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Well we finely spoke about it all and I have closure. Sort by:
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mikecgillman
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Posted on Thu, Apr 29, 2010 13:34

(Note: I changed this entry after a few people told me that my first post was breaching personal privacy and after taking it all in to consideration, I agreed.) Turns out she had been hiding some troubling information from me. Her father (that her and her mom live with) is crazy and not in any good way. Long story short we broke up I think I made the right choice. That makes me sound like a bad guy bailing on a girl when he finds out she has some heavy stuff to deal with... That's not me at all she wont help herself, save herself... She said she wouldn't leave her mother in that environment because she has done so much for her. But by staying with her she is hindering herself and stopping her life from expanding past what it is. In the same conversation she said that she wasn't going to go back to school (something she has been extremely passionate about since I meet her) because she needs to take care of her mom but then she went on to say that she will go back to school when I used her not going as one (of many) examples of how this is effecting her life negatively. She said that she still was very much in love with me and didn't want our relationship to end but after hearing everything I had to say she said that she didn't see how it was possible. I told her that I have been exactly were she was in a bad place and not wanting to get out of it for any number of reasons hat would allow me to stay there. I even asked her to live with me and said that I would help her go back to school, help her send money back home to her mother, and it could save our relationship but most of all help her to get in a place where she is truly capable of helping her family. I that had to happen (or something close to that) or I couldn't be in a relationship out of self preservation. I told her I still loved her and that I will always be her friend no matter what but something had to change... She said no.

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We rock at dawn on the front line like a bolt right out of the blue! The sky's alight with the guitar bite, heads will roll and rock tonight!! For those about to rock, we salute you!!! \m/ ~____~ \m/

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butterbll
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Posted on Thu, May 06, 2010 20:46

Mike ,no you are not bailing on her. She has all ready bailed on her self. Mike like I said in a previous post some times a person has to reach their bottom , and admit they need help. Before you or any body else can help them on the road to saving themselves. Till that time just be there If you can . I know you want to save her ,but to use a life guard analogy. As a Life Gaurd you want to save everybody right away. However if they are thrashing on the surface and threaten to drag you under, when you get close to them . Sometimes you have to let the person go under if they threaten to drag you under with them. When the go under and go unconsious they dont resist you and then make you the rescue . Hang in there Mike It will get better .


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butterbll
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Posted on Sat, May 01, 2010 21:44

Mike, I have to agree with Island gal the conversation listed in the post you have was Private.It is my feeling that by posting you have inadvertantly betrayed her trust. The conversation you posted I feel should have been and must kept private. I know you are hurt by the breakup , however I feel you've got to take the higher moral ground and do the right thing and redact the post as a lot of personal stuff was released by you. I think you be mad if she posted you all of you secrets for all to see ,to me it is on par with you did to her.It has to do with respect and not letting ones hurt taint you actions. If you had to speak about her It should have been done in general terms and not with her login name or true first name shown.Hey I am trying not to dis you or put you down. However,I think you need to rethink about the conversation you posted. I feel you need to switch roles with her and put your self in her place. Now Imajine of having all that dialog posted for all to see posted. And then act as you morally see fit.


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Babycakes63
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Posted on Fri, Apr 30, 2010 13:32

Mike, sometimes ya gotta do what's best for you. Don't feel bad cause it sounds like she needs to get herself out of a bad situatiuon. You sound like you are doing what you needed to do! You go boy! Elaine


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Posted on Fri, Apr 30, 2010 02:37

I'm sorry to hear the situation.  I think you are doing the right thing.

The best quote that I have heard actually came from the Twilight series  (ugh yes I know...im like one of the only Twilight fans I know).  The quote is that "sometimes you have to look past what you want and take what is best for you" 

It's not that there isn't caring, but if a relationship is unhealthy its just going to end up getting sicker and sicker until eventually you have to go to a doctor or perhaps find yourself in a place that you don't want to be in.

 



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islandgal64
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Posted on Thu, Apr 29, 2010 23:52

Hey Mike, I don't mean to sound harsh here but I couldn't read beyond the first few lines of your blog. It's one thing to describe what has happened but this is waaaaaay too personal (in my opinion) to be posting the full transcript as a public blog. If I'd had that kind of conversation and found it published on a website I would be LIVID and the guy might find himself at risk of serious damage to his wedding tackle! Whatever the outcome I hope you both make it work, but please consider each others feelings and privacy!


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butterbll
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Posted on Thu, Apr 29, 2010 22:12

He Mike Ive been in a simular situation. Some times As much you can try to save them you cant ! They first have to reach the tipping point Aka rock bottom. In my case I worked with a girl whose boyfreind to politely was a punk bunghole thug. He regularly stole from her and used her as a side of beef to immitate Rocky Balboa. I after 6 weeks of talking to her she finally started to come out of her shell and get a spine . She finally had enouch one night she called me at 5 in the morning she wanted to go to a womens shelter. After 4 hours of packing and a hour drive , and 1 hour unpacking, she was settled in . Granted it was not the Ritz but it was safe and secure, where she would not be used as a punching bag and door mat.She only spent 1 hour before she was on the phone with him and he conned her in comming back to him. After having to pay the movers out of my own pocket 150$( wich I never got back) to move her back in to the old apt. Three months later,I lost contact with her but before I lost contact with her. I found out that she was going to have a nother kid by him wich was my worst fear. Because she was even more emotionally broken with him losing his job,and tossed in the can, because he was caught rippin off the store where he worked. so You can only do so much to help them. Like an acholoic they first admit there is a problem . Then they have to want to change.


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