Hi to you all in blog land, its been a while and I have missed you all. Things certainly seem quite on here these days.
I have been reading a few books recently and there has been some mention to various dating rules that apparently seem to be know but not stated.
Rules like;
****Men should not ring a woman after a day until at least 3 days have passed ****Women must wait for a man to call after the first date and not call him ****Women who give out on a first date are not relationship material ****Men should pay for the first date and women should not even offer ****The 3 date sex rule .. menaing its ok to have sex and not seem easy
Now before some of you want to shoot me down, these are some things that I read in a book, Im not saying I agree with them.
Thoug I really would love to know if there are any others like this that you may know of, and what you think about them? Are we really going about dating like following these rules?
Hi to you all in blog land, its been a while and I have missed you all. Things certainly seem quite on here these days.
I have been reading a few books recently and there has been some mention to various dating rules that apparently seem to be know but not stated.
Rules like;
****Men should not ring a woman after a day until at least 3 days have passed
****Women must wait for a man to call after the first date and not call him
****Women who give out on a first date are not relationship material
****Men should pay for the first date and women should not even offer
****The 3 date sex rule .. menaing its ok to have sex and not seem easy
Now before some of you want to shoot me down, these are some things that I read in a book, Im not saying I agree with them.
Thoug I really would love to know if there are any others like this that you may know of, and what you think about them? Are we really going about dating like following these rules?
Dating rules? would be a great topic for conversation on a first date. Everyone has different expectations. Then you would know when to dial and when to pick up the phone and that after 2-3/4 dates sex was a sure thing.
Dating rules? would be a great topic for conversation on a first date. Everyone has different expectations. Then you would know when to dial and when to pick up the phone and that after 2-3/4 dates sex was a sure thing.
Who rings who and when, I think depends a lot on the quality of the first date. There is a rhythm created by two people who are dating. It's a dance; romance. Pick up or drop the tempo at your peril. You have to feel it and move with your partner. If there is no clear mutual attraction but it is not entirely ruled out then it may be best to proceed slowly.
I had a long distance rule. When women would flirt from half way across the country, I would just say, "So when will you be passing this way?" I think that they expected me to come to them, but what's the point? Long distance relationships seldom work.
A woman who lived about 250 miles a way responded to my ad. We corresponded for a while I told her that I was "highly skeptical" of a long distance relationship being successful (something she reminds me of from time to time). Our first date lasted three days at my home. A week later I spent three days at hers.
She arrived for lunch on our first meeting. After lunch she got up and dropped her clothes. I assume that was her idea of a fitting complement for my culinary talents. Seven years later we are still together in one home...Largefriends alums.
I had lots of rules about personal ads. Most of them were negative, like: No Jesus freaks. Absolutely no smokers. No women searching for their knight, king, prince, captain, soul mate etc. I added "soul mate" because I read that description as way too specifically tailored to them---more like a fantasy mirror image than a separate real person. No women trying to maintain or better the lifestyle of their previous marriage. No women who wanted to be courted, amused, swept off their feet or otherwise behave in a very old fashioned passive consumer way. When I see ads like that I always think, "but what are you bringing to the relationship?" I know, negatives are such a turn off but everyone has them. Why duplicate experiences that don't work? I was searching for an independent equal partner.
My advice though is to keep ads entirely positive.
Who rings who and when, I think depends a lot on the quality of the first date. There is a rhythm created by two people who are dating. It's a dance; romance. Pick up or drop the tempo at your peril. You have to feel it and move with your partner. If there is no clear mutual attraction but it is not entirely ruled out then it may be best to proceed slowly.
I had a long distance rule. When women would flirt from half way across the country, I would just say, "So when will you be passing this way?" I think that they expected me to come to them, but what's the point? Long distance relationships seldom work.
A woman who lived about 250 miles a way responded to my ad. We corresponded for a while I told her that I was "highly skeptical" of a long distance relationship being successful (something she reminds me of from time to time). Our first date lasted three days at my home. A week later I spent three days at hers.
She arrived for lunch on our first meeting. After lunch she got up and dropped her clothes. I assume that was her idea of a fitting complement for my culinary talents. Seven years later we are still together in one home...Largefriends alums.
I had lots of rules about personal ads. Most of them were negative, like: No Jesus freaks. Absolutely no smokers. No women searching for their knight, king, prince, captain, soul mate etc. I added "soul mate" because I read that description as way too specifically tailored to them---more like a fantasy mirror image than a separate real person. No women trying to maintain or better the lifestyle of their previous marriage. No women who wanted to be courted, amused, swept off their feet or otherwise behave in a very old fashioned passive consumer way. When I see ads like that I always think, "but what are you bringing to the relationship?" I know, negatives are such a turn off but everyone has them. Why duplicate experiences that don't work? I was searching for an independent equal partner.
My advice though is to keep ads entirely positive.
Now that is fantastic news!! About time someone snapped you up.
Hugs Ozred
Quoting butterbll:
@ becky that is so true. Because Sometimes the list you have is flawed. I had on my Laundry Check list one thing about not pursuing a LDR with any woman over 100 miles away. Well to my suprise that might have been a bad thing. Because me not being open to the concept, I nearly missed meeting that special woman. So far I haven't met her in person yet. However we call and chat almost everyday. All because I let go of my Laundry list of things that had to be , for a person to get a chance . So I took a chance on some who did not fit in to the nice neet list I had . Now If I can just find a Job to get some Money to see her in person. Thanks azureblue753 for Introducing us to each other .
Quoting butterbll:
@ becky that is so true. Because Sometimes the list you have is flawed. I had on my Laundry Check list one thing about not pursuing a LDR with any woman over 100 miles away. Well to my suprise that might have been a bad thing. Because me not being open to the concept, I nearly missed meeting that special woman. So far I haven't met her in person yet. However we call and chat almost everyday. All because I let go of my Laundry list of things that had to be , for a person to get a chance . So I took a chance on some who did not fit in to the nice neet list I had . Now If I can just find a Job to get some Money to see her in person. Thanks azureblue753 for Introducing us to each other .
Hi Butterbll,
Now that is fantastic news!! About time someone snapped you up.
@ becky that is so true. Because Sometimes the list you have is flawed. I had on my Laundry Check list one thing about not pursuing a LDR with any woman over 100 miles away. Well to my suprise that might have been a bad thing. Because me not being open to the concept, I nearly missed meeting that special woman. So far I haven't met her in person yet. However we call and chat almost everyday. All because I let go of my Laundry list of things that had to be , for a person to get a chance . So I took a chance on some who did not fit in to the nice neet list I had . Now If I can just find a Job to get some Money to see her in person. Thanks azureblue753 for Introducing us to each other .
@ becky that is so true. Because Sometimes the list you have is flawed. I had on my Laundry Check list one thing about not pursuing a LDR with any woman over 100 miles away. Well to my suprise that might have been a bad thing. Because me not being open to the concept, I nearly missed meeting that special woman. So far I haven't met her in person yet. However we call and chat almost everyday. All because I let go of my Laundry list of things that had to be , for a person to get a chance . So I took a chance on some who did not fit in to the nice neet list I had . Now If I can just find a Job to get some Money to see her in person. Thanks azureblue753 for Introducing us to each other .
One good rule to follow as a guy is to really listen to your date partner. Another is Don't carry on about you ex, or your job. Never give the whole laundry list of your Past romances ,Just the basics . Then if asked give the detailed info. And as a Guy a lot, have a hard time showing their feelings. I blame the Messed up media today. It is times hard as a guy to know if a Woman wants the Macho Man, Bad Boy, Or the Weepy , Or the Metro guy or Toootsie .
One good rule to follow as a guy is to really listen to your date partner. Another is Don't carry on about you ex, or your job. Never give the whole laundry list of your Past romances ,Just the basics . Then if asked give the detailed info. And as a Guy a lot, have a hard time showing their feelings. I blame the Messed up media today. It is times hard as a guy to know if a Woman wants the Macho Man, Bad Boy, Or the Weepy , Or the Metro guy or Toootsie .
Now I do wonder if there are men on here that are willing to comment on this. As I woman I have my thoughts of how things are but I do concede that I am looking from a one sided view.
Come to all the men on here, what do you say? Do you have any dating rules that hold that influence how you proceed with the women in your life? Promise not to make you feel bad if you share. :)
Now I do wonder if there are men on here that are willing to comment on this. As I woman I have my thoughts of how things are but I do concede that I am looking from a one sided view.
Come to all the men on here, what do you say? Do you have any dating rules that hold that influence how you proceed with the women in your life? Promise not to make you feel bad if you share. :)
Thanks for the replies, the books are not what you would consider old, i think? One was the book "He's just not that into you" and the other was his second book " It's just a date" both in the last few years. lol To be honest I found both books to present good reasoning to what they have said and have given me things to think about.
Now what I do find interesting is that despite my saying that I dont think or want any such rules I am now starting to think that they are out there despite what I want. Now we can or should I say I can just ignore them but if the men out there are working to these undefined rules then I guess I want to know about them too.
@Qadesh Hello there lovely woman, nice to see you and that you have not lost any of your humour. I have been well overall, lots of things happening in my life and I guess I needed to take stock of a few things, and change some others. I am working for myself mainly now, as an confidence, dating and relationship coach. I am setting up a web site and will send you the link soon. :) How about you? Hope that you are doing well too. What the hek did you write to have your comment deleted? I cant imagine you being too out there .... well maybe a little. lol xx
@Hollaatyagurl Thanks for the welcome and I have to say I love your advice here. So right that things dont seem and are not equal in regard to what is expected of men and women, and I agree that this needs to change. Though right now we must work with what we have until that changes, and in doing so must know what and if there are any unhidden/unspoken rules in the dating scene.
@Weedybeedy Thank you for sharing and have to say my views are somewhat the same. I do agree that the dating scene has changed but in many way I think it still holds the same values and rules of long ago. I see many women that go out on what they think is dating but it is not veiwed that way by the men that they are interacting with. To some degree we all seem to be a bit lost on what "dating" means these days and how to proceed. I dont think that there should be any set rules and you should be yourself, but this will only work if we are working on even ground and if there are no hidden rules in place.
Thanks for the replies, the books are not what you would consider old, i think? One was the book "He's just not that into you" and the other was his second book " It's just a date" both in the last few years. lol To be honest I found both books to present good reasoning to what they have said and have given me things to think about.
Now what I do find interesting is that despite my saying that I dont think or want any such rules I am now starting to think that they are out there despite what I want. Now we can or should I say I can just ignore them but if the men out there are working to these undefined rules then I guess I want to know about them too.
@Qadesh
Hello there lovely woman, nice to see you and that you have not lost any of your humour. I have been well overall, lots of things happening in my life and I guess I needed to take stock of a few things, and change some others. I am working for myself mainly now, as an confidence, dating and relationship coach. I am setting up a web site and will send you the link soon. :) How about you? Hope that you are doing well too. What the hek did you write to have your comment deleted? I cant imagine you being too out there .... well maybe a little. lol xx
@Hollaatyagurl
Thanks for the welcome and I have to say I love your advice here. So right that things dont seem and are not equal in regard to what is expected of men and women, and I agree that this needs to change. Though right now we must work with what we have until that changes, and in doing so must know what and if there are any unhidden/unspoken rules in the dating scene.
@Weedybeedy
Thank you for sharing and have to say my views are somewhat the same. I do agree that the dating scene has changed but in many way I think it still holds the same values and rules of long ago. I see many women that go out on what they think is dating but it is not veiwed that way by the men that they are interacting with. To some degree we all seem to be a bit lost on what "dating" means these days and how to proceed. I dont think that there should be any set rules and you should be yourself, but this will only work if we are working on even ground and if there are no hidden rules in place.
Ozreadhead "TO thine own self be true!" "Follow your heart and dreams." Dont count out some one because the are not perfectly fufilling every line item on your list. Sometimes the path leads us down can be more rewarding. But remember "Some times the anticipation of something can be greater than the thing actually is .
Ozreadhead "TO thine own self be true!" "Follow your heart and dreams." Dont count out some one because the are not perfectly fufilling every line item on your list. Sometimes the path leads us down can be more rewarding. But remember "Some times the anticipation of something can be greater than the thing actually is .
Redhead-Its not important to me what is written in books:
I would definitely call a man after the first date, if I were still interested. I would be more comfortable paying half the bill on the first date. When to have sex? My priorities definitely would not be to have sex anytime soon...I guess it depends on the type of relationship we are seeking. I'm interested in more what's in a mans head than what we can do in bed. Sex can be the easy part....
Remember there are many factors to explore when posing your question ie. age, cultural differences. The dating rules appear to have definitely changed over the years, but some of us have not.
Redhead-Its not important to me what is written in books:
I would definitely call a man after the first date, if I were still interested.
I would be more comfortable paying half the bill on the first date.
When to have sex? My priorities definitely would not be to have sex anytime soon...I guess it depends on the type of relationship we are seeking. I'm interested in more what's in a mans head than what we can do in bed. Sex can be the easy part....
Remember there are many factors to explore when posing your question ie. age, cultural differences. The dating rules appear to have definitely changed over the years, but some of us have not.
Wow! Welcome back miss lady we missed you too. The book seems to be a little outdated but some things I agree with in the book. I agree that women should not put out on the first day if they want to be considered "wifey" material. A lady lets a man wonder and get to know her before she gives up her most intimate part. In the society we live in men are encouraged to sow their wild oats but women are looked at as either are angels with halos on their head. I think that society is slowly coming to grips that it is just not a man's world and women should be held to the same standard as men. However, the evolution is very occuring very slowly. You have to make him wait to really see if this is someone you would like to give yourself to in that kind of way. I think this is a quick way to put yourself into the friends with benefits category. Ladies we have to be careful.... Being old fashion I feel that men should pay for the first date and women should not offer. I feel that if the man is taking you out and showing you a good time he should be a gentlemen and pay for your activities. Men do not exceed your budget to impress women. Just give her your undivided attention. For example: I nice date would be walking on a beach having a small picnic and you preparing the meal. Inexpensive but very nice because you gave your time. The other ones seem a little outdated because women are slowly but surely becoming the aggressive party in dating. Just my thoughts and inteseting topic ozredhead.
Wow! Welcome back miss lady we missed you too. The book seems to be a little outdated but some things I agree with in the book. I agree that women should not put out on the first day if they want to be considered "wifey" material. A lady lets a man wonder and get to know her before she gives up her most intimate part. In the society we live in men are encouraged to sow their wild oats but women are looked at as either are angels with halos on their head. I think that society is slowly coming to grips that it is just not a man's world and women should be held to the same standard as men. However, the evolution is very occuring very slowly. You have to make him wait to really see if this is someone you would like to give yourself to in that kind of way. I think this is a quick way to put yourself into the friends with benefits category. Ladies we have to be careful.... Being old fashion I feel that men should pay for the first date and women should not offer. I feel that if the man is taking you out and showing you a good time he should be a gentlemen and pay for your activities. Men do not exceed your budget to impress women. Just give her your undivided attention. For example: I nice date would be walking on a beach having a small picnic and you preparing the meal. Inexpensive but very nice because you gave your time. The other ones seem a little outdated because women are slowly but surely becoming the aggressive party in dating. Just my thoughts and inteseting topic ozredhead.
Rules I don't need no stinking rules, as said (paraphrased to suit my version) in the movie "The Treasure of Sierra Madre", or "Blazing Saddles", or Cheech and Chong "Go Bananas"!
What ever version fits the message is the same. I do not need any more rules. What year was that book written OzRed? Did you have to dust it off? lol. How have you been? Are you working again? Working for yourself? And yes this site is a bit slow. I comment now and then. For the first time my comment was deleted. I noticed however that he also deleted another nurse. Our poor hands take a beating, so no long fingernails for this gal. A first for everything so "they" say. I'm pretty sure that there are some firsts that I don't need, nor want/need to experience! Hope all is well on your side of the pond. Be well. Qadesh
Rules I don't need no stinking rules, as said (paraphrased to suit my version) in the movie "The Treasure of Sierra Madre", or "Blazing Saddles", or Cheech and Chong "Go Bananas"!
What ever version fits the message is the same. I do not need any more rules. What year was that book written OzRed? Did you have to dust it off? lol. How have you been? Are you working again? Working for yourself? And yes this site is a bit slow. I comment now and then. For the first time my comment was deleted. I noticed however that he also deleted another nurse. Our poor hands take a beating, so no long fingernails for this gal. A first for everything so "they" say. I'm pretty sure that there are some firsts that I don't need, nor want/need to experience! Hope all is well on your side of the pond.
Be well.
Qadesh
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