I need pointers from anyone who has or is going through a separation/divorce. Was it hard for you to move on? What do you look for in your new mate? How long do you hold out and are you comfortable being sexual with someone new?
I need pointers from anyone who has or is going through a separation/divorce. Was it hard for you to move on? What do you look for in your new mate? How long do you hold out and are you comfortable being sexual with someone new?
Every post gave me some really good sound advice. Most of which I knew was the right thing to do, but didn't really want to do what was right. A part of me is still trying to heal, so I?m going to focus on healing me inside and out. Presently, I don?t think I?m ready to be intimate with anyone, so, I?m just going to do what?s best for me and worry about that later or when I?m ready. Thanks so much for all the advice and I think it may help others that are wondering as well.
Every post gave me some really good sound advice. Most of which I knew was the right thing to do, but didn't really want to do what was right. A part of me is still trying to heal, so I?m going to focus on healing me inside and out. Presently, I don?t think I?m ready to be intimate with anyone, so, I?m just going to do what?s best for me and worry about that later or when I?m ready. Thanks so much for all the advice and I think it may help others that are wondering as well.
My feeling is: Don't give yourself away because you feel unloved or discarded.. Don't give it away even if you're the one who walked. You deserve TRUE love and intimacy -- not some hurried, McDonald's drive thru version.
As I always say, Sam's Club and Chick Fil-A give out free samples. You are neither. Don't be in a hurry. It would be like putting a band aid on a stab wound. Heal first, or you will be making your decisions based on a negative emotion-- be it need, loneliness, or anger.
No one wants to be alone at first, but be patient with yourself. You'll respect yourself in the morning. : )
Cherish yourself.
My feeling is: Don't give yourself away because you feel unloved or discarded.. Don't give it away even if you're the one who walked. You deserve TRUE love and intimacy -- not some hurried, McDonald's drive thru version.
As I always say, Sam's Club and Chick Fil-A give out free samples. You are neither. Don't be in a hurry. It would be like putting a band aid on a stab wound. Heal first, or you will be making your decisions based on a negative emotion-- be it need, loneliness, or anger.
No one wants to be alone at first, but be patient with yourself. You'll respect yourself in the morning. : )
Cherish yourself.
Yours in Christ,
Lambchop
"For we are His workmanship, , created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them" -- Ephesians 2:10
I went through a long and very painful devorce after 20 years of marriage. The devorce extinguished whatever love remained in our relationship, so it wasn't pining for my ex that made me hesitant to date, it was the horror of the breakup.
I agree wholeheartedly with sangraal. Experience is the only way to know if you are making good choices. I started off seeking someone who was very unlike my ex. That turned out to be a good choice overall, but I hooked up with many unsuitable partners along the way. Keep an open mind on the superficial characteristics. You may have based your previous wrong choices on the same criteria, and look where it got you. You want to move beyond that bad karma.
I was comfortable with new sexual relationships, but I was always pretty much comfortable in that regard. For quite a while I felt like making up for the 20 years of monagomy, and I did.
It takes time to find a loving relationship. One helpful clue in establishing trust is how someone treats their ex. My partner has been exceptionally kind and generous to hers and I found that to be reassuring. I'm not holding myself up as a case in point, because my ex was so destructive that I just put as many miles between us as possible. Maybe after another 20 years have passed the wounds will heal, but I won't count on it.
I went through a long and very painful devorce after 20 years of marriage. The devorce extinguished whatever love remained in our relationship, so it wasn't pining for my ex that made me hesitant to date, it was the horror of the breakup.
I agree wholeheartedly with sangraal. Experience is the only way to know if you are making good choices. I started off seeking someone who was very unlike my ex. That turned out to be a good choice overall, but I hooked up with many unsuitable partners along the way. Keep an open mind on the superficial characteristics. You may have based your previous wrong choices on the same criteria, and look where it got you. You want to move beyond that bad karma.
I was comfortable with new sexual relationships, but I was always pretty much comfortable in that regard. For quite a while I felt like making up for the 20 years of monagomy, and I did.
It takes time to find a loving relationship. One helpful clue in establishing trust is how someone treats their ex. My partner has been exceptionally kind and generous to hers and I found that to be reassuring. I'm not holding myself up as a case in point, because my ex was so destructive that I just put as many miles between us as possible. Maybe after another 20 years have passed the wounds will heal, but I won't count on it.
Well?it really depends on a lot of things and I think we all will have a differenct answer. I have being ready to move on nearly straight away because the grieving and moving on stage had occured while I was still in the relationsip, and I have had the one that it took me nerly 2 years to be ready. I agree with Sangraal in that it will be a matter of when you feel you can trust your judgement in allowing someone to get close to you. There is no right and wrong here, just what feels right for you, and I think you will know it when you are there. ?
Well?it really depends on a lot of things and I think we all will have a differenct answer. I have being ready to move on nearly straight away because the grieving and moving on stage had occured while I was still in the relationsip, and I have had the one that it took me nerly 2 years to be ready. I agree with Sangraal in that it will be a matter of when you feel you can trust your judgement in allowing someone to get close to you. There is no right and wrong here, just what feels right for you, and I think you will know it when you are there. ?
I think the toughest part is learning to trust your own heart and intuition again, after being wrong about the other person being worth your love and attention. Once I get to the point where I can feel like I'm making good decisions about who is in my life, I know I'm ready to open up my heart and my affection to someone new. LK
I think the toughest part is learning to trust your own heart and intuition again, after being wrong about the other person being worth your love and attention. Once I get to the point where I can feel like I'm making good decisions about who is in my life, I know I'm ready to open up my heart and my affection to someone new. LK
"...if you start considering yourself a person of some importance, just start trying to order some other feller's dog around..." The Cowboy Guide to Life
I have been separated over two years now, and have not had "that kind of activity" for even longer (kinda hard to do that in a non-loving relationsip). My divorce will be final within a month or so, and I cannot wait! I don't believe it is hard to move on, so to speak, but it IS hard to find someone I trust well enough to share that intimacy with. I don't intend to be intimate with anyone for quite a while-- I don't think anyone should so soon out of a marraige or LTR. Mine was a 15 1/2 yr marraige. I think finding what I need out of life and determining why my marraige failed and what I can do to prevent that from happening again is ultimately more important than "getting my groove back". When I am ready though, I know it will be a TRUE LOVE and that it will be with someone whom I can call my own.
You just have to find out what is best for you. If you are ready to move on and to date, by all means DO it. I think practice makes perfect, and we won't know until we get out into the dating scene how it will all play out. We will have to kiss alot of frogs prior to finding Mr.Right. You will undoubtedly go out on many dates, regretting the decision to do so, because the guy was a TOAD, but you will also take away a tid bit of knowledge. Either you will learn something about yourself you didn't know, or you will gather one more piece of information to help you find Mr. Right. Just don't be discouraged. I think in time, God will bring to us those whom He feels is best. In His own time, not ours. :) --True
I have been separated over two years now, and have not had "that kind of activity" for even longer (kinda hard to do that in a non-loving relationsip). My divorce will be final within a month or so, and I cannot wait! I don't believe it is hard to move on, so to speak, but it IS hard to find someone I trust well enough to share that intimacy with. I don't intend to be intimate with anyone for quite a while-- I don't think anyone should so soon out of a marraige or LTR. Mine was a 15 1/2 yr marraige. I think finding what I need out of life and determining why my marraige failed and what I can do to prevent that from happening again is ultimately more important than "getting my groove back". When I am ready though, I know it will be a TRUE LOVE and that it will be with someone whom I can call my own.
You just have to find out what is best for you. If you are ready to move on and to date, by all means DO it. I think practice makes perfect, and we won't know until we get out into the dating scene how it will all play out. We will have to kiss alot of frogs prior to finding Mr.Right. You will undoubtedly go out on many dates, regretting the decision to do so, because the guy was a TOAD, but you will also take away a tid bit of knowledge. Either you will learn something about yourself you didn't know, or you will gather one more piece of information to help you find Mr. Right. Just don't be discouraged. I think in time, God will bring to us those whom He feels is best. In His own time, not ours. :) --True
Hi! That is me too. ?For me it is not hard to move on, just kinda weird. ?But my view is when it is over it is just that! ?Over. ?And look for someone who compliments you not someone who is exactly like you otherwise you wind up just friends. ?Which is fine but...won't get you your groove back, y'know? You need someone who will make you comfortable making that next step. ?And you are beautiful so that should not be a problem for you girl! ?Just get out there & have some fun:) Have Faith that your journey will bring the right guy to you. My rule is try everything once...and if you don't like it you never have to do it again. ?So I don't bowl anymore:)? Take care and may blessings~ ?
Hi! That is me too. ?For me it is not hard to move on, just kinda weird. ?But my view is when it is over it is just that! ?Over. ?And look for someone who compliments you not someone who is exactly like you otherwise you wind up just friends. ?Which is fine but...won't get you your groove back, y'know? You need someone who will make you comfortable making that next step. ?And you are beautiful so that should not be a problem for you girl! ?Just get out there & have some fun:) Have Faith that your journey will bring the right guy to you. My rule is try everything once...and if you don't like it you never have to do it again. ?So I don't bowl anymore:)? Take care and may blessings~ ?
