Q. My cat is the sweetest old furry fella who loves to cuddle up next to my head after I have fallen asleep at night. Lately, I've been awakened to the extremely loud smell of cat farts - he really is a sweetie, what can I do?
A: Some would suggest cramming a cork into kitty's caboose, but that's just cruel. Just take the hose from your vacume & cram that into kitty's tuckus instead. The cat won't explode from the gas buildup, & his farts are directed away from your nose. ^_^
Q. My cat is the sweetest old furry fella who loves to cuddle up next to my head after I have fallen asleep at night. Lately, I've been awakened to the extremely loud smell of cat farts - he really is a sweetie, what can I do?
A: Some would suggest cramming a cork into kitty's caboose, but that's just cruel. Just take the hose from your vacume & cram that into kitty's tuckus instead. The cat won't explode from the gas buildup, & his farts are directed away from your nose. ^_^
staceynkansas write: Q. How long should folks date before having sex?
A. This a common mistake made in dating. Sex comes before dating. Sex is a screening process and helps narrow down the dating field.
Q. There is a guy I am interested in but he doesn't know I exist. How do I get his attention?
A. Stand in front of his house and hold your dress up over your head while naked underneath and yell out YOOOOO HOOOOO!!!
Q. My cat is the sweetest old furry fella who loves to cuddle up next to my head after I have fallen asleep at night. Lately, I've been awakened to the extremely loud smell of cat farts - he really is a sweetie, what can I do?
Re:
staceynkansas write: Q. How long should folks date before having sex?
A. This a common mistake made in dating. Sex comes before dating. Sex is a screening process and helps narrow down the dating field.
Q. There is a guy I am interested in but he doesn't know I exist. How do I get his attention?
A. Stand in front of his house and hold your dress up over your head while naked underneath and yell out YOOOOO HOOOOO!!!
Q. My cat is the sweetest old furry fella who loves to cuddle up next to my head after I have fallen asleep at night. Lately, I've been awakened to the extremely loud smell of cat farts - he really is a sweetie, what can I do?
Whooohoo, Honeybiscuit-- you sure got a fun thing going! Okay, gotta get caught up. In no particular order:
Q. I need to buy a new TV. How do I decide which one is best?
A: That would be the one you can smuggle out of your parent's home when they're sleeping. ------------- Q. How long should folks date before having sex?
A: From the curb to the car. ------------- Q. There is a guy I am interested in but he doesn't know I exist. How do I get his attention?
A: Arrange for a series of 'accidents' for his family & friends, thereby removing annoying distractions. ---------------- Q: I've lost weight and my pants keep falling off, how do I keep them up?
A: Don't wear them at all- Fate is telling you to show off your new booty. ---------------- Q: I recently had a shed fire due an attempt to rid my property of a recent ant infestation - can I buy house/dwelling insurance and have them back date it???
A: I got nothing for ya, this just cracked me up! ----------- Q: My mother-in-law wants to come and visit, how do I tell her no.
A: Let her visit. Then invite her into the toolshed to look at the ants before the napalm goes off. ------------ Q: A good friend of mine is getting married and I am her maid of honor. The circus is coming to town on the very same day and I really really really want to go. My friend will be hurt and disappointed if I don't go to her wedding, but I absolutely love clowns and jugglers. What should I do?
A: Bring the circus (yes, the entire circus) to the wedding as your date/guest (save a juggler for me, please). ------------ Q. How do I make my flip flops stop making that awful "flip floppy" sound when I walk?
A: Attach whoopie cushions to make a more impressive noise. -------------- Q. My mice are breeding like flies! What should I do??
A: First, tell them to get out of the potato salad. Then tell them they'll have more success if they start breeding like mice.
Whooohoo, Honeybiscuit-- you sure got a fun thing going! Okay, gotta get caught up. In no particular order:
Q. I need to buy a new TV. How do I decide which one is best?
A: That would be the one you can smuggle out of your parent's home when they're sleeping.
-------------
Q. How long should folks date before having sex?
A: From the curb to the car.
-------------
Q. There is a guy I am interested in but he doesn't know I exist. How do I get his attention?
A: Arrange for a series of 'accidents' for his family & friends, thereby removing annoying distractions.
----------------
Q: I've lost weight and my pants keep falling off, how do I keep them up?
A: Don't wear them at all- Fate is telling you to show off your new booty.
----------------
Q: I recently had a shed fire due an attempt to rid my property of a recent ant infestation - can I buy house/dwelling insurance and have them back date it???
A: I got nothing for ya, this just cracked me up!
-----------
Q: My mother-in-law wants to come and visit, how do I tell her no.
A: Let her visit. Then invite her into the toolshed to look at the ants before the napalm goes off.
------------
Q: A good friend of mine is getting married and I am her maid of honor. The circus is coming to town on the very same day and I really really really want to go. My friend will be hurt and disappointed if I don't go to her wedding, but I absolutely love clowns and jugglers. What should I do?
A: Bring the circus (yes, the entire circus) to the wedding as your date/guest (save a juggler for me, please).
------------
Q. How do I make my flip flops stop making that awful "flip floppy" sound when I walk?
A: Attach whoopie cushions to make a more impressive noise.
--------------
Q. My mice are breeding like flies! What should I do??
A: First, tell them to get out of the potato salad. Then tell them they'll have more success if they start breeding like mice.
Q: I recently had a shed fire due an attempt to rid my property of a recent ant infestation - can I buy house/dwelling insurance and have them back date it???
A: No, that would be illegal. But what you could do is take a photograph of your home to another insurance company, insure the house for an exhorbant amount and as soon as your check for your premium clears, call the company and tell them that you had a fire.
Q: A good friend of mine is getting married and I am her maid of honor. The circus is coming to town on the very same day and I really really really want to go. My friend will be hurt and disappointed if I don't go to her wedding, but I absolutely love clowns and jugglers. What should I do?
Q: I recently had a shed fire due an attempt to rid my property of a recent ant infestation - can I buy house/dwelling insurance and have them back date it???
A: No, that would be illegal. But what you could do is take a photograph of your home to another insurance company, insure the house for an exhorbant amount and as soon as your check for your premium clears, call the company and tell them that you had a fire.
Q: A good friend of mine is getting married and I am her maid of honor. The circus is coming to town on the very same day and I really really really want to go. My friend will be hurt and disappointed if I don't go to her wedding, but I absolutely love clowns and jugglers. What should I do?
Let's see maybe I can catch us up here so no Question gets lost - after all everyone can use advice. tee hee
bizzle49 write: Q I thought my heater was leaking. Does gas smell like rotten cabbage?
A. Not always. The smell depends on what you have been eating.
Carmel Q: I've lost weight and my pants keep falling off, how do I keep them up?
A. Pull them up to your chin and cut out arm holes just below the waiste band. Cinch the waist around your decolage with colorful belts creating a new high fashion one piece jumper called the "Carmel Casing" that will make you a multi-millionair and the toast of fashion in Milan, Paris and NewYork .
SupersizedK Q: There are usually some drivers in the passing lane going 50 mph in a local 3-lane 65 mph interstate. What is the best way to deal with these slowpokes?
A. Dedicate the rest of your life, money and efforts towards gettting legislation passed that will provide trap doors in the roadways that will be activated when a car slows below 65mph. Or go on tv on that new invention show and try to get funding to fully develop your idea for wheel exstenda-pogo-sticks that will allow faster cars to leap frog the slow cars.
Q. How long should folks date before they have sex?
Let's see maybe I can catch us up here so no Question gets lost - after all everyone can use advice. tee hee
bizzle49 write: Q I thought my heater was leaking. Does gas smell like rotten cabbage?
A. Not always. The smell depends on what you have been eating.
Carmel Q: I've lost weight and my pants keep falling off, how do I keep them up?
A. Pull them up to your chin and cut out arm holes just below the waiste band. Cinch the waist around your decolage with colorful belts creating a new high fashion one piece jumper called the "Carmel Casing" that will make you a multi-millionair and the toast of fashion in Milan, Paris and NewYork .
SupersizedK Q: There are usually some drivers in the passing lane going 50 mph in a local 3-lane 65 mph interstate. What is the best way to deal with these slowpokes?
A. Dedicate the rest of your life, money and efforts towards gettting legislation passed that will provide trap doors in the roadways that will be activated when a car slows below 65mph. Or go on tv on that new invention show and try to get funding to fully develop your idea for wheel exstenda-pogo-sticks that will allow faster cars to leap frog the slow cars.
Q. How long should folks date before they have sex?
Q: There are usually some drivers in the passing lane going 50 mph in a local 3-lane 65 mph interstate. What is the best way to deal with these slowpokes?
A: That's what bumpers are for - speed up and nag onto their bumper and show that Sunday driver the real speed limit ( not for the driver's of the Smart Car imitation roller skate )
Q: I recently had a shed fire due an attempt to rid my property of a recent ant infestation - can I buy house/dwelling insurance and have them back date it???
Q: There are usually some drivers in the passing lane going 50 mph in a local 3-lane 65 mph interstate. What is the best way to deal with these slowpokes?
A: That's what bumpers are for - speed up and nag onto their bumper and show that Sunday driver the real speed limit
( not for the driver's of the Smart Car imitation roller skate )
Q: I recently had a shed fire due an attempt to rid my property of a recent ant infestation - can I buy house/dwelling insurance and have them back date it???
Q. My work mate wears clothes that are too revealing/sexy and I am distracted - what should I do?
A: Tell him to just take those distracting clothes off so you can get some work done. ^_~
Q: There are usually some drivers in the passing lane going 50 mph in a local 3-lane 65 mph interstate. What is the best way to deal with these slowpokes?
Q. My work mate wears clothes that are too revealing/sexy and I am distracted - what should I do?
A: Tell him to just take those distracting clothes off so you can get some work done. ^_~
Q: There are usually some drivers in the passing lane going 50 mph in a local 3-lane 65 mph interstate. What is the best way to deal with these slowpokes?
Q: How do I get rid of an infestation of ants in my tool shed? Pour gas on the floor and then use a candle to drive the ants into the gas so they'll die.
Q: After a long date my partner's handcuffs always leaves embarrassing bruises on me. How can I avoid this?
Q: How do I get rid of an infestation of ants in my tool shed? Pour gas on the floor and then use a candle to drive the ants into the gas so they'll die.
Q: After a long date my partner's handcuffs always leaves embarrassing bruises on me. How can I avoid this?
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