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staceysstanno
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 04:27

Hi, this is my first ever blog! I read here the other day from someone that nice people finish last. Do you think that's true? Or are some people destined to never finish? Or do you think that there really is someone for everyone? I'll leave it with you because at the moment I'm pondering solitude and it's acceptance in todays society.


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Mon, Aug 13, 2007 17:53

I have such a hard time with that blind spot, projecting onto a person all that I want them to be. It is one of the main reasons I try to take things face to face as soon as possible. My imagination is just to fertile and I will fill in all the online blanks and not even be aware that I am doing it. Bad juju. Anyway - if yall figure out the secret to not falling into that trap let me know. And Stanno - so glad you are joining in the frey. I finally perved your profile yesterday and you are a total sweetheart. Any lady would be lucky to have ya. And there are a few wonderful women from the UK who visit here. Good luck!


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LonelyInFL
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Posted on Mon, Aug 13, 2007 17:13

Stanno, That's good that you feel that way. It obvious it wasn't meant to be. You're right, we do overlook things (whether intentional or not). I don't know if it's the fact that we want this person to be The One so much that we don't see the flaws or if some people subconsciously think they can change them. Who knows? That's a great point though. I guess we have to be more self-aware. :)


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Posted on Mon, Aug 13, 2007 05:11

Stanno, you bring up a really good point. I wonder why we are "blind" to somethings at first? Why, before we get too involved, don't we see clearly with objectivity? Is it because we have pre-conceived notions in our heads about "the right person" and we "see" that notion and NOT the person? HUMMMMM Thanks Stanno, that's a really good question !! Nat32132 Re: stanno write: Hello. In many ways I'm glad it didn't work out. Since parting ways I've noticed some really bad traits. Especially selfishness. Funny how we're blind to these things at first.


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staceysstanno
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Posted on Mon, Aug 13, 2007 04:00

Hello. In many ways I'm glad it didn't work out. Since parting ways I've noticed some really bad traits. Especially selfishness. Funny how we're blind to these things at first.


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LonelyInFL
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Posted on Sun, Aug 12, 2007 19:29

Stanno, Please don't think that her actions had anything to do with you. Some poeple are stronger than others. She obviously had major issues and was outside her comfort zone (whether good or bad). Not everyone can break out of that cyle, they really have to want out....and she obviously didn't. You know that I believe that if it's meant to be, then it will be. But in the same turn, I believe that you must also have the courage to go after what you want. Fate aligns the players but you have to help it along sometimes. I know this easier said than done but don't let life just pass you by, take an active roll in it (never give up). :)


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wyldechild
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Posted on Sat, Aug 11, 2007 19:06

Re: stanno write: Thank you to everyone who replied to my blog. :) I still feel that in the end whether we succeed or fail in relationships are written in the stars. I met a girl online once, not on a dating site but a blog site, and we hit it off. We exchanged email, photos and we spoke on the phone nearly every day. We never met though. I fell for this lass but in the end she told me that she loved her ex-boyfriend more than she realized and went back to him. I've since learned that he talks to her terribly and belittles her making her feel worthless. So why did she go back? I would never have treated her in this way. As I said in originally, some people are destined never to finish. So I guess I will keep plugging away and wondering how I can tame my masochistic heart.

Nat is right on target. She stays with him because she believes that is all she is worth having, even when better does come knocking. Until she learns to love herself, she won't truly be able to break away from abusive types of relationships. And pooh on life being written in the stars. You know I had to say something about that!!! LOL. You can write whatever future you wish. As long as you believe in what you want will come to pass and to recognize it when it does. You are intelligent, well spoken, caring and charming in your honesty. And did someone say masochist??? *wink*...


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Sat, Aug 11, 2007 10:35

Stanno - I agree with Natalie. Abusive relationships aren't something most people can understand. It is easier said than done but don't take that situation personally. She is drawn back to him because of issues within herself. This has been a great and interesting blog to read.


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Posted on Sat, Aug 11, 2007 10:03

Stanno, Don't even think that her problem was you. SHE went back to an abusive relationship because her gross lack of self worth. She was familiar with the abuse and knew how to deal with it sadly. She did not know and obviously did not want to learn or try to be in a healthy relationship. SO, you can see that it might not have worked out as she was not able to be honest with you. She might not have been brave enough to tell you about the abuse, too ashamed maybe. Then to have you both work it out and learn a new way to love. That's sad for sure. Keep plugging away stanno, there is someone out there for you, not doubt. Natalie Re: stanno write: Thank you to everyone who replied to my blog. :) I still feel that in the end whether we succeed or fail in relationships are written in the stars. I met a girl online once, not on a dating site but a blog site, and we hit it off. We exchanged email, photos and we spoke on the phone nearly every day. We never met though. I fell for this lass but in the end she told me that she loved her ex-boyfriend more than she realized and went back to him. I've since learned that he talks to her terribly and belittles her making her feel worthless. So why did she go back? I would never have treated her in this way. As I said in originally, some people are destined never to finish. So I guess I will keep plugging away and wondering how I can tame my masochistic heart.


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staceysstanno
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Posted on Sat, Aug 11, 2007 09:57

Thank you to everyone who replied to my blog. :) I still feel that in the end whether we succeed or fail in relationships are written in the stars. I met a girl online once, not on a dating site but a blog site, and we hit it off. We exchanged email, photos and we spoke on the phone nearly every day. We never met though. I fell for this lass but in the end she told me that she loved her ex-boyfriend more than she realized and went back to him. I've since learned that he talks to her terribly and belittles her making her feel worthless. So why did she go back? I would never have treated her in this way. As I said in originally, some people are destined never to finish. So I guess I will keep plugging away and wondering how I can tame my masochistic heart.


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LonelyInFL
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Posted on Thu, Aug 09, 2007 18:04

I've thought about this often and I still don't have an answer. I wonder if I'm destined to be alone as well. I'm a very "sensitive" person. I'm a great listener and always eager to help. I'm everyone's best friend but men don't see me as their significant other. The very qualities that make me their best friend should be the same qualities they look for in a relationship. What am I missing? I've been in relationships but the men are always very dominant and controlling. I don't want to be controlled...I have a mind of my own, thoughts of my own, and feelings of my own. I've never been able to find someone that meets me on equal ground. Do you know what mean? Perhaps that's the problem....finding someone on equal ground. All I can say is that you have to keep trying. You will be alone if you give up. Take heart that you're not alone. :)


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wyldechild
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Posted on Tue, Aug 07, 2007 20:05

Re: jjiggl write: I don't think that being nice or being bad has anything to do with finding someone. ... Just my two cents.

Hear, hear, I agree as well. And I'd give you a helluva lot more than .02 too!!!


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Posted on Tue, Aug 07, 2007 15:34

YES !!! jjiggl, you did nail it I second that motion. Each guy puts something else on the list pro or con. Each one seems to get closer to my compromise level. By that I mean, if I have certain things, then I'm more than willing to compromise on other things that are less important to me. JJiggl, you ARE right on the money Nat32132 jjiggl write: I don't think that being nice or being bad has anything to do with finding someone. But I do agree with the blogger that said that we are what we percieve ourselves to be. If one thinks that they are undeserving of love or that they do not have the luck to find love, then that is what will happen--they won't find love. It is a self-fulfilling prophesy because one's thoughts lead to one's behavior. I'm not sure who said it, but I have seen this quote several times, and I am paraphrasing: "Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". If what you have been doing has not been working in your quest to find love, then maybe you should consider changing your tactics. But you also have to be sure that the behavior or tactic is true to you and something that you can live with. I also believe that when you are looking for someone, you should feel that you have something to offer. We should feel that we are just as important to the relationship as the other person. Feeling "less than" is insurance that the relationship will fail and that your heart will be broken. I also think that the things that happened in the past should be taken as a lesson learned. Whether good or bad, I believe that "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger". Take each rejection, each heartache and each disappointment to mean that you are getting closer to what you want in a mate because you are learning what you DON'T want in a mate. Just my two cents.


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Tue, Aug 07, 2007 11:26

Re:jjiggl write: I don't think that being nice or being bad has anything to do with finding someone. ....self-fulfilling prophesy because one's thoughts lead to one's behavior. .... ..."Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".... ....you are getting closer to what you want in a mate because you are learning what you DON'T want in a mate.

you always hit the nail right on the head!


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jjiggl
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Posted on Mon, Aug 06, 2007 14:14

I don't think that being nice or being bad has anything to do with finding someone. But I do agree with the blogger that said that we are what we percieve ourselves to be. If one thinks that they are undeserving of love or that they do not have the luck to find love, then that is what will happen--they won't find love. It is a self-fulfilling prophesy because one's thoughts lead to one's behavior. I'm not sure who said it, but I have seen this quote several times, and I am paraphrasing: "Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". If what you have been doing has not been working in your quest to find love, then maybe you should consider changing your tactics. But you also have to be sure that the behavior or tactic is true to you and something that you can live with. I also believe that when you are looking for someone, you should feel that you have something to offer. We should feel that we are just as important to the relationship as the other person. Feeling "less than" is insurance that the relationship will fail and that your heart will be broken. I also think that the things that happened in the past should be taken as a lesson learned. Whether good or bad, I believe that "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger". Take each rejection, each heartache and each disappointment to mean that you are getting closer to what you want in a mate because you are learning what you DON'T want in a mate. Just my two cents.


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honeybiscuit
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Posted on Sun, Aug 05, 2007 01:13

They don't finish last with me. There is a difference though in my opinion between being a nice guy and being so concerned about others that you are not able to pit up enough of a boundary to care well for yourself. And Johnnywa - since you are not a good guy why do you care.


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memphisgirl64
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Posted on Sat, Aug 04, 2007 13:36

HI everyone, I'm new here and wanted to tell everyone hello.I thought I would make a comment. I don't think that there is someone for everyone. I truly believe that we learn from every experience that we have, good and bad, but I don't think that God has or means for everyone to be married. I think that we have people in and out of our life to learn things but I don't think it always ends up in marriage. I have been in a few relationships that have taught me alot of things about me as well as what I don't want in a man, but I do not think that good guys finish last either. I love a nice guy..with a little bad strick..lol


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wyldechild
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 18:33

Welcome, one to post his first ever blog...*grin* A person's destiny to finish or to fail is their own choice. Do you want to finish first? That is your choice. It can be difficult to see past the dark horizons that come our way. But to give up or give in, therein lies the tragedy. I wholly believe that there is someone for everyone. In fact, I believe that there is more than one for each of us. Sometimes they come upon us, sometimes we come upon them. Now getting out and meeting people can be scary, no doubt about that!!! But when you think about it, what harm can it do? Even just meeting friends who in turn have friends, etc. Being involved in activities that interest you locally is a great way to meet people and in an environment that you are more than likely comfortable in. Now put the thoughts of solitude on the back burner. Although the dating and meeting people world can be overwhelming, it can bring wonderful surprises as well. Sure, many winks may go unanswered, but don't limit yourself either!!! You can finish anywhere you want to!!! So there...LOL


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nodramaaroundme
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 13:21

Hey, I wonder if you were referring to my comment on someone Else's blog. Yes, I feel that way but who's to say finishing is always the best thing to do? It really depends on the person...with me there are days that I am very happy that I'm alone and other days I wish I had that someone to squeeze me. Most days I'm content to be alone and that's not a bad thing. Friendships are great...relationships are stressful...LOL I wish you luck in whatever path you chose.


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stannosstacey
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Posted on Fri, Aug 03, 2007 07:23

I have always wondered about that saying there is someone out there for everyone. Some people seem to find relationships so easy and always have a partner. I accepted solitude for years and was determined that was the way I was going to live my life out. Then something happened last fall and I started feeling like I wanted to try to find a special guy. I don't have a great answer to this at all but Stanno - just don't shut yourself off from the idea of finding someone. If you want solitude make sure it is what your heart wants and not coming from a state of giving up.


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