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I need help! Im confused!! Sort by:
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Saitz_sue
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Posted on Wed, Feb 21, 2007 21:29

Well My freind and I have been freinds for about three years now, and we are really close. She has always seemed very happy but recently she tried to commit suiside. When I asked her why she did this, after she had recovered, she replied with saying that she deserved to die because she was a pedifile. This shocked me and I said "who did you touch?" fearing that it might be someone I knew. But she explained that she never laid a hand on one child, and she never would, she only ever thought about it during sex. Right now I dont know what to think, I was melested a few years ago and I have the general attitude that any one who thinks like that deserves to die, but now I have no clue what to think. She is my best freind but I dont know what to do, sometimes I want to cut her wrists my self but then a second later I want to injer my self for even thinking I could do that to her. Please I need an outsiders opinion, I dont know what to do.


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Saitz_sue
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Posted on Wed, Mar 21, 2007 12:05

thanks everybody for your kind words, I will keep you guys posted. toodles tracey


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Posted on Tue, Mar 20, 2007 16:36

Wow. Many hugs and warm wishes coming your way. In addition to your counseling, keep talking or writing about what you're going through. Check around the web, there are support groups for nearly everything :) For example - try doing a web-search on "crazymaking" and read some of the articles, you may find some things helpful there... Just keep this in mind - to be the best (daughter, friend, sister) you can be, you need to be in balance yourself. It's ok to focus on your own issues for awhile. :) Good luck!


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muaaas4u
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Posted on Tue, Mar 20, 2007 12:03

Hello, I am glad that you chose to talk about this, many people don't understand that sometimes we need to vent. There are topics that we don't know how to approach face to face, and on LF even though you have a picture posted, well you can be to a certain point anonymous. People might see your face but they really don't know much about you. If the help you need is obtained here well great, if you feel that you and your friend need counseling well then it is better that you have chosen to seek that help. take care Rosy


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plennimadd
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Posted on Sun, Mar 18, 2007 12:33

Hi Sue, I'm really glad that you and your friend are moving forward and doing well. I'm sorry to hear that your mom has attention issues; I've known a couple of people who have also tried or threatened to commit suicide just for the attention, and it's no fun to be near all of that. I hope you and your dad are successful at removing your siblings from a rather unstable and unhealthy environment (and I am only basing this on what you said about your mom) and wish you all the best of luck! Sincerely, Me.


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Posted on Sat, Mar 17, 2007 20:42

Just dropping in to send a quick hello. Hope all is going well for u & ur friend. Hugs! :)


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Saitz_sue
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Posted on Sat, Mar 17, 2007 19:18

well just an update, if anybody cares, my freind and I are doing very well, but we have, or should I say, I have hit a little road bump. A week a go my mother tried to committ suicide. Its not as big of a deal as it seems though. She only did it for the attention, not because she was depressed, because she isnt. What happened was she swallowed a whole bunch of pills then imediatly went to my 13 year old brother and told him to drive her to the hospital insted of calling an ambulace because she was afraid a police report would be filed! I was very angry at her for putting him in that situation and endangering his life by putting him behind the wheel of a car with out ever having any training. Well any way everybody is fine but my dad and I are working on getting my brother and sister to come and live with us so they dont have to put up with her shit any more. Im sorry if this seems a bit like I am inviting drama, thats not what I want, I just wanted to vent and because I dont have any friends in this one horse town I needed a place to just let go of my anger. Well any way I had better go Im tired and I need to go to bed.


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wanda_world
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Posted on Thu, Mar 01, 2007 00:59

Hi Sue, I hope all continues to go well for you and your friend. Sending warm wishes your way. Hugs, Wanda


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Saitz_sue
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Posted on Mon, Feb 26, 2007 12:20

I want to thank everybody agian, you all have been so wonderfull. I really appreciate all of your encoragement. This site is truly wonderfull and I thank god I found it. My freind and I are going to counsling and we are starting the healing prossess, we are far from the end of our road, but we always keep in mind the old saying, "the journy of a thousand miles begins with the first step" That is now our montra. Well thank you all agian, I will keep you posted on our progress. with love Tracey


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Sat, Feb 24, 2007 20:01

Sue, I apologize for coming across so harsh. I am actually glad to see that you have decided to continue to be her friend as she has been a great friend to you. I really hope your friend can work this out, just as I really hope that you can work out your own despair. Good luck to you both. And I don't think it was wrong of you to bring this here, for I don't view this site just as a dating site. It's a very large community where we are mostly friends.. but sometimes our ideals and opinions get in the way... but we grow on eachother and tend to care about one another just the same.. So welcome to LF. I hope you find friends here too.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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Posted on Sat, Feb 24, 2007 18:17

Sue, I am so immensely proud and give you much respect of your decision to seek professional counseling (as well as your friend)! (((hug))) Please make certain that the counselor that both of you choose is one that has compassion and understanding. It is a career like any other. Some good and some not so good. :) When I was younger was required to go to one, I had a couple of them that did not keep their promise of secrecy. You are baring your soul to this counselor. But with the right counselor, both of you will have an experienced ear who can guide you through the cobwebs of the past. These first few steps will be painful ones. Often, I hear others assume that once the person that is in pain is going to see a counselor, all is well and dandy. Far from it. This is only the start of the unraveling and dissecting of the pain that you've hidden. Give it the respect, space, and time it deserves. Don't rush each step you take. I cannot stop thinking in my head...wow, Sue (and your friend) is a really strong woman. You really are...and an amazing friend. You've turned this into an opportunity, rather than despair. Way to go! Hope your friend realizes it. If not, she will...given time. Sue, I hope to continue to see you around. :) Lovingly, Ann


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wanda_world
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Posted on Sat, Feb 24, 2007 17:37

Sue, I'm glad you and your friend are both going to seek counselling and you are willing to stand by her and be her friend. It's always easier to face something with a friend than having to do it alone. As you proceed on your journey,keep these two poems in mind: Two frogs fell into a deep cream bowl, One was quite an optimistic soul; But the other took the gloomy view, "We shall drown",he cried,without ado. So with a last despairing cry, He flung up his legs and he said "Goodbye." Quoth the other frog with a merry grin, "I can't get out,but I won't give in. I'll just swim till my strength is spent, Then I will die the more content." Bravely he swam till it would seem His struggles began to churn the cream. On the top of the butter at last he stopped, And out of the bowl he gaily hopped. What of the moral? "Tis easily found: If you can't hop out,keep swimming around. By Walter B. Knight Knight's Master Book of Four Thousand Illustrations The Hard Way For every hill I've had to climb, For every stone that bruised my feet, For all the blood and sweat and grime, For blinding storms and burning heat, My heart sings but a grateful song- These were the things that made me strong!" Author Unknown Wishing you and your friend much hope and healing on your journey. Hugs, Wanda


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plennimadd
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Posted on Sat, Feb 24, 2007 13:05

Hello Sue, Firstly, I would like to say that the people who responded negatively to your blog obviously have never known anyone who has been molested, nor had it happen to them. I see your confusion as being normal. The majority of children who are molested are touched by people they know and trust. Even if you don't know your molestors, as a child you instantly lose all that trust that you once had of the general public. Now here is your best friend, whom you have come to trust exceedingly, and she suddenly confesses to you that she has these horrendous thoughts. Your first reaction should be to pull away and be disgusted. She just broke your trust. Now I am not saying you should abandon her. I think it is absolutely wonderful that you two are going to get counseling and work through the pain, frustration, and confusion that is a natural occurrance in situations such as this. I also think that your friend, while momentarily weakened to the point of trying to commit suicide, is much stronger than she thinks. Having the courage to let you know of her deepest darkest secret is an incredible act of trust on her part. You should be honored that she would share this information with you. I don't believe that you took her situation and made it your own drama. I believe that you were brought back to place you didn't want to be and don't like to remember, that time not so long ago when you yourself were inappropriately touched. You are a victim here. However, a point should be made that she, too, is a victim. Molestors are not instant; they are created. Somewhere in their lives, they were molested or exposed to things that children should not be exposed to. Those thoughts do not just manifest themselves out of nowhere. They have to be placed there by someone else. Her situation definately needs to be addressed as soon as possible, for her own sanity. Your reaction to her confession is normal as a victim of pedophilia. The people in this blog are completely ignoring that fact. Yes, your friend needs help. But so do you. I assume that you did not receive proper counseling when you went through your ordeal. Many children do not. You were never taught a way to channel your anger, your disappointment, your want of revenge. And yes I said that correctly. Any time you are injured in any way, you are going to want revenge. Especially when you look back and see how helpless of a child you were, how taken advantage of you were. The pain and frustration and anger is immense. Your new therapist should be able to help you cope with these feelings. One woman stated that you are a hypocrite. Sure you are. We're all hypocrites. Every single one of us is a hypocrite. How many people claim not to be racist, yet when a black person or Hispanic person sits next to them, they clutch their purse a little tighter, a little closer. Refuse to look them in the eyes. Or even get up and move. That is hypocritical, is it not? Or how about the people who go out and party on the weekends, get ridiculously drunk, wake up with some random one night stand next to them, then go to church and act oh-so-Godly? Or those that donate to charities for abused women and children, but when they see it or sense it happening, ignore it? I do not know a single person who is not a hypocrite. Your thoughts are an automatic reaction to the situation you found yourself in. I think you are a great friend for wanting to stand by her, for not running in the other direction instantly, for not blaming her for what happened to you. I agree with you to an extent; I think people who have pediphilic thoughts are sick. But it is a mental illness and needs to be taken care of. Your friend should not have to pay for what happened to you. And likewise, you should not have to pay for what is happening to your friend. And that seems to be what is going on. You are paying by having flashbacks. Your friend is paying because of those flashbacks. Again, I think it is terrific that both of you want to work it out with a therapist. As to posting your question in a blog, I think it was a good call on your part. You're young, vulnerable, confused, upset. Your first thought is to get someone else's unbiased opinion. You need someone to talk to. You happen to be checking your LargeFriends account and go--bingo! Surely someone on here has had a similar experience, or has experience with similar events. Advice, please! Write to Dear Abby? Please. IF your query was even chosen out of the thousands of questions she receives, it could have been weeks before it was even printed. And what would you have done until then? Probably not much of anything. You wouldn't know who to turn to, as your trust was broken and you didn't want it to happen again in a close friend/relative. Once more, kudos to you and your friend for deciding to help yourselves and help each other. There is nothing in this world like great friendship, and you are entitled to more than most. Good luck in your future endeavors, and if it is not too personal, please keep us updated on the progress you two are making!!! Sincerely, Me


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Saitz_sue
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Posted on Fri, Feb 23, 2007 07:44

thank you to those of you who responded with care and treated the situation with understanding, I really appreciate you help. And to those of you who did not respond with such understanding I will not take what you said to heart, though I did consider it and you were right that I was making it my problem when the real problem was hers. And to those who care My freind and I have decided to start seeing a profesional for help with both of our problems and we are going to help each other through this rough spot in our lives. I hope I can be as good as a friend to her as she has been to me. Agian thank you for all your help


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Posted on Thu, Feb 22, 2007 22:19

Hi Sue, Sending you the biggest teddy bear cyber-hugs!!!!!! I want to start by saying that there are people (one of which..truly has a heart of gold) on this site that really care about you, your friend, and the situation that has come to happen. Although none of us can give you an answer, you came to the right place to voice your concerns and your thoughts. Most of the people on this site are very caring and supportive. But, here's the thing...only you can determine how you will ultimately respond or react to the situation you are in. Each of the responses that are put forth are from another's perspective, and nothing should be taken too deeply to heart. You need to read other opinions/thoughs, absorb, reflect introspectively, and decide for yourself what the best way to proceed would be. First, while I do think that you are internalizing you friend's pain and making it your own...it is very understandable why this is happening. I do not believe that you would normally do this as a friend, but are responding to your own past experiences and having to face your own fears. It's not b/c you don't know how to be a friend, but rather you are in shock and confusion. You are at this crossroads for a reason and the pain you feel is utterly and terribly real. I believe in personal empowerment and making your own choices. Here is the opportunity to face your past and decide if you will overcome its hold on you. This sounds quite cliche, but it is VERY true. Trust me, I know this from my own personal experiences. I am the byproduct of very dysfunctional and abusive parents, and have also been on the receiving end (a few times) of inappropriate touches from strangers and friends of family. I understand. I want (no, feel compelled) to respond more deeply. I will have the opportunity to write a more in depth response to you tomorrow evening (pacific time)...I promise. But, I wanted to at least respond tonight and say...your hurts are real...and so is your friend's. Your friend had the courage to verbalize the growing monster within her. That takes INCREDIBLE courage, and CLEARLY shows how STRONGLY she wants to kill the monster within her. Do not let your fears from your past hinder you from giving your friend the support and love she needs. And yes, you most certainly are a strong woman...and as painful as it is.. you can do it. The ultimate strength of the human soul is the compassion that it possesses. You have it. Reach deep inside and give it to your friend. It is very obvious that she knows how wrong it is. Attempting suicide to the monster within has had it's own toll on your friend. Pedophilia is a disease, just as any other. Your friend had the courage to say it. If you are unable to be there to listen (which is perfectly understandable), you need to support her as a friend and find her the professional counseling she needs. I promise to respond more tomorrow night. My prayers are lifted for both of you, your pains, and your struggles right now. (((((HUGS)))))


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wanda_world
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Posted on Thu, Feb 22, 2007 21:14

Hi Sue, It was nice that you thought highly enough of us folks here in Blogland to share the situation with your friend with us and hoped that we would attempt to help you to sort out the feelings you are having and what to do about your difficulty coping with the situation. Sometimes life can be overwhelming and we just don't know what way to turn or who to turn to. Adult women that were molested as children are more likely to have problems like feeling nervous all the time, feeling depressed, withdrawing from their friends and family, being destructive when they get frustrated, and having trouble in school. (Source: Treating Women Molested in Childhood, Catherine Classen, Jossey-Bass Publishers 1995.) That may explain somewhat why you are having thoughts of harming her or yourself because of this situation. I am sure you are feeling very frustrated and you may possibly be reliving some of the abuse you endured when you were younger. Many victims of sexual and or physical abuse suffer with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)and you may be without realizing it. I highly recommend you seek a trained mental health professional to help you to deal with the abuse of your past as well as cope and deal with this extremely delicate situation with your friend. Many areas have free mental health services that are state or federally funded where you can seek counselling. Victims of sexual abuse who were also physically or emotionally abused as children are more likely to be in abusive relationships as adults because they have low self esteem. (Source: Child Sexual Abuse and the National Clearinghouse on Family Violence) It sounds to me as though you may not have fully dealt with all the emotions that being molested stirred up inside you and it would be much better for you if you dealt with them now rather than carry them around for a number of years more. It sounds to me like you love your friend dearly and are confused because you do and you don't want this situation to cause the end of your friendship. I believe people meet for a purpose, and sometimes we may not know then why, sometimes we soon dicover why, and sometimes we clearly see why years later-or never figure out why. Perhaps the reason you two have been close friends for a number of years and why this has now come about is to help you see and understand that a potential perpetrator or a perpetrator is a person who is deserving of being forgiven, even if it goes against what we want to do. There's a book called "Courage to Heal" that is supposed to be a good book for males or females of sexual abuse. In the meantime, until you have discussed this situation with a mental health professional, I suggest you not say anything to your friend about you having been molested several years ago, or discuss her thoughts, just continue to give your friend unconditional love as you did before all this happened. I think you are a good friend. Although this situation is causing you much pain and anguish, you haven't run away from your friend, you haven't apparently called her derogatory names,you seem to be sensitve to the delicate emotional situation she is also in, and you haven't deserted her at a time she really needs you the most. Take care of yourself-you are a fine young lady. Hugs, Wanda


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Posted on Thu, Feb 22, 2007 17:01

Oh yes one more thing...this is a DATING site, not Dear Abbey


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Posted on Thu, Feb 22, 2007 17:00

My you must really enjoy drama in your life. Not only have you turned your friends issues into your own, you have now decided it appropriate to ask how many hundreds maybe thosands of people to join in this little drama. When we need someone to talk to about things this serious it is appropriate to seek professional help, not that of complete strangers who may be more messed up than you are. Enjoy your drama, I hope your friend can get the help she desperately needs. What she doesn't need is friends like you.


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Posted on Thu, Feb 22, 2007 16:59

My you must really enjoy drama in your life. Not only have you turned your friends issues into your own, you have now decided it appropriate to ask how many hundreds maybe thosands of people to join in this little drama. When we need someone to talk to about things this serious it is appropriate to seek professional help, not that of complete strangers who may be more messed up than you are. Enjoy your drama, I hope your friend can get the help she desperately needs. What she doesn't need is friends like you.


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Thu, Feb 22, 2007 15:33

YOUR confused? You have taken a friends tragedy and turned it into your own. To my way of thinking, the only thing I would be feeling if I were you is relieved it isn't me and concerned for my friends mental well-being. It took a lot of courage for her to come clean to you about acts such as those she is fantasizing about, and here you are ridiculing her and CONFUSED as if she touched one of your children and you don't know what to do about it. This has bothered your friend to the extent that she has tried to end her own life rather than live with herself and YOU don't know what to do?? I understand that you were molested and I wont pretend to know what hell you must go through everyday but you are a hypocrite. You condemn her for "thinking" vile thoughts yet you do the same. Not the same "thoughts", but vile nonetheless. I don't know about her but I wouldn't want a friend like that.


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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