This is my first blog and I'm just hoping that you may read this and relate.
I recently ended a friendship that I've had for over half my life. This person was someone I went to elementary school with and have made it through all sorts of life's ups and downs.
And as I was growing up, I learned to use niceness as a defense mechanism. I was (luckily) rarely teased and actually pretty well liked in school because I was so nice all the time. Fast forward through all that and here I am as an adult, and I'm starting to feel like a doormat.
I realized that even some of my "closest" friends didn't know my true feelings or let me have a bad day. But I was so scared to be anything but nice because if I wasn't, would they decide I wasn't worth having around? I guess I saw being overweight as a moral or personality flaw and figured that having that flaw plus not always being nice would be too much to ask of anyone.
So anyway, long story short, my friend was just asking too much of me as a person and a friend and I realized that I have my own life and I only have one, so I needed to take control of it. After I got over my anger and hurt, I felt so liberated! It felt so good to stand up for myself and realize that it would not be the end of the world to take some control. I felt like if I could do that, I can do lots of things.
I hope that my former friend has a wonderful life. I even hope that one day we could be friends again. She is a beautiful person, but she has a lot of issues that I just cant fix for her or claim to own. It was time for me to stop letting her direct the blame and the insecurity at me. I still have a lot of conflicting feelings about it and my life, but I just wanted to share with you that I'm really confident about starting a new life, no matter what happens next.
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