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SweetCicely
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Posted on Sun, Oct 21, 2007 07:47

Okies, A completely unscientific sampling of the profiles I have seen turns up a very frequent usage of the word "confident". It seems men looking for women are looking for "confident" women. I am a bit vague on this, so I am asking for help: What do you men mean by "confident"? Are you referring to it in general, or is there a specific area (work, relationships, etc)? Better yet, if you would, draw a word picture of a confident woman . . . And my sisters, please don't feel left out. If you have questions or comments, I always feel privileged to hear 'em! Amy


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bizzle49
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Posted on Sat, Nov 03, 2007 19:34

(with Wylde in mind) how about confident meaning her telling me to get naked while she gets out the collar and cuffs? BWEG


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Tue, Oct 30, 2007 17:48

Re: Dirkdig write: AMY Not all women want a wimpy new age man. Some want a confident man who knows how to handle things and calls the shots.

Yeah like a gorean slave woman. Trollin huh?


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Tue, Oct 30, 2007 17:42

Re: Tangentsouls write: OK you asked for it, so I will give One married mans opinion and we ALL know what thats worth round here. Confident women First lets deal with some stereotypes, what is a NON confident woman. Helpless, in capable of doing for herself. This could be on many fronts "from the bedroom to the secretarial pool" cause she aint making to the boardroom. A woman who is consistently whining about everythings. Confidence comes form being capable effective within your environment. An assurance that you can handle what ever comes along. It also comes from being comfortable with who you are. You are your own best friend, as one person described it. You treat yourself as well as you treat others and more importantly you have(in a Nice way)taught others to treat you right as well. You behave like an equal, but a woman none the less. I think the big part is equal. You can match him yet not embarrass him. Hence its different for different people. I figure one of those comments is going to piss some one off. well open up with both barrels.

I think this is a very good response. Being married is not an issue - seeking action on the side particularly when the little woman is in the dark is when the flaming tends to start up.


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SweetCicely
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Posted on Mon, Oct 29, 2007 21:39

Re: CoverGirl wrote: So who are we to blame??

I don't know that blame is ever helpful, unless you are in litigation. I'm also willing to bet that if you and I feel this way, and are willing to talk about it, that there are other people that feel the same way but are silent. The question really is: What do we do about it? Live with it? Read stacks of self help/affirmation books? I see posts where women have mentioned that a man that they thought they were connecting with disappeared. I have been on the receiving end, but I know, too, that I have (on occasion) dropped the ball when it came to keeping in contact. Bleah. I may be thinking too much, but I also don't want to miss out on making a connection with someone because of some flippin', knee-jerk reaction on my part. Amy


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wyldechild
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Posted on Mon, Oct 29, 2007 19:06

Re: Dirkdig write: She should be " confident" enough to get naked when I tell her to. I like a woman who is " confident" enough to know her place with a man.

OMG, this is just too funny, "confident enough to get naked when I tell her to". Lord I needed a good laugh tonight...ROFLMAO!!! I miss all the good sh$t when I'm busy... A good laugh: PRICELESS


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SweetCicely
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Posted on Mon, Oct 29, 2007 18:45

Hey CG - First, I hope you've gotten some more care after your wisdom tooth thing and you are feeling much better! As to the topic at hand: I'm with you. I am confident in almost every way you can describe; I feel capable and am aware of my right to be heard and seen and am proud of the abilities I possess. In a non-romantic situation I am as comfortable as the next person. However, there _is_ something about romance (not s*x) that is troublesome. In a very odd way, society does allow BBWs to be seen as sexual objects (although classified as "kink") but certainly not the sort of women you would have a long term relationship with. It's not the everyday things that sap my confidence, nor is it sexual attraction, it's the concept of a man having true regard for me, beyond the physical relationship, that makes me feel very uncomfortable. I wonder if that is true only of larger women, or if other women experience the same thing, but are not vocal in their reflections on it . . . Amy


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Posted on Mon, Oct 29, 2007 08:17

HI Cover Girl, You're not alone in that realm. I too still wonder why someone likes me. I have read a great many of your posts and I see your picture. You are intelligent and wise, great looking too !! I am also, as are many many many of us here. I have to ask myself and all of you, why do we "submit" to the social "vision" of us ?? KNOWING fair well that the there ARE men that admire and WANT us for US and because we are larger !! I was with a man for eight years, he's 125 pounds WITH cloths. HE adored me and showed me that over and over. He used to get frustrated showing me how much he adored me, first for me then for my size regardless of what size that was !! So Why do we hold onto the societal "visions"? I ask myself that everyday after I tell me " I'm amazing! " Which is what "McDreamy" tells me All the time too !!! Nisi32132


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SweetCicely
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Posted on Sun, Oct 28, 2007 08:39

*sigh* Dirk, Where do we start? As far as "wimpy new age" men go, I know some pagans who would happily rip your arm off and beat you with it. Not everyone, but enough to keep 'em honest. And "Some (women) want a confident man who knows how to handle things and calls the shots"? Confidence in a man, a woman, heck, a PERSON, is a great and positive thing. Handling things is likewise a helpful trait, but I translate your use of "calls the shots" as "doesn't share power." Uh-uh, honey. Women have had to work too hard to achieve the legal and social recognition due them as members of the human race. We are not about to start handing that back for any man's sexual gratification. Although, I suppose when I say "we" I am speaking for my sisters here at LF. Plenty of women out there IRL do that all the time. That may be what has you confused about us. True confidence does not rely on manipulation, or outmoded chauvinist dogma. Amy


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Sun, Oct 28, 2007 00:30

Dirkdig: and all others: I read that comment too, and wanted to post my response in a blaze of glory! But then, I thought, no, let me read the other posts and make sure I'm not just reading into it. So, after reading the comments posted AFTER yours, I have to say: (Oh, and I quote SweetCicely): WOW. Yeah, the "get naked when I tell her to" and the "woman who knows her place" thing are quite the fetching phrases! Good luck with that... --true


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Posted on Sat, Oct 27, 2007 18:21

If she is being dominated, where is the confidence?? Being submissive is not confident, I think it's the exact opposite as she needs to be told what to do. Dictionary time !!! Nat32132 Re: Dirkdig write: She should be " confident" enough to get naked when I tell her to. I like a woman who is " confident" enough to know her place with a man.


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jjiggl
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Posted on Sat, Oct 27, 2007 10:07

Dirk, you are funny!! Of course you are joking, right? You must be, because there is no way that you can be heard with your head up your A$$!!


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Fri, Oct 26, 2007 14:11

Re: Dirkdig write: She should be " confident" enough to get naked when I tell her to. I like a woman who is " confident" enough to know her place with a man.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! GOOD ONE!! That's the funniest sh&t I've heard all day!


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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SweetCicely
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Posted on Fri, Oct 26, 2007 07:45

Dirk, Wow. I'm going to leave your post to this thread up, although I take serious exception to the "get naked when I _tell_ her to" (emphasis mine). Heh. I am confident enough to leave it up and even respond. Let me just say that it doesn't sound like you are looking for anyone else's definition of confidence. No one else who has posted mentioned reponding to commands or knowing her place as characteristics of a confident woman. It's ok. We need anti-examples of things as well. Amy


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SweetCicely
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Posted on Fri, Oct 26, 2007 07:36

I dunno, Tangent, Nothing that you said pissed me off to a noticeable degree, but I did note 2 small things. 1) Secretaries get props. It _is_ a stereotype that women who "(can't make) it to the boardroom" become secretaries. Some people (not just women) choose that occupation and deserve respect. Nuff said. 2) "One married mans opinion and we ALL know what thats worth round here." Maybe it's because I'm new, but I don't sense a deep bias against married men. We should be clear here and name names: of course LazyAfternoons and the recent firestorm of opinion is likely what you are thinking of, but I haven't seen any other evidence that constitutes a trend. Unless I am much mistaken in the people I know from the blogs, there is a great deal of tolerance for a difference of opinion/lifestyle, but the tipping point comes when details are made public. I appreciate your post, and the posts of all the men who have had the courage/cojones/chutzpah to post, both to this and other threads. Thanks, Amy


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Tangentsouls
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Posted on Thu, Oct 25, 2007 21:32

OK you asked for it, so I will give One married mans opinion and we ALL know what thats worth round here. Confident women First lets deal with some stereotypes, what is a NON confident woman. Helpless, in capable of doing for herself. This could be on many fronts "from the bedroom to the secretarial pool" cause she aint making to the boardroom. A woman who is consistently whining about everythings. Confidence comes form being capable effective within your environment. An assurance that you can handle what ever comes along. It also comes from being comfortable with who you are. You are your own best friend, as one person described it. You treat yourself as well as you treat others and more importantly you have(in a Nice way)taught others to treat you right as well. You behave like an equal, but a woman none the less. I think the big part is equal. You can match him yet not embarrass him. Hence its different for different people. I figure one of those comments is going to piss some one off. well open up with both barrels.


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SweetCicely
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Posted on Thu, Oct 25, 2007 13:03

I have bad news, Butter: re "accepts those things that she can't change,Has the courage to change those she can , and the wisdom to accept those things she cant." St. Francis of Assisi was a man . . . nevermind that he's dead, too. J/K!!!! Amy (well, actually, not kidding about the "dead" part . . )


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butterbll
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Posted on Thu, Oct 25, 2007 12:23

To me a "Confident Woman" is one; 1) Who knows who she is. Physically, emotionally And Sexually. 2) Aware of what she wants and tries to achieve that goal.3 ) one who is not afraid to fail. 4)She accepts those things that she can't change,Has the courage to change those she can , and the wisdom to accept those things she cant.


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Richard5
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Posted on Thu, Oct 25, 2007 06:39

Hi all. I think confident means not mousy. you know, not sulky or passive/aggressive. I prefer a woman who isn't afraid to say what she thinks. Oh yes, sexually confident is good too.


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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Wed, Oct 24, 2007 14:30

I suspect when a man says he is looking for a "confident" woman he really means sexually confident - if not sexually agressive. Tell me fellas. Am I wrong?


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