WOW, I read both of your posts and it sounds like you are at a cross roads in your life. It sounds to me like you are staying where you are but there is a but lacking and you want to find that bit without tipping the apple cart. Blogs are an excellent way to do that sometimes. It's socialization in a form that's save. You can build a connection here. The hard part is when, which will eventually happen, we stop coming here to blog. Poof, we're gone. Yes someone else will take our place and add more to the blogs.
I do hope you find what your seeking on all levels. Life is short even at 120 and we all have needs that one person can't satisfy, we all have these other needs.
Communication is one huge need that sometimes gets neglected after years of marriage when you know your spouse so well you can "tell what they will say". So you tend to not start the conversation. I remember seeing an Everyone Loves Raymond episode about this very issue. I remember it in my marriage of years ago.
What's the answer, I don't know but maybe the method could change. Instead of talking face to face write an email to your wife. Write a letter, maybe a change in method is an worth trying.
Sometimes to spice things up a change in any routine is worth the effort to see if it works. If not cross that off your list too. Like Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs says, another one crossed off my list.
I guess that when we stop trying we fail 100%. When we try we learn from the wrong methods working to find the right methods. Edison was asked how he felt about failing 2000 times to create the light bulb. He said I did not fail 2000 times I found 2000 ways NOT to make a light bulb.
just my 2.5 cents worth
Nisi32132
Hi Busy Busy,
WOW, I read both of your posts and it sounds like you are at a cross roads in your life. It sounds to me like you are staying where you are but there is a but lacking and you want to find that bit without tipping the apple cart. Blogs are an excellent way to do that sometimes. It's socialization in a form that's save. You can build a connection here. The hard part is when, which will eventually happen, we stop coming here to blog. Poof, we're gone. Yes someone else will take our place and add more to the blogs.
I do hope you find what your seeking on all levels. Life is short even at 120 and we all have needs that one person can't satisfy, we all have these other needs.
Communication is one huge need that sometimes gets neglected after years of marriage when you know your spouse so well you can "tell what they will say". So you tend to not start the conversation. I remember seeing an Everyone Loves Raymond episode about this very issue. I remember it in my marriage of years ago.
What's the answer, I don't know but maybe the method could change. Instead of talking face to face write an email to your wife. Write a letter, maybe a change in method is an worth trying.
Sometimes to spice things up a change in any routine is worth the effort to see if it works. If not cross that off your list too. Like Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs says, another one crossed off my list.
I guess that when we stop trying we fail 100%. When we try we learn from the wrong methods working to find the right methods. Edison was asked how he felt about failing 2000 times to create the light bulb. He said I did not fail 2000 times I found 2000 ways NOT to make a light bulb.
By the way. I'd love to see a picture of you smiling. The hurt in your spirit shows. You really are beautiful and a picture of you smiling will attract a more positive guy.
A rich man who I knew (and a man of integrity) said that "you don't attract what you WANT, you attract what you ARE"
He went on to say that if you put 5,000 people in an auditorium and gave them enough time, an adulterous man and an adulterous woman would find each other, eventually, simply because of their focus.
I think that when we're hurt or wounded, we tend to attract others who are hurt as well.
However, if a person (me for instance) were overweight and wanted to get in shape, should I seek out others who are out of shape and overweight?
I should make up my mind that whatever it is that the people who are successful in staying fit and healthy are going to be the things that I am going to do.
Furthermore, it is human nature for those still trapped in a behavior to feel threatened when someone from within their sphere of influence or circle of contact works to leave that group, because they've identified a thinking pattern that is potentially destructive and they are willing to say goodbye to the thinking and embrace new friends, if need be, in order to surround themselves with the thinking, people and support that will bring them life, not death. Happiness, not hurt and anguish.
I think that if there are people who've been married for 50, 60 years, it would be wise to ask THEM what THEY think about the benefits of marriage, not us.
Although I've been married as long as I have, I think that my foundational reasons for marriage flowed out of my hurt and insecurity and that left me weak and not strong. Worse, it made me a poorer husband for my wife than I believe I can be, and that saddens me. (I can't say how my wife feels, she doesn't betray what she thinks, most of the time)
Wow, just started looking online to talk to people and look what is rolling out of me!
Guess I've been wounded, too, and want to feel better.
Remember, smile! You're truly lovely.
By the way. I'd love to see a picture of you smiling. The hurt in your spirit shows. You really are beautiful and a picture of you smiling will attract a more positive guy.
A rich man who I knew (and a man of integrity) said that "you don't attract what you WANT, you attract what you ARE"
He went on to say that if you put 5,000 people in an auditorium and gave them enough time, an adulterous man and an adulterous woman would find each other, eventually, simply because of their focus.
I think that when we're hurt or wounded, we tend to attract others who are hurt as well.
However, if a person (me for instance) were overweight and wanted to get in shape, should I seek out others who are out of shape and overweight?
I should make up my mind that whatever it is that the people who are successful in staying fit and healthy are going to be the things that I am going to do.
Furthermore, it is human nature for those still trapped in a behavior to feel threatened when someone from within their sphere of influence or circle of contact works to leave that group, because they've identified a thinking pattern that is potentially destructive and they are willing to say goodbye to the thinking and embrace new friends, if need be, in order to surround themselves with the thinking, people and support that will bring them life, not death. Happiness, not hurt and anguish.
I think that if there are people who've been married for 50, 60 years, it would be wise to ask THEM what THEY think about the benefits of marriage, not us.
Although I've been married as long as I have, I think that my foundational reasons for marriage flowed out of my hurt and insecurity and that left me weak and not strong. Worse, it made me a poorer husband for my wife than I believe I can be, and that saddens me. (I can't say how my wife feels, she doesn't betray what she thinks, most of the time)
Wow, just started looking online to talk to people and look what is rolling out of me!
Guess I've been wounded, too, and want to feel better.
Not trying to be judgemental. But it sounds as if you've been burned, and bad. I have been. (I'm a guy) You want us to tell you why YOU should marry? Why a woman EVER should marry? Not sure what you're looking for.
It sounds as if you want a man who's focused upon loving you and willing to forget himself, knowing that if he loves you and gives himself to you that you'll naturally respond and he'll get everything HE needs.
However, after having been married twice and almost consecutively for 26 years, I can say that in respect to giving and believing that the other side is going to respond, they just don't.
If you can't be happy being a giver, regardless of whether or not your wife or husband responds, then (and I include myself here) you're giving to get, which isn't giving at all.
Yet I think we all need to believe that somewhere along the line, our spouse is going to see the light and actually figure out that if we gently and lovingly say that we're wounded by their lack of regard, or honor, or attentiveness (which WE pour our energy into) then they'll actually take it to heart and start to look for ways to meet that deep need in us (whatever that need is: sexual, relational, spiritual, respect, etc.).
Hasn't really happened yet for me, but I'm not willing to give up. I'll be around until 120 and I've still got 70 years to get it right. She has even more.
Good luck.
Not trying to be judgemental. But it sounds as if you've been burned, and bad. I have been. (I'm a guy) You want us to tell you why YOU should marry? Why a woman EVER should marry? Not sure what you're looking for.
It sounds as if you want a man who's focused upon loving you and willing to forget himself, knowing that if he loves you and gives himself to you that you'll naturally respond and he'll get everything HE needs.
However, after having been married twice and almost consecutively for 26 years, I can say that in respect to giving and believing that the other side is going to respond, they just don't.
If you can't be happy being a giver, regardless of whether or not your wife or husband responds, then (and I include myself here) you're giving to get, which isn't giving at all.
Yet I think we all need to believe that somewhere along the line, our spouse is going to see the light and actually figure out that if we gently and lovingly say that we're wounded by their lack of regard, or honor, or attentiveness (which WE pour our energy into) then they'll actually take it to heart and start to look for ways to meet that deep need in us (whatever that need is: sexual, relational, spiritual, respect, etc.).
Hasn't really happened yet for me, but I'm not willing to give up. I'll be around until 120 and I've still got 70 years to get it right. She has even more.
That's a fabulous start. And didn't even ask what my bra size was either...*wink*
Re:
Petersh55 write: Hmm Good Question , I`d say That I can Give Deep Love , Deep Understanding , I will always be there for you and make time for you , I will always listen to you problems and give you words of Love and Comfort , Hugs , kisses ,Foot massuage , and much , much more . How`s that for a start ? Bless you Petersh55
Re:
Petersh55 write: Hmm Good Question , I`d say That I can Give Deep Love , Deep Understanding , I will always be there for you and make time for you , I will always listen to you problems and give you words of Love and Comfort , Hugs , kisses ,Foot massuage , and much , much more . How`s that for a start ? Bless you Petersh55
That's a fabulous start. And didn't even ask what my bra size was either...*wink*
SMOOOOOOOOOOCH!!! Now that's hot. You have a wickedly excellent sense of humour.
Re:
Timothy5 write: Wyldething, you make my heart sing! Wyldething, you make everything groovy! Wydlething, so com'on and hold me tight! Wydlething, your moooove me! Shake it shake it, Wydleting! heh heh heh (with apologies to the Troggs) Re:
wyldechild write: And you guys better come up with some damn good reasons too. Money, material things and for some, presumed sexual prowess, does not count. Dime a dozen.
Now I know most will have reasons that would make a woman consider him. And for some, perhaps not...???
Re:
Timothy5 write: Wyldething, you make my heart sing! Wyldething, you make everything groovy! Wydlething, so com'on and hold me tight! Wydlething, your moooove me! Shake it shake it, Wydleting! heh heh heh (with apologies to the Troggs) Re:
wyldechild write: And you guys better come up with some damn good reasons too. Money, material things and for some, presumed sexual prowess, does not count. Dime a dozen.
Now I know most will have reasons that would make a woman consider him. And for some, perhaps not...???
SMOOOOOOOOOOCH!!! Now that's hot. You have a wickedly excellent sense of humour.
Meeeeeeee-yowl!!! You rock oh my wonder from down under...*wink*...cuffs coming right up!!! Or right down perhaps? LOL
Re:
Timothy5 write: How about a growing fondness for Cuffs & Collars, Wyldeone... is that a good enough reason??? (Or at least it SHOULD count for a Deep & Meaningful Overnight Relationship) (Smirk)
Re:
wyldechild write: And you guys better come up with some damn good reasons too. Money, material things and for some, presumed sexual prowess, does not count. Dime a dozen.
Now I know most will have reasons that would make a woman consider him. And for some, perhaps not...???
Re:
Timothy5 write: How about a growing fondness for Cuffs & Collars, Wyldeone... is that a good enough reason??? (Or at least it SHOULD count for a Deep & Meaningful Overnight Relationship) (Smirk)
Re:
wyldechild write: And you guys better come up with some damn good reasons too. Money, material things and for some, presumed sexual prowess, does not count. Dime a dozen.
Now I know most will have reasons that would make a woman consider him. And for some, perhaps not...???
Meeeeeeee-yowl!!! You rock oh my wonder from down under...*wink*...cuffs coming right up!!! Or right down perhaps? LOL
Hmm Good Question , I`d say That I can Give Deep Love , Deep Understanding , I will always be there for you and make time for you , I will always listen to you problems and give you words of Love and Comfort , Hugs , kisses ,Foot massuage , and much , much more . How`s that for a start ? Bless you Petersh55
Hmm Good Question , I`d say That I can Give Deep Love , Deep Understanding , I will always be there for you and make time for you , I will always listen to you problems and give you words of Love and Comfort , Hugs , kisses ,Foot massuage , and much , much more . How`s that for a start ? Bless you Petersh55
Awwwww--- I think Dork--I mean Dirk was actually trying to be civil!
If he continues "playing nice"-- as someone so eloquently put it, I think he might actually survive the blogs. However, if he continues to commit "blog-icide" by airing his chauvenistic laundry that he obviously needs to wash (HIMSELF), then , sad to say... he'll be buried alive...
Awwwww--- I think Dork--I mean Dirk was actually trying to be civil!
If he continues "playing nice"-- as someone so eloquently put it, I think he might actually survive the blogs. However, if he continues to commit "blog-icide" by airing his chauvenistic laundry that he obviously needs to wash (HIMSELF), then , sad to say...
he'll be buried alive...
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