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hollaatyagurl
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Posted on Tue, Sep 14, 2010 10:02

I was watching a video on Monday with this very interesting topic. It is basically a guy who is attracted to a big woman, spends time with her, sleeps with her. However, he will not take her out in public are around his family or friends. So my question is ladies have you ever been in this type of arrangement? Guys have you ever been the "man in the PHAT closet"? Let's make this an informative discussion. People who have never blogged are welcomed as well.


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buffboy2000
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Posted on Sat, Aug 06, 2011 00:47

I love my big beautiful women bbw are the sexist women on the planet earth

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hollaatyagurl
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Posted on Wed, Mar 02, 2011 10:04

@dragonfyre: I agree a man in the fat closet has no self esteem. Their reputation is based on what other people think about them. That is not the type of person you want to trust with your heart. No matter how you feel it will not be more important than how everyone else feels. So at the end of the day, the key is to loving yourself. @michael: every man is definitely not like that. However, you do have some men who behave more like children than grown men. For the men who are not like this I appauld you. The others need to realize if you care about someone weight should not matter when dating someone. Thanks hun! Have fun and keep enjoy blogging. @blackbeauty: You are right about that. welcome to the blogs. look forward to conversing with you. @weedy: welcome to the blogs. I look forward to conversing with you.


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weedybeedy
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Posted on Tue, Mar 01, 2011 12:58

My response was for darkchoc1947

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weedybeedy
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Posted on Tue, Mar 01, 2011 12:57

What a great response! This gives me hope that there are still quality, mature, thinking men out there. Somewhere! :)

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Posted on Sun, Feb 27, 2011 18:20

I think you need to leave him.



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michael18407
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Posted on Sat, Feb 26, 2011 14:01

about the phat closet, not all men are like that i go anywhere with my partner and don't care how see me. you may think i am just saying this but i see it as god did not hide because he was jewwish, then i should real like to take his path to. i am not going to hide ether. and i love to have a full figure women because i am not a small man. and i hope i did not hurt any with my comparison, but i am cathlic and like to try and follow god.


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TwompSix
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Posted on Wed, Dec 22, 2010 23:12

Quoting dysbabyluv:

this has happened to me my whole life every time i was with a guy even wen i was little we would hide and kiss but would never in public because of what people would think of him now i guess i'm just used to it and would kind of feel bad myself for going out in public with a guy. It makes me feel as if i were embarrassing him and a little uncomfortable.


The guys you know are crazy!!! You're gorgeous!!!!!!!!



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hollaatyagurl
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Posted on Thu, Dec 02, 2010 08:41

@ Charmed: Thanks for your comment. Thanks for joining in on the discussion. I am sympathetic to your situtation. I understand that we do not choose who we love. So I will not try to attempt to choose for you. However, you are a wonderful woman that no one should be "embrassed" by. At the end of the day, you are who you are no apologizes should have to be made for being who you are. I just wish you the best of luck and you have a blogging family right here for you.


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Charmed6266
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Posted on Tue, Nov 30, 2010 14:56

I'm married to this kind of a man. Even when I was a lot slimmer I was still a fat embarrassment, to the point that he couldn't introduce me to his family and friends at a family gathering, his mother has to do it for him... Toxic?? Not sure, silly is more like it...


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butterbll
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Posted on Tue, Oct 19, 2010 02:10

Quoting dysbabyluv:

this has happened to me my whole life every time i was with a guy even wen i was little we would hide and kiss but would never in public because of what people would think of him now i guess i'm just used to it and would kind of feel bad myself for going out in public with a guy. It makes me feel as if i were embarrassing him and a little uncomfortable.

Well he should not be embarresed to be seen in public with you . Because if he is , he should not be willing to get to know you "Biblically " if he is ashamed of you.GET him out of you life . You are better deserving in life that being just a toy for his pleasure .


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butterbll
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Posted on Tue, Oct 12, 2010 23:30

Quoting BeckySue:

good topic. it makes u wonder if some guys are just out to use "bigger" ladies.


dysbabyluv, Do not be ashamed of who you are !I see a beautiful woman on the inside and out.If the man your with is to blind to see that you are more than "armcandy" , or a plaything to be used. Give him his "pink slip" and let him exit out of you life . YOU ,Deserve a lot more from a man that you allow in you life.If he acts like a little boy tell him to grow up or go back to mommy . You have no time or tolerance for big babys.


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butterbll
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Posted on Tue, Oct 12, 2010 23:19

Quoting BeckySue:

good topic. it makes u wonder if some guys are just out to use "bigger" ladies.

No BeckySue there are some who Use others no matter what size, shape they are . Sadly some men will Use any woman they can .Esp, if she lets her self be used.


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hollaatyagurl
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Posted on Tue, Oct 12, 2010 10:54

@Dysbabyluv: I understand where you are coming from. When you are younger it is a lot harder to be comfortable in the skin you are in. Learn to accept you first and everything well fall into place. What guy wouldn't enjoy have you on his arm you are "bonita" (beautiful). @BeckySue: Sometimes it seems that way. I do not want to discredit any of the guys out there who love us and all of our "fluffiness". However some people are so small that they take a vulnerable person and try to manipulate them. This can go beyond size. However, I do understand where you are coming from.


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hollaatyagurl
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Posted on Mon, Oct 11, 2010 09:40

@Joi: I agree with you. I have been contacted by quite a few men online and in person who who have slim wifes are girlfriends and they proclaim about how much they like bbws. My response to them is why be with some you are unhappy with. Should society dictate what you should like? Would you rather be miserable and still living up to the standard that society has placed for you? Are would you rather be happy and be your own unique individual person who could care less about what other people say. I find it hard to believe that some "grown" men are still so preoccupied with keeping up a certain image. It is sad but it is soooooo very true. @darkchoc: I certainly agree with what you said. True love comes from within. If you love yourself you would not allow anyone to treat you as anything less than how you value yourself. Some people simply see victims and they just want to prey apon anyone who will allow them. @butterbll: I appreciate you being so honest about how you were in the phat closet in the past. Most of the time when you are younger image is everything. You care about everyone's opinion and how they feel. At the end of the day; you are dissatisfied with life. I do agree some women are very desperate. Whatever attention the can recieve from a guy is better than no attention. Many guys do prey on these kinds of women to get whatever they want. Women must raise our statuses and if we see any red flag tell him it's on to the next one. Sometimes we have to be by ourselves to truly find and love ourselves. When we have achieve that ultimate goal we can truly find someone who is there for all the right reasons. @atropie: It is great to know that there are some guys who are still out there like that. Welcome to the blogs and let's keep the convos going. @ Tori: You always manage to make me think more so out of the box. Thank you for that. Some people do get a certain kind of "power" from being a victim. Some peope need valiadation in every situation they are placed in. I go by the old saying, "when you know better, you do better". She has to know better in order for her to want something more and more meaningful. Some guys do not realize anyone can touch a woman and get the desired affect. It takes a real man to touch that woman's heart like it has never been touched before. In this stuation the guy loves the power he gets from controlling this woman. He loves the fact that he can make her or break her. Only she can stop what is going on. When she has had enough see will walk away and never look back again.


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dysbabyluv
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Posted on Mon, Oct 11, 2010 04:14

this has happened to me my whole life every time i was with a guy even wen i was little we would hide and kiss but would never in public because of what people would think of him now i guess i'm just used to it and would kind of feel bad myself for going out in public with a guy. It makes me feel as if i were embarrassing him and a little uncomfortable.


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Posted on Sun, Oct 10, 2010 11:04

I think there is a certain gratification one gets in being a "victim" in this sense. There is attention and there are people around her probably reinforcing how good she is and how bad he is. And THAT is exactly what she is after even though she doesn't consicoulsy know it. The people around have stopped giving it to her because they see it for what it is so she takes it out to the broader community (world) through youtube to get the same feedback she is craving. So my personal answer to your question, "how do you suggest telling someone in this situation it is toxic?" - is to say absolutely nothing or remind her of her own responsibility. Remember the saying I used? A person will only change when the pain of remaining where they are is greater than the pain of change. Sometimes, the only way we can help a person is by turning up the pain. I may sound very harsh, I'm not. I have great empathy for people in this condition. I have put myself there in many cases, but I have learned that there is greater gratification to be known in being responsible for oneself and realizing we are the choicemakers, we are the creators of our lives. Everything we say, we do, how we live...everything is because of our own thoughts and actions. The gratification one gets from this....is true liberty. Only then can we recognize what is toxic in our lives and turn our backs to it and go in a different direction. Say a prayer for the woman and the energy of that can help her because sooner or later Life/God/ or whatever higher energy you believe exists - will arrange circumstances for the woman where she has the opportunity to see her situation for what it is - and although that knowledge she recieves will no doubt be highly painful - what she also receives is freedom. 



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butterbll
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Posted on Sun, Oct 03, 2010 14:00

JoiedeVivre, it is true a lot of guys may complain about their skinny wives. Some men have the wrong perception that all larger women are desperate for any relationship. Sadly some women are. Hence these men feel that these women are an easy mark to achieving a Friend with benefits relationship or just a Trophy to be bagged relationship. These men expect no hard ties that bind them to that new partner. Some men wrongly operate on the 4F principles of relationships. Find them, Feel them, @#*% them, and Forget them. Some men are afraid to truly self reflect on what they want in a partner or a relationship. I my self years, many ago was in the fat closet. However it has been said that "Experience is a hard teacher. Because she gives us the test first and the answers afterwards!” Myself, I was trying to reach for the Skinnier, sleeker, and the "Perfect 10” model. I truly lost a treasure beyond imagination. I gained nothing. She, the perfect “10” simply does not exist I feel. If she truly does exist, she most likely has so much spackle and plasticizers on her and in her that one does not dare get her too hot or cold. Lest something gets hot, melts and falls off or shatters from the cold. I feel the socially accepted "norm" of what a Woman should look like has changed much over the years and for the worse. The “Pinup girls” of the 40's and 50's considered beautiful then are by today’s standard are "FAT!" hollaatyagurl asks a good question on how do you call a person out on this. How does one stop the larger person from being a victim? One has to be honest and tell that person that they deserve better respect and treatment from their current partner. One has to build up their self esteeem and that person’s sense of self worth. That is the foundation on which a healthy person’s emotional state will remove those elements from ones life which are toxic to them. If the person is the Offender, then tell them that you feel that this behavior is lecherous and severely offensive to you. So I say live boldly, love large and enjoy life. You and your partner being happy is the only thing that should truly matter to you.


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darkchoc1947
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Posted on Mon, Sep 27, 2010 18:40

Having a BBW in your corner is,like having you cake and eat ting it too....Only there is a lots more of it,..In a relationship its a matter of values  self values...If any person, goes against what he desires or what he believes, to please others,really doesn't have a lot of confidence in himself..Any woman that allows her self to be treated that way,is a person with self esteem issues..In order for a person to actually give love,he has to love himself or herself, first...True love comes from with in...



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Posted on Sun, Sep 26, 2010 05:41

So many guys in my area are complaining on their profiles that they're "married to sticks" but want action with BBW. They would probably never admit publicly that they like big women, let alone be seen with some out and about. If they don't want to be with their current partners, they should have the guts to walk away and start afresh. But no - these guys want to have their cake and eat it as well.  



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