Wow! You guys are awesome for standing up for me. I was first dumbfounded by Dirk's comments. They were totally inappropriate. I would never tell another human being what they should think or do.Sometimes I am naive and actually expect people to be the same way. I didn't set out to have a relagious debate. I was more dumbfounded at the timing. From the outside looking in Jeff and Melissa's life looked perfect. Now I know other wise...
Today was the funeral, I found out he killed himself...I was dumbfounded...Me and Jeff and Melissa grew apart. I should of kept in touch. I still liked them, we never fought,it's just I was so busy...I found out he died on his facebook page. It seems wrong..He,s dead but people are still e-mailing him.He still has those anonying facebook applications... His family didn,t really want people to know he commited sucide.But people talk...
I found the words to say to Melissa. She was very quiet, dignified, graceful...no doubt she wantd to be anywhere else but there...Wanting to cry but everyone's watching waiting to see if she cries...and there all saying the same thing, there saying it hasn't hit her yet.
The question I keep asking myself is why.Why does god take us, when life is so perfect, not worth missing. A good friend of mine has passed away. He was engaged,happy. It was a good pure, deep love. No jealousy only security. My friend Melissa the bride to be, always swore she would never get married...then she met Jeff. Two weeks later they bought a house and had each others intials tatooed on their hands. At that point everyone was in the background telling them to cool it. A year later they were engaged... and now this. I don,t know what to say sorry just isn,t enough...
No matter how hard I try I can't ahead at work, so much paperwork... It is sad work is pretty much all I do. I have used work as an excuse to escape life. And to escape possible boyfriends. I love work ( for the most part)and I am good at what I do. I never yell at the kids. I am the patient one at the daycare. When you know how to relate to certain kids you don't need to yell.
All I have to talk about is work. I met I guy at the wedding, and talked way too much about work, I can turn every conversation back too work.
But right now I am trying to finish the kids journals. Which are basically scrap books to show parents what there child has been learning and are meaningful keepsakes. I want my to be perfect, so when the kids eighteen, he or she can try and look back. They probably wont remember much or anything. Maybe Mom and dad can fill in the blanks. In a year the memory of us will be faded faces. No one remembers there daycare teacher. It's sad because we don't forget you.
Journals are a pain because you want them to be perfect for your kids, and you have to put in extra hours on your own time that you don,t get paid for and your supplies aren't paid for. I spent fifty dollars on craft supplies. Most of it on stickers, there mess free, stick them on and your done. Most kids love stickers
Recap on waffles I finally did get him litterbox trained...I tried everything and then one day he just started using the litter box. I think he just got comfortable with me and my home.He is a very nervous cat. He finally stopped following me around. He use to have to be in the same room as me. I kind of miss that.
The wedding was very catholic. It was beautiful but very religous. The moment I saw the bride I lost it...I was a mess... well my eye make up was a mess...I cried. The tears just kept streaming. If you knew this couple you'd Know they were just perfect for each other. Just perfect. Cindy is very extroverted and Nathan is quiet. They balance each other out. When he first saw her...he had such love and adoration in his eyes. I felt a stab of envy. But happy for them. I tried not to feel like the sad single girl, because I am quite happy. I am enjoying just living. But it would be nice to have my own boyfriend, fiancee, husband
I'm going to a wedding tomorrow, no I'm not getting married. It's a traditional church wedding. The couple is younger. The Bride is only 21.I want to get married when I'm older but I also don,t want to wait too long to have kids. I want to have kids whether or not I ver get married. I love children. I have girls names picked out but I don,t have any boys names picked out yet. I like the name Rain, my mom said it sounded like an old black man's name. She likes unsex names like Taylor. I don't.
Wow...I never expected so many kitty comments and advice. Waffles still...isn't using the litter box! He always goes when I'm sleeping or away so I can't spray him. Someone recently advised me to get clay based kitty litter so I'm going to try that and spray is special spots with tabesco sauce. Apparently cats don't like the smell. Other then that kitty is doing well, he doesn't bite as much and is a big cuddle monster.As for my dating life that's going a little slow...but I don,t really care. I've been going to church more often and doing a lot of soul nourishing things
Waffles is driving me nuts. I should have gotten an adult cat. But I' not giving him away just because, he thinks he owns the computer and he bites. Not hard.Does anyon have any cat training advice or tips. I saw in the pet aile a can, that said cat's milk. Milk for cats... just a frill...
Oh all the kids at the daycare are sick...there's a flu outbreak but I'm not sick. Today ourclass only had nine kids. And in the aftrnoon we sent three home because they got sick. One of the nurses said there so no real way to plan for a pandemic, because the virius could beincubating in you for like a week before you show any symtoms.On a pleasant note... I'm giving my two weeks at my part time job. I now have a life, boys!
I was manhandled last night by some guy who was definetly on something. He just comes out of no where and sticks a glow stick in my cleveage. Who does that, I'm at a techno club... men don't do that. He tried dirty dancing with my friend kelly, again this is a techno crowd, we don't dirty dance.Then he starts dancing behind me and he is hanging off my kneck.
Then for some reason he stuck a glow stick in his pants. Shortly after he got kicked out and then he tried to kiss me good bye. The night went on and the guy became known as the pervert
So I'm going to work this morning and I stop short when I see this guy asleep in the lobby. At first I thought he was dead but then he let out a very mortal snore. His pants were down too, he had underwear on though, thankfully.
In other news, I'm still not dating my brother's friend and it looks like I never will. I'm only a little disappointed I don't mind being single. I've always been an indepent person, I spelled that wrong,oh well.I'd being lying to myself if I said I didn't want to date.I do want something long term. I keep telling myself I have plenty of time. I'm young, that's what everyone says. It bugs me that I get winks but that's as far as it ever goes. Don't you want to know my name, hear my voice, know me...
This topic requires it's own section. I like black men. They just apperciate curves more. They now how to make a women feel beautiful and worshipped. I met a couple of white men who could do that too but often they were not very authentic. My last couple boyfriends were black. I've dated white men too. I briefly dated a chinese guy too. He was a little weird. My brother's friend is white. He's a little rough around the edges but you can tell he was raised right. He is polite and opens doors for women etc.He has an ugly tatoo on his arm of a cartoon character.
So my brother's hot friend ended up having christmas dinner with us. I ended up sitting next to him. It was a total uneventful night. I was hoping for a chance of getting and giving "The eyes" . The come hither look. Nothing! Except, I got asked out to help shop, with my brother ofcourse... Yeah romantic. But no one can shop like me. Shopping is an art and I am Leonardo Devinici, without the possible cross dressing thing...whatever works leo. Not what I was going for. I don't just want to be the friend. I have plenty of friends. A couple of them male, mostly gay though, but they like X-box and guy stuff, there not girly gay boys. I have a gay friend like that though. So tommorrow I'm boot shopping because it is boxing day. The ball is in his court he needs to make a move because I'm not waiting. I just got two winks from too really hot guys...
After yesturday's blog I probably sounded like a nut, but I don't care. Because I know that side of me is just a tiny part of my essence. It's still a part of me but only a tiny piece. Were still good people even though we do stupid desperate things. Anyway I'm feeling much more in control of the situation now. It's the holiday season the chances of him calling now is close to zero. I am not going to think of him and just enjoy the holiday season, while continuing to oggle other guys! We're not commited! Finally the joys of being single. But that also means he can look around. I don't really care though.I feel very sexy right now. I've been eating better lately and I'm wearing a very sexy top and tight pants.Not for a guy but so i can oggle myself in every reflective surface!
I backed some celebration cookies yesturday. I was a little worried at first. They looked a little crispy! They turned out well though. Why is though the dough tastes much better than the cookies. I could of just sat in the kitchen eating the dough. I didn't though I wanted to try out my brand new cookie jar!
Going to my dad's house soon. I hate waiting. I have zero patience when it comes to waiting.
My dad's probably not even out of bed yet. I don't know whaat were doing on christmas eve, since my brother's working. Why didn't he ask for it off! I work two obs and I got it off! Both jobs wanted me to work it. I said NO!I asked for New years off too but I might end up working it. Oh well...I don't think we're doing much...maybe just going to zig zags. But I don't want to work hung over though...I'm not a pleasant person to be around when I've only gotten like four hours of sleep.Most people would be cranky after only getting four hours of sleep. But there's alway that person who just can't get why your cranky.
I'm fed up and desperate. I'm infatuated and obsessed over a guy. There I said it!I keep checking to see if he's emailed me or phoned me. He emailed me once calling me a pet name, that was two days ago.I haven't heard or seen him since. Two days isn't that long of a wait. Maybe he's waiting for me to make the next move. I don't know he's a guy. I feel like a crazy person, I want to bang on his door and demand to know what am I to him. I don't want to play coy games I just want to be next to him.
I haven't been on the computer lately because I've been sick.Finally I'm feeling more like myself. I had a bathe today when I drained the water I just lied in the tube for awhile. My energy finally picked up at work. Velcro wall kid has kept us on our toes. He likes to run outside and jump in the snow banks and not just that this week he has been very busy. This year the parents were very generous with christmas gifts. Last year we all felt unapperciated and under valued.We didn,t even get thank yous, all we got was more complaints. Some of those parents we still have to deal with. Porcupine girl's mom complain's about everything. I just feel like saying if you have a problem with it, you deal with it because everyone else has no problem with our play yard etc. I want to yell at the woman so baddly.
This blog of ofcourse is about my brother's hot friend Rob. Tonight I finally met one of my little brothers's friends. He's only three years younger but still he's my brother's best friend!Isn't there some unwritten law that you can't go after your brother's friends ?
When I was like twelve or thirteen and my brother was like eight or nine my brother made me promise I would never date one of his friends. At the time my brother and I never got along and my brother's friends were all nerdy and weird. I was defiant at first just I was thinking who are u to tell me who I can or can not go out with. A lot of boys wanted to date me beause I had a big rack and was healthy skinny. I felt like a boy though because I didn't get curves until later. I finally guareenteed my brother that I would never want to go out with his immature (and smelly)friends.
He was showing me how to play pool and I was being a little coy asking for his help on how to play pool. This one time when sucking at pool definetely helped. When he was right next to me I didn't object. I was thinking about what other positions I wanted him in. I thanked the gods I decied to wear a low cut top today.
I don't know if he even feels an attraction. I hope he does. I know already that he fits in the family and he likes electronic music and he open's doors for women.
Fellow bloggers what should my next move be if any
The kids went on a carriage ride today. Our volunteer was gushing about how romantic it was going to be. Real romantic me and six kids, one that wouldn't stay still. Porcupine girl ( because her hair sticks up like porcupine) was driving me nuts. She just refused to sit down. I was afraid that she was going to go flying out one of the sides of the carriage. The horse wasn't going fast but still...I told you to sit down, go sit down! One of the kids was sitting on my lap. He was terrified of the carriage ride. He was whimpering and squiggling like we were taking him to Aushwitz.Once he settled down he enjoyed the ride. The highlight of the ride for the kids was discovering the horse was wearing a diaper. All I heard for an hour was "Obie wears a diaper!"
It's almost christmas! Which means christmas presents for the teachers!I already got bathe products, a pontesetta, and candy. Note to parents everywhere you can get away with just giving a card if your child isn't "Damien". Most teachers don't expect presents. But it's always nice to get presents! I LOVE TO GET PRESENTS!We use to have a parent who use to say thank every so often by making us cakes. We use to joke that she was paying us in cakes.
Tomorrow is party night!Big bash at Karma!Last time I was there Shawnika( Shawn and Monika) both got hit on by some guy. More importantly a lot of attractive single guys. Now if I only could work up the courage to hit on some of them.You probably wouldn't believe it know but in high school I was a femme fatale. I had one relationship after another I was never single because I couldn't be. Then I decied to take a break and work on me.In between that period I gained weight and never gained that quiet confidence I wanted and still want.
On the weekend's anything can happen. I'm not a goody goody daycare teacher. I'm a rave princess. We hang out at Zig Zags. Dance all night, and end the night at someone elses house.Time doesn't matter on weekends. Schedules are thrown out the window. It's all about the parties and the people.
I'm lying my bed just puttering on my computer. I decide to check Largefriends for like the millionth time, but all I'm doing is staring at the monitor. The Largefriend's Mona Lisa stares back at me. That woman who has the bluest eyes I've ever seen. And that porcelain skin...She looks more like a paiting than a real humanbeing. She looks like she has secerts to tell just like the Mona Lisa. I start wondering what makes her so beautiful. Then I wonder why I am jealous of this made up person.I try to picture my own unique beauty even my catepillar eyebrows...well there not catepillars anymore especially since I was tweezar happy this weekend, I'm lucky I still have eyebrows left!Anyway I'm picturing my oval face and slightly pink cheeks. My less than perfect complexion and my innocent eyes, I know what secerts they hide.
I have a question about Seduction, actually I have many questions about seducation. First of all what is the actual definition of Seduction...The dictionary says something about tempting or luring someone to have sex. Can u really tempt someone to have sex With me the answer usually is crystal clear.But then again I spent most of my teenage years practicing chasity... have been the victim of many seducation attempts! Only one attempt I seriously considered. I'd tell you it but it really is too dirty for this blog!
Next important question is there any true seducer's out there. Not that I want to meet them...I think maybe dreaming of them is enough. In reality Seducation usually ends up as comic relief or goes too far...