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Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence....... Sort by:
wyldechild
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 18:51

Re: stanno write: I have very low self-esteem and zero confidence. I've tried hypnotherapy CDs to no avail. But I'm trying to be happy in my skin. I look at others and see them succeed with women and in their life with nice houses and flash cars and I feel envious. But I also ask where does all this self belief come from? Are some people naturally that way or can you learn it. If I find an answer I'll let you know.

Believe it or not, some people fake it until they start to actually believe in themselves. I've done it. I would look in the mirror and tell myself that I looked good or deserved "X", etc. even though I felt like I was lying to myself. I still do it sometimes. It isn't always easy, you can feel really dorky doing it but now, more often than not when I walk by a mirror or see a reflection of myself, I will admire myself or say to myself "god, you look good"...or anything else that comes to mind that's "all about ME"...*grin*


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wyldechild
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 18:41

Re: staceynkansas write: I grew up also not close to my mother. My father wasn't around much. And as a child you were continually judged by your appearance. I was always told that if I was only prettier, skinnier, etc. I would be more successful and better liked. As an adult it is hard to get those old voices out of my head.

What is wrong with these damn people!!! Sheesh, screwing up our lives, making us have to work on this whole self esteem and confidence thing, good god!!! gggrrr...LOL It sucks having to deal with the BS. I didn't get it at home but friends of the family, some relatives sometimes would make the "you would look so much prettier if you lost just a little" mmmmph. What a crock. Oh, and can't forget your Dr. Leave me the f___ alone already!!! It is a hard fight to get those voices out of your head. The best way to start getting over stuff like that is to surround yourself with people who are supportive of YOU. Not of what you look like, but the YOU you...*grin*. People who will compliment you no matter what you look like, what you wear, what you weigh, etc. People who see you for the worthy person that you are. Push the petty people off the train!!!


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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 09:32

AND.. Did you think I was finished ranting?? LOL LOL I realized that there was a very good thing in my mother, she became a perfect example of how NOT to treat people. I was lucky that I had some very positive mother role models, some were on TV but then ... Many were my girlfriends mothers. I count my blessings. I've come to many conclusions, one being self esteem is "self induced" after age 25. So is self confidence, "self induced" I resorted to a list, yeah a list, of what I thought were my good points and my "needs work" points. THen I asked a close friend to do a list for me. BOY was I shocked !! try it and let me know. You know as I read these posts I "SEE" as you all do, sides of us that we might have hidden. Posting here is "safe" we can show our real inside self. We are a great group of bloggers that's for sure. I suppose that's why we are all confused by why we all feel some measure of insecurity, self doubt and lack of self esteem. Is it just human nature? Do you think I really like this topic or what???? I've been working on me for years on this very thing. Natalie 32132


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 07:17

You are so right..I need to take the authority away from my father and give it to myself. That is a great concept and I am going to have to think about that. And I did the same thing, I went back to school and was so scared that I wasn't going to make it through at 37 years old. And guess what I am a 4.0 also. So that part I proved him wrong in. Now I need to work on the self-hatred that he instilled in me. I have a family function Saturday that I should really go to and he will be there. I am dreading it and already getting sick to my stomach about it but this would be a good time to try to walk in there with my head high and feeling secure with myself. Stanno - I now how you feel. I have looked at your profile and I think you look and sound wonderful. And I know from experience it is an inside/heart/soul issue. Good luck in your journey also.


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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 05:44

more to say - I started to look at my friends, close friends. I adored them, they told me the truth and I really took an honest look at them. I admired them, they were self assured, confident. One day I asked them how they got that way. WEll, guess what ! YUP they said that they were NOT secure, they felt that they had Low self esteem. Then they asked me the same thing, they saw me as having high self esteem and self confidence. hummmm SO, the issue was the "illusion" that was given off to others? What I saw opposed to what they really felt inside, humm Now which is true??? I'm confused !! -


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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 05:29

This is a great topic, one we all can relate to. I'm another non-mom/daughter relationship. My mother was critical of all the things I did, no matter what I did, it was not good enough. My body, even at 125 pounds was " oh if ONLY your hips were not so big" like I could have changed that !!! Funny thing though, I wanted to get the acceptance of my mom because I did not have it. I had my dad's he was my best friend. I had to force myself, at 37 to learn to accept what he used to tell me as the truth. ( he passed away when I was 27) My mothers favorite expression is "you're stupid and you don't know what you're talking about". How much can you hear that, as a child, before you believe it? I did for a long time, sadly missed some great education. At 37 I started to test myself on an educational level. I took some college courss - guess who got 4.0? YEAH ME ! Boy was I shocked at how smart I really am ;-). What ultimately happened was that I took back the authority from my mother, gave it to myself. I'm an adult, I have the authority and the responsibility to achieve what I want. At 58 I'm still learning where my good point are- I have found that I must work on my self esteem, I'm VERY insecure about why someone would like me YET I'm here looking! Is it because I might find my answer to why? I know I'm pretty and intelligent and I have lots to give to someone. I know that I don't always believe that after someone ends a relationship with me. I know that it was not a good FIT. I also know that I was over compensating to MAKE that relationship work when I should have said HEY, this is not for me! 2000 characters ugh. Re: staceynkansas write: I grew up also not close to my mother. My father wasn't around much. And as a child you were continually judged by your appearance. I was always told that if I was only prettier, skinnier, etc. I would be more successful and better liked. As an adult it is hard to get th...


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staceysstanno
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 02:30

I have very low self-esteem and zero confidence. I've tried hypnotherapy CDs to no avail. But I'm trying to be happy in my skin. I look at others and see them succeed with women and in their life with nice houses and flash cars and I feel envious. But I also ask where does all this self belief come from? Are some people naturally that way or can you learn it. If I find an answer I'll let you know.


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Thu, Aug 02, 2007 19:18

I grew up also not close to my mother. My father wasn't around much. And as a child you were continually judged by your appearance. I was always told that if I was only prettier, skinnier, etc. I would be more successful and better liked. As an adult it is hard to get those old voices out of my head.


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wyldechild
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Posted on Thu, Aug 02, 2007 18:59

Ah, the questions of the century. I was fortunate growing up that my family was never concerned with a person's appearance and I've always been encouraged to explore my interests. But I was never really treated as a girlie girl. My mom and I were not very close when I grew up and so I never had the mom/daughter thing lots of girls have. So I have always been comfortable with my intellect, artistic talents, etc. not so much with appearance, being girlie, learning that's it's OK to ask for what I need or want, etc. When I first started truly focusing on my self confidence, I began with concentrating on my strengths that I was already proud of. Intelligence, artistic and musical talents, etc. I would remind myself that no one could deprive me of my talents in any way. In time, I started to become more comfortable with my body. Much of that come from meeting BBW positive people, reading size positive essays, short stories and other biographical types of writings, BBW photography, websites, etc. I've always been into makeup and clothing. Being self conscious and wanting to fit when I was in middle school, having girlfriends and my eclectic and artistic side stirred that passion. A little was to cover who I was, and some was just to "pretty up". In time I really have grown to love ME. I talk to ME in the mirror, I tell ME that I look good in any way shape or form. YES, I have days where I should NOT leave the house...LOL. And days when I'm not too keen on ME. But everyone has those days now and again. I still struggle with confidence in some areas of my life. And there are days when I don't have much confidence in myself or what I want at all. I'm just good at faking it...LOL. I meditate quite a bit. Sometimes I listen to guided meditation, most times just music geared to the spiritual environment I wish to create. I find it gives me the quiet time to examine what I want from life, who I am, what I want to learn, make better, etc. Hope that...


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