wouldnt be able to sneak around their f*cking wifes backs if there wasnt desperate woman like you prowling the f*cking internet, you was his source of entertainment, you even f*cking put kids pictures on your profile, you should have your children taken away from you for just that alone,what kind of f*cking mother are you, I wouldnt put my kids pictures on a profile on ANY site let alone a f*cking dating one, you dirty disgusting slut, now f*ck off and take your UGLY pictures off, slag....................... whore > > Well, needless to say we had a confrontation in a PM. She was nasty and I really can't blame her for it. Though I did tell her on several occasions that she was blaming the wrong person and that she needed to take this sh*t up with her husband. Well, anyways. This is not really bothering me because I wasn't really interested anyways.. but what IS bothering me is what she said about me posting pictures of my girls on here. I mean, this isn't adultsexfinder or anything, right? This is supposed to be a friendly community with friends, right? You know, I never thought if it as anything other than letting people know who I am. My girls are a part of me and we are a package. Does anyone else think that my putting classy, dignified pictures of my children on here is despicable or inappropriate?

Trying Something New and Succeeding!

08-JAN-07

... for me anyway. I have been living on a low carb diet since April and have successfully lost a lot of weight. Unfortunately, I have come to a time where I can't stand to look at another low carb menu. I will just scream. So December, not including two hell bent and full of sin weekends I didn't stick to this program I developed for myself, I have actually lost 9 more pounds. I am so exstatic because believe you me I soooo let go in December and just ate whatever I wanted for Christmas. So, for those that may be interested, here is my philo: One pound of body fat equals 3,500 calories. Therefore, to drop 1 pound per week, you must create a deficit of 3,500 calories over the course of seven days, which equals 500 calories per day. To lose 2 pounds per week (3,500 calories x 2 pounds = 7,000 calories), you must cut 1,000 calories daily. Based on a 255# woman in her 30's: Height in INCHES (65) x 2.54 = 165.10 (or 1.65 CM) Weight in Kg (255) / 2.2 = 115.91 BMI is Kg weight / 1.65 = 70.25 Female BMR = (655) + (9.6 x weight in kg.) + (1.8 x height in cm.) ? (4.7 x age in years) = 1,268.92 **Your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) is the number of calories your body needs to perform basic, everyday functions like circulating blood, digesting food, and breathing. Everyone is fairly sedentary throughout most of the day, except for the planned fitness activities they do. This sedentary lifestyle includes light walking on the job, light housekeeping, deskwork, running errands, etc. To determine the additional calorie needs of a relatively sedentary lifestyle, multiple your BMR by 1.2 to get the number of calories you need for both basal metabolic functions and light activity. If you are exercising, your body needs even more calories. To account for these calories, first divide your weekly calories burned goal (7,000 for 2#'s) by 7, which gives you the average number of calories you burn through exercise each day (1,000)**Based on a 2# loss per week** These fitness calories must be added to get your total daily calorie needs. So, add Sedentary Lifestyle Calories + Fitness Calories. So by subtracting your weight loss rate from your Total Daily Calories you will create an appropriate caloric deficit in your body, and achieve your desired weight loss. There is no reason to cut additional calories, since this has already been included in the formula. Round your final numbers to the nearest 10! So, this explains why I have lost over 9#'s in 16 days. My daily caloric intake should be about 2693. If I am consuming 600, my deficit is 2093, which totals 4.19#'s per week = 16 days is 9.6#'s.

Him and Her

04-DEC-06

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here. And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a dam garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90- day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a Knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a dam warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...... ''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud. "What?'' says Roger, startled. ''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so......'' (She breaks down, sobbing.) ''What?'' says Roger. ''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.'' ''There's no horse?'' says Roger. ''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says. ''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. ''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) ''Yes,'' he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says. ''What way?'' says Roger. "That way about time,'' says Elaine. ''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.'' (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) ''Thank you, Roger,'' she says. ''Thank you,'' says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

Comforting Embrace

04-DEC-06

I just thought this was too much.

THANKSGIVING

21-NOV-06

Thanksgiving is that one holiday that none of the other holidays like. It doesn't get invited to the holiday parties. It doesn't get to hear the latest holiday gossip by the holiday water cooler. Thanksgiving used to pal around with Easter. They had some fun times. But Easter met that friggin' bunny, and hasn't since had time for Thanksgiving. Though they're next door neighbors, Thanksgiving and Christmas are not friends. They hate each other's holiday guts. Christmas hangs around with the a crowd of degenerates (you know, Santa, Rudolph, Frosty, and that twisted freak, The Grinch). Plus, Thanksgiving is a little miffed that Christmas flat-out stole Thanksgiving's dinner Turkey idea. Used to be ham. Now Christmas serves Turkey to everyone. Coincidence? Nah. And Thanksgiving knows it. You'd think Thanksgiving would be the forgiving type, but it's not. Thankful, yes. Forgiving? no. Not on your life. Why do you think they play football on Thanksgiving? Not much forgiving going on there. You have twenty-two men pounding the snot out of each other on a big-time holiday. Twice. That's something to be thankful for, for sure, but there's no forgiving going on. And even though they pretend to, nobody forgives you for that Sahara desert dry turkey you serve or that beetle-larva-esque stuffing. They'll eat it. They have to. They're thankful. But they don't forgive you. Two words: order out. But why then doesn't Thanksgiving get along with the other holidays? What is the rift that has formed in late November that divides joyous day from joyous day? All the other holidays have sold out. Corporate America dangled big fat checks in front of them, and they signed on the dotted line. Easter, Valentine's Day, Halloween, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and ESPECIALLY that smarmy pit of red and green that we call Christmas. They sold their souls, gave up creative control and all the merchandising rights, and in exchange for what? Money. That's it, and that's all. Each of them used to mean something, but not anymore. Except Thanksgiving. You don't go buy Thanksgiving cards. You don't give Thanksgiving presents. You don't make a Thanksgiving shopping list, or decorate the outside of the house, or put up lights and inflatables. You don't wrap anything. And nobody expects you to. It's not the trial-by-fire that the other holidays force upon your relationships. Did you get the right thing? Is it shiny enough? Is it expensive enough? Thanksgiving doesn't care. Thanksgiving says, "Hey, let's get together with the people we care about and be thankful for it." Now THAT'S a holiday. Turkey is the suggestion, but Thanksgiving doesn't care if you have a Pop Tart and a half of a bag of popcorn. Thanksgiving doesn't even care if you stay home alone and be thankful for your TV or your one good shoe. You have one, that's something to be thankful for. Thank whoever you want, too. Thanksgiving doesn't care. It's not out there marketing a bunch of demented mascots hopped up on holiday goofballs. It's not dressing up, hiding anything on the White House lawn, invading any homes through chimneys, or shooting anyone with arrows with hearts on them. Nobody's going to be sad if you don't spend money on them on Thanksgiving. Just call. Or write. Or stop by. Or silently, wherever you are, thank them. They'll know. That's what Thanksgiving does. It sends messages where they need to go. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow. Thanksgiving can't quite afford to upgrade to the modern hardware that Christmas and Valentine's Day have. But it tries. And it stays true to its calling. Thanksgiving. The last bastion of purity in a world where money poisons the meaning of everything we meant to say by having these special days. Where expectations and bright colors so obscure the meanings that they're nothing but spikes on some corporation's sales figures. Christmas tries to bury it every year in red and silver tinsel at all the malls, and then by holding big sales the very next day. And Thanksgiving gives it the finger and stays thankful for its one day of emotional honesty. It has leftovers, after all, and it's thankful for that. Christmas doesn't get leftovers. It gets returns and exchanges, dashed hopes, dead pine trees and that awful day where you have to wear Aunt Edna's sweater that she gave to you - the one with the pink and brown fringe on it and the bells on the elbows. Heh. Thanksgiving laughs at that. It knows you're thankful for Aunt Edna, even if she knits like an epileptic horse. Maybe if she didn't feel forced to do something nice for you on her pennies-a-day pension you wouldn't be dressed up like a Flea Market psycho. Maybe if Christmas just let a hug be present enough, none of this would have happened. But Christmas stopped caring years ago. And Thanksgiving watches, nibbling on yet another delicious leftover turkey sandwich, and it shakes it's head at the whole mess. Wishing it could have every day as its own. But no, Thanksgiving stands alone on just one day. But thus far it stands. And that, all by itself is something to be thankful for.

My ideal mate personality profile

21-NOV-06

Okay, I paid a lot for this personality compatability report, so naturally I want to post it somewhere it can not only be appreciated, but preserved. lol Only read this if you are one of the follownig: A. Extremely bored B. Clinically insane C. Seriously interested in finding out if you are compatable with me. I don't want any complaints about how long this is. I am telling you upfront it is a huge waste of time unless you are obsessed with me and my musings. lol ;-) So here goes. My ideal mate's personality profile: Character: Your ideal mate is a thoughtful and caring man. He's someone who empathizes with people who are hurting or having a hard time. He not only recognizes needs that other people don't see, he often tries to help find solutions to the problems facing his friends and family. He has a can-do attitude, and his compassion for others leads him to help willingly. His friends and family think of him as unfailingly generous. Vitality and Security: You have a particular need for a man who is reliable and honest. He is dependable and makes decisions based on his long-term goals. Friends see him as someone who tends to focus on shared goals in a relationship. He has probably chosen a job and lifestyle that lend themselves to longevity and financial stability. Like you, he wants to ensure that his future is safe and secure and he has a good understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work. Kindness: Your ideal mate goes out of his way to shower you with attention. He is likely to perform small acts of kindness others would not even consider, like jotting you a note of appreciation or bringing home your favorite take-out meal when you're tired. He won't take you for granted. He wants to be there for you when you have a problem or when you just want to talk. He is motivated by a strong belief in the importance of treating people with kindness and consideration. Autonomy: You will be best matched with someone who is eager to share everything about himself, and know everything there is to know about you. It may seem like no detail is too small to escape his interest, whether it's your favorite movie star or what you ate for lunch. He shares your belief that knowing each other fully is an important and fun part of the intimacy of a relationship. In the long run, you're not likely to do well with someone who feels the needs to build walls around certain parts of his past or keep parts of his life separate from your life together. Your ideal mate will view the world predominantly as it relates to the two of you as a couple, not as individuals. Communication: You will have the best relationship with a man who places a high value on both talking and listening. He also enjoys speaking his mind, but knows that understanding someone else's point of view is vital to healthy communication. He's accepting of what people tell him and rarely argues, even when he disagrees with their opinions. Friends and family appreciate his good listening skills and expressive, open nature. Conflict Resolution: You'll be happiest with a man who generally does his best to avoid conflict. When he does have a disagreement, he usually tries to keep the peace instead of trying to win the fight. However, your best match needs to have a strong backbone in order to gain and keep your respect. He won't be willing to go along with an idea if he thinks it is truly bad. If you push him too far, he will stand up for his beliefs, even if it means turning a minor disagreement into a major battle. Romantic Passion: Your ideal mate definitely enjoys engaging in the occasional romantic gesture, such as a night of soft music, candles and good conversation. He needs to have a strong romantic spark with his partner, but he doesn't think that romance is the only important part of the relationship. He has a sensual side and looks forward to physical and emotional closeness with his partner, but it might take him some time in a relationship before he opens up fully. Humor: Your ideal mate is the kind of man who sometimes likes to entertain people. He occasionally enjoys telling jokes, making people laugh with things like wordplay, one-liners or satirical observations about friends and family. However, he doesn't feel the need to be a constant one-man show. His friends and family see him as someone who is funny and interesting but who knows when to take things seriously. Adaptability: Your ideal mate is someone who really enjoys thinking outside the box when faced with a problem. He tries to approach challenges with an open mind so that he's not tied to conventional solutions. You are likely to find it difficult in the long run if you are with someone who is unable to think in new and creative ways in order to solve a problem or resolve an argument. Friends and family of your best match are likely to describe him as the kind of person who remains calm in a crisis and bounces back easily when setbacks arise. Emotional Energy: You'll be happiest in the long run with a man who's generally outgoing and vivacious but who appreciates a regular dose of quiet and relaxation to keep him at his best. His friends might describe him as someone who'd rather do something right away rather than put it off for later, whether it's a chore at home or a complex task at the office. At the same time, he likes to carve out time for himself and his own interests. He appreciates having stability, but if he feels life is getting too routine he isn't afraid to venture out and rectify the situation. If he falls into too much of a routine, he's likely to worry that life is passing him by and take steps to rectify the situation. Dominance: You are best suited to someone who doesn't take competition to extremes. He likes to win but doesn't need to do so at all costs. He is competitive and aggressive when the situation warrants it, such as when vying for a promotion at work or playing football with friends - but generally accepts a loss with grace. He shares your belief that not everything's a contest, even though it's sometimes fun to pit yourself against others or push yourself to perform. Sociability: You'll be happiest with a man who doesn't go out of his way to meet new people. He's the kind of person who will wait for others to introduce themselves to him. He tends to avoid large get-togethers where he doesn't know anyone. He's not all that fond of mingling, instead preferring time spent with close friends. He will understand and respect that you sometimes feel awkward at parties or find it hard to make small talk with strangers. His friends describe him as someone who's generally more comfortable watching than taking part when surrounded by people he doesn't know. Artistic Passion: You are best suited to a man who places a high value on experiencing art and culture in his life. He enjoys attending events and performances, such as the theater, poetry readings and art exhibitions. Friends and family see him as the kind of person who needs regular exposure to the arts in order to be happy. He needs someone who will share his appreciation for artistic accomplishments such as literature, music or architecture. Curiosity: You will be well matched with a man who is eager to learn. He's the kind of person who's able to discuss the latest headlines and world events. He is constantly expanding his knowledge and understanding of the world. Each avenue of knowledge leads him to another inquiry; for example, a visit to a historic landmark might spur him to do additional research. He's the kind of person who enjoys intellectual stimulation even when he's relaxing. He appreciates your desire to understand the world around you. Intellect: Your ideal mate is smart, educated and knowledgeable. He is astute and will appreciate your understanding of a wide variety of topics. He has varied interests in subjects such as literature or languages. Other people see him as someone who's looking for friends who are his equal in terms of intelligence or knowledge. He places a high priority on reflection and intellectual pursuits. Sexual Passion: Your ideal companion is not the type to obsess about the ever-elusive, intangible "chemistry" that so many people pursue. He doesn't need to feel excitement, like sparks flying with a simple kiss. The reality of everyday companionship, partnership and basic togetherness are what he seeks. He's the kind of person who bases his satisfaction in a relationship on substantive things like mutual respect, commitment and trust. Appearance: You are most compatible with a man who wants to look good but doesn't obsess over it. He will appreciate the time and effort you put into your appearance and be happy with the end result, but ultimately he is more concerned with who you are than what you look like. Friends and family know him as someone who is handsome but who doesn't spend hours in front of the mirror. Physical Energy: You are best suited to someone who likes to stay active, but also enjoys spending quiet time at home. You are most compatible with someone who makes staying healthy and exercising a normal part of their life, but also enjoys kicking back and relaxing when the time is right. Friends probably describe him as someone who enjoys getting his heart rate up but who's also content to spend a Sunday afternoon on the couch watching football or a favorite movie on TV. Industry: You are most compatible with someone who works hard at the office or jobsite, but avoids bringing too much stress and worry home. He likes to stay busy, but doesn't feel the need to fill every moment of every day with some task or chore. He's generally efficient, persistent and productive, but doesn't obsess over making lists of things to do or accomplish. He will appreciate your work ethic and your ability to enjoy the relaxation of downtime as well. Education: Your ideal mate is a man who wants his partner to be a person who is able to connect with him intellectually. He's the kind of person who discusses the issues of the day, like politics, religion, science or the arts. If he and his partner aren't intellectually compatible, he might feel like there's something missing from the relationship. He values learning and is accomplished academically. Ambition: Your ideal mate is the kind of person who strives to be the best at what he does. He pays attention to his progress and compares himself to others, sometimes judging according to the size of his house or the salary he earns. He understands your desire to be recognized for your accomplishments. Like you, however, he won't turn his quest for success into something that will dominate his life. Things like family, friends and time to himself are important to him. Organization: Your ideal mate is probably more interested in having fun and enjoying the "here and now" rather than constantly making extensive plans for how to get the most out of the future. He likes being organized enough to know where he's going and what he's doing on a given day, but planning every last detail of something like a camping trip or a visit to a new city would, frankly, take some of the fun out of the adventure as far as he's concerned. Mood Management: You will be most satisfied with a man who avoids letting his bad moods affect others. When he is feeling down, he's conscious of his sour mood and makes sure to be considerate of others by avoiding them or being careful not to be unpleasant. When he's grouchy, he tries not to be hypersensitive and thinks twice before saying something hurtful if someone rubs him the wrong way. Self-Concept: Your ideal match is someone who is self-assured and agreeable. He believes in himself, so he is willing to take the occasional risk. He won't look to his friends for constant affirmation but might suffer misgivings when faced with stress, such as financial pressures, layoffs at work or a family argument. He wants to fit in but doesn't feel the need to change in order to do so. His friends most likely describe him as someone who's his own person who is not reliant on outside approval. Emotional Status: You are best suited to a man who is generally happy and hopeful about what life has to offer. There may be parts of his life he'd like to improve, but he generally has faith that he'll attain his goals. When faced with conflict at work or at home, he rarely overreacts or feels out of control. Friends see him as someone who tries to focus on the positive in good times and bad. Obstreperousness: Your ideal mate is someone who isn't afraid to stand up for his opinions, but doesn't always feel the need to do so. You need someone who has beliefs and confidence strong enough to match your own. However, you will not do well with someone who needs to dominate every conversation and win every argument. You will do best with someone who knows when to speak his mind, and when to just go along with the people around him. You can tolerate a few rough edges when it comes to your ideal mate's level of Obstreperousness, because you've got some yourself. Anger Management: You will be happiest with a man who works to control his temper when he is upset. He generally has a long fuse, so he doesn't get mad very often. When he does, he isn't likely to take it out on someone else. Friends and family describe him as the kind of person who doesn't always blame the people around him when things go wrong. Family Goals: Your ideal mate is the kind of man who doesn't have defined ideas about parenting. He hasn't developed his parenting philosophy because he doesn't have kids and isn't sure he ever will. He doesn't dislike children, but he may not have much experience taking care of them. Friends describe him as someone who's probably open to learning about kids and wants to find a partner who is willing to learn with him. Family Background: Your ideal mate has a good relationship with his family, but it's not perfect. They enjoy talking or spending time together but do have occasional conflict, and there could be certain disagreements that have never been resolved. Generally speaking, his expectations about having a family of his own aren't overly idealistic. He's understands that family dynamics can work even when they're not perfect. Spirituality: Your ideal mate isn't the kind of person who gets involved with a faith community. Others see him as someone who generally only attends religious services for weddings and funerals, and even then he's uncomfortable with organized religion. He isn't interested in seeking out a partner who will insist on regular involvement in a religious community. Traditionalism: You'll be happiest with a man who considers himself a good person: He has strong values and his moral beliefs are an important part of who he is. He might think people don't need to be sticklers when it comes to their personal beliefs, but he probably believes that values related to religion, country and family provide important general guidelines for life. Altruism: Your ideal mate is the kind of person who cares about helping strangers but who might not spend a lot of his time doing so. He is someone who generally takes care of his friends when they're in need and who might feel a pang of guilt when he doesn't reach out to assist strangers. Others see him as someone who, with a little encouragement, will join efforts to help, whether it's a canned food drive or a charity fundraiser. (Okay, remember I didn't write this!) Now, for the part about me: Because of your lenient and complacent nature, others with fewer scruples may take advantage of you. You could, perhaps, benefit from greater assertiveness. You have a basic need to be supportive of others. You will agree with others, sometimes even if it's not what you really want. You prefer a warm, friendly environment free of conflict and hostility. In that environment, you prefer reassurance of your involvement and self-worth. Others may perceive you as being undemonstrative and self-controlled. Not wanting to be the center of attention, you generally support others. You may demonstrate positive possessiveness by developing strong attachments; however, you will not be overly involved as some others tend to do. You tend to be a traditionalist, and will enjoy the social environment best if it is stable and predictable. You dislike sudden decisions about where to go or what to do, preferring to think things out first. You tend to dislike sudden or abrupt changes. You prefer things the way they are. Your motto might be: "If it's not broken, don't fix it." You are a good friend and are always willing to help those you consider to be your friends. You also show strong ties, and will be uncomfortable when separated from your friends for an extended period. You tend to be loyal to others. Your loyalty shows in a variety of ways including your "staying power" with relationships and activities. Others will notice that you are a sincere person about what you say and do. This trait, along with the excellent listening skills, creates an individual whom most people find pleasant to be with and a calming type of person. You have a communications style which many people are comfortable with almost immediately. You are sincere, a good listener, not pushy and overall a comfortable person to be near. In communicating with others, you may support the mainstream ideas rather than new trailblazing activities. You may prefer the stable and traditional activities. In your group, you may support the group leader rather than vie for a leadership position yourself. As a result, the group leader will usually appreciate the support you bring. I ... Listen sincerely. Move casually, informally. Provide personal support and assurance. Patiently draw out personal interests. Start with a personal comment to "break the ice." Show sincere interest as a person. Support ideas for change with facts, figures and logic. Work to achieve mutual satisfaction. Find areas of common interest and involvement. Take time during explanations. Present ideas softly, nonthreateningly. My strengths are: You are very empathic towards other people. You are good at reconciling (i.e. you don't like to sulk after a conflict is resolved). You take pride in being very loyal to friends and family. You tend to work hard at making sure that other people are happy. You are generally very patient with people. You are a dependable and caring partner. You like to be supportive in a relationship. You are excellent at listening to the concerns and ideas of others. You are excellent at listening to your partner. You tend to make people feel very comfortable. Things I need: A feeling of security. Identification with your social group. Protection or insulation from aggression or confrontation. Time and opportunity to weigh pros and cons of decisions. Time to react to new ideas and sudden change. Clear responsibility and clear lines of who makes decisions. Frequent appreciation. No sudden or abrupt changes in the situation. Sincerity offered from others. To feel important, but not be the leader. Sound relationships which form naturally, and are not contriving or scheming. Status quo.

My Low Carb Recipe Blog

20-NOV-06

Okay, so I am going to post within this thread the most delicious, decadent and satisfying meals, treats and desserts I have ever had the courage to make and eat. Starting with my most favorite: New York Ricotta Cheesecake. Yes, ricotta. TRUST ME PEOPLE. PLEASE, JUST TRUST ME. Go to the store, buy what I tell you to buy, and savor low carb like you have never savored it before! You will need: Veggie Oil cooking spray 24 ounces of cream cheese, softened 1 cup extra-fine ricotta cheese (process in a food processor for 1 minute) 1/2 cup sour cream 1 1/2 cups splenda (or other preferred sugar sub) 1/2 cup heavy cream 1 tablespoon of sugar free vanilla extract (okay, use the regular kind if you CAN'T find the sugar free - just this once!) 1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice 2 large eggs 3 large egg yolks 1 8" springform cake pan Preheat oven to 400 degrees, rack in center. Spray pan with cooking spray. Make a water bath so the top of the cheesecake won't split as it bakes. To do this pour about 1 inch of water into a shallow roasting pan big enough to fit the cake pan and place it in the center rack to heat while you prepare the cake mixture. Test the springform cake pan for leakage. If this presents a problem, just wrap the bottom of the springform with aluminum foil. Mix with an electric mixer on low speed the cream cheese, ricotta, sour cream, and splenda for about a minute or until blended. In another bowl, whisk the cream, vanilla, lemon juice, eggs and egg yolks until blended. On medium speed, slowly pour the egg mixture into the cream cheese mixture and beat until blended. DO NOT OVERWHIP! Pour batter into greased pan, place pan in heated water bath, bake for 15 minutes.. THEN LOWER the over temp to 275. Bake for another 1 1/2 hours until the top is a light golden brown and the cake has pulled away from the sides. Turn the over off and leave the cake in the oven to cool for at least three hours. Do NOT disturb the cake. Remove cake, refridge for another three hours. Serves approx 12!

Did you get my IM??

19-NOV-06

So my ex-boyfriend gets on my Y! Messanger and from what I hear has attacked at least two of the buddies I have listed there. So I wanted to post this just to let a few of you know that that WAS NOT ME! Anyone who knows me could tell.. but the shocking language and insinuations that were used could cloud any judgement. I have seen the conversations... it's not pretty. I am sorry if anyone of you receieved a scathing attack from him pretending to be me. I really am! ... I have changed the password though, so it wont happen again!

OMG

17-NOV-06

Someone just bought a PSP3 on e-bay for $9K. What is wrong with these people??? How far will you go to keep up with the Jones'? How much are you willing to go into debt to continue to spoil your already rotten children? I'll buy the console next year or so when the retail price is at $150.00. Maybe.

Got Male

16-NOV-06

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room . Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said: You've got male!

Two Wolves

16-NOV-06

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

WHAT TREE DID YOU FALL FROM?

16-NOV-06

Find your birthday and then find your tree. I am Weeping Willow. Strangely, it suits me better than my Astrology sign. Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree Mar 21 (only) - Oak Tree Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree TREES (in alphabetical order) Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous, sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs affectionate partner. Ash Tree (Ambition ) -- extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable, restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention, needs love and much emotional support. Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.). Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere. Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick decisions. Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature, impressive, well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely family oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit. Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give but doesn't necessarily like it, strives to be content, optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to gain knowledge, needs to be needed. Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical. Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, sexually oriented, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and great intelligence. Fir tree (Mysterious) - - extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish, many friends, very reliable. Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense of humor, very demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics, popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness. Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious. Lime Tree (Doubt) - intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough, but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to use them, great leadership qualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal. Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress. Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet o n the ground, person of action. Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people. Pine Tree (Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company, craves peace and harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance. Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, talented, not very self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously. Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive. Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous an d passionate, no compromise. Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free, loves family life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition, suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves to make others laugh.

OMG! I can't believe women used to BELIEVE this!

13-NOV-06

An Actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article:

Brain Cramps

13-NOV-06

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest . `````````````````````````````````` "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey `````````````````````````````````` "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. `````````````````````````````````` "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. `````````````````````````````````` "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. `````````````````````````````````` "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas. `````````````````````````````````` "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President `````````````````````````````````` "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle `````````````````````````````````` "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need ?" --Lee Iacocca `````````````````````````````````` "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. `````````````````````````````````` "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor. `````````````````````````````````` "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery `````````````````````````````````` "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina `````````````````````````````````` "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman ``````````````````````````````````

Finally! An answer!

08-NOV-06

The difference between love and lust?? Love is about YOU. Lust is about ME. ... Oh, I've got nerve.

I want to apply!

07-NOV-06

Maryland man wants to Become Illegal : Becoming Illegal (From a Maryland resident to his senator) Dear Senator Sarbanes, As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you. My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005. Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son. Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums . This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance. Your Loyal Constituent, *** I have removed his name, but I will gladly put mine here! Get your Forms (NOW)!!

My favorite New song

26-OCT-06

Man, I just gotta say.. I love all types of music.. if it's got good sound, good lyrics.. a rythmic beat, I like it. So I love that Justin Timberlake song Sexyback. It's got one of those techno/pop/hiphop mix's going on and it makes you want to groove behind the wheel. So I go buy the CD last night and OMG. Okay, most of the song's on the CD are not my favorite.. but the last track - it's called All Over Again - is beyond description. He croon's it out like Old School and I can't get enough of it. If you have Napster, GET IT. You will NOT be disappointed. Here's the lyrics: You've been alone you've been afraid I've been a fool in so many ways But I would change my life if you thought you might try to love me So please give me another chance to write you another song take back those things I've done Cuz I'll give you my heart If you would let me start all over ... again I'm not a saint I'm just a man who had Heaven and Earth in the palm of his hand But I threw it away So now I stand here today asking forgiveness and if you could just ...please give me another chance to write you another song take back those things I've done Cuz I'll give you my heart If you would let me start all over ... again Little girl, you're all I've got dontcha leave me standing here once again Cuz I'll give you my life, yes I would If you would let me try to love you So please give me another chance to write you another song and take back those things I've done Cuz I'll give you my heart If you would let me start all over ... again. .. and then a bunch more ooohs and aaahhhs and na na na noooo's. lol It's really a stunning song.

My Favorite Poetry!

01-NOV-06

(Blog subject is self explanatory)

Happy Halloween Laughs

24-OCT-06

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off! , and e ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?" The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the sh..t out of a ghost" Happy Halloween!

Why are YOU attracted to BBW's??

16-OCT-06

I have a twin sister who has been married for little over a year. She has been in a relationship of one form or another with him for more than three years. To this day, she will not allow him to see her nude in daylight, candle light or in the bathtub. She has never showered with him, nor has she ever stood before him topless. She is about a size 22 and I am closer to 24... and I have never had a problem being nude with any lover I have had. So of course, I don't really understand her reluctance to be uncovered in front of him. I have asked, several times, why she is so phobic, and she has said to me, "if I can't stand my flab, how can he?" .. she is so afraid that he just couldn't stomach her jelly that she just absolutely refuses to let him see her. As a matter of fact, she gets downright nasty and frantic when he tries to sneak into the bathroom while she is in the bathtub. Now, I would understand her reluctance if they were a "new" couple.. but they have a child together.. they are like, way past the point of accepting eachother's faults. He loves her, every inch of skin, every stretch mark she has no idea he has seen.. but this doesn't compute with her. She doesn't know WHY or HOW he could love her and be attracted to her when she can't even look at herself in the mirror. YES, I realize this is a psychological issue and that she needs lots of therapy.. BUT THAT IS ANOTHER SUBJECT. What I want to find out here is: Why are some men attracted to BBW's? Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their hearts. I know why women are attracted to who would be considered the fugliest guy on the planet.. all you gotta have is a big heart. But men out there, you loving, gentle creatures who are too few and far between who are actually ATTRACTED TO JELLY ROLLS: Why do you like to see us naked? What about a droopy makes your blood boil? What exactly is so fascinating about a roll that you yearn to slide your tongue into the crevace? I mean, lets face it. Us fat girls know how to appreciate a good man. EVERYONE know's this. This is the reason some men want to attract BBW's. Attention. You want attention? Find a fat girl. Problem is, these guys aren't ATTRACTED to jelly, therefore the relationship is doomed from the get-go. Internet dating goes great, but once you meet.. or discuss meeting, it's all over.

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