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stannosstacey
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Posted on Thu, Aug 02, 2007 16:47

How do you develop self-esteem and self-confidence? I do not have much of either. I have noticed as I have gotten older I have more self-confidence with my work capabilities or just generally my place in this world. But what I am lacking is that inner voice that tells me that I am worth something and that I am ok. I would also like confidence is how I look or at least be comfortable with my looks. Does anyone know how to gain more self-confidence or self-esteem? Am I the only one that deals with this?


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Sun, Aug 19, 2007 11:08

Thanks!


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jjiggl
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Posted on Sun, Aug 19, 2007 10:32

Stacey, you are not the only one who deals with this. All of us, both men and women, are bombarded with messages that we are not good enough as we are. Some of the messages stupidly suggest that something is wrong with us if we don't change things that are outside our power like aging and health. I am not sure if there is a proven way to change how a person feels about him or herself. But I do believe that positive affirmations help. I do believe that we are what we think and that if we have learned to think the negative, then we can learn to think what is positive. I also believe that one thing that makes us feel bad or negative about ourself is comparing ourselves to other people. Whenever we compare, we automatically set ourself up to be on the short end of the scale. Think about the things that you like about yourself. Say them aloud. Add something to the list and say it aloud. Repeat this daily. Then work it daily. Behave in that way every day. Remember that good practice makes perfect. If all else fails, have the pic that you posted blown up to the largest size that you can and put several copies up all around your house to remind yourself how beautiful you are. You are certainly lovely!!


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Fri, Aug 17, 2007 09:35

Re: Petersh55 write: Hi Stacynkansas, I don`t mean to be rude but I`m afraid I don`t know what your trying to say . Looking at your Photographs I must say that you look 100% Solid Gold Gorgeous . You have Loving eyes , A kind and Caring Face , a Heavenly Body , You have a really wonderful Personally , and a highly developed Intellect , So what`s the Problem ? All you need to do is stand in front of a long mirror look into it and say "Gee What a Gorgeous Beautiful Woman" over and over again with believe and Sincerity .and I`m sure that you will soon see what some of us have Known for quite some time . Hope that this little musing is of some help to you . Bless You Peter (Petersh55)

Thank you for your nice words. I need to print it off and read it every morning. lol


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Thu, Aug 16, 2007 21:27

Petersh, Stanno, and shorty are SURE to be good for the ego! I wish I could read/hear things like that everyday. Staceynkansas, looks like you are going through thte same things I am going through (minus a few extra bags...)! I hope u find peace...


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Thu, Aug 16, 2007 18:23

Thanks AmuseMe!


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Thu, Aug 16, 2007 07:52

Stacy... hot picture. ;-) lol I think that we all have issues with our self esteem - even those who deny any vulnerability. I fight for my self esteem daily. A battle ensues each and every morning before my feet hit the floor. I think it's much the same for probably everyone else who has ever been a social outcast at any time in their lives. Only those special few: born perfect and pretentious, self congratulatory and vain that have to fight their demons harder than the rest of us. They're not just trying to convince the rest of us they are perfect, they work hard to convince themselves too. One day we will all be too old to care what others think about us. We will be too old to want to fight that good ol' fight, and we will win the battle of consciousness we have spent most of our lives perpetuating.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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stannosstacey
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Posted on Tue, Aug 14, 2007 16:31

Re: worriedwasper write: I am part cherokee indian, which family are you from?? Plus, you have 2 hot brothers. Its hard to know what to say or think when others are less than kind. You are a very pretty lady. If people dont like you for who you are tell them to catch your tail lights, you are outta there!!

Thank you for being so nice. I am Choctaw and yes my brothers are pretty cute. I asked them if they would mind me putting that photo up and they thought it would be funny. They are more than a little protective so they thought it might help to scare off the weirdos. Hasn't helped. lol


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worriedwasper
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Posted on Mon, Aug 13, 2007 23:05

I am part cherokee indian, which family are you from?? Plus, you have 2 hot brothers. Its hard to know what to say or think when others are less than kind. You are a very pretty lady. If people dont like you for who you are tell them to catch your tail lights, you are outta there!!


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wyldechild
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Posted on Sun, Aug 05, 2007 20:27

Re: staceynkansas write: I think when a mean comment is said about something I am already vulnerable about - that is when I dwell on it and start to believe it. If someone commented on something I was confident in, I wouldn't give it a second thought and go on.

Yes!! I have felt that way too!! Many times it pisses me off but there are times when it really eats at me and I have to make a mental effort to put that thought aside. And when I find it sneaking back, I slap it down again. Works most of the time.


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 17:04

Re: Nisi32132 write: I have a question, because someone might say something that is very hurtful does that make it true? Regardless of where that person lands in the authority food chain. OR do we take that thoughtless remark and adhere it to out person? Thus making it true by our actions because we gave the thoughtless comment life?

I think when a mean comment is said about something I am already vulnerable about - that is when I dwell on it and start to believe it. If someone commented on something I was confident in, I wouldn't give it a second thought and go on.


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wyldechild
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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 15:02

Re: stanno write: I'm going to give this a try! lol wyldechild write: Believe it or not, some people fake it until they start to actually believe in themselves. I've done it. I would look in the mirror and tell myself that I looked good or deserved "X", etc. even though I felt like I was lying to myself. I still do it sometimes. It isn't always easy, you can feel really dorky doing it but now, more often than not when I walk by a mirror or see a reflection of myself, I will admire myself or say to myself "god, you look good"...or anything else that comes to mind that's "all about ME"...*grin*

You should!!! That's what it's about sometimes, just trying different ways to "jumpstart" yourself until eventually something clicks and works for you.


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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 11:05

I have a question, because someone might say something that is very hurtful does that make it true? Regardless of where that person lands in the authority food chain. OR do we take that thoughtless remark and adhere it to out person? Thus making it true by our actions because we gave the thoughtless comment life? I know these comments have affected me for many years. When is the first day of the rest of my life? Well, it was years ago, when I took back the authority over anyone elses comments coming to life. How do you feel about it? Nat32132 Re: staceynkansas write: How do you develop self-esteem and self-confidence? I do not have much of either. I have noticed as I have gotten older I have more self-confidence with my work capabilities or just generally my place in this world. But what I am lacking is that inner voice that tells me that I am worth something and that I am ok. I would also like confidence is how I look or at least be comfortable with my looks. Does anyone know how to gain more self-confidence or self-esteem? Am I the only one that deals with this?


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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 10:33

Excellent and very well put !! Nat32132 Re: shorty0509 write: No your not the only one that deals with these issues. I do everyday. And i think alot of us do. and just wont admit it. You have to start by accepting yourself. Find things about your self that you like not only inward but physically. And tell your self the things you like about yourself. And realize your a product of god and he doesnt make mistakes. I can tell by your picture your a very pretty lady. Trust that. And remember everyones Idea of beauty is different.


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shorty0509
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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 08:48

No your not the only one that deals with these issues. I do everyday. And i think alot of us do. and just wont admit it. You have to start by accepting yourself. Find things about your self that you like not only inward but physically. And tell your self the things you like about yourself. And realize your a product of god and he doesnt make mistakes. I can tell by your picture your a very pretty lady. Trust that. And remember everyones Idea of beauty is different.


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staceysstanno
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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 08:02

I'm going to give this a try! lol wyldechild write: Believe it or not, some people fake it until they start to actually believe in themselves. I've done it. I would look in the mirror and tell myself that I looked good or deserved "X", etc. even though I felt like I was lying to myself. I still do it sometimes. It isn't always easy, you can feel really dorky doing it but now, more often than not when I walk by a mirror or see a reflection of myself, I will admire myself or say to myself "god, you look good"...or anything else that comes to mind that's "all about ME"...*grin*


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 07:54

When my best friends daughter was 10 years old she told me that she wanted to grow up and be just like me - a single indian gal. lol I thought that was so cute. Then my friend's sons both said when they were around 4 and 5 years old that they wanted to marry me when they got older. Kids can be so funny and sweet.


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Petersh55
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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 03:30

Hi Stacynkansas, I don`t mean to be rude but I`m afraid I don`t know what your trying to say . Looking at your Photographs I must say that you look 100% Solid Gold Gorgeous . You have Loving eyes , A kind and Caring Face , a Heavenly Body , You have a really wonderful Personally , and a highly developed Intellect , So what`s the Problem ? All you need to do is stand in front of a long mirror look into it and say "Gee What a Gorgeous Beautiful Woman" over and over again with believe and Sincerity .and I`m sure that you will soon see what some of us have Known for quite some time . Hope that this little musing is of some help to you . Bless You Peter (Petersh55)


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wyldechild
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 19:50

This little bit is the best thing anyone could ever hear, the bestest thing about having kids. I was talking to my 8 yr old daughter a little bit ago about something and teasingly told her I was old and she responds, "No you're not mom, you're young. You look like a rock star"...now if that doesn't make my self esteem soar, nothing will!!! LOL.


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wyldechild
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 18:55

Re: Nisi32132 write: AND.. Did you think I was finished ranting?? LOL LOL ........... Do you think I really like this topic or what???? I've been working on me for years on this very thing. Natalie 32132

Sexy mama!!! Changin' your profile pic...*wink* Yes, it sucks that family has such an impact on our lives. And suckier how hard it is to throw out that baggage. But what a feeling of relief when we toss the guilt that comes with tossing the crap. Yehaw!!! That can be the hardest step. I've been working on me for eons too. And I keep at it as life changes and I change. It's a good thing...*wink*


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